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"'The Spastic Ninjas'"

Foreword: This is a story about spastic ninjas, if you are likely to be offended by this then please don’t read it. I am not a fascist who is against disabled people and this story is not meant to offend anybody, particularly disabled people. If this offends you I do apologise but I challenge you to write a less offensive spastic ninja story.
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In a day-care centre on the mean streets of Winchester is the secret meeting room of the spastic ninjas. The secret meeting room was actually a spacious disabled toilet that smelt like cat pee, but the ninjas didn’t care, they were retards! The spastic ninjas consisted of Mickey, the ringleader who began the whole thing; Gordon, the slack tongued half brother of Mickey and Warren, the fat hairy guy with two lazy eyes and no bladder control. Mickey had heard news that another spastic ninja group was in the area, looking for trouble. He informed the gang of this dilemma and they decided to take a plan of action. However before the gang could find the other ninjas, they had to break loose from the wrath of the day-care centre nurse.

The spastic ninjas waited until orange juice time when the centre would be rowdy and the other spastics would be screaming for refills. When this time hit, they snuck out of the back door and ran giggling like the idiots they were to the safety of a local park. However three fully-grown men wearing skin-tight lycra, holding hands and drooling in a playground aren’t particularly inconspicuous. It wasn’t long before the police were called and the three spastics were hobbling away from the approaching cop car. However the police officers were particularly cunning and gave chase with huge nets to snag the spastics in. Warren was at full sprint when his ‘tickle-me Elmo’ fell out of his backpack. In a moment of slow-witted courage he ran back for it, but they got him in the net and he was trapped. He struggled at first but got distracted by a ladybird and forgot what was going on.

Mickey and Gordon fearfully sprinted for the nearest supermarket and dashed for the medicine aisle where they blended in with the old women searching for incontinence pants and teenage boys rummaging for condoms. They hid out there for a few hours until they were escorted off the premises by the security guard; they then formulated an ingenious plan. After the security guard wouldn’t let them go and stand in the aisle again then came to the conclusion they should bust Warren out of jail and stay true to the ninja brotherhood code. The duo headed for the Winchester police station and set up the ultimate diversion. Gordon sprinted into the police station, flashed his bare buttocks and ran away giggling. Whilst an audience of cops gathered around him walloping him with nightsticks, Mickey pick pocketed the cell key and released Warren. Mickey and Warren dashed out of the station and Gordon karate chopped a few cops and followed them.

The spastic ninjas were back together and it was a moment of pride and dignity, until Gordon wet himself. Mickey remembered the other ninjas in the area and the ninjas were prepared for a fight. Warren got his ninja death stars, which were no more than frisbees with a bit of silver paint on them, and pulled on his ski-mask to protect his identity. However a ski-mask cannot stop anyone from recognising a 19 stone spastic, but undeniably the mask added to the ninja image. Mickey had his samurai baguette at the ready and Gordon had his trademark ‘orange-in-a-sock’ in his hand. The trio wandered the town, looking for the other ninjas and preparing themselves for the imminent turf war that was ahead.

And then, all at once, the trio were taken by surprise. A land rover pulled up and 8 spastic ninjas dresses from head to toe in lime green fell out of the back. When they managed to get to their feet they surrounded the trio and slowly closed in on them. Mickey knew the other two weren’t super ninjas like he was and thought it would be best if he took control of the situation. He swiped at one of the ninjas lets with his samurai baguette and gave him a few kicks to the ribs. The next fighter approached and Mickey did a stylish flying head-butt, which caused him to foam profusely at the mouth. However Mickey was in no state to fight any more, his shoelace was undone! Gordon took this opportunity to whack someone with the orange in a sock and before he knew what was going on, citric acid was everywhere and many of the ninjas were reduced to tears. Warren and Gordon helped Mickey with his shoelace and the trio legged it for the land rover the other ninjas had arrived in. They sat there for 45 minutes and realised that if they turned the key the engine started up. Little by little Mickey guided the car onto a nearby motorway and put his foot down. The trio were heading for Mr Mongyagi’s, their teacher and protector in the way of the ninja.

But disaster struck when a police car pulled up along side the car and indicated them to pull over. The flashing blue lights caused Mickey to have an epileptic fit and he swerved the land rover into the side of the cop car. The police took this as a threat, obviously, and decided to shoot out the tyres of the car to reduce it to a halt, however Mickey knew nothing about cars and continued to speed along the road. Gordon was fascinated by car door lock and pulled it too hard and tumbled out onto the road. The cop car in pursuit had to brake hard to avoid hitting Gordon, and consequently let Mickey and Warren get away. The police took Gordon in for questioning but he proved no use and he was accused of playing dumb. He was eventually formally dismissed from the station because he kept wetting himself and trying to tickle the sergeant.

Mickey and Warren made it to Mr Mongyagi’s place that night and stayed there safe from the police. Mr Mongyagi gave them a warm bed for the evening and cheesestrings for breakfast. After breakfast, Mr Mongyagi drove Mickey and Warren to the day-care centre where Gordon was waiting for them. He was all right besides a few bruises, but he was really upset that he lost one of his mittens in the police car. Mickey took charge of the situation and called another secret meeting in the disabled toilet where they would determine how to re-obtain the lost mitten.

