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"The Magical Goldfish"

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Thu 11/12/03 at 17:03
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
In a spherical aqua filled arena swam a goldfish by the name of Keith. To look at Keith was an ordinary goldfish with yellowish scales, a rounded tail and bulging eyes – but Keith was more than your average goldfish.

Now whilst you may be thinking, “What can set a goldfish apart from others, they’re all the same aren’t they?” In answer to the assumed question, yes, they are all the same, except Keith. Keith was a magical goldfish with the power to pull damp rabbits from hat and saw lovely assistants in half. It was rumoured that David Blaine’s 40 days in the glass box above the Thames was a homage to Keith, his idol and sole inspiration for getting into magic.

It may be all well and good for a goldfish to know magic but the downfall of Keith was his abysmally short 6-second memory. This was, if you will, his Achilles heel. Often in the middle of a trick Keith would forget how to finish it and end up picking the wrong card or not being able to pull colourful handkerchiefs from his sleeve.

Keith lived a humble life with a medium sized bowl. He ate regular fish-flakes and had a 3inch by 5inch castle to dwell within. However he was growing old and had never managed to settle down with another fish. He once got friendly with a clown fish called Deborah at the Aquarium, but a family of four later bought her and he never saw her again.

As Keith grew older he lost his tail due to fin-rot and it was at this point he gave up hope. He no longer practised his magic tricks, the thrill of a big crowd chanting “Keith, Keith, Keith” no longer excited him and he cancelled his world tour at the last minute, devastating millions of fans.

Keith didn’t eat his flakes and no longer swam playfully through his miniature castle. The depression of a loveless life overcame him and one day he was found floating at the top of his spherical tank. The magic circle attended his funeral, conducted by Paul Daniels, and so ended the legacy of Keith, the magical goldfish.
Sun 14/12/03 at 10:51
Moderator
"possibly impossible"
Posts: 24,985
Original and sweet, if a little short...

I would have thought being the inspiration for David Blaine would have driven him to suicide a long time ago...
Sat 13/12/03 at 15:33
Regular
"Laughingstock"
Posts: 3,522
I wonder if Debbie Daniels flushed Keith down the toilet whilst saying a little prayer...
Fri 12/12/03 at 13:20
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
This isn't a blatant pop of the topic, it is subtle. honest.
Thu 11/12/03 at 18:53
Regular
"Remember me?"
Posts: 6,124
*sniggers*

Fin-rot. Me like.
Thu 11/12/03 at 17:03
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
In a spherical aqua filled arena swam a goldfish by the name of Keith. To look at Keith was an ordinary goldfish with yellowish scales, a rounded tail and bulging eyes – but Keith was more than your average goldfish.

Now whilst you may be thinking, “What can set a goldfish apart from others, they’re all the same aren’t they?” In answer to the assumed question, yes, they are all the same, except Keith. Keith was a magical goldfish with the power to pull damp rabbits from hat and saw lovely assistants in half. It was rumoured that David Blaine’s 40 days in the glass box above the Thames was a homage to Keith, his idol and sole inspiration for getting into magic.

It may be all well and good for a goldfish to know magic but the downfall of Keith was his abysmally short 6-second memory. This was, if you will, his Achilles heel. Often in the middle of a trick Keith would forget how to finish it and end up picking the wrong card or not being able to pull colourful handkerchiefs from his sleeve.

Keith lived a humble life with a medium sized bowl. He ate regular fish-flakes and had a 3inch by 5inch castle to dwell within. However he was growing old and had never managed to settle down with another fish. He once got friendly with a clown fish called Deborah at the Aquarium, but a family of four later bought her and he never saw her again.

As Keith grew older he lost his tail due to fin-rot and it was at this point he gave up hope. He no longer practised his magic tricks, the thrill of a big crowd chanting “Keith, Keith, Keith” no longer excited him and he cancelled his world tour at the last minute, devastating millions of fans.

Keith didn’t eat his flakes and no longer swam playfully through his miniature castle. The depression of a loveless life overcame him and one day he was found floating at the top of his spherical tank. The magic circle attended his funeral, conducted by Paul Daniels, and so ended the legacy of Keith, the magical goldfish.

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