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In a darkened bar somewhere in L.A. Azul is perched upon a bar stool surrounded by shot glasses.
Azul: “Keep ‘em coming, barkeeper, I’ve got a lot of sorrows to drown”
Phillip: “Ok, but don’t call me barkeep, it’s demeaning”
Phillip slides a shot of vodka down to Azul, who promptly downs it and takes a long drag on a cigarette.
Upon this Memo bursts into the bar dressed in a skirt and crop top and smothered in makeup
Memo: “Did someone say DRAG?”
Azul: “It was in the narration, you’re not meant to hear that bit”
Memo solemnly walks away
Phillip: “So, why are you so down buddy?”
Azul: “Well, it’s this girl…”
Phillip: “It’s always a girl”
Azul: “She’s called Games Girl, she follows me everywhere”
Phillip: “What, like a stalker?”
Azul: “She’s like Avid Merrion on steroids!”
Phillip: “That bad?”
Azul: “Oh yes. I was taking a dump the other day and she swap up the U-bend”
Phillip: “Oh… my…”
Azul: “And then she got stuck and I called a plumber, and before I knew it the police were round. She told them I had a fetish for crapping on girls and then I tried to flush the evidence. I spent a week in jail.”
Phillip: “That sucks, man. More vodka?”
Azul: “Yeah, send me another one, buddy”
Phillip slides another shot down the bar to Azul.
Azul: “It’s not just that she follows me, but she’s also uber-ugly”
Phillip: “How ugly?”
Azul: “Think Lisa Riley crossed with Chris Evans”
Phillip: “Ouch”
Azul: “Exactly. She makes me eyes bleed”
Phillip: “You should have gone to Specsavers”
Azul: “Nah, Specsaver blows ass bubbles”
English Bloke enters, waving his massive truncheon about
English Bloke: “I’m afraid that’s slander, Azul.”
Azul: “Oh bo**cks!”
English Bloke: “I’m afraid you’re going to have to spend the night in a cell, mister”
Azul: “Damn”
English Bloke carts Azul off to the police station whilst holding his massive truncheon in his hand in case Azul is unruly.
English Bloke: “It seems we have no free cells, so we’re going to have to make you share a cell with a young woman who was caught earlier today. Something to do with stalking, I believe.”
Azul: “Not..G-Games girl?”
English Bloke: “Shut up and get in the cell, Don’t make me use my massive truncheon”
English Bloke hurls Azul into the dark cell and firmly shuts the door.
Azul: “Games Girl? Are you here?”
Games Girl: “Yessss my preciousss…”
Azul gulps and holds his breath as Games Girl moves in on him, her yellow eyes and sharp claws glinting in the darkened cell.
At the front desk of the police station the duty officers hear a loud blood-curdling scream.
Officer Jones: “Did you hear that scream?”
Officer Smith: “Yeah, I did”
Officer Jones: “Shall we go and check?”
Officer Smith: “I wouldn’t bother, It will be English Bloke punishing someone with his massive truncheon”
Azul: “Keep ‘em coming, barkeeper, I’ve got a lot of sorrows to drown”
Phillip: “Ok, but don’t call me barkeep, it’s demeaning”
Phillip slides a shot of vodka down to Azul, who promptly downs it and takes a long drag on a cigarette.
Upon this Memo bursts into the bar dressed in a skirt and crop top and smothered in makeup
Memo: “Did someone say DRAG?”
Azul: “It was in the narration, you’re not meant to hear that bit”
Memo solemnly walks away
Phillip: “So, why are you so down buddy?”
Azul: “Well, it’s this girl…”
Phillip: “It’s always a girl”
Azul: “She’s called Games Girl, she follows me everywhere”
Phillip: “What, like a stalker?”
Azul: “She’s like Avid Merrion on steroids!”
Phillip: “That bad?”
Azul: “Oh yes. I was taking a dump the other day and she swap up the U-bend”
Phillip: “Oh… my…”
Azul: “And then she got stuck and I called a plumber, and before I knew it the police were round. She told them I had a fetish for crapping on girls and then I tried to flush the evidence. I spent a week in jail.”
Phillip: “That sucks, man. More vodka?”
Azul: “Yeah, send me another one, buddy”
Phillip slides another shot down the bar to Azul.
Azul: “It’s not just that she follows me, but she’s also uber-ugly”
Phillip: “How ugly?”
Azul: “Think Lisa Riley crossed with Chris Evans”
Phillip: “Ouch”
Azul: “Exactly. She makes me eyes bleed”
Phillip: “You should have gone to Specsavers”
Azul: “Nah, Specsaver blows ass bubbles”
English Bloke enters, waving his massive truncheon about
English Bloke: “I’m afraid that’s slander, Azul.”
Azul: “Oh bo**cks!”
English Bloke: “I’m afraid you’re going to have to spend the night in a cell, mister”
Azul: “Damn”
English Bloke carts Azul off to the police station whilst holding his massive truncheon in his hand in case Azul is unruly.
English Bloke: “It seems we have no free cells, so we’re going to have to make you share a cell with a young woman who was caught earlier today. Something to do with stalking, I believe.”
Azul: “Not..G-Games girl?”
English Bloke: “Shut up and get in the cell, Don’t make me use my massive truncheon”
English Bloke hurls Azul into the dark cell and firmly shuts the door.
Azul: “Games Girl? Are you here?”
Games Girl: “Yessss my preciousss…”
Azul gulps and holds his breath as Games Girl moves in on him, her yellow eyes and sharp claws glinting in the darkened cell.
At the front desk of the police station the duty officers hear a loud blood-curdling scream.
Officer Jones: “Did you hear that scream?”
Officer Smith: “Yeah, I did”
Officer Jones: “Shall we go and check?”
Officer Smith: “I wouldn’t bother, It will be English Bloke punishing someone with his massive truncheon”
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Bigger than a footlong sub, a frightening concept.
It's not THAT big. About 6", which can grow to near 18".
Perhaps an idea for the next E-gad?
Heh. How many references to English's "massive" "truncheon" can you fit into one story, anyway?
That is damn funny. Great one, Paradox.
Hehe. Entertaining indeed.
A rather interesting script.
English_Bloke wrote:
> Why are people obsessed with my big weapon?
because your a copper and it's a good joke!
> Why are people obsessed with my big weapon?
because your a copper and it's a good joke!
Why are people obsessed with my big weapon?
Yes.
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