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I thought it might be worth writing a sort of informationy topic on this, as it's quite an interesting subject and I can tell you a bit about it... and besides, getting things down on paper in different identities helps me understand it a lot better.
I would imagine the common perception for multiple personalities is for a single person to have more than one person living inside him. I.E. A guy called Jim (a carpenter from Liverpool) may also sometimes become a woman called Barbara at weekends, who talks like a Texan and likes collecting flowers.
And while that can actually happen, it's missing quite a few structural details of the whole process. Yes, people can 'turn' into other people, but there's a strange amount of confusion, not just in the public, but doctors too.
Because of the controversy over a certain case where doctors accidentally encouraged the patient to split their personality further, the name 'Multiple Personalities Disorder' was scrapped, and was changed (by a much more logical person) to Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Before I continue, it's best to state a point.
People cope with pressure and stress in very different ways. Some people, when stressed and worried, tend to lose their temper, shout at people. Others just close up, others need to smoke, drink, engage in some sort of comfort. Others do yoga.
It's whatever we've found to do, our natural way to combat it.
Ok, now imagine you're a seven year old girl, and your dad just raped you. Sorry if that seemed a bit harsh, but I'm trying to get a point across.
I doubt anybody would be able to say they could just accept it and continue on, loving their parents and their life and not even bothering to think much of it. The problem would be, you're scared and you can't escape from it... you're bound to be affected.
I guess you could create something, paint, write, play with dolls, act. Do anything to take your mind off the worry and the pain and the fear. I'd imagine a good few artists had been born that way, creating to forget, to lose themselves.
However, there's another option that doesn't always seem that obvious. The point of removing fear and worry is for survival, and the human instinct for survival, especially in childhood, is amazing.
The option that I'm focusing on, is when the girl would take all she is, all she loves and keeps close to her heart, the way she thinks about her friends and all she loves to do, packages it up, and sends it to the back of her mind, then she escapes by believing she's a different person.
Why would she do this? Like I said, survival. Let me explain.
Sometimes, if you concentrate hard enough, you can believe anything you want to. If you have the imagination you can pretty much sculpt any sort of world you can think of. The reason the girl hides away all she was, is because she's trying, in a survival attempt, to believe that the pain is happening to someone else.
So she splits herself. Two girls begin to form.. firstly, the girl that can still love her parents, who can play with her friends and continue life just like before... and the other girl, who takes the pain, who knows what happened and has to cope with it.
And that's how 'multiple personalties' starts, and is also why it was renamed 'dissociative identity disorder'. The girl dissociates herself, removes whatever she doesn't like and puts it in a different identity. It's self-hypnosis because, basically, of fear for her life. Her original personality remains, either developing on it's own, or locked up, hardly to be touched again.
Basically from that moment, it becomes a defence mechanism. If you don't like something about you, no worries, you can just split it off and put it in a different identity.
As this happens from such a young age, these identities then start maturing (If indeed, they're allowed to even show themselves). As mentioned, perhaps they're locked away, and may remain immature.
The different personalities that the person creates are called 'alters'. The alter that's currently in control of the body and mind is the 'host'. Unless deep personal watch is kept, the person will find it very difficult to be aware that they 'switch' to different personalities, as it's obviously very natural to them, added to the fact that their mind is already blocking out any signs that may give the switch away. After all, it's just trying to survive, and this is the way it's found. Usually, you'll find the host, whoever that would be at the time, has difficulty understanding the other alters.
Switching alters in the general population is much more common than you think. As a very basic example, you always find yourself behaving differently with different people. With a bunch of friends, you may be joyful, game for a laugh and extroverted... with family, you may become more sensible, reasonable. All different characters that you play.
Going a bit further with that, you can be a different person when serving customers in a shop, and a different one again when washing dishes. Are you the same personality when you have sex, and when you're playing on an X-Box? We all employ different emotions and act different when we feel the need to.
