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"the comedy quotes page"

why do we only have a simpsons quote page, there are loads of great quotes from a lot of different comedies.post your favourites here.
most of mine will be from father ted,so ill start this off

*a closeup of toy plastic cows
TED:ok,one last time.these are small and the ones out there are far away

it may be childish,but it made me laugh everytime from father ted

FECK OFF!

its not big and its not clever but it is funny

Futurama-

Bender: "Call me old fashioned but I like a dump to be as memorable as it is devastating."

Zapp: "I am the man with no name - Zapp Brannigan, at your service."

Morbo: "Kittens give Morbo gas."
"Pathetic humans! Prepare to write down the recipe!"


:D

Oh, and my one makes no sense if you don't know that Lister's trying to teach Kryten how to lie.

kittworld wrote:
> David Brent : Oh I'm sorry, I'm waiting for a blind date and I was
> worried you were it.

:D

Lister: C'mon Kryten, just lie. It's not a banana, it's an orange.
Kryten: It's an orrrr, an orrrrrrrrr. *Breath* It's an orrrr. Oh it's no use sir, I just can't do it.
Lister: It's easy. It's an orange.
Kryten: It's an orrrr, an orrrr. It's an orrrr. It's a small off duty czechoslovakian traffic warden.

Genius.
Doesn't work well written, but the way it's done is quality.

Last one :) one of my favourites aswell

LISTER: Well we've passed the test, Rimmer. You can let us out.
RIMMER: I can't let you out.
LISTER: Why not?
RIMMER: Because the King of the Potato People won't let me. I begged him. I got down on my knees and wept. He wants to keep you here. Keep you here for ten years.
CAT: Could we see him?
RIMMER: See who?
CAT: The King.
RIMMER: Do you have a magic carpet?
LISTER: Yeah, a little three-seater.
RIMMER: So, let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the Potato People and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you are completely sane?! I think that warrants 2 hours of W.O.O.
LISTER: What's W.O.O?
CAT: You had to ask.
RIMMER: With ... out ... oxygen. No oxygen for 2 hours. That will teach you to be bread baskets.

Rimmer: "What's this? Learning drugs? They're illegal, matey! Where did you get them? I'm afraid you're in very serious, grave, deep trouble, Lister. Where did you get them? I want names, I want places, I want dates."
Lister: "Arnold Rimmer, his locker, this morning."

Rimmer: "Step up to Red Alert!"
Kryten: "Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb. "

David Brent : Oh I'm sorry, I'm waiting for a blind date and I was worried you were it.

why do we only have a simpsons quote page, there are loads of great quotes from a lot of different comedies.post your favourites here.
most of mine will be from father ted,so ill start this off

*a closeup of toy plastic cows
TED:ok,one last time.these are small and the ones out there are far away