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Detective Max Payne has normal day in office shock!
Yesterday, between the hours of 9 am and 5 pm, detective Max Payne of the New York Police department experienced a working day described by colleagues as “horrific”: Payne spent the entire day in his office, performing police duties.
Payne’s family (wife Sarah and young daughter) were brutally murdered several years ago as part of his daily routine, and his future with current love interest/homicidal lunatic Mona Sax seems less than rosy: “She keeps killing people and getting me shot at”, Payne told us exclusively.
Detective Payne’s duties would normally involve being drugged by women with guns, being shot up with class A narcotics by powerful businesswomen, destroying helicopters, investigating enormous conspiricies, being shot in the back by colleagues, falling hundreds of feet into ground excavated for construction purposes, being blown up, torched, double crossed, packing more weapons than Libya, and taking bullets to the back of the head, often during acid flashbacks and psychotic episodes, but yesterday’s horrendous events saw him doing some light filing and typing a report. “Although I often appear the bad guy, I’m really sort of on Max’s side, so when I heard about the shocking events of yesterday I was appalled. For such a thing to happen to my friend and colleague is beyond words. Something must be done,” Police Chief Jim Bravaura told every moron with a recording device. “I’d put detective Winterson on the case if Max hadn’t shot her dead.” Cont. page p94
That exclusive Max Payne interview in full:
Q: How do you feel after yesterday’s ordeal, detective Payne?
A: I was shot in the back twice not that long ago, and I’m pretty sure there’s still one in my head. Why the hell aren’t I in hospital?
Q: I expect after yesterday you’ll be glad to get back to your everyday routine?
A: Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what I do on a normal day? Oh god, I’m bleeding again, someone call an ambulance!
Q: Who do you think is likely to win Euro 2004?
A: What are you, stupid? Why haven't you called for help? Arr!
Copyright 2004, deathbyburning publications.
Oh, and much homage to Private Eye, the finest publication on the planet.
Yesterday, between the hours of 9 am and 5 pm, detective Max Payne of the New York Police department experienced a working day described by colleagues as “horrific”: Payne spent the entire day in his office, performing police duties.
Payne’s family (wife Sarah and young daughter) were brutally murdered several years ago as part of his daily routine, and his future with current love interest/homicidal lunatic Mona Sax seems less than rosy: “She keeps killing people and getting me shot at”, Payne told us exclusively.
Detective Payne’s duties would normally involve being drugged by women with guns, being shot up with class A narcotics by powerful businesswomen, destroying helicopters, investigating enormous conspiricies, being shot in the back by colleagues, falling hundreds of feet into ground excavated for construction purposes, being blown up, torched, double crossed, packing more weapons than Libya, and taking bullets to the back of the head, often during acid flashbacks and psychotic episodes, but yesterday’s horrendous events saw him doing some light filing and typing a report. “Although I often appear the bad guy, I’m really sort of on Max’s side, so when I heard about the shocking events of yesterday I was appalled. For such a thing to happen to my friend and colleague is beyond words. Something must be done,” Police Chief Jim Bravaura told every moron with a recording device. “I’d put detective Winterson on the case if Max hadn’t shot her dead.” Cont. page p94
That exclusive Max Payne interview in full:
Q: How do you feel after yesterday’s ordeal, detective Payne?
A: I was shot in the back twice not that long ago, and I’m pretty sure there’s still one in my head. Why the hell aren’t I in hospital?
Q: I expect after yesterday you’ll be glad to get back to your everyday routine?
A: Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what I do on a normal day? Oh god, I’m bleeding again, someone call an ambulance!
Q: Who do you think is likely to win Euro 2004?
A: What are you, stupid? Why haven't you called for help? Arr!
Copyright 2004, deathbyburning publications.
Oh, and much homage to Private Eye, the finest publication on the planet.
At least it's not the usual jat BS.
:)
(Wot's the top bestest Game Eva????)
