Hereís a list of all the superheroes and their secret identities:
Hope ya enjoy;-)
The Forum Friends all lounge in their headquarters, the SR towers, wearing superhero attire, ready for crime to be afoot.
English Bloke: DW. No countries are in danger right now. Do something funny... Eat your own face.
DW: No way! Why would I do that?
English Bloke: Because I am superior to you.
English Bloke: I have x-ray vision. So I could see your pecker.
English Bloke: Just thinkÖ All day, I know how small your pecker is. All day long.
Mystique: Haha, needle di-
The alert line rings. Azul picks it up abruptly. A large screen on the wall kicks on and the mayor appears, distressed.
Paradox: Um, hello? Mayor Paradox here! Someone told me to call this number if something urgent would happen! Thereís....hey did I catch you on your way to a drag show? Who are you guys and why are you all dressed like fruitcakes?
English Bloke: I am Superman! And I wear these tiny trousers over my normal trousers for extra coolness! Plus, I have this S on my chest because S is the first letter in ďsuperĒ.
Timmargh: And the first in stupid-cockface.
English Bloke: Yes. And in stupid-cockface
Azul: Greetings mayor! I am Aquaman! I have the ability to communicate to creatures of the sea!
Paradox: You talk to fish?
Paradox: You suck.
Paradox turns his head and gives a suggestive glance at Mystique.
Paradox: And who are youÖ
Mystique: Hi! My name is Wonder Woman and I couldnít think of any kind of outfit that meant wonder woman so I made sure everyone could see most of my rack. Also panties.
Timmargh and DW stand stern and stare down the screen.
Timmargh: I am Batman. And my costume strikes fear into people that are afraid of retarded Halloween costumes, some of which are criminals.
DW: And finally Iím Robin! Batmanís right hand man (and sometimes both hands when Iím randy).
All together: And together we are the Forum Friends!
Paradox: And your all just friends, right?
English Bloke: Everyone except Batman and Robin.
Long pause of awkward silence.
Azul: Soooo....Whatís the emergency mayor!
Paradox: Oh, yeaÖ Recently Notorious Biggles, the insane terrorist, has broken out of jail. He plans to rob the town blind then set it ablaze!
DW: Holy metaphor for my balls! We have to do something!
Paradox: He was last seen in the corner of GAD Street but he is on the move!
Timmargh: Robin and me will take care of this! But could you send a cab. The Batmobile is in the shop.
Paradox: Canít Superman go? Or Wonder Woman? Yea, her!
Timmargh: No! Itís their turn to mop. Superheroes canít have dirty floors you know.
Timmargh and DW are in the backseat of a cab driving down GAD Street. They are holding hands.
Timmargh: Mmm, Robin you sure have some soft palms.
DW: I use a special cream. I make it myself in the shower.
The cab driver slams on the breaks and vomits all over the windshield. He pleads for Timmargh and DW to leave and indeed they obey. They climb out of the cab still holding hands.
Timmargh: Wow, did you see the bulge on that cab dri-
DW: Holy interrupting comments! Look itís Notorious Biggles entering that bank!
Timmargh: Lets move!
Timmargh and DW skip forward while humming the Batman themesong. They enter the bank and witness Notorious Biggles holding a giant vacuum. He is wearing a wife-beater, prison trousers, and has shaven his beard.
DW: Batman? I thought all terrorists had to have beards.
Timmargh: He does have a beard DW. You just canít see it because heís wearing pants.
Notorious Biggles: Haha! Youíll never stop me Forum fools!
Notorious Biggles switches on his vacuum and points it toward the front desk. All the money begins to get sucked away as all the bank clerks scream in terror.
Timmargh: Better use my Batarang!
Timmargh reaches in his utility belt, takes out a bat shaped doo-hickey, and chugs it at Notorious Biggles. Biggles turns around and sucks the Batarang with ease.
Timmargh: My idiotic weapons wonít work here DW.... Hmm, maybe I should throw you inside the vacuum to plug it up! Genius idea!
DW: Holy screw you, Batman.
Notorious Biggles: Thereís nothing you can do Forum fools! Iíve already won!
Biggles sets his vacuum to reverse and blows DW and Timmargh straight into a wall. He then begins to run off laughing menacingly.
Later that day
Back at SR Towers.
Mystique: So the rumours are true!
Timmargh: Yes. Thirteen inches.
Mystique: No. Not that rumour! The rumour about Notorious Biggles!
DW: Both rumours are true.... Especially the first one.
Azul: You say he had a giant vacuum!
Timmargh: Yes! It sucked everything in sight. Let Robin and I demonstrate. Through sodemy.
Mystique: No need Batman. We understand.
DW: Hey where is Superman!
Azul: There was another call on the alert line. Biggles had set an orphan home on fire! Superman had to leave in a flash!
Suddenly Superman walks in through the front door.
Mystique: Superman! The fire! Did you save the orphans!
English Bloke: Well, I tried to rescue them.
Azul: You didnít save them!?
