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SSC2 – The Dare
I stared into space and just wondered as Mr Gilmour babbled on about the old mill down the road from our primary school. It was the last lesson on the last day of school before Easter and it was history which I hated so I decided not to listen, again. I wondered what life would be like to be a ‘normal kid’. I say this because I am ‘the bullies’ victim. The reason for this is when, in year three, the new kid came. He is also called Steven and ever since then all he has done is pick on me and so have some of the other class members have who are now his friend. Other kids won’t do anything as they are scared of him. They were all my friends in key stage one (Reception to yr2) but now I have no friends at all, even my friends outside of school don’t like me as they don’t want their reputation ruined. I am now in Year 6 and am 11 years old and to be honest hate my life at the moment.
There is nothing wrong with me, I’m a perfectly normal kid, not dumb but not that clever, no disabilities, no nothing. You see the reason he bullies me is because he does not like the idea of another Steven been in his class, he wants to be unique and he thinks he is the ‘supreme’ Steven. Now all I do at school is get bullied day in day out, verbal and physical, I now hate school and it even happens after school sometimes. I am sick of it.
Anyway back to * BRRRIIIIING! * School. I’m straight out of school and off like a shot home, as I do not want the other Steven to confront me. Too late look who is here; yeah him and his best mate Alex. I just ignored them and they just followed me half the way home until we were walking past that old mill that Mr Gilmour was on about in class. The other Steven said “You know that mill there person, somebody jumped from that top broken through window and they just looked like you when he our age and acted the same. There was blood everywhere when he jump and it was an awful scene.” He always called me person as he didn’t want to say his own name to somebody else. I just ignored them and carried on walking, until he said “I dare, no, I double dare you to go to the top of the mill and then go to the window so we can see you!” This gave me an idea, so I turned around and said to him “Alright then,” Alex and Steven looked up with grins on their faces and I continued to say “with one condition, you will call me by my name of Steven from now on and not pick on me an make all of my old friends be my friends again!” Steven grin was wiped off of his face and he then said “Okay then, and if you don’t you have to move school!”
I turned away and walked up the long, curvy path to the old mill, I wasn’t scared really, I’m just like any other normal kid would be. I got to the front door, looked back and saw Alex and Steven giggling; I hesitated and then pushed on the door. It creaked open and I stepped inside the mill and saw all of the old machinery covered in thick layers of dust as it hadn’t been used in ages (and I mean ages). I browsed around the lower floor, looking for the stairs, and they are, right across the other side of the room to the right. I tip toed across, I don’t know why though as no-one else is going to be in this building, and making sure I don’t touch any of the machinery, just in case of setting them of again, or making them fall down. Damn! I knocked one with my arm, but luckily nothing major happened just ended up with a whole lot of dust on my arm, which I flicked off. I then I carried on walking to the stairs.
I got to the stairs and took a look around, just to check that Alex and Steven have not followed me in to jump me or scare me. No-one was there so I quietly walked up the stairs and did not make a noise because if there were people there I did not want them to know I was. I thought to myself ‘okay I’m a little scared now but who wouldn’t be in this situation.’ This built up a little confidence to the bit of scared ness. I went past the first floor and in there was just almost the same as on the ground floor. I browsed the room to check if anyone was there; if they were I was straight downstairs and out, wouldn’t have cared about the dare. Luckily there wasn’t so I carried onto the second floor, offices this time. Scanned the room and no-one was there, so I carried on up the stairs. Finally I got to the top floor and saw a little beam of light and ran straight to it, with out even bothering to look around.
I stepped up onto the window sill and shout out “Hey look guys I’ve done it, I’m.....” Something pulled me back and I turned around to see who it was and I see a man that looks quite old, although this could be because he is really a tramp and he just looks older. He says to me “You got a death wish or somethin’ boy!?” I was speechless, I don’t know who an earth this is. He continues to say “Are you stupid? You shouldn’t be here.” I mange to reply by saying “Wh.... who are you?” he looked at me oddly then said “You’ve probably heard the story of the boy who jumped and it was all blood and gore, well you’re looking at him.” I was totally shocked. He then went onto say how he got bullied at school and hated his life and he normally came up here just after it had closed as a hiding place and how he was going to jump but never had the guts and threw out a dummy with a few red paintballs or something similar and how his life had been staying up there and nicking the rats food and milk ever since. I then told him about my life and how it went from good to bad to worse because of one person, Steven.
