Viewing Thread:
"Kumi's Diary (Story Competition)"

Patient #23 - Jo Smith

LOG OF 26/3/96 - 16/4/96 AS REQUESTED BY DR PHILIP VALANCE

LOG BEGINS ####

Tuesday the Twenty Sixth of March Ninteen Ninety Six.

My name is Joanna Smith. I am eight years old. The men say I have to keep a diary because it will help me. I have to write in it every day and say when I don't feel well. I have to write out what the doctors say so I understand them.

Today my eyes hurt but it hurts more when I close them. My eyes hurt because I see things.

I have to take nine medicine every day. I take three with every meal and I have to wash them down with water. I am not allowed to be sick because then the medicine won't be inside me and it can't help if it's not inside me.

I don't like seeing things because they make everyone afraid. My mummy doesn't like me when I see things.

----

Wednesday the Twenty Seventh of Martch Nineteen Ninety Six.

I had a nightmare last night. There were lots of dolls that all looked like me but they kept walking all over the ceiling and the floors. When I woke up I started seeing them again. I told the doctor in the morning but he said the medicine will take a while to work.



I'm not allowed to see my mummy because she gets upset and doesn't like to see me like this. My mummy does love me when I am ill but she is afraid. I thought the men were hiding her from me and I screamed but I was wrong and it's important that I don't see her.

My eyes hurt more today.

----

Thursday 27 March 1996

The doctors read my diary today and told me that it was good. They asked me to write the date smaller because it looked silly. I said that I agreed.




I don't like being in this room. I hate it. I want to go outside and play.

----

Friday 28 March 1996

I have to stay in this room because I might hurt myself if I go outside and I don't want to hurt myself.

My brother came to visit me today. He said that mummy is ok and she misses me but she still loves me. He told me he was sorry about daddy but I told him it was ok and it wasn't his fault.


I love my brother, he makes me happy. The doctors gave me a doll to play with today. I am allowed to have a doll for every day I am good.

I will be good I promise.




My skin is itchy. Sometimes it tenses and I fall over.

----

Saturday 92 Marth 1996

I love my brother and I don't want him to go away

----

Sunday 30 March 1996

I am not allowed to see my brother anymore. He isn't allowed to visit me because he is making me ill.

The medicine is helping me and I feel better.

When my skin tenses it is called a musle spasm. It is something that I have to live with if I want to be better.



I had another dream last night about my dolls they were all scared.

----

Monday 31 March 1996

When I grow up I want to be a air hostess because I can go to different places and see them and come home. I think it will be fun because I'll be able to talk to lots of different people and I can serve them dinner.

----

tuesday 1 April 1996

My brother visited me yesterday and we played dolls

i call my brother my magic monkey and i am his cute kumi koala

----

wednesday 2 april 1996

I DONT WANT TO WRITE ANYMORE

----

friday

the doctors play music to calm me down because i have too much anger and i need to control myself

I am sorry for hurting the nurse I hope she is ok

----

saturday

today is sunday but i wrote saturday HA HA HA HA

----

monday

[the page is scribbled all over]

----

tuesday 2 April 1996

the doctors told me that I have to write in my diary or my mummy wont see me again because I am ill. writing in my diary helps me and makes me well so I must keep writing every day. I wasn't allowed a doll yesterday so I hope I get one today.


I have to write about when I feel ill and what parts hurt and I have to say what I see in my room.


[note - the words in italic were scribbled out by Jo]
my brother is sitting next to me now and we I want a shoebox to make a home for my doll.

I don't like taking the medicine it makes my teeth hurt and I want to bite them.

I feel much better. I don't see the dolls anymore.

----

wednesday 3 April 1996

I do not have a brother and he is all in my mind. I do not have a brother and he is all in my mind. I do not have a brother and he is all in my mind. I do not hava brother and he it all in my mind. I don not have a brother and he is all in my minb. i DO not HAVE a BROTHER and HE is ALL in MY mind i do not have a brother wother mother brothery brother brother

[note - the writing became much larger towards the end and trails off into curves]

----

[note - this entry was written sideways]

thursday FORTH april 199SIX

i LOVE MY BROTHER becase HE LOVES ME

----

[note - this entry some words were written much larger than other words, taking up most of the page - these words are in bold type]

friday friday friday FRIday friDAY FrIdAy friiiiiidaaaYY

pills are YUMMY and make me HAPPY HAPPY good and then my BROTHER wont hurt people and can all love me

my brother is sorry he hurrt daddy we all are i miss daddy i miss my mummy

----

[note - the letters in this entry were written much larger than usual with more curves - larger words are in bold face again, words that have tried to be read under the blood and ink stains are in italic face]

saturday sixth april 1996

my walls i can like them clean and walk on them the dolls walk on the walls but i cant I HATE MY DOLLS so i have taken off her head dolls all everywere an they WALK WALKINGONWALLS

[note - some of the next passage was hard to read as there was ink and blood covering a lot of the words]

i lost lovely (my best friend?) and he is going to the SEASIDE i like the sea it's (*cannot be read whatsoever*) the music music music keeeeeeeEEEEEEEAAALLLPPPESSS random letters all curved - SSCSCSLOPPPSS PSPSPS myyi brother has a new friend that comes (naughty magic monkey) and he swings me AROUND AND AROUND like a clok clok ticky tock