The think with DID is, they don't just change to do tasks, they change their entire system, the way they think and behave, because they need to become someone else to escape themselves. Just like you protect your emotions from showing during poker, to stop people from seeing you bluffing, you close yourself off to your mind, to stop yourself from going insane.
You may have heard of the 'left brain' and the 'right brain'. The left brain handles science, math, physics and understanding, while the right brain handles imagination, creativity. It's believed, if you cut straight down the middle, you could split yourself into two people, and never know they existed seperately. A scientist, and an artist.
A left brained person (scientist) would be logical and rational. They would think in a sequential way, and be analytical of their situation and surroundings. They look for objectives, and they look at the details of something, instead of the bigger picture.
A right brained person (artist) would be a random thinker, letting their thoughts spray off in a muddled way. They are much more intuitive and holistic, believing there is more to life than the sum of it's parts. They look for the bigger picture, but spend much more time in their mind, becoming much more subjective.
Now, most people picture one side and stay there pretty much all the time. However, with DID, more often than not you'll find them bouncing between the two sides. It's a wonderful gift, but it does make life -very- confusing.
I believe I have four identities. I've named three of them after characters I've created, because well, those characters were based on me anyway.
The first I've named Leon, which is who I am now. Leon is the hollow, empty one that was given life so I could escape to him. If you just knew him, you'd probably think I'm quite normal/boring. He's definitely the identity I spend most of my time being these days, and also the only one that's not really bothered about being asked 'So, which personality are you now?' Leon is a little of each brain, but mostly left, being a scientist.
The second is Grix, not my original personality but the very first created one to escape to, to balance me. He became my dominant personality on these forums for a long time, and eventually my life too. Grix is the happy flowery poncy poet, who Goatboy is in love with. Naturally, Grix is right brained, the artist.
The third is named Seiyo. He's a bit more confusing, has little care for anyone or anything, and was created as a kinda guardian angel. He's basically protecting me from letting loose the parts of my personality that I've buried deep and locked away. He's much more angry than the rest of my alters, and you first met him as Grix's Brain, who some older members may remember. After realising how important he was to my sanity, I quickly stopped using that as a character, and he developed into a fully switchable identity. Seiyo is the scientist, very left brained.
The fourth is my original personality, which I've, um, misplaced. I've also scattered parts of my personality that I didn't like, which are locked deep away. I've just bundled them all up as the fourth, because well, it's all me. The fourth is basically the one I created Grix to escape from.
Personally, that leaves me a bit lost. Grix was created to balance out the feelings of Seiyo, and Leon was created to escape to because both were difficult to be all the time.
I cannot switch at will. Seiyo is triggered by hatred (seeing people doing disgusting vile things), Grix is triggered by love for someone or something, Leon lies inbetween.
I've told you this because there's a tiny bit more to explain about, and I need to use myself as a better example.
With my three different personalities, I have conflicting fears. This is a major problem with DID.
In a timeline, I have had my original personality, then I created Grix, and then soon after, on these forums, Seiyo.
Now, logically that would all I should have created, just the two. There's no real reason why Leon should come along, as I already had two to escape to. This is where it gets a little odd.
Leon was created, basically, because Grix and Seiyo both became incredibly detailed and powerful, and more importantly, polar-opposites. Not only were they using completely different sides of the brain, but they had different fears too.
Grix fears control and needs to lose it occasionally. Seiyo fears lack of it. Try and imagine what it'd be like to have two different identities having a hissy fit inside one mind. Neither of them using words, only feelings, trying to stretch and pull the mind one way and then the other, unable to decide which side of the mind to use. Naturally, it feels uncomfortable.
Leon was created because I needed to escape from that. I needed one that could fit inbetween that I can sit nicely in. Without Leon, I could have pretty much been diagnosed as bi-polar, or manic-depressive, which is interesting at least. Leon, also for me, provides this sort of outlet, where I can diagnose myself a little better, and learn how to balance myself out and live the best I can.
Are alters really that different? Yup. Personally I have noticed my IQ, my thinking pattern, my taste in food/music/film and women, my memories, my loves and obsessions, and even how easy it is to get me drunk changing. Just in case you're interested, Seiyo can drink Grix under the table.
Relationships are impossible. My emotional response changes from alter to alter, making me very hard to predict (and almost impossible to be controlled unless I'm constantly one alter, poor women can't control me so easily, must be terrible.).
I lose time when I switch, sometimes the whole memory of what I was doing, which is the only clue I'm really left that I've switched or been someone different. One time, I bought a pork-pie and a pint of milk from Tesco, which I had to walk two miles to get, and I didn't notice.
Grix knows more about my childhood than he wants to believe, as does Seiyo. Leon (who I am currently) knows little.
Naturally, it brings on depression, and I can't really say which alters are more depressed than the others. Grix can be very self-destructive, which is probably why he used to write so much bloody poetry.
Um, so yes. Hope that's interesting if you read all that. Naturally it's to help me understand it to, but er, yeah.
I would imagine the common perception for multiple personalities is for a single person to have more than one person living inside him. I.E. A guy called Jim (a carpenter from Liverpool) may also sometimes become a woman called Barbara at weekends, who talks like a Texan and likes collecting flowers.
And while that can actually happen, it's missing quite a few structural details of the whole process. Yes, people can 'turn' into other people, but there's a strange amount of confusion, not just in the public, but doctors too.
Because of the controversy over a certain case where doctors accidentally encouraged the patient to split their personality further, the name 'Multiple Personalities Disorder' was scrapped, and was changed (by a much more logical person) to Dissociative Identity Disorder.
Before I continue, it's best to state a point.
People cope with pressure and stress in very different ways. Some people, when stressed and worried, tend to lose their temper, shout at people. Others just close up, others need to smoke, drink, engage in some sort of comfort. Others do yoga.
It's whatever we've found to do, our natural way to combat it.
Ok, now imagine you're a seven year old girl, and your dad just raped you. Sorry if that seemed a bit harsh, but I'm trying to get a point across.
I doubt anybody would be able to say they could just accept it and continue on, loving their parents and their life and not even bothering to think much of it. The problem would be, you're scared and you can't escape from it... you're bound to be affected.
I guess you could create something, paint, write, play with dolls, act. Do anything to take your mind off the worry and the pain and the fear. I'd imagine a good few artists had been born that way, creating to forget, to lose themselves.
However, there's another option that doesn't always seem that obvious. The point of removing fear and worry is for survival, and the human instinct for survival, especially in childhood, is amazing.
The option that I'm focusing on, is when the girl would take all she is, all she loves and keeps close to her heart, the way she thinks about her friends and all she loves to do, packages it up, and sends it to the back of her mind, then she escapes by believing she's a different person.
Why would she do this? Like I said, survival. Let me explain.
Sometimes, if you concentrate hard enough, you can believe anything you want to. If you have the imagination you can pretty much sculpt any sort of world you can think of. The reason the girl hides away all she was, is because she's trying, in a survival attempt, to believe that the pain is happening to someone else.
So she splits herself. Two girls begin to form.. firstly, the girl that can still love her parents, who can play with her friends and continue life just like before... and the other girl, who takes the pain, who knows what happened and has to cope with it.
And that's how 'multiple personalties' starts, and is also why it was renamed 'dissociative identity disorder'. The girl dissociates herself, removes whatever she doesn't like and puts it in a different identity. It's self-hypnosis because, basically, of fear for her life. Her original personality remains, either developing on it's own, or locked up, hardly to be touched again.
Basically from that moment, it becomes a defence mechanism. If you don't like something about you, no worries, you can just split it off and put it in a different identity.
As this happens from such a young age, these identities then start maturing (If indeed, they're allowed to even show themselves). As mentioned, perhaps they're locked away, and may remain immature.
