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"Thunder Hell: The Beginning (or End)"

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Fri 05/03/04 at 08:33
Regular
"Bicycle"
Posts: 4,899
Dawn. A cold wind whipped round the docks, sending autumn's fading colours into the air like paper bags and banishing the last of them to the sea. The mist rose with the sun, covering all that lay within the docks themselves, the ships, the pier, even the men standing outside the DSHQ were invisible in this light. It was now that šParadox and three other men approached the tall, pink building, moving slowly in their crouched positions. They reached the wall un-noticed, and began unloading their heavy packs. Just above them were three windows, about a foot high and wide. Their first steps. Paradox smashed them quickly, using nothing but his fists. The guards at the doors, to the right of the four men, hastened to the windows. As soon as they rounded the corner, Homosh and Cub!st took them out. Homosh pressed himself against the wall and scrawled 'I'm leaving' in red felt tip. He smiled.

The next stage was to be far more dangerous. Paradox stuck suckers on the inside walls via the open windows, and threw three more half way up the building. There were windows at intervals of about 10 foot all the way up the building. Quickly a line appeared between pairs of the suckers, three in all, and Paradox started scaling the first one. Cubist followed, then Homosh, then finally ˛Memorandum. Along the building, Paradox had broken all the glass. They entered at the highest possible point.

They found themselves in a group of office cubicles, in front of them was a corridor.

"Now... We're on the 5th floor. That means 3 more floors to go." Paradox muttered, looking at the map in his hand.

"5 more floors." Cub!st pointed out.

"Ah yes, so there are. As I was saying, 4 more floors to go, then, taking the first left and we're there."

"5 more floors." Homosh chimed in with Cub!st this time.

"Like I said. You two really should read the subtitles closer."

"My JAT-sense is tingling! Get down!" Homosh exclaimed.

Soon enough, the JAT came closer, muttering "lol lollollollollol lollollol lollollol lollollollol lollollollollollollol lollollollol lollollollol lollollollol lollollollollollollol lollollollollollollol lollollollol lollollollollollollollol lollollollollollol lollollollollol lollollollollollollollol lollollol lollollollollollollol lollollollollol lollollollollol lollollollol lollol lollollollollollollol lollollollollollollol lollollollollollol lollollollollollollollollollol lollollollollollol lollollollollol lollollollollollol" to itself.

"NOOOOW!" Homosh jumped out, missing the JAT and hitting the wall of the corridor. Blood trickled down his skull, forming "I'm leaving" on the wall.

The JAT looked surprised momentarily, then his eyes glazed over.

"ROFL!!! Lollollollol..." He continued, stepping over Homosh's body.

"Noooo... Poor Homosh!!!" Cub!st walked over to him, poking him tenderly.

"Leave him, he's dead already." Memorandum kicked Homosh in the stomach. Faint noises of life spluttered out of his mouth, along with saliva. "DAMN IT ALL, HE'S ALIVE!"

Paradox and Cub!st turned slowly to Memorandum.

"I mean wonderful."

"Good. Now let's get on with it!" Cub!st said.

Homosh picked himself up and joined them, as they walked into the stairwell. The first two floors were uneventful, but suddenly, as they were on the 7th floor, the glass at the top of the stairwell shattered, and a man clad in black dropped in.

"Pardon me, I'm Sam Fisheeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr..." Memorandum cut the rope as he was through Sam.

"Damn American's. I hate them in fact, I hate everyone. Damn this stupid mission, I'm going to get some cookies." Memorandum jumped off the balcony. The words coookie crisp echoed through the building.

"S***, the whole building will be alerted to our presents!" Homosh screamed.

"Don't you mean presence?" Paradox asked.

"No, presents. I left them some when we got in, a teddy bear for Mr. Snuggly, an extra large dose of no conscience (patents pending) for Tony, and a really big hat for FFF."

"Roight. OK then."

They continued. The 10th floor loomed ominously close, Homosh began crawling along the floor, clinging on to Paradox's shoe laces whilst scribbling some more "I'm leaving" on the floor. They reached the end of the stairwell, opening the door, only to find....

