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"True life story - Slugs Are Evil"

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Thu 22/01/04 at 13:58
Regular
"Moody DJ"
Posts: 387
Based on an account of life when I lived in Colchester:

Slugs are evil. They always used to come into my house without asking permission. It became an obsession after a while. Me versus the slugs. The main point of entry for slugs appeared to be what was known in my old house as "The Middle Room". Now during the day, no trace of slugness could be found yet by morning, quite visible slime trails could be seen around the Middle Room. Using tactical data obtained from my brother and visual reconnaissance, early in my campaign, I originally pinpointed 2 possible entry points for the slugs. Behind "The Green Chair" and "The Right Speaker". Not being able to keep vigil throughout the night or having the facilities to create a fully functioning automated guard tower, I had to put a defensive strategy in place before nightfall. Since I had received no communication of any kind from a slug ambassador or representative, I proceeded with what I called "warning measures". Steps to be taken against the infiltration of slugs to "The Middle Room" yet without causing distress or harm to the slugs themselves and providing a clear warning of the possible consequences of proceeding with their aggressive territory claiming advances. Using the latest technology available to me at the time, I began stuffing toilet paper into any available hole in the target areas. After crafting an impenetrable barrier, I stood back from my handiwork to admire it for a while. "Perhaps this is a new era isolation?" I thought fearing I may have created the toilet paper equivalent of the Berlin Wall. Shaking my head, I carried on, knowing full well that this was the only way to prevent the catastrophic morning scenes of slime covered carpeting.

Morning came. I was called by my brother to assess the nights occurrences. The battle scene was frightening. There were no clear signs of the toilet paper being breached yet but still rampant slime trails mainly contained in the target areas. This went on for several weeks, I maintained the toilet paper, identifying any more possible entry points for slugs only to find shameless slime dispersal throughout the middle room. It was also possible to see the slugs now beginning to become more confident in their advances, sending scouts out late in the evening to most likely assess the possibility of a full scale daytime attack. After capturing and interrogating one of the scouts, we managed to get a resounding "Sckllrrrffff!" from it! Confining it to a POW camp outside our back door, we retired to "The Front Room" to discuss this breakthrough. It was quite clear that the slugs were not just observing territory adjacent to their own, but we planning a territorial advance with the aim of adding the house to their own territory. I began to fear for the vinyl that was being stored in the middle room, they were located not far from "The Green Chair" and would be the first point of conflict in any attack from the slugs. My brother was becoming visibly worried by the slug threat and I was concerned for the security of the house as a whole. We needed to act now.

Our weapons research department in "The Kitchen" had come up with a remarkable breakthrough. We had our first weapon of mass destruction against the slugs. Salt. This highly advanced bio-chemical weapon could be used in addition to the toilet paper wall. Contact with areas contaminated by salt would cause the slugs to melt while causing no threat to humans and considerably boosting the flavour of chips (in addition to bio-chemical weapon #224 "Vinegar" and #32 "Tommy K"). Weeks of anguish followed. Still the slugs could advance into the target areas and the toilet paper providing no solution. They were taking casualties though. On examining the salted areas of "The Middle Room", I discovered a bizarre substance mixed in with the salt. The weapons research department examined this new found substance and managed to identify it as "icky stuff". I knew this meant they were taking casualties! Some slug had been melted, but they were still advancing. Determined little ****ers. Pushing the boundaries of pain.

This struggle kept on for weeks, salting and melting. I began to abandon my concentration on the target areas and had become increasingly fascinated by a little hole in a step which led into the kitchen. This I also toilet papered and thoroughly salted (resulting in the death of a spider) to no avail. It was becoming futile, we couldn't stop the advance. The final straw was taken one day by my own brother. I came downstairs one morning to find a mess on the floor. At first I thought my brother had sneezed but then realized the full horror of what lay before me. On discovering a slug in "The Middle Room", my brother had panicked, lost control, cold bloodedly salted the slug without realizing the consequences. He got to experience the horror of chemical warfare first hand. I found him sitting upstairs under a duvet, shivering. I decided that was enough. I called for an evacuation immediately, all possessions in the house were immediately transported to Chelmsford. On returning to Colchester to pick up the remaining items that we owned, I realized that I had made the right decision. The slugs had indeed planned an attack, only to find the area deserted. Our house was covered with what could only be described as a "slug fest". Slime everywhere. We recovered what we could salvage and made our final escape. The slugs had won.

