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"A not-so-c**p computer related joke"

A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from London to New York. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The Programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me £5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you £5."

Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Programmer, now somewhat exasperated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me £5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you £50!"

This catches the Engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The Engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five pound note and hands it to the Programmer. Now, it's the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The Programmer looks over at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends an email to his co-workers -- all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him £50. The Engineer politely takes the £50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The Programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the Engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the Programmer £5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

I can pronounce English just fine thank you very much! :P

Lindgren wrote:
> Der Nazi wrote:
> Damn funny. Here's another:
>
> An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are in a cafe. The
> waitress
> takes their orders.
>
> The Englishman requested a pie and a coffee and the Scotsman ordered
> a slice of cake and a tea. The Irishman then said to the waitress
> "I'll have a quickie, please". The waitress 5then kicked
> him in the balls.
>
> The Englishman then added "It's pronounced QUICHE".
>
> :)
>
> We tell that very same joke here with the Englishman and Irishman
> roles reversed :)

But at least WE can pronounce English properly. :^P

Once , there was a man who keeps going to the bank every day , then he deposits 5000 pounds , he comes the next day , then deposits 5000 pounds , then he comes the next day and he deposits 5000 pounds ..... , and so on.. , so one day the bank employees asked him where he brings all these money from , he said that he was pretty good at gambling , so the bank manager wanted to challenge him , he told him "If you are good at gambling , then I am much better than you " , so the man said : " ok , let's gamble on something tomorrow , if you win , I'll give you 5000 pounds , and if I win , it will be ok , I don't want anything from you" , so the next day , the man came , and he said to the bank manager : " I bet that you are wearing a blue underwear " , the bank manager said "No" , the man said " But I insist that you are wearing a blue underwear " , the bank manager said : " No , I am not , I win " , the man said : " I don't give up easily , there is only one way to find out , you have to take off your cloths " , the bank manager said : "Ok" and he took off his cloths and it turned out that he was wearing a white underwear , then the man said : "Ok , you win , here are your 5000 pounds " , and after he got out , he went to every emplyee and told him :" See , I told you I can make him take off his cloths " , and he collected 5000 pounds from each one of them .

Der Nazi wrote:
> Damn funny. Here's another:
>
> An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are in a cafe. The waitress
> takes their orders.
>
> The Englishman requested a pie and a coffee and the Scotsman ordered
> a slice of cake and a tea. The Irishman then said to the waitress
> "I'll have a quickie, please". The waitress 5then kicked
> him in the balls.
>
> The Englishman then added "It's pronounced QUICHE".
>
> :)

We tell that very same joke here with the Englishman and Irishman roles reversed :)

An off duty police man goes into an old fashioned Barber shop and asks for a short back and sides. The Barber duly oblidges and keeps the off duty police man man "entertained" with inane chat about football. 5 minutes later the Barber has finished and asks the off duty police man if he is happy with the hair cut.

Satisfied with the hair cut the off duty police man hands the Barber a fiver, who then asks "would sir be interested in some grooming products?"

The off duty police man quickly grabs the Barber's arms and places him into an arm lock and starts to read him his rights.

He thinks that the barber is a paedo!

****************

I think it was an FHM true story of the month, makes a good joke though, very amusing.

omg i laughed so much at Ircus's joke..now my sides hurt! hahahahaha..*sigh*

Computers are like air conditioners: they stop working properly when you open windows.

*snort*

Paradox: wrote:
> TGMbloke wrote:
> I liked that origianl post joke. But why computer programmers?
>
> So he could have the access to the internet, and stuff. Make's it
> more beleivable if he is a computer guy than if he is a single mum
> with a quiff.

On a flight from London to New York?

Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers.

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."

Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it.

Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

Customer: "Now what do I do?"
Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"