In a street not far from the docks, Lil Ginge had just regained control of her car, the night having not ended. In the car were Mystique and Darling, together, they were the only power in the world that could stop Paradox, Homosh and Cub!st. Unfortunately they crashed on the way, and died instantly.

... Notables.

Paradox stooped in his tracks.

"Nnnno. Nnnnnoota... Bles." He stammered, backing away slowly, his right hand pointing.

"Yes. It is us. We are behind the evil! Mwahahahaha." Grandprix and Sheepy chimed. "For, after many late nights filled with F1 racing, Grandprix is here." Grandprix said this alone.

Cub!st turned to Homosh, who had now receded into a baby form.

"It's time." Cub!st turned to face them, pulling out a DVD case from his trouser leg. "FACE YOUR DOOM!"


---


The screen flickered on Er-No's monitor. Suddenly Felini's 8˝ began. The poor dubbing was enough to reduce any man to tears. Er-No crawled away from the screen. Why me, he thought, why me.

---

The Notables faces showed their horror, yet they could not tear their eyes away from the projection of Kim from "How Clean Is Your House", telling them about how student's houses were invariably less clean than family houses.

It was now that Paradox regained himself and ran at them, holding nothing but a Lego block in his hand. He jumped on Grandprix, pulling him to the ground, and began hammering him over and over, until little bits of racing memorabilia began pouring from gashes all over his body. Cub!st walked coolly over to Sheepy, prodding him, slowly and repetitively. Though he could not move from Kim, Sheepy slowly began to erode. All that was left was a bundle of wool.

Nothing could stop them now. Homosh crawled slowly towards the door, yet fell unfortunately out of the window. From far away, Memorandum's voice echoed to them...

"It's too late, he's dead already..."

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Cub!st dropped to one knee. "That was the final straw. We must avenge Homosh's death! We must kill!" Cub!st ran to the window, and jumped at it wildly, smashing it to pieces. When the police came a few hours later, I was informed he was no more.

"It's all up to me, then." Paradox exclaimed as he kicked open the door, Lego in hand.

Er-no sat there, cross legged. He looked up at Paradox. He looked down again. Paradox began to cry, dropping the Lego. Er-no slowly reached over to it, picked it up, and brought it down on Paradox's head. The blood trickled for miles.

Er-No looked at the lego in his hand. He dropped it. Suddenly a JAT stormed in the door.


"LOLLOLLOLLOL!"

"What...?"

The JAT struggled, then managed to string together a sentence;

"Biggles... ROFL XD XD XD... English.... BLOKE!.... Borat... ON w4y... LOLLOLLOL!"

"Thank you. You may go now."

"LOLLOL."

Notorious Biggles arrived at the scene with English_Bloke and Borat in tow. English_bloke's mobile rang suddenly. Borat turned round, pulled out an uzi and aimed him.

"What......?" English_bloke answered the phone. "Oh... Really? Right now?... OK, I'll be right over."

Borat looked over suspiciously.

"What?" English_Bloke began.

"I am looking at you suspiciously." Borat stated. "I am going to bed now."

"Well... Well... I'm going outside, because I just recieved an urgent call because there's an unattended drunk girl outside, and she's in trouble!" English_Bloke ran outside.

At that exact moment Er-No threw the moniter out the window, killing English_Bloke. Borat too had died, although causes of death were unknown. Biggles then fell down the stairwell.

"That was pointless. Why did you write this?" Er-No looked up out of my monitor.

"Me? You... You can see me?"

"Duh. Why did you write this? It's been pointless, boring, and it's made me even more depressed. It nearly makes me want to watch Mad Max."

"Well, you see, there's a very good explanation. I just..."

"Wrong." Er-No leaned out of my screen and hit me with the Lego brick. I proceeded to recoil and click enter.
Sun 21/03/04 at 12:33
Regular
"Aimar...meh"
Posts: 2,150
Dakarus Joe wrote:
> That was decent can you give me the GAD?
Sun 21/03/04 at 11:48
Regular
"Bicycle"
Posts: 4,899
LMAO...

I've never won a GAD...

