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Bye bye.
Thankyou for the feedback, you lot are better than a few stupid teachers who seem a bit afraid to tell you flaws in your writing.
PS. The bee is lost
PS. The bee is lost
Lose the bee. Terrible simile it has to be said. Dont think you can sum up what appear to be many tragic occurrences by comparing your life to the mostly random movements of an insect. Really apart from that inject a little more humour in, some tongue on cheek self deprocating lines and i think you will be on to a winner.
"One thing I have learnt in life, however, is that when you are on a high, your world can promptly change, dropping you down to earth so swiftly that you are barely aware of what has happened."
I have discovered that too.
Anyway, I think you need more action truthfully - perhaps a story of misdeeds? Something exciting anyway to spice it up. You shouldn't rely on the sappiness.
I have discovered that too.
Anyway, I think you need more action truthfully - perhaps a story of misdeeds? Something exciting anyway to spice it up. You shouldn't rely on the sappiness.
by the way, it tends to get better around the half way point, so if you find the start mind-numbingly boring, please keep reading.
Bye bye.