After I had finished I stood up and said to the man “Come with me, back to the outside world, you’ll like it now.” He did not really want to come, but decided he had to sooner or later cos he knew I knew he was there. He stood up and looked a little shaky and we walked to the stairs and went all the way down and it took a bit as he was slow as he had only been on the steps rarely if the rats were there. We got to the bottom and he had a little rest then we went over to the door and we both went to push it open, but it would not budge. That was part of their plan, not letting me out. We were both now pushing on the door and I could hear Alex and Steven laughing behind the door, then I said “If you let me out the bet is off!” Then after a few second we the door swung open, as they had let go, and we I nearly went flying and turned around and saw the guy on the floor in pain. He went pale and closed his eyes, he was now dead.
I turned to Alex and Steven and said angrily to them “You two made him die! If it wasn’t for you he would still be alive! You... You murderers!” They both stood stunned and they felt ashamed of themselves. I continued to say “Now what you have to do is go to the nearest phone box make an anonymous call to the police saying you found him dead,” they both started to go to the phone box but I stopped them and continued by saying “Wait... And from now, Steven, on you have to do the outcomes of the dare and do everything I say for you do,” he didn’t care “or else I will tell everyone what you have done.” He cared now and gave a slight nod and continued going to the phone box.
It was hardly a murder that Steven had done; it was just partly his fault that the guy died. He was quite a nice guy too. But now, even though that the guy died, I’m having the best time of my life, I’m the most popular kid in school now (even if there is only a term to go of this school)!
I stared into space and just wondered as Mr Gilmour babbled on about the old mill down the road from our primary school. It was the last lesson on the last day of school before Easter and it was history which I hated so I decided not to listen, again. I wondered what life would be like to be a ‘normal kid’. I say this because I am ‘the bullies’ victim. The reason for this is when, in year three, the new kid came. He is also called Steven and ever since then all he has done is pick on me and so have some of the other class members have who are now his friend. Other kids won’t do anything as they are scared of him. They were all my friends in key stage one (Reception to yr2) but now I have no friends at all, even my friends outside of school don’t like me as they don’t want their reputation ruined. I am now in Year 6 and am 11 years old and to be honest hate my life at the moment.
There is nothing wrong with me, I’m a perfectly normal kid, not dumb but not that clever, no disabilities, no nothing. You see the reason he bullies me is because he does not like the idea of another Steven been in his class, he wants to be unique and he thinks he is the ‘supreme’ Steven. Now all I do at school is get bullied day in day out, verbal and physical, I now hate school and it even happens after school sometimes. I am sick of it.
Anyway back to * BRRRIIIIING! * School. I’m straight out of school and off like a shot home, as I do not want the other Steven to confront me. Too late look who is here; yeah him and his best mate Alex. I just ignored them and they just followed me half the way home until we were walking past that old mill that Mr Gilmour was on about in class. The other Steven said “You know that mill there person, somebody jumped from that top broken through window and they just looked like you when he our age and acted the same. There was blood everywhere when he jump and it was an awful scene.” He always called me person as he didn’t want to say his own name to somebody else. I just ignored them and carried on walking, until he said “I dare, no, I double dare you to go to the top of the mill and then go to the window so we can see you!” This gave me an idea, so I turned around and said to him “Alright then,” Alex and Steven looked up with grins on their faces and I continued to say “with one condition, you will call me by my name of Steven from now on and not pick on me an make all of my old friends be my friends again!” Steven grin was wiped off of his face and he then said “Okay then, and if you don’t you have to move school!”
