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In a darkened classroom in Bristol, a teacher pressed the play button on a tatty old VCR mounted in the corner of a classroom beneath a fuzzy old television set. A roomful of teenagers with slackened ties around their necks and acne invading their faces gazed up at the television, waiting for the educational video to begin.
An elderly man with nasal hair dressed in a starched grey suit appeared on the screen. “Hello children” he began “I have a story for you”
The shadow of a boom microphone reflected from his gleaming bald head
“This is a story about morals; it is important for you to build a social conscience and be aware of your surroundings – else you could fall victim to a crime! And we wouldn’t want that now – would we?”
The old man gazed blindly at the autocue
“Here is a story of two pandas that will teach you about the dangers of strangers and drugs.”
The old man attached some steel-rimmed reading glasses to his face, opened a thick hardback book and began reading.
A panda walked over and sat on a tree-stump
Another closely followed
“What’s that you’re eating?” asked panda 1
Panda 2 quickly swallowed
“Cheesecake, my good man”, replied panda 2
Wiping fruit from his face in glee
“It’s got redcurrant and blackberry and tastes just divine!
Why don’t you enjoy some with me?”
After ponderous thought Panda 1 exclaimed,
“You know, I think I just might!”
He reached for a fork and began to tuck in
and licked his lips in delight
“I feel as if I’ve tasted heaven itself
My friend this food is delicious!”
“No ordinary food” panda 2 said
“Its imported direct from Mauritius!”
“You see, children – if the pandas were real people and the cheesecake was drugs – we’d have a moral situation. And what do we say when strangers offer us cheesecake? – that’s right, you say ‘no’, that’s right!”
“F**k this” shouted Billy Gardner, standing up from his desk in the classroom in Bristol – “I don’t need to be patronised by some old gimp – I’m going home”
He left the classroom with his backpack slung over his shoulder and not a care in the world. But he’d never know what to do if a filthy Mauritian drug baron offered him some cheesecake.
Poor lad.
An elderly man with nasal hair dressed in a starched grey suit appeared on the screen. “Hello children” he began “I have a story for you”
The shadow of a boom microphone reflected from his gleaming bald head
“This is a story about morals; it is important for you to build a social conscience and be aware of your surroundings – else you could fall victim to a crime! And we wouldn’t want that now – would we?”
The old man gazed blindly at the autocue
“Here is a story of two pandas that will teach you about the dangers of strangers and drugs.”
The old man attached some steel-rimmed reading glasses to his face, opened a thick hardback book and began reading.
A panda walked over and sat on a tree-stump
Another closely followed
“What’s that you’re eating?” asked panda 1
Panda 2 quickly swallowed
“Cheesecake, my good man”, replied panda 2
Wiping fruit from his face in glee
“It’s got redcurrant and blackberry and tastes just divine!
Why don’t you enjoy some with me?”
After ponderous thought Panda 1 exclaimed,
“You know, I think I just might!”
He reached for a fork and began to tuck in
and licked his lips in delight
“I feel as if I’ve tasted heaven itself
My friend this food is delicious!”
“No ordinary food” panda 2 said
“Its imported direct from Mauritius!”
“You see, children – if the pandas were real people and the cheesecake was drugs – we’d have a moral situation. And what do we say when strangers offer us cheesecake? – that’s right, you say ‘no’, that’s right!”
“F**k this” shouted Billy Gardner, standing up from his desk in the classroom in Bristol – “I don’t need to be patronised by some old gimp – I’m going home”
He left the classroom with his backpack slung over his shoulder and not a care in the world. But he’d never know what to do if a filthy Mauritian drug baron offered him some cheesecake.
Poor lad.
Page:
I'll bear this in mind - just incase someone ever offers me some :D
Simply great.
Stop disapproving you big cattle rancher
Paradox: wrote:
“Hello children” he began “I have a story for
> you”
Naughty naughty
> “It’s got redcurrant and blackberry and tastes just divine!
As above.
Tututututut.
*Goes to Bristol*
Come children, I have cake.
