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This is a story formed on my experiences with love. Well, my experience.
I hope you enjoy.
I only loosely regards the titl, or whatever, but, still
_______
Oh, you, you're green. You don't know what love means.
People don't understand what it's like to be in love. Teenagers over use it. 'I love so and so'. Tell me, little girl, do you spend hours at a time, just thinking about what you're going to say your beloved the next time you see them? Do you spend nights analysing the way she said 'goodbye' to you, and how it could show her general disgust for you? Do you wake up in the morning to the fresh image of your love in your mind, and not in a sexual manner, whatsoever? Or do you just like his Nike TNs, and the fact he's popular. I feel so beyond my time, which is a feeling that many, many teenagers get, I know. They feel out of place, like they belong somewhere else. But I'm a realist. I know I'm not mentally mature to the age of a 20 year old, or whatever, or that I have the sense of someone twice my age. I just want people my age to act their age, and not offer their virginity to the first fool in a plastic nike hat who passes them buy who gives them a cheeky wink. You think you're alone. You think that nobody is out there for you, and that nobody wants to ever be close to you
This is our last goodbye, must I dream and always see your face?
Then you find her. The girl you've been looking for. The girl who can look past the slightly rough exterior. The Girl who doesn't care about how many mates you have, or if you go out on a Saturday night. And she likes you. She really likes you. You hop down the road to meet her. She tells you that she's in love with you. Your heart misses a minutes worth of beats. Breathlessly replying 'I love you too'. A week later, and it's over. And she's on her way to France for holiday as you spend your 6 week summer holiday trying to contemplate what on earth you've done wrong. Welcome to my mind last year. Last summer. Last painful, harrowing summer. 6 weeks of laying in bed, close to tears, with music as my only friend. Love isn't glorious. Love is not a victory march. Love is pain. Love is feeling empty inside. That's love. it's not something that pop songstress pop their bodies to, and nothing that rappers feed to you through MTV Base. Love is often called an Eternal Flame. It's not a flame. It's an inferno. An inferno that will burn your insides until there is nothing left but the ash of bitterness and self hatred for you to dwell over. Time is a healer. Time is a slow and laborous healer. And it leaves deep, emotional, cutting scars. Scars that will open under any sign of pressure, leaving painful memories to pour from within
I don't believe in a love anymore, It's all inside.
Maybe it's all me being melodramatic. I'm a teenage boy, desperate for acceptance and for love. I could've easily have been reading to deep into it all. The way she squeezed my hand, the way she's talk to me for hours on end about her new shoes, and would constantly want to see me and such. Maybe she was using me? Maybe she only wanted me to attract another man? Could I just be a tool in her sinister game? It causes you to question your very self, everything you've ever believed to be true, and everything about you. It makes you want to scream like you're in excruciating pain, 24 hours a day. The thought of her smile can be enough to ruin up a whole day, if you're in the wrong mood. I wrote letters to her in my mind. Letters detailing my every last feeling. It always happens just before I fall asleep, and my mind fills with ways I can get her back, and make her feel for me again. By the morning, they're gone, like her. She's gone and she's never coming back. I have to accept that. I have to remember that every morning I wake up with another fresh dream of us getting back together on my mind. My love will have to be packed, stored, and kept with all my other feelings. Gathering dust until, one day, hopefully, I can take it from deep inside my heart, dust it down and put it back into use. Until that day, and until she returns, the inferno will burn on inside of me.
I hope you enjoy.
I only loosely regards the titl, or whatever, but, still
_______
Oh, you, you're green. You don't know what love means.
People don't understand what it's like to be in love. Teenagers over use it. 'I love so and so'. Tell me, little girl, do you spend hours at a time, just thinking about what you're going to say your beloved the next time you see them? Do you spend nights analysing the way she said 'goodbye' to you, and how it could show her general disgust for you? Do you wake up in the morning to the fresh image of your love in your mind, and not in a sexual manner, whatsoever? Or do you just like his Nike TNs, and the fact he's popular. I feel so beyond my time, which is a feeling that many, many teenagers get, I know. They feel out of place, like they belong somewhere else. But I'm a realist. I know I'm not mentally mature to the age of a 20 year old, or whatever, or that I have the sense of someone twice my age. I just want people my age to act their age, and not offer their virginity to the first fool in a plastic nike hat who passes them buy who gives them a cheeky wink. You think you're alone. You think that nobody is out there for you, and that nobody wants to ever be close to you
This is our last goodbye, must I dream and always see your face?
Then you find her. The girl you've been looking for. The girl who can look past the slightly rough exterior. The Girl who doesn't care about how many mates you have, or if you go out on a Saturday night. And she likes you. She really likes you. You hop down the road to meet her. She tells you that she's in love with you. Your heart misses a minutes worth of beats. Breathlessly replying 'I love you too'. A week later, and it's over. And she's on her way to France for holiday as you spend your 6 week summer holiday trying to contemplate what on earth you've done wrong. Welcome to my mind last year. Last summer. Last painful, harrowing summer. 6 weeks of laying in bed, close to tears, with music as my only friend. Love isn't glorious. Love is not a victory march. Love is pain. Love is feeling empty inside. That's love. it's not something that pop songstress pop their bodies to, and nothing that rappers feed to you through MTV Base. Love is often called an Eternal Flame. It's not a flame. It's an inferno. An inferno that will burn your insides until there is nothing left but the ash of bitterness and self hatred for you to dwell over. Time is a healer. Time is a slow and laborous healer. And it leaves deep, emotional, cutting scars. Scars that will open under any sign of pressure, leaving painful memories to pour from within
I don't believe in a love anymore, It's all inside.