I turned away and walked up the long, curvy path to the old mill, I wasn’t scared really, I’m just like any other normal kid would be. I got to the front door, looked back and saw Alex and Steven giggling; I hesitated and then pushed on the door. It creaked open and I stepped inside the mill and saw all of the old machinery covered in thick layers of dust as it hadn’t been used in ages (and I mean ages). I browsed around the lower floor, looking for the stairs, and they are, right across the other side of the room to the right. I tip toed across, I don’t know why though as no-one else is going to be in this building, and making sure I don’t touch any of the machinery, just in case of setting them of again, or making them fall down. Damn! I knocked one with my arm, but luckily nothing major happened just ended up with a whole lot of dust on my arm, which I flicked off. I then I carried on walking to the stairs.
I got to the stairs and took a look around, just to check that Alex and Steven have not followed me in to jump me or scare me. No-one was there so I quietly walked up the stairs and did not make a noise because if there were people there I did not want them to know I was. I thought to myself ‘okay I’m a little scared now but who wouldn’t be in this situation.’ This built up a little confidence to the bit of scared ness. I went past the first floor and in there was just almost the same as on the ground floor. I browsed the room to check if anyone was there; if they were I was straight downstairs and out, wouldn’t have cared about the dare. Luckily there wasn’t so I carried onto the second floor, offices this time. Scanned the room and no-one was there, so I carried on up the stairs. Finally I got to the top floor and saw a little beam of light and ran straight to it, with out even bothering to look around.
I stepped up onto the window sill and shout out “Hey look guys I’ve done it, I’m.....” Something pulled me back and I turned around to see who it was and I see a man that looks quite old, although this could be because he is really a tramp and he just looks older. He says to me “You got a death wish or somethin’ boy!?” I was speechless, I don’t know who an earth this is. He continues to say “Are you stupid? You shouldn’t be here.” I mange to reply by saying “Wh.... who are you?” he looked at me oddly then said “You’ve probably heard the story of the boy who jumped and it was all blood and gore, well you’re looking at him.” I was totally shocked. He then went onto say how he got bullied at school and hated his life and he normally came up here just after it had closed as a hiding place and how he was going to jump but never had the guts and threw out a dummy with a few red paintballs or something similar and how his life had been staying up there and nicking the rats food and milk ever since. I then told him about my life and how it went from good to bad to worse because of one person, Steven.
After I had finished I stood up and said to the man “Come with me, back to the outside world, you’ll like it now.” He did not really want to come, but decided he had to sooner or later cos he knew I knew he was there. He stood up and looked a little shaky and we walked to the stairs and went all the way down and it took a bit as he was slow as he had only been on the steps rarely if the rats were there. We got to the bottom and he had a little rest then we went over to the door and we both went to push it open, but it would not budge. That was part of their plan, not letting me out. We were both now pushing on the door and I could hear Alex and Steven laughing behind the door, then I said “If you let me out the bet is off!” Then after a few second we the door swung open, as they had let go, and we I nearly went flying and turned around and saw the guy on the floor in pain. He went pale and closed his eyes, he was now dead.
I turned to Alex and Steven and said angrily to them “You two made him die! If it wasn’t for you he would still be alive! You... You murderers!” They both stood stunned and they felt ashamed of themselves. I continued to say “Now what you have to do is go to the nearest phone box make an anonymous call to the police saying you found him dead,” they both started to go to the phone box but I stopped them and continued by saying “Wait... And from now, Steven, on you have to do the outcomes of the dare and do everything I say for you do,” he didn’t care “or else I will tell everyone what you have done.” He cared now and gave a slight nod and continued going to the phone box.
It was hardly a murder that Steven had done; it was just partly his fault that the guy died. He was quite a nice guy too. But now, even though that the guy died, I’m having the best time of my life, I’m the most popular kid in school now (even if there is only a term to go of this school)!
Much of the drama of the piece was undermined by being written from the kid's perspective. Also the end is simply not believeable with the dummy and paintballs. It's a good concept, but not thoroughly worked through.
It was a pretty good idea.