See, slugs are evil.
Thu 22/01/04 at 13:58
Regular
"Moody DJ"
Posts: 387
Based on an account of life when I lived in Colchester:

Slugs are evil. They always used to come into my house without asking permission. It became an obsession after a while. Me versus the slugs. The main point of entry for slugs appeared to be what was known in my old house as "The Middle Room". Now during the day, no trace of slugness could be found yet by morning, quite visible slime trails could be seen around the Middle Room. Using tactical data obtained from my brother and visual reconnaissance, early in my campaign, I originally pinpointed 2 possible entry points for the slugs. Behind "The Green Chair" and "The Right Speaker". Not being able to keep vigil throughout the night or having the facilities to create a fully functioning automated guard tower, I had to put a defensive strategy in place before nightfall. Since I had received no communication of any kind from a slug ambassador or representative, I proceeded with what I called "warning measures". Steps to be taken against the infiltration of slugs to "The Middle Room" yet without causing distress or harm to the slugs themselves and providing a clear warning of the possible consequences of proceeding with their aggressive territory claiming advances. Using the latest technology available to me at the time, I began stuffing toilet paper into any available hole in the target areas. After crafting an impenetrable barrier, I stood back from my handiwork to admire it for a while. "Perhaps this is a new era isolation?" I thought fearing I may have created the toilet paper equivalent of the Berlin Wall. Shaking my head, I carried on, knowing full well that this was the only way to prevent the catastrophic morning scenes of slime covered carpeting.

Morning came. I was called by my brother to assess the nights occurrences. The battle scene was frightening. There were no clear signs of the toilet paper being breached yet but still rampant slime trails mainly contained in the target areas. This went on for several weeks, I maintained the toilet paper, identifying any more possible entry points for slugs only to find shameless slime dispersal throughout the middle room. It was also possible to see the slugs now beginning to become more confident in their advances, sending scouts out late in the evening to most likely assess the possibility of a full scale daytime attack. After capturing and interrogating one of the scouts, we managed to get a resounding "Sckllrrrffff!" from it! Confining it to a POW camp outside our back door, we retired to "The Front Room" to discuss this breakthrough. It was quite clear that the slugs were not just observing territory adjacent to their own, but we planning a territorial advance with the aim of adding the house to their own territory. I began to fear for the vinyl that was being stored in the middle room, they were located not far from "The Green Chair" and would be the first point of conflict in any attack from the slugs. My brother was becoming visibly worried by the slug threat and I was concerned for the security of the house as a whole. We needed to act now.

Our weapons research department in "The Kitchen" had come up with a remarkable breakthrough. We had our first weapon of mass destruction against the slugs. Salt. This highly advanced bio-chemical weapon could be used in addition to the toilet paper wall. Contact with areas contaminated by salt would cause the slugs to melt while causing no threat to humans and considerably boosting the flavour of chips (in addition to bio-chemical weapon #224 "Vinegar" and #32 "Tommy K"). Weeks of anguish followed. Still the slugs could advance into the target areas and the toilet paper providing no solution. They were taking casualties though. On examining the salted areas of "The Middle Room", I discovered a bizarre substance mixed in with the salt. The weapons research department examined this new found substance and managed to identify it as "icky stuff". I knew this meant they were taking casualties! Some slug had been melted, but they were still advancing. Determined little ****ers. Pushing the boundaries of pain.