O.o

Thanks... I liked it... But no-one replied so I was like... Oh. Anyhoo, was away ill in bed, but I'm back now :).
Wed 17/03/04 at 22:24
Regular
"Enchilladas"
Posts: 1,191
That was great.
Wed 17/03/04 at 19:22
Regular
"Aimar...meh"
Posts: 2,150
That was decent can you give me the GAD?
Wed 17/03/04 at 19:06
Regular
"Meh"
Posts: 221
That's the first time I've seen the "yellow post" for a while.
Wed 17/03/04 at 19:05
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
Not a single reply to this rather elequently written and humourous 'spoof'.

I only noticed this on the gameaday winners list ~ shame I missed it first time round, it was good!
Fri 05/03/04 at 08:33
Regular
"Bicycle"
Posts: 4,899
Dawn. A cold wind whipped round the docks, sending autumn's fading colours into the air like paper bags and banishing the last of them to the sea. The mist rose with the sun, covering all that lay within the docks themselves, the ships, the pier, even the men standing outside the DSHQ were invisible in this light. It was now that šParadox and three other men approached the tall, pink building, moving slowly in their crouched positions. They reached the wall un-noticed, and began unloading their heavy packs. Just above them were three windows, about a foot high and wide. Their first steps. Paradox smashed them quickly, using nothing but his fists. The guards at the doors, to the right of the four men, hastened to the windows. As soon as they rounded the corner, Homosh and Cub!st took them out. Homosh pressed himself against the wall and scrawled 'I'm leaving' in red felt tip. He smiled.

The next stage was to be far more dangerous. Paradox stuck suckers on the inside walls via the open windows, and threw three more half way up the building. There were windows at intervals of about 10 foot all the way up the building. Quickly a line appeared between pairs of the suckers, three in all, and Paradox started scaling the first one. Cubist followed, then Homosh, then finally ˛Memorandum. Along the building, Paradox had broken all the glass. They entered at the highest possible point.

They found themselves in a group of office cubicles, in front of them was a corridor.

"Now... We're on the 5th floor. That means 3 more floors to go." Paradox muttered, looking at the map in his hand.

"5 more floors." Cub!st pointed out.

"Ah yes, so there are. As I was saying, 4 more floors to go, then, taking the first left and we're there."

"5 more floors." Homosh chimed in with Cub!st this time.

"Like I said. You two really should read the subtitles closer."

"My JAT-sense is tingling! Get down!" Homosh exclaimed.

Soon enough, the JAT came closer, muttering "lol lollollollollol lollollol lollollol lollollollol lollollollollollollol lollollollol lollollollol lollollollol lollollollollollollol lollollollollollollol lollollollol lollollollollollollollol lollollollollollol lollollollollol lollollollollollollollol lollollol lollollollollollollol lollollollollol lollollollollol lollollollol lollol lollollollollollollol lollollollollollollol lollollollollollol lollollollollollollollollollol lollollollollollol lollollollollol lollollollollollol" to itself.

"NOOOOW!" Homosh jumped out, missing the JAT and hitting the wall of the corridor. Blood trickled down his skull, forming "I'm leaving" on the wall.

The JAT looked surprised momentarily, then his eyes glazed over.

"ROFL!!! Lollollollol..." He continued, stepping over Homosh's body.

"Noooo... Poor Homosh!!!" Cub!st walked over to him, poking him tenderly.

"Leave him, he's dead already." Memorandum kicked Homosh in the stomach. Faint noises of life spluttered out of his mouth, along with saliva. "DAMN IT ALL, HE'S ALIVE!"

Paradox and Cub!st turned slowly to Memorandum.

"I mean wonderful."

"Good. Now let's get on with it!" Cub!st said.

Homosh picked himself up and joined them, as they walked into the stairwell. The first two floors were uneventful, but suddenly, as they were on the 7th floor, the glass at the top of the stairwell shattered, and a man clad in black dropped in.

"Pardon me, I'm Sam Fisheeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr..." Memorandum cut the rope as he was through Sam.

"Damn American's. I hate them in fact, I hate everyone. Damn this stupid mission, I'm going to get some cookies." Memorandum jumped off the balcony. The words coookie crisp echoed through the building.

"S***, the whole building will be alerted to our presents!" Homosh screamed.

"Don't you mean presence?" Paradox asked.