Although some parts weren't thought through properly.
And you should use some more description.
Although some parts weren't thought through properly.
And you should use some more description.
That was alright.
Interesting idea.
Interesting idea.
SSC2 – The Dare
I stared into space and just wondered as Mr Gilmour babbled on about the old mill down the road from our primary school. It was the last lesson on the last day of school before Easter and it was history which I hated so I decided not to listen, again. I wondered what life would be like to be a ‘normal kid’. I say this because I am ‘the bullies’ victim. The reason for this is when, in year three, the new kid came. He is also called Steven and ever since then all he has done is pick on me and so have some of the other class members have who are now his friend. Other kids won’t do anything as they are scared of him. They were all my friends in key stage one (Reception to yr2) but now I have no friends at all, even my friends outside of school don’t like me as they don’t want their reputation ruined. I am now in Year 6 and am 11 years old and to be honest hate my life at the moment.
There is nothing wrong with me, I’m a perfectly normal kid, not dumb but not that clever, no disabilities, no nothing. You see the reason he bullies me is because he does not like the idea of another Steven been in his class, he wants to be unique and he thinks he is the ‘supreme’ Steven. Now all I do at school is get bullied day in day out, verbal and physical, I now hate school and it even happens after school sometimes. I am sick of it.
Anyway back to * BRRRIIIIING! * School. I’m straight out of school and off like a shot home, as I do not want the other Steven to confront me. Too late look who is here; yeah him and his best mate Alex. I just ignored them and they just followed me half the way home until we were walking past that old mill that Mr Gilmour was on about in class. The other Steven said “You know that mill there person, somebody jumped from that top broken through window and they just looked like you when he our age and acted the same. There was blood everywhere when he jump and it was an awful scene.” He always called me person as he didn’t want to say his own name to somebody else. I just ignored them and carried on walking, until he said “I dare, no, I double dare you to go to the top of the mill and then go to the window so we can see you!” This gave me an idea, so I turned around and said to him “Alright then,” Alex and Steven looked up with grins on their faces and I continued to say “with one condition, you will call me by my name of Steven from now on and not pick on me an make all of my old friends be my friends again!” Steven grin was wiped off of his face and he then said “Okay then, and if you don’t you have to move school!”
I turned away and walked up the long, curvy path to the old mill, I wasn’t scared really, I’m just like any other normal kid would be. I got to the front door, looked back and saw Alex and Steven giggling; I hesitated and then pushed on the door. It creaked open and I stepped inside the mill and saw all of the old machinery covered in thick layers of dust as it hadn’t been used in ages (and I mean ages). I browsed around the lower floor, looking for the stairs, and they are, right across the other side of the room to the right. I tip toed across, I don’t know why though as no-one else is going to be in this building, and making sure I don’t touch any of the machinery, just in case of setting them of again, or making them fall down. Damn! I knocked one with my arm, but luckily nothing major happened just ended up with a whole lot of dust on my arm, which I flicked off. I then I carried on walking to the stairs.
I got to the stairs and took a look around, just to check that Alex and Steven have not followed me in to jump me or scare me. No-one was there so I quietly walked up the stairs and did not make a noise because if there were people there I did not want them to know I was. I thought to myself ‘okay I’m a little scared now but who wouldn’t be in this situation.’ This built up a little confidence to the bit of scared ness. I went past the first floor and in there was just almost the same as on the ground floor. I browsed the room to check if anyone was there; if they were I was straight downstairs and out, wouldn’t have cared about the dare. Luckily there wasn’t so I carried onto the second floor, offices this time. Scanned the room and no-one was there, so I carried on up the stairs. Finally I got to the top floor and saw a little beam of light and ran straight to it, with out even bothering to look around.
