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Serious Issues Time
I know you’re all a bunch of tabloid-reading, news-dodging, grass-smoking commies, but I feel it is important to tackle some of today’s important and serious issues.
Date raping is someone of prominence in the news lately. These poor young girls/tramps getting stuff dropped in their drinks at clubs by seedy old men with handlebar moustaches (usually called Mike or Alan). These men then take their “date” to a carseat/toilet/bench and have their filthy way with them. The effect the drug has on the women it is makes them largely unaware of what’s going on - like being excessively drunk. However the old fashioned tradition of getting a girl drunk enough to “get off with you” is more expensive than spiking their drink with a little tablet – and because these old perverts are probably poor and eat from bins, this is much more economical for them and ultimately is better value for money.
This is partly societies fault. Firstly because chat up lines have become ridiculed and the butt of many a joke (they used to work believe it or not) men no longer have an arsenal of “you’ve dropped something – my jaw” lines at their disposal, because they’d be laughed at. Then came the era of “Can I buy you a drink?” – if she said yes she was in an unwritten and fully binding agreement to have sex with you. However because of this drink buying, women built up a resistance to alcohol and can now drink gallons of those funny coloured alcopops and still drink you home. So now ugly people have to use some filthy (probably Cuban) drug to get some. It’s sad - really. The woman is in such a state when she’s been given the date rape drug that she is in a paralytic state, is hardly able to move and is in no state to tell you “stop” or “no”. I believe this puts date rapers second to necrophiliacs. To combat this perhaps the government could send out blow-up dolls or mannequins to suspected date rapers and some company for their sad little evenings in watching Taggart.
Next on the agenda is the immigration that seems to get those poor tabloid writers riled up and makes them use BOTH brain cells to forge their unpunctuated racist propaganda. Russians are coming to England (great, more vodka), so are Croatians (great, more arms dealers) and loads of other poor foreigners that the tabloid writers seem to despite. This hatred is solely due to the fact these “forrin imigints” as the tabloids call them, have a higher level of literacy than the writers of The Sun. Personally I don’t greatly want more filthy gypsies coming to my country that I fought, and died in, several wars to keep safe. They’ll only trawl around in caravans and probably start some filthy Rumanian circuses or fairgrounds and provide US with entertainment, but I still hate them. Saint George? You betcha!
Noel Edmonds, the gnome-a-like beardy midget who used to have a house party, was arrested in a Safeway store last week. Apparently he has been on the dole since working on the house party, the poor guy never got paid for a single episode – the network just gave him a warm meal and a bed for the night after each episode – and when it was axed he was put in a skip along with the cheaply fashioned cardboard set and Mr Blobby. The Mr Blobby outfit was salvaged and appeared three years later on Pop Idol under the guise of Rick Waller – but nobody could find a use for Noel Edmonds. Records show he has been listed on eBay three times with a starting bid of 1p and no reserve price, but he didn’t sell. Last Tuesday Mr Edmonds was spotted in a Safeway store in Greater Manchester putting bottles of toilet duck inside his jacket. He was carted off to the infamous Sailsbury nick where he hopes to make his comeback with “Noels jail break!” a career revival show on channel 5. Critics have tipped it to be a challenged to Big Brother 41 this summer.
I know you’re all a bunch of tabloid-reading, news-dodging, grass-smoking commies, but I feel it is important to tackle some of today’s important and serious issues.
Date raping is someone of prominence in the news lately. These poor young girls/tramps getting stuff dropped in their drinks at clubs by seedy old men with handlebar moustaches (usually called Mike or Alan). These men then take their “date” to a carseat/toilet/bench and have their filthy way with them. The effect the drug has on the women it is makes them largely unaware of what’s going on - like being excessively drunk. However the old fashioned tradition of getting a girl drunk enough to “get off with you” is more expensive than spiking their drink with a little tablet – and because these old perverts are probably poor and eat from bins, this is much more economical for them and ultimately is better value for money.
This is partly societies fault. Firstly because chat up lines have become ridiculed and the butt of many a joke (they used to work believe it or not) men no longer have an arsenal of “you’ve dropped something – my jaw” lines at their disposal, because they’d be laughed at. Then came the era of “Can I buy you a drink?” – if she said yes she was in an unwritten and fully binding agreement to have sex with you. However because of this drink buying, women built up a resistance to alcohol and can now drink gallons of those funny coloured alcopops and still drink you home. So now ugly people have to use some filthy (probably Cuban) drug to get some. It’s sad - really. The woman is in such a state when she’s been given the date rape drug that she is in a paralytic state, is hardly able to move and is in no state to tell you “stop” or “no”. I believe this puts date rapers second to necrophiliacs. To combat this perhaps the government could send out blow-up dolls or mannequins to suspected date rapers and some company for their sad little evenings in watching Taggart.