This struggle kept on for weeks, salting and melting. I began to abandon my concentration on the target areas and had become increasingly fascinated by a little hole in a step which led into the kitchen. This I also toilet papered and thoroughly salted (resulting in the death of a spider) to no avail. It was becoming futile, we couldn't stop the advance. The final straw was taken one day by my own brother. I came downstairs one morning to find a mess on the floor. At first I thought my brother had sneezed but then realized the full horror of what lay before me. On discovering a slug in "The Middle Room", my brother had panicked, lost control, cold bloodedly salted the slug without realizing the consequences. He got to experience the horror of chemical warfare first hand. I found him sitting upstairs under a duvet, shivering. I decided that was enough. I called for an evacuation immediately, all possessions in the house were immediately transported to Chelmsford. On returning to Colchester to pick up the remaining items that we owned, I realized that I had made the right decision. The slugs had indeed planned an attack, only to find the area deserted. Our house was covered with what could only be described as a "slug fest". Slime everywhere. We recovered what we could salvage and made our final escape. The slugs had won.

See, slugs are evil.
Thu 22/01/04 at 14:11
Regular
"Not a Jew"
Posts: 7,532
Thats bloody brilliant. Honest to God. Incredibly funny "He had experienced the chilling chemical warfare first hand. I found him upstairs, shivering under a duvet." Excellent lines. You deserve a GAD for this, if you wrote it. Its magnificent.
Thu 22/01/04 at 14:16
Regular
"Moody DJ"
Posts: 387
RoJ wrote:
> Thats bloody brilliant. Honest to God. Incredibly funny "He had
> experienced the chilling chemical warfare first hand. I found him
> upstairs, shivering under a duvet." Excellent lines. You
> deserve a GAD for this, if you wrote it. Its magnificent.

Oh hell yeah, its a favourite story with MANY people. The thing they find most shocking is that it was REAL.

I've never got over coming downstairs one morning to find a large pile of ... GOO on the floor. Only to find out that its when my brother tried to melt a slug the night before.

I really hate slugs.
Thu 22/01/04 at 17:12
Regular
"relocated"
Posts: 2,833
Very good.
Mon 26/01/04 at 11:41
"I am Lord Voldemort"
Posts: 21
RoJ wrote:
> Thats bloody brilliant. Honest to God. Incredibly funny "He had
> experienced the chilling chemical warfare first hand. I found him
> upstairs, shivering under a duvet." Excellent lines. You
> deserve a GAD for this, if you wrote it. Its magnificent.

Yes, he has got a GAD for that! And he really deserves it.

I had posted my Gangsters 2 walkthrough that was earlier posted on another site on ukwalkthroughs.com at 22 Jan. But somebody had copied it from there under his name. So they thought I was copying and my review was not posted. Now that it is posted on ukwalkthroughs.com; I wonder why I did not win a GAD for that, though there might have been some changes and my Walkthrough would have been accounted for some other date. I wonder if I could still win a GAD for that walkthrough, and if I win, I will post here again!
Mon 26/01/04 at 13:43
Regular
"Teal'c"
Posts: 3,617
Quick, give him the GAD so he continues to post.
Mon 26/01/04 at 14:33
Regular
"Moody DJ"
Posts: 387
J Nash wrote:
> Quick, give him the GAD so he continues to post.

I'll hover in and out ... usually when the utter boredom of coding and testing gets the better of me.
Mon 26/01/04 at 14:37
Regular
"Moody DJ"
Posts: 387
GRAH, why can't SR deliever to my WORK address ... I can never pick anything up at my home one
Mon 26/01/04 at 15:18
Regular
"Teal'c"
Posts: 3,617
Widge wrote:
> I'll hover in and out ... usually when the utter boredom of coding
> and testing gets the better of me.

Why must everything be about you? Well, not this time boy. Never again, in fact.

Tom Marvolo Riddle wrote:
> I wonder if I could still win a GAD for that walkthrough, and if I win, > I will post here again!
Mon 26/01/04 at 15:19
"I've been skiing!"
Posts: 839
I like slugs.

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