[note - the rest of the entry is drawings of stick people and a doll that she tried to colour in with her blood]

----

sundy 7 Aprl 1996

I m onl allowed pen to write dairy now and have to write it the evining before I go bed. doctor are mad I wrote on wall an hurt hand. If I want coluring pencil s I have to ask. I miss mummy

----

mody 8 apil 19996

doctur say i good

[note - there was a drawing of a smiley face here]

----

tusdiy 9 a

my boter her an d we play dols I I I I lov broth i cant kno how to spelll i have custad brain i want to see mummy but TEY WONT LEME

[note - doodles cover the page, there are drawings of what appear to be the dolls and a monkey with a knife]

----

wednsay 10 apil

is so quiet sushhush my magc monk comeing get my out NO DOLL TDAy MUMMY MUMY MUMMY MUM MUM MUMMY MUMMMMMYMUM [note - the words go around in a circle here]

----

[note - the next few pages were torn out and eaten by Jo before we documented them]

----

[note - the words in this entry were very large, taking up the whole page]

SATRDY 13

WE ARE BETT NOW WE CAN GO SEE MUMMY

----

[note - once again the words take up the whole page]

SUDAY 14

AR WE GOOD NOW THANK FO R DOLL WANT TO SE MUMMY

----

[note - this was written in very small letters - this was written on Monday 16/4/96]

i cant se mummy becase of monkey so i make him go away

dolls all dead now
dolls all dead now
dolls all dead now
dolls all dead now
dolls all dead now
dolls all dead now
dolls all dead now
dolls all dead now
dolls all dead now
dolls all dead now

[note - after the incident at 13:45 Thursday the 18 of April, 1996, most of the diary was soaked in blood. The entry on Tuesday is unreadable, but to her mother's request the diary was burned. No entry was made on Wednesday or Thursday.]

[DR VALLANCE'S NOTES: Jo appears to hallucinate a brother - we believe the 'brother' that Jo refers to as 'my magic monkey' is his true self that he has disconnected himself from. Jo, who also refers to himself as Joanna and Kumi, seems to believe he was a girl, perhaps to further distance himself from his fathers murder. We thought giving him dolls would encourage him to relax and not be afraid to be himself. In explaination to him that he was really his brother and he was pretending he was a girl resulted in violence and distruption. His death was an accident, and future measures will be taken to prevent such tragedies from happening again.]

[Cause of death - stab wounds to the eyes]

#### LOG ENDS

A worth while pop from crossbob for me atleast: I missed it before. It's pure excellence.

That was cool!

Nope :P You're supposed to email me :D Can you just say what you ordered and your address, and I'll get it out to you by next week [my er, supplier is coming down next week, so I'll get him to bring them down with him] :)

:-)


Is my T-Shirt on the way yet? :-)

I have a little personal hatred towards doctors and drug treatment. :)

All making GREAT sense now.

(by the by, I forgot to mention about how I appreciated the neat twist of "her" actually being "him" and seeing "him" as "his/her" brother)

Only, wouldn't the doctors be giving him drugs to try and help him, rather than drive him insane and killing himself?
Perhaps? :-)

Strafio wrote:
> Interesting.
>
> But I was interested in what the doctors were giving him for the
> spasms and the like...

The three times a day thing I made up, but the muscle spasms are based on my own experiences with drugs.

There is an anti-depressent called Cipromil that one of the side affects for me I found out to be something called 'teeth clenchers'

Basically, your muscles can spasm in your body, and another part of it is the urge to squeeze tight every muscle in your body to combat it - hense teeth clenchers. It's also a side affect of a certain Class A drug I believe.

So while the drug in the story was made up, the side affects are easily true.

To explain the story a bit more, it's quite clear that Jo has become insane, and he has been taken into care into a room that nobody is allowed apart from the doctors and nurses.

The drugs Jo takes gently forces him into complete insanity, no matter how much he tries to fight it and sometimes cooperate with the doctors.

A few things that may be unclear.

1) The first instance of blood in the diary was from Jo cutting his hands so he could colour in his drawings. He used the pen to stab his hands, which partly explains the quick difference in spelling in the later entries, but is also due to what I meant to kinda make happen as the drugs finally fully kicking in. The pen is then taken away, and only given to him in the evenings so he could finish his diary.

2) Jo eats several pages of paper, and the scribbling out of lines. Perhaps it's not obvious but perhaps it is, but Jo was trying to make himself seem normal. He was stuck between trying to tell the truth in the diary like he said, and also trying to make the doctors believe that he was ok so he could see his mother. Perhaps it was this pressure that caused such bad reactions with him. I could write what was in the missing pages, but it's better to leave it to the imagination, as he was obviously sinking downhill fast and wanted to hide it.

3) Jo kills himself by stabbing himself in the eyes, the time of death was in the afternoon, so we know it couldn't have been with the pen that was removed from him. So how did he do it? Perhaps I should have put that in the doctors notes too.

On the last day Jo asked for colouring pencils to colour in his diary. The nurse on duty trusted him, gave them to him, and he consequently stabbed his eyes out.

If there's anything else you're wondering about do ask :)

That was class.

Consider a thumbs up from me.

Interesting.

But I was interested in what the doctors were giving him for the spasms and the like...

Very very nice. Hard to read in places if you get in to it, just because the writing is very visual.