"No, presents. I left them some when we got in, a teddy bear for Mr. Snuggly, an extra large dose of no conscience (patents pending) for Tony, and a really big hat for FFF."

"Roight. OK then."

They continued. The 10th floor loomed ominously close, Homosh began crawling along the floor, clinging on to Paradox's shoe laces whilst scribbling some more "I'm leaving" on the floor. They reached the end of the stairwell, opening the door, only to find....

In a street not far from the docks, Lil Ginge had just regained control of her car, the night having not ended. In the car were Mystique and Darling, together, they were the only power in the world that could stop Paradox, Homosh and Cub!st. Unfortunately they crashed on the way, and died instantly.

... Notables.

Paradox stooped in his tracks.

"Nnnno. Nnnnnoota... Bles." He stammered, backing away slowly, his right hand pointing.

"Yes. It is us. We are behind the evil! Mwahahahaha." Grandprix and Sheepy chimed. "For, after many late nights filled with F1 racing, Grandprix is here." Grandprix said this alone.

Cub!st turned to Homosh, who had now receded into a baby form.

"It's time." Cub!st turned to face them, pulling out a DVD case from his trouser leg. "FACE YOUR DOOM!"


---


The screen flickered on Er-No's monitor. Suddenly Felini's 8˝ began. The poor dubbing was enough to reduce any man to tears. Er-No crawled away from the screen. Why me, he thought, why me.

---

The Notables faces showed their horror, yet they could not tear their eyes away from the projection of Kim from "How Clean Is Your House", telling them about how student's houses were invariably less clean than family houses.

It was now that Paradox regained himself and ran at them, holding nothing but a Lego block in his hand. He jumped on Grandprix, pulling him to the ground, and began hammering him over and over, until little bits of racing memorabilia began pouring from gashes all over his body. Cub!st walked coolly over to Sheepy, prodding him, slowly and repetitively. Though he could not move from Kim, Sheepy slowly began to erode. All that was left was a bundle of wool.

Nothing could stop them now. Homosh crawled slowly towards the door, yet fell unfortunately out of the window. From far away, Memorandum's voice echoed to them...

"It's too late, he's dead already..."

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Cub!st dropped to one knee. "That was the final straw. We must avenge Homosh's death! We must kill!" Cub!st ran to the window, and jumped at it wildly, smashing it to pieces. When the police came a few hours later, I was informed he was no more.

"It's all up to me, then." Paradox exclaimed as he kicked open the door, Lego in hand.

Er-no sat there, cross legged. He looked up at Paradox. He looked down again. Paradox began to cry, dropping the Lego. Er-no slowly reached over to it, picked it up, and brought it down on Paradox's head. The blood trickled for miles.

Er-No looked at the lego in his hand. He dropped it. Suddenly a JAT stormed in the door.


"LOLLOLLOLLOL!"

"What...?"

The JAT struggled, then managed to string together a sentence;

"Biggles... ROFL XD XD XD... English.... BLOKE!.... Borat... ON w4y... LOLLOLLOL!"

"Thank you. You may go now."

"LOLLOL."

Notorious Biggles arrived at the scene with English_Bloke and Borat in tow. English_bloke's mobile rang suddenly. Borat turned round, pulled out an uzi and aimed him.

"What......?" English_bloke answered the phone. "Oh... Really? Right now?... OK, I'll be right over."

Borat looked over suspiciously.

"What?" English_Bloke began.

"I am looking at you suspiciously." Borat stated. "I am going to bed now."

"Well... Well... I'm going outside, because I just recieved an urgent call because there's an unattended drunk girl outside, and she's in trouble!" English_Bloke ran outside.

At that exact moment Er-No threw the moniter out the window, killing English_Bloke. Borat too had died, although causes of death were unknown. Biggles then fell down the stairwell.

"That was pointless. Why did you write this?" Er-No looked up out of my monitor.

"Me? You... You can see me?"

"Duh. Why did you write this? It's been pointless, boring, and it's made me even more depressed. It nearly makes me want to watch Mad Max."

"Well, you see, there's a very good explanation. I just..."

"Wrong." Er-No leaned out of my screen and hit me with the Lego brick. I proceeded to recoil and click enter.

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