:)
(Wot's the top bestest Game Eva????)
it was Ok.
It was quite good, I like it.
Hey that little story was quite impressive.
Yes.
Detective Max Payne has normal day in office shock!
Yesterday, between the hours of 9 am and 5 pm, detective Max Payne of the New York Police department experienced a working day described by colleagues as “horrific”: Payne spent the entire day in his office, performing police duties.
Payne’s family (wife Sarah and young daughter) were brutally murdered several years ago as part of his daily routine, and his future with current love interest/homicidal lunatic Mona Sax seems less than rosy: “She keeps killing people and getting me shot at”, Payne told us exclusively.
Detective Payne’s duties would normally involve being drugged by women with guns, being shot up with class A narcotics by powerful businesswomen, destroying helicopters, investigating enormous conspiricies, being shot in the back by colleagues, falling hundreds of feet into ground excavated for construction purposes, being blown up, torched, double crossed, packing more weapons than Libya, and taking bullets to the back of the head, often during acid flashbacks and psychotic episodes, but yesterday’s horrendous events saw him doing some light filing and typing a report. “Although I often appear the bad guy, I’m really sort of on Max’s side, so when I heard about the shocking events of yesterday I was appalled. For such a thing to happen to my friend and colleague is beyond words. Something must be done,” Police Chief Jim Bravaura told every moron with a recording device. “I’d put detective Winterson on the case if Max hadn’t shot her dead.” Cont. page p94
That exclusive Max Payne interview in full:
Q: How do you feel after yesterday’s ordeal, detective Payne?
A: I was shot in the back twice not that long ago, and I’m pretty sure there’s still one in my head. Why the hell aren’t I in hospital?
Q: I expect after yesterday you’ll be glad to get back to your everyday routine?
A: Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what I do on a normal day? Oh god, I’m bleeding again, someone call an ambulance!
Q: Who do you think is likely to win Euro 2004?
A: What are you, stupid? Why haven't you called for help? Arr!
Copyright 2004, deathbyburning publications.
Oh, and much homage to Private Eye, the finest publication on the planet.
Yesterday, between the hours of 9 am and 5 pm, detective Max Payne of the New York Police department experienced a working day described by colleagues as “horrific”: Payne spent the entire day in his office, performing police duties.
Payne’s family (wife Sarah and young daughter) were brutally murdered several years ago as part of his daily routine, and his future with current love interest/homicidal lunatic Mona Sax seems less than rosy: “She keeps killing people and getting me shot at”, Payne told us exclusively.
Detective Payne’s duties would normally involve being drugged by women with guns, being shot up with class A narcotics by powerful businesswomen, destroying helicopters, investigating enormous conspiricies, being shot in the back by colleagues, falling hundreds of feet into ground excavated for construction purposes, being blown up, torched, double crossed, packing more weapons than Libya, and taking bullets to the back of the head, often during acid flashbacks and psychotic episodes, but yesterday’s horrendous events saw him doing some light filing and typing a report. “Although I often appear the bad guy, I’m really sort of on Max’s side, so when I heard about the shocking events of yesterday I was appalled. For such a thing to happen to my friend and colleague is beyond words. Something must be done,” Police Chief Jim Bravaura told every moron with a recording device. “I’d put detective Winterson on the case if Max hadn’t shot her dead.” Cont. page p94
That exclusive Max Payne interview in full:
Q: How do you feel after yesterday’s ordeal, detective Payne?
A: I was shot in the back twice not that long ago, and I’m pretty sure there’s still one in my head. Why the hell aren’t I in hospital?
Q: I expect after yesterday you’ll be glad to get back to your everyday routine?
A: Are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what I do on a normal day? Oh god, I’m bleeding again, someone call an ambulance!
Q: Who do you think is likely to win Euro 2004?
A: What are you, stupid? Why haven't you called for help? Arr!
Copyright 2004, deathbyburning publications.
Oh, and much homage to Private Eye, the finest publication on the planet.