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Some films are thought-provoking, some make important social points and some just make your brain hurt, but there comes a time when all you want to do is sit and watch something where you don't have to think - a dumb movie with less intelligence than a slow worm.
Dumb films are often ridiculed for their measely attempt at a plot or their lack of anything interesting to say, but what the reviewers fail to realise is that they serve a purpose. All those nights when you just want to be entertained by the movie equivalent of a lobotomy, maybe because you're more interested in making out with the person next to you in the cinema or you just want a roller-coaster ride without the technical specs of how the thing actually works.
No brainers are the film equivalent of the dumb blonde with one thing on her mind or the simple thrill you get from a fairground ride. Their plot usually centres on one of several things:
a) The hero saving the world and getting the girl
This usually involves blowing stuff up, unfeasibly over-the-top villans and some eye candy of a woman whose soul purpose is to pout and get in the way.
b) The simple girl falling in love with the out of reach man
Usually a vehicle for a pop-star turned movie star or Julia Roberts, the plot is full of twists that you can see coming a mile off and carefully scripted mild humour, usually based on a simple mis-understanding. The girl obviously either gets her man or learns a 'valueable life lesson' (such as if you can't get your man you can always dance with the gay guy instead).
A little used alternative to this is the lonely man trying to get the girl, often stammering and falling over his own feet to do so. A strange quirk in Hollywood means that English male leads are usually found wanting for these parts.
So, you see reviewers, there is nothing to fear from the simple film. Embrace it as you would a country brother who is coming to the city for the first time. These films have a place in our lives, even if it is just so that we can have a quick grope in the back seat of a cinema.
Dumb films are often ridiculed for their measely attempt at a plot or their lack of anything interesting to say, but what the reviewers fail to realise is that they serve a purpose. All those nights when you just want to be entertained by the movie equivalent of a lobotomy, maybe because you're more interested in making out with the person next to you in the cinema or you just want a roller-coaster ride without the technical specs of how the thing actually works.
No brainers are the film equivalent of the dumb blonde with one thing on her mind or the simple thrill you get from a fairground ride. Their plot usually centres on one of several things:
a) The hero saving the world and getting the girl
This usually involves blowing stuff up, unfeasibly over-the-top villans and some eye candy of a woman whose soul purpose is to pout and get in the way.
b) The simple girl falling in love with the out of reach man
Usually a vehicle for a pop-star turned movie star or Julia Roberts, the plot is full of twists that you can see coming a mile off and carefully scripted mild humour, usually based on a simple mis-understanding. The girl obviously either gets her man or learns a 'valueable life lesson' (such as if you can't get your man you can always dance with the gay guy instead).
A little used alternative to this is the lonely man trying to get the girl, often stammering and falling over his own feet to do so. A strange quirk in Hollywood means that English male leads are usually found wanting for these parts.
So, you see reviewers, there is nothing to fear from the simple film. Embrace it as you would a country brother who is coming to the city for the first time. These films have a place in our lives, even if it is just so that we can have a quick grope in the back seat of a cinema.
Hur hur. I'd partly written a post along the same lines. Except you stole my thunder, you weather stealer.
But you have a point. This was driven home to me on Sunday when I went to see Torque. Apparently rated the 33rd worst movie of all time on the Internet Movie Database.
I think that is a bit harsh. I loved it.
The plot was that some biker dude had come back to the states having been on the run. Stuff about drugs. Then he seemingly kills someone. Except this is our action hero, the one who is after the pretty girl, who doesn't completely get in the way as she hands him a gun at one point.
Throw in some rival gangs who want him dead. And Ice T as somebody. It is Fast And The Furious on two wheels. Yet, some say it is a bad movie. Why?
·Fast bikes
·Big explosions
·Over the top stunts, including one atop a moving train
·Hot women
·Feds in a Hummer
·Max Beesley
·Aforementioned Hummer landing roof down on top of a Porsche
·Some fake biker getting punched in the face
·A helicopter engined motorbike
Now all of the above are great. Well apart from Max Beesley. But seriously, all of them are great when you don't want to think. There are times when I want to watch something, but just don't have the energy to watch anything with any sort of brains. Sometimes I just want to lie on the couch and watch something with the above. Great viewing.
The best bit about it is that it only requires 4 brain cells. Really. One for gawking at hot women. One to think "my that was a big screen explosion", one to think "that's a sweet car/bike/fighter jet/gun" and one to think "I'm hungry, perhaps I need more blue dolphins".
Now I could have gone and seen a "clever" movie on Saturday. But I really didn't feel like sitting through Lost In Translation, no matter how wonderful it really is meant to be. No, I want sex and guns and rock n' roll. And I got it. I enjoyed Torque just as much as whole bunch of other "better" movies.
But the truth is, brain dead movies are every inch as clever as art house movies, perhaps more so. To be able to come up with a way of whiling away 2 hours with out noticing, with out learning anything, with out having your brain stimulated in any way whatsoever, that is quite an achievement.
But you know what? I enjoyed myself. A lot. A bad movie Torque may be, but in my eyes it was a cinematic wonder. And I discovered I could eat £4 worth of blue dolphins.