Maybe it's all me being melodramatic. I'm a teenage boy, desperate for acceptance and for love. I could've easily have been reading to deep into it all. The way she squeezed my hand, the way she's talk to me for hours on end about her new shoes, and would constantly want to see me and such. Maybe she was using me? Maybe she only wanted me to attract another man? Could I just be a tool in her sinister game? It causes you to question your very self, everything you've ever believed to be true, and everything about you. It makes you want to scream like you're in excruciating pain, 24 hours a day. The thought of her smile can be enough to ruin up a whole day, if you're in the wrong mood. I wrote letters to her in my mind. Letters detailing my every last feeling. It always happens just before I fall asleep, and my mind fills with ways I can get her back, and make her feel for me again. By the morning, they're gone, like her. She's gone and she's never coming back. I have to accept that. I have to remember that every morning I wake up with another fresh dream of us getting back together on my mind. My love will have to be packed, stored, and kept with all my other feelings. Gathering dust until, one day, hopefully, I can take it from deep inside my heart, dust it down and put it back into use. Until that day, and until she returns, the inferno will burn on inside of me.
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Although I do exercise caution, I'm not afraid to welcome and embrace love with an open heart, no matter how much pain I've endured in this life. You'd think that I'd close up, like many do, because of it. But, my love seems much greater than that. It surges without fear...like a heroine on a mission to conquer the inequities of lovelessness. I don’t live with ice flowing through my veins, because of the pain. Nor do I allow the pain to stunt my inborn ability to love again. No one ever promised me a rose garden and I’d be quite weary of anyone who did. Heartbreak can be the best learning experience in the world for you. It’s all what you make of it. Let the ache burn wholeheartedly and consider yourself lucky to have experienced it at such a tender age, where you can still find the strength and wherewithal to move on. Some people don’t until the latter part of their lives, when they come to finally realize that everything they’ve ever known was a farce.
For all you youngsters, I give this advice…and it’s worthy, given it’s from a divorced thirty-five year old. I've done this myself and it's pretty much how I’ve found the will to survive my own drama...
Give yourselves time to mature. Run, jump, and play. Be young. Once you’ve gained some enlightenment through education and have experienced some travel of this grand planet earth, you’ll have a solid foundation within which to rely on and draw from, that NO ONE can take away.
Give your relationships time to mature, as well. Why not be friends for years??? Who says you have to consumate??? Who says you have to get married??? On another note, you can't have anything without "respect" first. Not love, nor trust...nothing.
With all of this, you'll know how truly fulfilling a relationship can be. Where you can share true intimacy with confidence and without dependency. Heartbreak will then also be something you just dust off of your knees as you rise to walk again.
Keep the faith. Peace out.
For all you youngsters, I give this advice…and it’s worthy, given it’s from a divorced thirty-five year old. I've done this myself and it's pretty much how I’ve found the will to survive my own drama...
Give yourselves time to mature. Run, jump, and play. Be young. Once you’ve gained some enlightenment through education and have experienced some travel of this grand planet earth, you’ll have a solid foundation within which to rely on and draw from, that NO ONE can take away.
Give your relationships time to mature, as well. Why not be friends for years??? Who says you have to consumate??? Who says you have to get married??? On another note, you can't have anything without "respect" first. Not love, nor trust...nothing.
With all of this, you'll know how truly fulfilling a relationship can be. Where you can share true intimacy with confidence and without dependency. Heartbreak will then also be something you just dust off of your knees as you rise to walk again.
Keep the faith. Peace out.
Erm... Thanks?
Mattributé wrote:
> Erm... Thanks?
*mwah* you'll be just fine. me, too. writing about the pain and releasing it as you have into the ether, seems to have a phenomenal affect. you do it well. what i was really trying to covey was, in short, to see the bigger picture of life before settling into something serious...and, make lots of "friends" along the way. again, keep the faith dude. when true love happens, you won't have to question anything.
> Erm... Thanks?
*mwah* you'll be just fine. me, too. writing about the pain and releasing it as you have into the ether, seems to have a phenomenal affect. you do it well. what i was really trying to covey was, in short, to see the bigger picture of life before settling into something serious...and, make lots of "friends" along the way. again, keep the faith dude. when true love happens, you won't have to question anything.
Sweeeeet!
lollistar wrote:
> when true love happens, you won't
> have to question anything.
I'm not going to go into details about how it did, but she DEFINATELY changed my life, and it felt like Love.
I've tralked at length about it before, written multiple stories and such, but still the feelings remain...
> when true love happens, you won't
> have to question anything.
I'm not going to go into details about how it did, but she DEFINATELY changed my life, and it felt like Love.
I've tralked at length about it before, written multiple stories and such, but still the feelings remain...
Mattributé you must be pleased with the feedback as it seems as though its touched everyone in some way or another.
Yeah, I'm exceedingly pleased at how this has turned out, and how people have reacted to it. Maybe it's because it's something that most can relate to, or something?
Life is love.
It's something all computer geeks can relate to! ;-D
Mattributé wrote:
> Yeah, I'm exceedingly pleased at how this has turned out, and how
> people have reacted to it. Maybe it's because it's something that
> most can relate to, or something?
That is most definately true. As everyone at some point has been heart broken. Even myself. I to be honest could so relate to it.
I hope to read some more of your words of wisdom soon.
> Yeah, I'm exceedingly pleased at how this has turned out, and how
> people have reacted to it. Maybe it's because it's something that
> most can relate to, or something?
That is most definately true. As everyone at some point has been heart broken. Even myself. I to be honest could so relate to it.
I hope to read some more of your words of wisdom soon.
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