English Bloke: I tried spinning really fast.
Azul: How was spinning going to help.
English Bloke: I donít know. I thought maybe fires hate spinning in other... you know... dimensions or something.
Azul: Superman. We have to figure out where Notorious Biggles was heading!
Timmargh: At the bank there was a fish tank filled with goldfish! Maybe if Aquaman questions them we could know which way he went!
Azul: I actually get to do something!!!
Mystique: Canít we just ask for the surveillance tape?
Timmargh: Great idea Wonder Woman! Thatís much better than letting Aquaman do anything!
The Forum Friends go over to the crime scene and retrieve the video. On it they see that Notorious Biggles heading northward! They return to SR Towers for further research.
English Bloke: Weíll have to enter the information on Biggles in the crime computer!
English Bloke flies over to a small computer at the corner of the room. Everyone follows like puppets.
English Bloke: Describe the criminal!
Mystique: Alright... on the tape he was medium builtÖ dark hair.
English Bloke: No, no. I donít have a button for medium built. I have 3 red buttons and a flashing orange one!
Azul:I donít know what you want from us Superman.
English Bloke: Weíve got to find the criminals, and fast! Red or Orange?!
Mystique: Fine. Orange.
English Bloke presses the orange button and a photograph of Notorious Biggles appears on the monitor. He seems to be at the town mall.
DW: Holy bum floss, Batman! It looks like heís going to set the mall on fire!
English Bloke: Quick, everyone move out!
Superman and Wonder Woman fly to the town mall while Aquaman hitches a ride in Batman and Robinís newly pink coated Batmobile. When the Forum Friends arrive, they burst through the automatic sliding doors and immediately see Notorious Biggles with his giant vacuum. He has already set a blaze under three department stores, and has sucked up four of the five Spice Girls!
Notorious Biggles: So youíre back again Forum fools!
Timmargh: Correct! And this time weíll win!
English Bloke: Forum Friends ATTACK!
Batman and Robin throw random things from their utility belts at him. Notorious Biggles sucks them up then chugs them back. It hits them hard and they both pass out from the pain.
Azul: Batman! Robin!
Wonder Woman goes in for a punch. It is blocked by Biggles and she breaks a nail in the process. She falls to the floor and passes out from the pain.
Azul: Wonder Woman!
Superman flies toward a downed Robin and uses his x-ray vision to stare at his pecker. He begins laughing uncontrollably.
Notorious Biggles: That only leaves you AquaIdiot!
Azul: Justice will prevail!
Azul looks around and spots a pet shop a few feet away. He sprints inside and Biggles follows. Azul spots two sharks in a tank.
Azul: Creatures of the sea! What should I do?!
Shark#1: Hello we swim here.
Shark#2: Swim is good. Glub.
Azul: Ack! Stupid fish!
Azul runs to the back of the store. He reaches a dead end and Notorious Biggles closes in on him with his giant vacuum.
Notorious Biggles: Itís all over now Forum fool! Hahahahaha...ha...ha-shoo! HA-SHOO!
Notorious Biggles begins sneezing hysterically. Azul realizes that he must be allergic to the cats that lay in cages beside him. He quickly takes one out and chugs it at Biggles face. It explodes on impact.
Notorious Biggles: *falls to the floor* Ack! I loose!
Superman and the others walk in through the front door and walk over to the back.
Azul: You guys are okay! Iím so happy!
Timmargh: We were fine the whole time. We just thought this would have been a good way to get you killed.
Mystique: Notorious Biggles youíre under arrest!
English Bloke: What I want to know is why Biggles? Why did you want to burn down the town?
Notorious Biggles: Iíll never tell!
Mystique: Fine! Iíll use my magic lasso to force you to tell the truth!
Notorious Biggles: Iíll talk! Iíll talk! I have a poster of you in my bathroom. When Iím not rubbing against it, Iím somewhere else imagining that Iím rubbing against it. On some days I-
Mystique: Jesus! I havenít put it on yet. And I donít think I want to. You creepy freak.
The authorities appear out of nowhere and take Notorious Biggles away.
Notorious Biggles: Iíll be back Forum fools! Iíll beeeee baaaaccck!
Back at SR Towers.
The Forum Friends lounge with little margaritas with umbrellas in them.
English Bloke: It appears that because we havenít bought Robin a proper pair of trousers to wear over his speedo for 3 years, we had enough money to buy these margaritas!
The alert line rings and Azul answers. The mayor appears on a large screen on the wall.
Paradox: Forum Friends! Emergency! I lost the top of my yogurt and Iím not hungry anymore!
DW: Holy goat pubes!
English Bloke: No time for relaxing Forum Friends. Lets move!
Since there's a lack of anything funny around the forums at the time, and becuase im a shameless piece of crap.
How about the name gimp.
Yea. That's good.
*spurts gimp in the eye*
You know all the right things to say.
But that's only if you're lucky.:-)
I can wear capes and panties as good as the next forumite y'know! :P