But you have a point. This was driven home to me on Sunday when I went to see Torque. Apparently rated the 33rd worst movie of all time on the Internet Movie Database.
I think that is a bit harsh. I loved it.
The plot was that some biker dude had come back to the states having been on the run. Stuff about drugs. Then he seemingly kills someone. Except this is our action hero, the one who is after the pretty girl, who doesn't completely get in the way as she hands him a gun at one point.
Throw in some rival gangs who want him dead. And Ice T as somebody. It is Fast And The Furious on two wheels. Yet, some say it is a bad movie. Why?
·Fast bikes
·Big explosions
·Over the top stunts, including one atop a moving train
·Hot women
·Feds in a Hummer
·Max Beesley
·Aforementioned Hummer landing roof down on top of a Porsche
·Some fake biker getting punched in the face
·A helicopter engined motorbike
Now all of the above are great. Well apart from Max Beesley. But seriously, all of them are great when you don't want to think. There are times when I want to watch something, but just don't have the energy to watch anything with any sort of brains. Sometimes I just want to lie on the couch and watch something with the above. Great viewing.
The best bit about it is that it only requires 4 brain cells. Really. One for gawking at hot women. One to think "my that was a big screen explosion", one to think "that's a sweet car/bike/fighter jet/gun" and one to think "I'm hungry, perhaps I need more blue dolphins".
Now I could have gone and seen a "clever" movie on Saturday. But I really didn't feel like sitting through Lost In Translation, no matter how wonderful it really is meant to be. No, I want sex and guns and rock n' roll. And I got it. I enjoyed Torque just as much as whole bunch of other "better" movies.
But the truth is, brain dead movies are every inch as clever as art house movies, perhaps more so. To be able to come up with a way of whiling away 2 hours with out noticing, with out learning anything, with out having your brain stimulated in any way whatsoever, that is quite an achievement.
But you know what? I enjoyed myself. A lot. A bad movie Torque may be, but in my eyes it was a cinematic wonder. And I discovered I could eat £4 worth of blue dolphins.
Some films are thought-provoking, some make important social points and some just make your brain hurt, but there comes a time when all you want to do is sit and watch something where you don't have to think - a dumb movie with less intelligence than a slow worm.
Dumb films are often ridiculed for their measely attempt at a plot or their lack of anything interesting to say, but what the reviewers fail to realise is that they serve a purpose. All those nights when you just want to be entertained by the movie equivalent of a lobotomy, maybe because you're more interested in making out with the person next to you in the cinema or you just want a roller-coaster ride without the technical specs of how the thing actually works.
No brainers are the film equivalent of the dumb blonde with one thing on her mind or the simple thrill you get from a fairground ride. Their plot usually centres on one of several things:
a) The hero saving the world and getting the girl
This usually involves blowing stuff up, unfeasibly over-the-top villans and some eye candy of a woman whose soul purpose is to pout and get in the way.
b) The simple girl falling in love with the out of reach man
Usually a vehicle for a pop-star turned movie star or Julia Roberts, the plot is full of twists that you can see coming a mile off and carefully scripted mild humour, usually based on a simple mis-understanding. The girl obviously either gets her man or learns a 'valueable life lesson' (such as if you can't get your man you can always dance with the gay guy instead).
A little used alternative to this is the lonely man trying to get the girl, often stammering and falling over his own feet to do so. A strange quirk in Hollywood means that English male leads are usually found wanting for these parts.
So, you see reviewers, there is nothing to fear from the simple film. Embrace it as you would a country brother who is coming to the city for the first time. These films have a place in our lives, even if it is just so that we can have a quick grope in the back seat of a cinema.
Dumb films are often ridiculed for their measely attempt at a plot or their lack of anything interesting to say, but what the reviewers fail to realise is that they serve a purpose. All those nights when you just want to be entertained by the movie equivalent of a lobotomy, maybe because you're more interested in making out with the person next to you in the cinema or you just want a roller-coaster ride without the technical specs of how the thing actually works.
No brainers are the film equivalent of the dumb blonde with one thing on her mind or the simple thrill you get from a fairground ride. Their plot usually centres on one of several things:
a) The hero saving the world and getting the girl
This usually involves blowing stuff up, unfeasibly over-the-top villans and some eye candy of a woman whose soul purpose is to pout and get in the way.
b) The simple girl falling in love with the out of reach man
Usually a vehicle for a pop-star turned movie star or Julia Roberts, the plot is full of twists that you can see coming a mile off and carefully scripted mild humour, usually based on a simple mis-understanding. The girl obviously either gets her man or learns a 'valueable life lesson' (such as if you can't get your man you can always dance with the gay guy instead).
A little used alternative to this is the lonely man trying to get the girl, often stammering and falling over his own feet to do so. A strange quirk in Hollywood means that English male leads are usually found wanting for these parts.
So, you see reviewers, there is nothing to fear from the simple film. Embrace it as you would a country brother who is coming to the city for the first time. These films have a place in our lives, even if it is just so that we can have a quick grope in the back seat of a cinema.