The different personalities that the person creates are called 'alters'. The alter that's currently in control of the body and mind is the 'host'. Unless deep personal watch is kept, the person will find it very difficult to be aware that they 'switch' to different personalities, as it's obviously very natural to them, added to the fact that their mind is already blocking out any signs that may give the switch away. After all, it's just trying to survive, and this is the way it's found. Usually, you'll find the host, whoever that would be at the time, has difficulty understanding the other alters.
Switching alters in the general population is much more common than you think. As a very basic example, you always find yourself behaving differently with different people. With a bunch of friends, you may be joyful, game for a laugh and extroverted... with family, you may become more sensible, reasonable. All different characters that you play.
Going a bit further with that, you can be a different person when serving customers in a shop, and a different one again when washing dishes. Are you the same personality when you have sex, and when you're playing on an X-Box? We all employ different emotions and act different when we feel the need to.
The think with DID is, they don't just change to do tasks, they change their entire system, the way they think and behave, because they need to become someone else to escape themselves. Just like you protect your emotions from showing during poker, to stop people from seeing you bluffing, you close yourself off to your mind, to stop yourself from going insane.
You may have heard of the 'left brain' and the 'right brain'. The left brain handles science, math, physics and understanding, while the right brain handles imagination, creativity. It's believed, if you cut straight down the middle, you could split yourself into two people, and never know they existed seperately. A scientist, and an artist.
A left brained person (scientist) would be logical and rational. They would think in a sequential way, and be analytical of their situation and surroundings. They look for objectives, and they look at the details of something, instead of the bigger picture.
A right brained person (artist) would be a random thinker, letting their thoughts spray off in a muddled way. They are much more intuitive and holistic, believing there is more to life than the sum of it's parts. They look for the bigger picture, but spend much more time in their mind, becoming much more subjective.
Now, most people picture one side and stay there pretty much all the time. However, with DID, more often than not you'll find them bouncing between the two sides. It's a wonderful gift, but it does make life -very- confusing.
I believe I have four identities. I've named three of them after characters I've created, because well, those characters were based on me anyway.
The first I've named Leon, which is who I am now. Leon is the hollow, empty one that was given life so I could escape to him. If you just knew him, you'd probably think I'm quite normal/boring. He's definitely the identity I spend most of my time being these days, and also the only one that's not really bothered about being asked 'So, which personality are you now?' Leon is a little of each brain, but mostly left, being a scientist.
The second is Grix, not my original personality but the very first created one to escape to, to balance me. He became my dominant personality on these forums for a long time, and eventually my life too. Grix is the happy flowery poncy poet, who Goatboy is in love with. Naturally, Grix is right brained, the artist.
The third is named Seiyo. He's a bit more confusing, has little care for anyone or anything, and was created as a kinda guardian angel. He's basically protecting me from letting loose the parts of my personality that I've buried deep and locked away. He's much more angry than the rest of my alters, and you first met him as Grix's Brain, who some older members may remember. After realising how important he was to my sanity, I quickly stopped using that as a character, and he developed into a fully switchable identity. Seiyo is the scientist, very left brained.
The fourth is my original personality, which I've, um, misplaced. I've also scattered parts of my personality that I didn't like, which are locked deep away. I've just bundled them all up as the fourth, because well, it's all me. The fourth is basically the one I created Grix to escape from.
Personally, that leaves me a bit lost. Grix was created to balance out the feelings of Seiyo, and Leon was created to escape to because both were difficult to be all the time.
I cannot switch at will. Seiyo is triggered by hatred (seeing people doing disgusting vile things), Grix is triggered by love for someone or something, Leon lies inbetween.
I've told you this because there's a tiny bit more to explain about, and I need to use myself as a better example.
With my three different personalities, I have conflicting fears. This is a major problem with DID.
In a timeline, I have had my original personality, then I created Grix, and then soon after, on these forums, Seiyo.
Now, logically that would all I should have created, just the two. There's no real reason why Leon should come along, as I already had two to escape to. This is where it gets a little odd.