Next on the agenda is the immigration that seems to get those poor tabloid writers riled up and makes them use BOTH brain cells to forge their unpunctuated racist propaganda. Russians are coming to England (great, more vodka), so are Croatians (great, more arms dealers) and loads of other poor foreigners that the tabloid writers seem to despite. This hatred is solely due to the fact these “forrin imigints” as the tabloids call them, have a higher level of literacy than the writers of The Sun. Personally I don’t greatly want more filthy gypsies coming to my country that I fought, and died in, several wars to keep safe. They’ll only trawl around in caravans and probably start some filthy Rumanian circuses or fairgrounds and provide US with entertainment, but I still hate them. Saint George? You betcha!
Noel Edmonds, the gnome-a-like beardy midget who used to have a house party, was arrested in a Safeway store last week. Apparently he has been on the dole since working on the house party, the poor guy never got paid for a single episode – the network just gave him a warm meal and a bed for the night after each episode – and when it was axed he was put in a skip along with the cheaply fashioned cardboard set and Mr Blobby. The Mr Blobby outfit was salvaged and appeared three years later on Pop Idol under the guise of Rick Waller – but nobody could find a use for Noel Edmonds. Records show he has been listed on eBay three times with a starting bid of 1p and no reserve price, but he didn’t sell. Last Tuesday Mr Edmonds was spotted in a Safeway store in Greater Manchester putting bottles of toilet duck inside his jacket. He was carted off to the infamous Sailsbury nick where he hopes to make his comeback with “Noels jail break!” a career revival show on channel 5. Critics have tipped it to be a challenged to Big Brother 41 this summer.
Page:
I know.
You're so critical it hurts.
Then he wouldn't be poor, and have to resort to stealing Toilet Duck™.
I've spotted a flaw in all of this.
Aha!
I've spotted a flaw in all of this.
Aha!
and thus the parody works.
Noel Edmonds is actually the richest man in British television broadcasting.
Memorandum! wrote:
> Meh.
Moh
Ran
Dom
> Meh.
Moh
Ran
Dom
Meh.
I thought it was a good film.
Serious Issues Time
I know you’re all a bunch of tabloid-reading, news-dodging, grass-smoking commies, but I feel it is important to tackle some of today’s important and serious issues.
Date raping is someone of prominence in the news lately. These poor young girls/tramps getting stuff dropped in their drinks at clubs by seedy old men with handlebar moustaches (usually called Mike or Alan). These men then take their “date” to a carseat/toilet/bench and have their filthy way with them. The effect the drug has on the women it is makes them largely unaware of what’s going on - like being excessively drunk. However the old fashioned tradition of getting a girl drunk enough to “get off with you” is more expensive than spiking their drink with a little tablet – and because these old perverts are probably poor and eat from bins, this is much more economical for them and ultimately is better value for money.
This is partly societies fault. Firstly because chat up lines have become ridiculed and the butt of many a joke (they used to work believe it or not) men no longer have an arsenal of “you’ve dropped something – my jaw” lines at their disposal, because they’d be laughed at. Then came the era of “Can I buy you a drink?” – if she said yes she was in an unwritten and fully binding agreement to have sex with you. However because of this drink buying, women built up a resistance to alcohol and can now drink gallons of those funny coloured alcopops and still drink you home. So now ugly people have to use some filthy (probably Cuban) drug to get some. It’s sad - really. The woman is in such a state when she’s been given the date rape drug that she is in a paralytic state, is hardly able to move and is in no state to tell you “stop” or “no”. I believe this puts date rapers second to necrophiliacs. To combat this perhaps the government could send out blow-up dolls or mannequins to suspected date rapers and some company for their sad little evenings in watching Taggart.
Next on the agenda is the immigration that seems to get those poor tabloid writers riled up and makes them use BOTH brain cells to forge their unpunctuated racist propaganda. Russians are coming to England (great, more vodka), so are Croatians (great, more arms dealers) and loads of other poor foreigners that the tabloid writers seem to despite. This hatred is solely due to the fact these “forrin imigints” as the tabloids call them, have a higher level of literacy than the writers of The Sun. Personally I don’t greatly want more filthy gypsies coming to my country that I fought, and died in, several wars to keep safe. They’ll only trawl around in caravans and probably start some filthy Rumanian circuses or fairgrounds and provide US with entertainment, but I still hate them. Saint George? You betcha!