Foreword: This is a story about spastic ninjas, if you are likely to be offended by this then please don’t read it. I am not a fascist who is against disabled people and this story is not meant to offend anybody, particularly disabled people. If this offends you I do apologise but I challenge you to write a less offensive spastic ninja story.
- - - - - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- - -- -


In a day-care centre on the mean streets of Winchester is the secret meeting room of the spastic ninjas. The secret meeting room was actually a spacious disabled toilet that smelt like cat pee, but the ninjas didn’t care, they were retards! The spastic ninjas consisted of Mickey, the ringleader who began the whole thing; Gordon, the slack tongued half brother of Mickey and Warren, the fat hairy guy with two lazy eyes and no bladder control. Mickey had heard news that another spastic ninja group was in the area, looking for trouble. He informed the gang of this dilemma and they decided to take a plan of action. However before the gang could find the other ninjas, they had to break loose from the wrath of the day-care centre nurse.

The spastic ninjas waited until orange juice time when the centre would be rowdy and the other spastics would be screaming for refills. When this time hit, they snuck out of the back door and ran giggling like the idiots they were to the safety of a local park. However three fully-grown men wearing skin-tight lycra, holding hands and drooling in a playground aren’t particularly inconspicuous. It wasn’t long before the police were called and the three spastics were hobbling away from the approaching cop car. However the police officers were particularly cunning and gave chase with huge nets to snag the spastics in. Warren was at full sprint when his ‘tickle-me Elmo’ fell out of his backpack. In a moment of slow-witted courage he ran back for it, but they got him in the net and he was trapped. He struggled at first but got distracted by a ladybird and forgot what was going on.

Mickey and Gordon fearfully sprinted for the nearest supermarket and dashed for the medicine aisle where they blended in with the old women searching for incontinence pants and teenage boys rummaging for condoms. They hid out there for a few hours until they were escorted off the premises by the security guard; they then formulated an ingenious plan. After the security guard wouldn’t let them go and stand in the aisle again then came to the conclusion they should bust Warren out of jail and stay true to the ninja brotherhood code. The duo headed for the Winchester police station and set up the ultimate diversion. Gordon sprinted into the police station, flashed his bare buttocks and ran away giggling. Whilst an audience of cops gathered around him walloping him with nightsticks, Mickey pick pocketed the cell key and released Warren. Mickey and Warren dashed out of the station and Gordon karate chopped a few cops and followed them.

The spastic ninjas were back together and it was a moment of pride and dignity, until Gordon wet himself. Mickey remembered the other ninjas in the area and the ninjas were prepared for a fight. Warren got his ninja death stars, which were no more than frisbees with a bit of silver paint on them, and pulled on his ski-mask to protect his identity. However a ski-mask cannot stop anyone from recognising a 19 stone spastic, but undeniably the mask added to the ninja image. Mickey had his samurai baguette at the ready and Gordon had his trademark ‘orange-in-a-sock’ in his hand. The trio wandered the town, looking for the other ninjas and preparing themselves for the imminent turf war that was ahead.

And then, all at once, the trio were taken by surprise. A land rover pulled up and 8 spastic ninjas dresses from head to toe in lime green fell out of the back. When they managed to get to their feet they surrounded the trio and slowly closed in on them. Mickey knew the other two weren’t super ninjas like he was and thought it would be best if he took control of the situation. He swiped at one of the ninjas lets with his samurai baguette and gave him a few kicks to the ribs. The next fighter approached and Mickey did a stylish flying head-butt, which caused him to foam profusely at the mouth. However Mickey was in no state to fight any more, his shoelace was undone! Gordon took this opportunity to whack someone with the orange in a sock and before he knew what was going on, citric acid was everywhere and many of the ninjas were reduced to tears. Warren and Gordon helped Mickey with his shoelace and the trio legged it for the land rover the other ninjas had arrived in. They sat there for 45 minutes and realised that if they turned the key the engine started up. Little by little Mickey guided the car onto a nearby motorway and put his foot down. The trio were heading for Mr Mongyagi’s, their teacher and protector in the way of the ninja.

But disaster struck when a police car pulled up along side the car and indicated them to pull over. The flashing blue lights caused Mickey to have an epileptic fit and he swerved the land rover into the side of the cop car. The police took this as a threat, obviously, and decided to shoot out the tyres of the car to reduce it to a halt, however Mickey knew nothing about cars and continued to speed along the road. Gordon was fascinated by car door lock and pulled it too hard and tumbled out onto the road. The cop car in pursuit had to brake hard to avoid hitting Gordon, and consequently let Mickey and Warren get away. The police took Gordon in for questioning but he proved no use and he was accused of playing dumb. He was eventually formally dismissed from the station because he kept wetting himself and trying to tickle the sergeant.

Mickey and Warren made it to Mr Mongyagi’s place that night and stayed there safe from the police. Mr Mongyagi gave them a warm bed for the evening and cheesestrings for breakfast. After breakfast, Mr Mongyagi drove Mickey and Warren to the day-care centre where Gordon was waiting for them. He was all right besides a few bruises, but he was really upset that he lost one of his mittens in the police car. Mickey took charge of the situation and called another secret meeting in the disabled toilet where they would determine how to re-obtain the lost mitten.

LMAO!

I loved it the first time, and I still love it.

I think there's a half-written sequel somewhere. I might finish it just for you Mark!

Ah, spaztastic.

good but very long.

Paradox: wrote:
> I think there's a half-written sequel somewhere. I might finish it
> just for you Mark!

Thanks!
Oh wait...

Anyways, I remember this! Hurrey!
I remember it being good.

<<>> wrote:
> good but very long.

...
The comment of a fool.

Or the judge of a penis contest.

*Jiggles belly*
O-ho-ho.

*averts eyes*

Oh-God-No