Leon was created, basically, because Grix and Seiyo both became incredibly detailed and powerful, and more importantly, polar-opposites. Not only were they using completely different sides of the brain, but they had different fears too.
Grix fears control and needs to lose it occasionally. Seiyo fears lack of it. Try and imagine what it'd be like to have two different identities having a hissy fit inside one mind. Neither of them using words, only feelings, trying to stretch and pull the mind one way and then the other, unable to decide which side of the mind to use. Naturally, it feels uncomfortable.
Leon was created because I needed to escape from that. I needed one that could fit inbetween that I can sit nicely in. Without Leon, I could have pretty much been diagnosed as bi-polar, or manic-depressive, which is interesting at least. Leon, also for me, provides this sort of outlet, where I can diagnose myself a little better, and learn how to balance myself out and live the best I can.
Are alters really that different? Yup. Personally I have noticed my IQ, my thinking pattern, my taste in food/music/film and women, my memories, my loves and obsessions, and even how easy it is to get me drunk changing. Just in case you're interested, Seiyo can drink Grix under the table.
Relationships are impossible. My emotional response changes from alter to alter, making me very hard to predict (and almost impossible to be controlled unless I'm constantly one alter, poor women can't control me so easily, must be terrible.).
I lose time when I switch, sometimes the whole memory of what I was doing, which is the only clue I'm really left that I've switched or been someone different. One time, I bought a pork-pie and a pint of milk from Tesco, which I had to walk two miles to get, and I didn't notice.
Grix knows more about my childhood than he wants to believe, as does Seiyo. Leon (who I am currently) knows little.
Naturally, it brings on depression, and I can't really say which alters are more depressed than the others. Grix can be very self-destructive, which is probably why he used to write so much bloody poetry.
Um, so yes. Hope that's interesting if you read all that. Naturally it's to help me understand it to, but er, yeah.
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Grix Thraves wrote:
"Grix wrote that he thought Leon was too confident, and should be careful of believing things too much so he can take comfort in them. I can't remember writing that at all, but I guess it's true, 'I' do take comfort in working things out and perhaps I might believe something strongly just to put my mind at rest, which would be the case with the whole affair."
We all need something to believe in..what or who better than yourself? There must be some dominant polarity to trust and take comfort in, within yourself and perhaps that's Leon. I don't know, but I'm hearing that "fear" thingy again.
"Grix wrote that he thought Leon was too confident, and should be careful of believing things too much so he can take comfort in them. I can't remember writing that at all, but I guess it's true, 'I' do take comfort in working things out and perhaps I might believe something strongly just to put my mind at rest, which would be the case with the whole affair."
We all need something to believe in..what or who better than yourself? There must be some dominant polarity to trust and take comfort in, within yourself and perhaps that's Leon. I don't know, but I'm hearing that "fear" thingy again.
Usually I have trouble reading such a long post, but I found that easy to digest and fairly easy to understand.
Sometimes I can pick up spiders and move them out of harm's way, other times I can't even look at them without my skin crawling! But, I think that's just me being stupid.
> ... Just in case you're interested, Seiyo can drink Grix under the table.
I did wonder and that made me laugh out loud.
Sometimes I can pick up spiders and move them out of harm's way, other times I can't even look at them without my skin crawling! But, I think that's just me being stupid.
> ... Just in case you're interested, Seiyo can drink Grix under the table.
I did wonder and that made me laugh out loud.
I think the skepticism is fair, I think I'm very lucky in being able to realise so much... but like I said before, as confident as I may seem about knowing my alters, I often find out that there are differences that I cannot see and can only know when I'm experiencing them. It's hard to describe...
However I do try to keep all my alters writing. I know Seiyo hates communicating on any level, especially talking... and it's hard to get anything solid out of being him. I've found myself as Grix a lot more recently again, and I have wall charts that I'm keeping at the moment.
