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[A reworked version of a story I wrote a long time ago]
The sirens are growing louder and the overwhelming coppery scent of blood fills my nostrils. I knew this was a bad idea from the start, I didn’t even want to go along with it, but I did. I thought it would make me popular, one of the lads. Once Dave managed to get the door open I clambered inside like a moron, I didn’t know he was drunk, I never thought of the consequences. I didn’t think to use a seatbelt because I was too busy having a good time, nobody else put their seatbelt on and I just wanted to fit in.
The sirens grow even louder and the flashing blue lights swirl over my half-open eyes, almost blinding me. I try to sit up but I cannot feel my back or my neck so I slump back down onto the cold hard surface I am resting on. Am I numb because of the alcohol or because of the amount of blood I have lost? The sirens are deafening now and the ambulance stops near the overturned car. As I lift up my arm to signal the paramedic, I notice my underarm is bleeding and the skin is peeled back and hanging from my arm, exposing the bone beneath. I try to shout for him but I make no sound, my throat feels as if an invisible foot is stood on my windpipe, I struggle to breath but drift into unconsciousness.
I awake flat on my back being lifted into the back of an ambulance, the sky is an inky black and I head nothing but the bellow of the swirling siren on top of the stationary ambulance. I want to ask what is happening but I am still voiceless. I wish I had listened to my dad now, he told me it was stupid to hang around with Dave and the others, they are just troublemakers, he said. The ambulance begins to move and the sirens echo inside the ambulance, more deafening than ever. I feel myself starting to shake, but I wasn’t cold, what was wrong with me? I tried to inhale but it felt as if my lungs were sealed shut. The medic clamped my face down and held an oxygen mask over my mouth. I could breathe again.
I could have stayed at home tonight; I could be watching the telly with dad right now. He will be so mad at me when he finds out what I did, he told me not to hang around with Dave’s lot. I never broke the law before, now I will be done for nicking a car and end up in prison. I don’t want to go to prison; I’m not a bad lad. The ambulance comes to a standstill and I am wheeled out and rushed into the hospital. Why are they taking me into the intensive care unit? I’m not hurt badly. I’ll be fine.
The doctor gave me an injection to put me to sleep for the operation. I tried to tell him I didn’t need an operation but I still can’t speak. I heard the doctor telling the surgeon I had spinal injuries and lacerations to the throat, but my back is fine, I am sure. It will just be bruised. Dave told me I would be fine, he could handle his booze. He was fine to drive, he said. He had nicked cars before. Said it would be fun. I wonder where he is now, and the others. The injection is having effects, the room is swirling slowly and I feel myself once more into unconsciousness.
My eyes open but my eyelids feel heavy and bruised. I can see my dad standing there talking to the doctor. I try to tell him I am sorry, that I didn’t mean for any of it to happen. I still cannot find my voice. I try to sit up but I feel as if my body is made from lead, I cannot move an inch and I am numbed all over. As I listen to the doctor and my father, the doctor says that I cannot hear them, that my injuries are severe and I will be lucky to make it through the night. But I can hear them. I will be fine. My dad hugs me then leaves, why is he leaving me? I wish he would stay.
Night draws in and the only sound is that of my heart monitor gently bleeping rhythmically. I still cannot move but tomorrow I will be all right, I can tell my dad I was stupid and I am sorry. He will forgive me, then we can go on that holiday to Spain we always planned. I wont hang around with Dave and that lot anymore, Dad was right, they are a bad influence on me. That is. Suddenly I find it harder to draw in breaths, no air is getting to my lungs and I begin to panic. I try to call out for a nurse but I still have no voice. I hear my heart monitor getting slower, my heartbeats further apart. Nobody is there to hear my silent cry for help. I feel as if I am choking, my lungs feel fit to explode. My heart monitor is no longer beeping rhythmically along with my heart but is drowning out my thoughts with a monotone beep. Why is nobody coming to help me? I wish my dad knew how sorry I was, I wish I could change what I did tonight.