I stepped up onto the window sill and shout out “Hey look guys I’ve done it, I’m.....” Something pulled me back and I turned around to see who it was and I see a man that looks quite old, although this could be because he is really a tramp and he just looks older. He says to me “You got a death wish or somethin’ boy!?” I was speechless, I don’t know who an earth this is. He continues to say “Are you stupid? You shouldn’t be here.” I mange to reply by saying “Wh.... who are you?” he looked at me oddly then said “You’ve probably heard the story of the boy who jumped and it was all blood and gore, well you’re looking at him.” I was totally shocked. He then went onto say how he got bullied at school and hated his life and he normally came up here just after it had closed as a hiding place and how he was going to jump but never had the guts and threw out a dummy with a few red paintballs or something similar and how his life had been staying up there and nicking the rats food and milk ever since. I then told him about my life and how it went from good to bad to worse because of one person, Steven.
After I had finished I stood up and said to the man “Come with me, back to the outside world, you’ll like it now.” He did not really want to come, but decided he had to sooner or later cos he knew I knew he was there. He stood up and looked a little shaky and we walked to the stairs and went all the way down and it took a bit as he was slow as he had only been on the steps rarely if the rats were there. We got to the bottom and he had a little rest then we went over to the door and we both went to push it open, but it would not budge. That was part of their plan, not letting me out. We were both now pushing on the door and I could hear Alex and Steven laughing behind the door, then I said “If you let me out the bet is off!” Then after a few second we the door swung open, as they had let go, and we I nearly went flying and turned around and saw the guy on the floor in pain. He went pale and closed his eyes, he was now dead.
I turned to Alex and Steven and said angrily to them “You two made him die! If it wasn’t for you he would still be alive! You... You murderers!” They both stood stunned and they felt ashamed of themselves. I continued to say “Now what you have to do is go to the nearest phone box make an anonymous call to the police saying you found him dead,” they both started to go to the phone box but I stopped them and continued by saying “Wait... And from now, Steven, on you have to do the outcomes of the dare and do everything I say for you do,” he didn’t care “or else I will tell everyone what you have done.” He cared now and gave a slight nod and continued going to the phone box.
It was hardly a murder that Steven had done; it was just partly his fault that the guy died. He was quite a nice guy too. But now, even though that the guy died, I’m having the best time of my life, I’m the most popular kid in school now (even if there is only a term to go of this school)!
I stared into space and just wondered as Mr Gilmour babbled on about the old mill down the road from our primary school. It was the last lesson on the last day of school before Easter and it was history which I hated so I decided not to listen, again. I wondered what life would be like to be a ‘normal kid’. I say this because I am ‘the bullies’ victim. The reason for this is when, in year three, the new kid came. He is also called Steven and ever since then all he has done is pick on me and so have some of the other class members have who are now his friend. Other kids won’t do anything as they are scared of him. They were all my friends in key stage one (Reception to yr2) but now I have no friends at all, even my friends outside of school don’t like me as they don’t want their reputation ruined. I am now in Year 6 and am 11 years old and to be honest hate my life at the moment.
There is nothing wrong with me, I’m a perfectly normal kid, not dumb but not that clever, no disabilities, no nothing. You see the reason he bullies me is because he does not like the idea of another Steven been in his class, he wants to be unique and he thinks he is the ‘supreme’ Steven. Now all I do at school is get bullied day in day out, verbal and physical, I now hate school and it even happens after school sometimes. I am sick of it.
Anyway back to * BRRRIIIIING! * School. I’m straight out of school and off like a shot home, as I do not want the other Steven to confront me. Too late look who is here; yeah him and his best mate Alex. I just ignored them and they just followed me half the way home until we were walking past that old mill that Mr Gilmour was on about in class. The other Steven said “You know that mill there person, somebody jumped from that top broken through window and they just looked like you when he our age and acted the same. There was blood everywhere when he jump and it was an awful scene.” He always called me person as he didn’t want to say his own name to somebody else. I just ignored them and carried on walking, until he said “I dare, no, I double dare you to go to the top of the mill and then go to the window so we can see you!” This gave me an idea, so I turned around and said to him “Alright then,” Alex and Steven looked up with grins on their faces and I continued to say “with one condition, you will call me by my name of Steven from now on and not pick on me an make all of my old friends be my friends again!” Steven grin was wiped off of his face and he then said “Okay then, and if you don’t you have to move school!”