Sometimes the actions of my alters feels dreamlike, and sometimes I wouldn't be able to say if what I remember happened or not. The wall charts have writing from both Grix and Leon, which is funny, because as Leon now, remembering writing as Grix is strange and dreamy, but the words and my handwriting is there. I can't even remember what I wrote now.
Grix wrote that he thought Leon was too confident, and should be careful of believing things too much so he can take comfort in them. I can't remember writing that at all, but I guess it's true, 'I' do take comfort in working things out and perhaps I might believe something strongly just to put my mind at rest, which would be the case with the whole affair.
Grix is the one that gets lost in stories anyway, I know he'll spend pretty much all his time thinking about characters and plots and visions. But well, I don't know. :) Sometimes I really think that I can say anything I want to and it could be true, which is scary.
Anyway, thanks for the comments everyone.
However I do try to keep all my alters writing. I know Seiyo hates communicating on any level, especially talking... and it's hard to get anything solid out of being him. I've found myself as Grix a lot more recently again, and I have wall charts that I'm keeping at the moment.
Sometimes the actions of my alters feels dreamlike, and sometimes I wouldn't be able to say if what I remember happened or not. The wall charts have writing from both Grix and Leon, which is funny, because as Leon now, remembering writing as Grix is strange and dreamy, but the words and my handwriting is there. I can't even remember what I wrote now.
Grix wrote that he thought Leon was too confident, and should be careful of believing things too much so he can take comfort in them. I can't remember writing that at all, but I guess it's true, 'I' do take comfort in working things out and perhaps I might believe something strongly just to put my mind at rest, which would be the case with the whole affair.
Grix is the one that gets lost in stories anyway, I know he'll spend pretty much all his time thinking about characters and plots and visions. But well, I don't know. :) Sometimes I really think that I can say anything I want to and it could be true, which is scary.
Anyway, thanks for the comments everyone.
I'm gathering, that as seemingly exhausting to comprehend and live with this disorder, you don't allow it to restrain you from experiencing life and being productive. This is indeed a good piece, as are some of the others I've read of you. You're range is delightful. I'm so inclined to attribute some of that to your switching, perceiving things in a different angle. A gift? But then, do all of your alters have the skill or fancy to write? They all seem contiguous, hence my skepticism. Apologies.
That was a nice little informative peice, Grix. I'd always wondered what Multiple Personality was like/would be about, and how it came about.
I read it, but I'm speechless.
I think we all have slight multiple personalities. Like I can instantly change from calm and easy going to crazy in a split second, at the slightest thing.
Crazy.
I read it, but I'm speechless.
I think we all have slight multiple personalities. Like I can instantly change from calm and easy going to crazy in a split second, at the slightest thing.
Crazy.
Grix Thraves wrote:
> I would imagine the common perception for multiple personalities is
> for a single person to have more than one person living inside him.
> I.E. A guy called Jim (a carpenter from Liverpool) may also sometimes
> become a woman called Barbara at weekends, who talks like a Texan and
> likes collecting flowers.
"A Crowded Room"
[URL]http://www.wordsfromhere.com/scripts/cameron/crowded_room.pdf[/URL]
Read. Good. Based on a true story.
> I would imagine the common perception for multiple personalities is
> for a single person to have more than one person living inside him.
> I.E. A guy called Jim (a carpenter from Liverpool) may also sometimes
> become a woman called Barbara at weekends, who talks like a Texan and
> likes collecting flowers.
"A Crowded Room"
[URL]http://www.wordsfromhere.com/scripts/cameron/crowded_room.pdf[/URL]
Read. Good. Based on a true story.
VERY interesting read. Cheers for that Grix.
Very interesting. It never fails to amaze me how complex the brain really is that so much stuff can be happening simultaniously. Thx for the post, most enlightening
This is exhausting. The frustration of trying to figure where all the peices fit and always ending up one piece short, that is.
Curious.
Im afraid thats all i can find to say.
Im afraid thats all i can find to say.
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