Noel Edmonds, the gnome-a-like beardy midget who used to have a house party, was arrested in a Safeway store last week. Apparently he has been on the dole since working on the house party, the poor guy never got paid for a single episode – the network just gave him a warm meal and a bed for the night after each episode – and when it was axed he was put in a skip along with the cheaply fashioned cardboard set and Mr Blobby. The Mr Blobby outfit was salvaged and appeared three years later on Pop Idol under the guise of Rick Waller – but nobody could find a use for Noel Edmonds. Records show he has been listed on eBay three times with a starting bid of 1p and no reserve price, but he didn’t sell. Last Tuesday Mr Edmonds was spotted in a Safeway store in Greater Manchester putting bottles of toilet duck inside his jacket. He was carted off to the infamous Sailsbury nick where he hopes to make his comeback with “Noels jail break!” a career revival show on channel 5. Critics have tipped it to be a challenged to Big Brother 41 this summer.
I know you’re all a bunch of tabloid-reading, news-dodging, grass-smoking commies, but I feel it is important to tackle some of today’s important and serious issues.
Date raping is someone of prominence in the news lately. These poor young girls/tramps getting stuff dropped in their drinks at clubs by seedy old men with handlebar moustaches (usually called Mike or Alan). These men then take their “date” to a carseat/toilet/bench and have their filthy way with them. The effect the drug has on the women it is makes them largely unaware of what’s going on - like being excessively drunk. However the old fashioned tradition of getting a girl drunk enough to “get off with you” is more expensive than spiking their drink with a little tablet – and because these old perverts are probably poor and eat from bins, this is much more economical for them and ultimately is better value for money.
This is partly societies fault. Firstly because chat up lines have become ridiculed and the butt of many a joke (they used to work believe it or not) men no longer have an arsenal of “you’ve dropped something – my jaw” lines at their disposal, because they’d be laughed at. Then came the era of “Can I buy you a drink?” – if she said yes she was in an unwritten and fully binding agreement to have sex with you. However because of this drink buying, women built up a resistance to alcohol and can now drink gallons of those funny coloured alcopops and still drink you home. So now ugly people have to use some filthy (probably Cuban) drug to get some. It’s sad - really. The woman is in such a state when she’s been given the date rape drug that she is in a paralytic state, is hardly able to move and is in no state to tell you “stop” or “no”. I believe this puts date rapers second to necrophiliacs. To combat this perhaps the government could send out blow-up dolls or mannequins to suspected date rapers and some company for their sad little evenings in watching Taggart.
Next on the agenda is the immigration that seems to get those poor tabloid writers riled up and makes them use BOTH brain cells to forge their unpunctuated racist propaganda. Russians are coming to England (great, more vodka), so are Croatians (great, more arms dealers) and loads of other poor foreigners that the tabloid writers seem to despite. This hatred is solely due to the fact these “forrin imigints” as the tabloids call them, have a higher level of literacy than the writers of The Sun. Personally I don’t greatly want more filthy gypsies coming to my country that I fought, and died in, several wars to keep safe. They’ll only trawl around in caravans and probably start some filthy Rumanian circuses or fairgrounds and provide US with entertainment, but I still hate them. Saint George? You betcha!
Noel Edmonds, the gnome-a-like beardy midget who used to have a house party, was arrested in a Safeway store last week. Apparently he has been on the dole since working on the house party, the poor guy never got paid for a single episode – the network just gave him a warm meal and a bed for the night after each episode – and when it was axed he was put in a skip along with the cheaply fashioned cardboard set and Mr Blobby. The Mr Blobby outfit was salvaged and appeared three years later on Pop Idol under the guise of Rick Waller – but nobody could find a use for Noel Edmonds. Records show he has been listed on eBay three times with a starting bid of 1p and no reserve price, but he didn’t sell. Last Tuesday Mr Edmonds was spotted in a Safeway store in Greater Manchester putting bottles of toilet duck inside his jacket. He was carted off to the infamous Sailsbury nick where he hopes to make his comeback with “Noels jail break!” a career revival show on channel 5. Critics have tipped it to be a challenged to Big Brother 41 this summer.
Page: