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"Seiyo"

Seiyo kept to the ground and hid under his mane,
For all through his years he'd not faced the pain,
Carried around since the day he had left,
Escaped from his mind by some spiteful cleft,
Seeping slowly from the cracks in his mind,
Came the thoughts that he was not meant to find,
And crashing down on his mind while it could not mend,
Would cause perhaps the most unpleasant end,
And if these feelings would take him as home,
Then he would scrape his knife onto bone,
For the pain in his mind would only quench,
By a stronger hurt in which he could drench,
And as the blood trickled down to fall from his eyes,
Seiyo began to try to escape into lies,
But the ache in his soul would not be so soft,
So at once in his cheek the knife he did loft,
Tearing it down of the side of his face,
Carving again in a pure mental grace,
And in pain Seiyo lay as he began to unwind,
Reveal all he was hiding to pursue with the find,
And the decision he made, as he lay in his tears,
Was his life had been ruined by that of his peers,
And precarious decisions, I think you will find,
Are not often made by the selfless and kind,
So they would pay for the damage they'd done,
For their refusal to see him under their sun,
But anger was indeed for the stupid and weak,
Even more so to leave the world to the meek,
So the Black Sun would rise in the Western skies,
Where the blind would be slaughtered and left to the wise,
An invisible stalker to the world with no sight,
That would rip out their throats in day or at night,
For no one could see where this creature could hide,
Watching like Death with a scythe at his side,
An unnoticed killer who walked with a grin,
For no-one could stop it, not even him.

Bah!

I liked it better when Seiyo was a good guy, even when drunk! ;-)

Nice, very dark. I found it difficult to read though in the current format. Might be worth splitting up a bit?

Also, some of the lines don't seem to flow as easy as others, such as the 'seeping slowly' line, I think it might be the harsh syllables.

Enough of the critique, the poem itself was good and full of nice dark imagary.

Seiyo kept to the ground and hid under his mane,
For all through his years he'd not faced the pain,
Carried around since the day he had left,
Escaped from his mind by some spiteful cleft,
Seeping slowly from the cracks in his mind,
Came the thoughts that he was not meant to find,
And crashing down on his mind while it could not mend,
Would cause perhaps the most unpleasant end,
And if these feelings would take him as home,
Then he would scrape his knife onto bone,
For the pain in his mind would only quench,
By a stronger hurt in which he could drench,
And as the blood trickled down to fall from his eyes,
Seiyo began to try to escape into lies,
But the ache in his soul would not be so soft,
So at once in his cheek the knife he did loft,
Tearing it down of the side of his face,
Carving again in a pure mental grace,
And in pain Seiyo lay as he began to unwind,
Reveal all he was hiding to pursue with the find,
And the decision he made, as he lay in his tears,
Was his life had been ruined by that of his peers,
And precarious decisions, I think you will find,
Are not often made by the selfless and kind,
So they would pay for the damage they'd done,
For their refusal to see him under their sun,
But anger was indeed for the stupid and weak,
Even more so to leave the world to the meek,
So the Black Sun would rise in the Western skies,
Where the blind would be slaughtered and left to the wise,
An invisible stalker to the world with no sight,
That would rip out their throats in day or at night,
For no one could see where this creature could hide,
Watching like Death with a scythe at his side,
An unnoticed killer who walked with a grin,
For no-one could stop it, not even him.