I turned away and walked up the long, curvy path to the old mill, I wasn’t scared really, I’m just like any other normal kid would be. I got to the front door, looked back and saw Alex and Steven giggling; I hesitated and then pushed on the door. It creaked open and I stepped inside the mill and saw all of the old machinery covered in thick layers of dust as it hadn’t been used in ages (and I mean ages). I browsed around the lower floor, looking for the stairs, and they are, right across the other side of the room to the right. I tip toed across, I don’t know why though as no-one else is going to be in this building, and making sure I don’t touch any of the machinery, just in case of setting them of again, or making them fall down. Damn! I knocked one with my arm, but luckily nothing major happened just ended up with a whole lot of dust on my arm, which I flicked off. I then I carried on walking to the stairs.
I got to the stairs and took a look around, just to check that Alex and Steven have not followed me in to jump me or scare me. No-one was there so I quietly walked up the stairs and did not make a noise because if there were people there I did not want them to know I was. I thought to myself ‘okay I’m a little scared now but who wouldn’t be in this situation.’ This built up a little confidence to the bit of scared ness. I went past the first floor and in there was just almost the same as on the ground floor. I browsed the room to check if anyone was there; if they were I was straight downstairs and out, wouldn’t have cared about the dare. Luckily there wasn’t so I carried onto the second floor, offices this time. Scanned the room and no-one was there, so I carried on up the stairs. Finally I got to the top floor and saw a little beam of light and ran straight to it, with out even bothering to look around.
I stepped up onto the window sill and shout out “Hey look guys I’ve done it, I’m.....” Something pulled me back and I turned around to see who it was and I see a man that looks quite old, although this could be because he is really a tramp and he just looks older. He says to me “You got a death wish or somethin’ boy!?” I was speechless, I don’t know who an earth this is. He continues to say “Are you stupid? You shouldn’t be here.” I mange to reply by saying “Wh.... who are you?” he looked at me oddly then said “You’ve probably heard the story of the boy who jumped and it was all blood and gore, well you’re looking at him.” I was totally shocked. He then went onto say how he got bullied at school and hated his life and he normally came up here just after it had closed as a hiding place and how he was going to jump but never had the guts and threw out a dummy with a few red paintballs or something similar and how his life had been staying up there and nicking the rats food and milk ever since. I then told him about my life and how it went from good to bad to worse because of one person, Steven.
After I had finished I stood up and said to the man “Come with me, back to the outside world, you’ll like it now.” He did not really want to come, but decided he had to sooner or later cos he knew I knew he was there. He stood up and looked a little shaky and we walked to the stairs and went all the way down and it took a bit as he was slow as he had only been on the steps rarely if the rats were there. We got to the bottom and he had a little rest then we went over to the door and we both went to push it open, but it would not budge. That was part of their plan, not letting me out. We were both now pushing on the door and I could hear Alex and Steven laughing behind the door, then I said “If you let me out the bet is off!” Then after a few second we the door swung open, as they had let go, and we I nearly went flying and turned around and saw the guy on the floor in pain. He went pale and closed his eyes, he was now dead.
I turned to Alex and Steven and said angrily to them “You two made him die! If it wasn’t for you he would still be alive! You... You murderers!” They both stood stunned and they felt ashamed of themselves. I continued to say “Now what you have to do is go to the nearest phone box make an anonymous call to the police saying you found him dead,” they both started to go to the phone box but I stopped them and continued by saying “Wait... And from now, Steven, on you have to do the outcomes of the dare and do everything I say for you do,” he didn’t care “or else I will tell everyone what you have done.” He cared now and gave a slight nod and continued going to the phone box.
It was hardly a murder that Steven had done; it was just partly his fault that the guy died. He was quite a nice guy too. But now, even though that the guy died, I’m having the best time of my life, I’m the most popular kid in school now (even if there is only a term to go of this school)!