“Hello children” he began “I have a story for
> you”
Naughty naughty
> “It’s got redcurrant and blackberry and tastes just divine!
As above.
Tututututut.
*Goes to Bristol*
Come children, I have cake.
Step back - we have a winner! ;-p
Weird and
Blue Eagle wrote:
> Great !!!!
Blue Eagle wrote:
> Great !!!!
Lol.
Great !!!!
In a darkened classroom in Bristol, a teacher pressed the play button on a tatty old VCR mounted in the corner of a classroom beneath a fuzzy old television set. A roomful of teenagers with slackened ties around their necks and acne invading their faces gazed up at the television, waiting for the educational video to begin.
An elderly man with nasal hair dressed in a starched grey suit appeared on the screen. “Hello children” he began “I have a story for you”
The shadow of a boom microphone reflected from his gleaming bald head
“This is a story about morals; it is important for you to build a social conscience and be aware of your surroundings – else you could fall victim to a crime! And we wouldn’t want that now – would we?”
The old man gazed blindly at the autocue
“Here is a story of two pandas that will teach you about the dangers of strangers and drugs.”
The old man attached some steel-rimmed reading glasses to his face, opened a thick hardback book and began reading.
A panda walked over and sat on a tree-stump
Another closely followed
“What’s that you’re eating?” asked panda 1
Panda 2 quickly swallowed
“Cheesecake, my good man”, replied panda 2
Wiping fruit from his face in glee
“It’s got redcurrant and blackberry and tastes just divine!
Why don’t you enjoy some with me?”
After ponderous thought Panda 1 exclaimed,
“You know, I think I just might!”
He reached for a fork and began to tuck in
and licked his lips in delight
“I feel as if I’ve tasted heaven itself
My friend this food is delicious!”
“No ordinary food” panda 2 said
“Its imported direct from Mauritius!”
“You see, children – if the pandas were real people and the cheesecake was drugs – we’d have a moral situation. And what do we say when strangers offer us cheesecake? – that’s right, you say ‘no’, that’s right!”
“F**k this” shouted Billy Gardner, standing up from his desk in the classroom in Bristol – “I don’t need to be patronised by some old gimp – I’m going home”
He left the classroom with his backpack slung over his shoulder and not a care in the world. But he’d never know what to do if a filthy Mauritian drug baron offered him some cheesecake.
Poor lad.
An elderly man with nasal hair dressed in a starched grey suit appeared on the screen. “Hello children” he began “I have a story for you”
The shadow of a boom microphone reflected from his gleaming bald head
“This is a story about morals; it is important for you to build a social conscience and be aware of your surroundings – else you could fall victim to a crime! And we wouldn’t want that now – would we?”
The old man gazed blindly at the autocue
“Here is a story of two pandas that will teach you about the dangers of strangers and drugs.”
The old man attached some steel-rimmed reading glasses to his face, opened a thick hardback book and began reading.
A panda walked over and sat on a tree-stump
Another closely followed
“What’s that you’re eating?” asked panda 1
Panda 2 quickly swallowed
“Cheesecake, my good man”, replied panda 2
Wiping fruit from his face in glee
“It’s got redcurrant and blackberry and tastes just divine!
Why don’t you enjoy some with me?”
After ponderous thought Panda 1 exclaimed,
“You know, I think I just might!”
He reached for a fork and began to tuck in
and licked his lips in delight
“I feel as if I’ve tasted heaven itself
My friend this food is delicious!”
“No ordinary food” panda 2 said
“Its imported direct from Mauritius!”
“You see, children – if the pandas were real people and the cheesecake was drugs – we’d have a moral situation. And what do we say when strangers offer us cheesecake? – that’s right, you say ‘no’, that’s right!”
“F**k this” shouted Billy Gardner, standing up from his desk in the classroom in Bristol – “I don’t need to be patronised by some old gimp – I’m going home”
He left the classroom with his backpack slung over his shoulder and not a care in the world. But he’d never know what to do if a filthy Mauritian drug baron offered him some cheesecake.
Poor lad.
Page: