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"Mortal Kombat: New ways to 'Finish Him'"

Teachality: Your opponent watches in terror, as you morph into his or her worse teacher, and gives them a 3 hour lecture, 4 hour detention and a 5 hour homework. "Teachy!!"

Brand-spanking new - leather football in face-ality: Wahey! You whip out your brand new Mirte Delta Cosmic and give it an almighty toe-punt into your opponents moosh. On a cold day. And stuff.

Chinese burns-ality: Ooyah! Trot over to your enemy, smile, whip up his sleeve and commence with the wrist twisting.

Diary-ality: Embarresment! Tie up your opponent, force him to tell you where their diary is and them read it in front of an audience of thousands!
"I really fancy her"
"Noooooooo....!"

Semolinality: Force feed your enemy with the best in Sainsburys semolina and sick him to death! Yuck.

Blobality: An extremely gory process means that your opponent ends up an extremely lifeless untidy blob of sick on the floor. "Blobby!"

SSF2ality: Your opponent watches in terror as you morph into their worst rival, the Street Fighters!

Casuality: How long could you stand it? Watch Reptile walk up to his opponent, strap a television on his head, and leave it permanently on BBC1 on a Saturday night and see him squiggle and squirm as he watches 12 non stop episodes of Casualty.
"Clear....bzzt!"

Big money hey Ali?

I'll tell you what, I'll send it to you FOC.

That's Free of Charge.

I've had it years, and I'll never actually need it for anything. It was just in a box in my parents attic.

So should I send it to the SR address, or would you like it sent to your home?

Anyway, rather than put your address into the public domain, email me as to where you'd like it sent, and I'll get it into the post to you as soon as I can.

The old NOM eh.

Nah, it was the official Nintendo magazine. I was so into design and magaziney stuff that I used to buy magazines for formats I didn't have, just to look at the nice pages. Ahh

Which magazine ran the original competition? Same publishing house maybe?

He'll have to stop all the other big name companies from snapping me up due to my writing skills. God, if this won think how bad all of the other entries must have been... Interesting fact, Gamesmaster ran a similar competition to win an MK2 competition and I wrote in to complain that the winner copied a load of his work and just to have a general moan. They printed my letter and slagged me off. A week later, I was the proud owner of an MK2 machine of my own! Spooky, no?

Tony might want to read this.

At last you've seen it!

Wahey! Well done, I can't believe you found it! I'll pay big money for that magazine my friend (or maybe slip you a Gameaday prize). Fantastic, that brings back memories. As you can see, I was as funny then as I am now...





... in actual fact, the arcade machine I won was a bit pants. it didn't work properly, anmd eventually I sold it for £100 to a dodgy geezer from Southend Pier (it was supposed to be £120 but I bottled it, there were two of them and they were big lads, no match for me and my old man). Still, there;s a lesson here. Never enter competitions.

**Senses Tony over left shoulder**

Except at Winacar.co.uk.

Ali why?

C'mon Ali!

Respond!!!!