The sirens are growing louder and the overwhelming coppery scent of blood fills my nostrils. I knew this was a bad idea from the start, I didn’t even want to go along with it, but I did. I thought it would make me popular, one of the lads. Once Dave managed to get the door open I clambered inside like a moron, I didn’t know he was drunk, I never thought of the consequences. I didn’t think to use a seatbelt because I was too busy having a good time, nobody else put their seatbelt on and I just wanted to fit in.
The sirens grow even louder and the flashing blue lights swirl over my half-open eyes, almost blinding me. I try to sit up but I cannot feel my back or my neck so I slump back down onto the cold hard surface I am resting on. Am I numb because of the alcohol or because of the amount of blood I have lost? The sirens are deafening now and the ambulance stops near the overturned car. As I lift up my arm to signal the paramedic, I notice my underarm is bleeding and the skin is peeled back and hanging from my arm, exposing the bone beneath. I try to shout for him but I make no sound, my throat feels as if an invisible foot is stood on my windpipe, I struggle to breath but drift into unconsciousness.
I awake flat on my back being lifted into the back of an ambulance, the sky is an inky black and I head nothing but the bellow of the swirling siren on top of the stationary ambulance. I want to ask what is happening but I am still voiceless. I wish I had listened to my dad now, he told me it was stupid to hang around with Dave and the others, they are just troublemakers, he said. The ambulance begins to move and the sirens echo inside the ambulance, more deafening than ever. I feel myself starting to shake, but I wasn’t cold, what was wrong with me? I tried to inhale but it felt as if my lungs were sealed shut. The medic clamped my face down and held an oxygen mask over my mouth. I could breathe again.
I could have stayed at home tonight; I could be watching the telly with dad right now. He will be so mad at me when he finds out what I did, he told me not to hang around with Dave’s lot. I never broke the law before, now I will be done for nicking a car and end up in prison. I don’t want to go to prison; I’m not a bad lad. The ambulance comes to a standstill and I am wheeled out and rushed into the hospital. Why are they taking me into the intensive care unit? I’m not hurt badly. I’ll be fine.
The doctor gave me an injection to put me to sleep for the operation. I tried to tell him I didn’t need an operation but I still can’t speak. I heard the doctor telling the surgeon I had spinal injuries and lacerations to the throat, but my back is fine, I am sure. It will just be bruised. Dave told me I would be fine, he could handle his booze. He was fine to drive, he said. He had nicked cars before. Said it would be fun. I wonder where he is now, and the others. The injection is having effects, the room is swirling slowly and I feel myself once more into unconsciousness.
My eyes open but my eyelids feel heavy and bruised. I can see my dad standing there talking to the doctor. I try to tell him I am sorry, that I didn’t mean for any of it to happen. I still cannot find my voice. I try to sit up but I feel as if my body is made from lead, I cannot move an inch and I am numbed all over. As I listen to the doctor and my father, the doctor says that I cannot hear them, that my injuries are severe and I will be lucky to make it through the night. But I can hear them. I will be fine. My dad hugs me then leaves, why is he leaving me? I wish he would stay.
Night draws in and the only sound is that of my heart monitor gently bleeping rhythmically. I still cannot move but tomorrow I will be all right, I can tell my dad I was stupid and I am sorry. He will forgive me, then we can go on that holiday to Spain we always planned. I wont hang around with Dave and that lot anymore, Dad was right, they are a bad influence on me. That is. Suddenly I find it harder to draw in breaths, no air is getting to my lungs and I begin to panic. I try to call out for a nurse but I still have no voice. I hear my heart monitor getting slower, my heartbeats further apart. Nobody is there to hear my silent cry for help. I feel as if I am choking, my lungs feel fit to explode. My heart monitor is no longer beeping rhythmically along with my heart but is drowning out my thoughts with a monotone beep. Why is nobody coming to help me? I wish my dad knew how sorry I was, I wish I could change what I did tonight.
Just like an episode of Casualty, but good!
Thanks to everyone who read it :-D
Yeah thats actually one of the 1st stories i've read on SR, and it was absolutely Supoib!
Very good Kyz. I liked the way he died. I'm not evil, I just did, it made the story better. The description of paralysis is good and so is the confused thoughts the guy thinks that is paralysed about what's going on.
Wow Kyle that is a really brilliant piece. Your work isnt often done in such a style but your use of first person really captured me as an audience. I also not only felt like I was in the room and following him but in some ways felt almost like I was him.
Brilliant stuff - other than the odd spelling mistake or slip in tense that really is a very good creation.
Brilliant stuff - other than the odd spelling mistake or slip in tense that really is a very good creation.
It was all a bit familiar, but the ending saved the cliche.
Good stuff, you've an engaging style - it reads very well.
Good stuff, you've an engaging style - it reads very well.
[A reworked version of a story I wrote a long time ago]
The sirens are growing louder and the overwhelming coppery scent of blood fills my nostrils. I knew this was a bad idea from the start, I didn’t even want to go along with it, but I did. I thought it would make me popular, one of the lads. Once Dave managed to get the door open I clambered inside like a moron, I didn’t know he was drunk, I never thought of the consequences. I didn’t think to use a seatbelt because I was too busy having a good time, nobody else put their seatbelt on and I just wanted to fit in.
The sirens grow even louder and the flashing blue lights swirl over my half-open eyes, almost blinding me. I try to sit up but I cannot feel my back or my neck so I slump back down onto the cold hard surface I am resting on. Am I numb because of the alcohol or because of the amount of blood I have lost? The sirens are deafening now and the ambulance stops near the overturned car. As I lift up my arm to signal the paramedic, I notice my underarm is bleeding and the skin is peeled back and hanging from my arm, exposing the bone beneath. I try to shout for him but I make no sound, my throat feels as if an invisible foot is stood on my windpipe, I struggle to breath but drift into unconsciousness.
I awake flat on my back being lifted into the back of an ambulance, the sky is an inky black and I head nothing but the bellow of the swirling siren on top of the stationary ambulance. I want to ask what is happening but I am still voiceless. I wish I had listened to my dad now, he told me it was stupid to hang around with Dave and the others, they are just troublemakers, he said. The ambulance begins to move and the sirens echo inside the ambulance, more deafening than ever. I feel myself starting to shake, but I wasn’t cold, what was wrong with me? I tried to inhale but it felt as if my lungs were sealed shut. The medic clamped my face down and held an oxygen mask over my mouth. I could breathe again.
I could have stayed at home tonight; I could be watching the telly with dad right now. He will be so mad at me when he finds out what I did, he told me not to hang around with Dave’s lot. I never broke the law before, now I will be done for nicking a car and end up in prison. I don’t want to go to prison; I’m not a bad lad. The ambulance comes to a standstill and I am wheeled out and rushed into the hospital. Why are they taking me into the intensive care unit? I’m not hurt badly. I’ll be fine.
The doctor gave me an injection to put me to sleep for the operation. I tried to tell him I didn’t need an operation but I still can’t speak. I heard the doctor telling the surgeon I had spinal injuries and lacerations to the throat, but my back is fine, I am sure. It will just be bruised. Dave told me I would be fine, he could handle his booze. He was fine to drive, he said. He had nicked cars before. Said it would be fun. I wonder where he is now, and the others. The injection is having effects, the room is swirling slowly and I feel myself once more into unconsciousness.
My eyes open but my eyelids feel heavy and bruised. I can see my dad standing there talking to the doctor. I try to tell him I am sorry, that I didn’t mean for any of it to happen. I still cannot find my voice. I try to sit up but I feel as if my body is made from lead, I cannot move an inch and I am numbed all over. As I listen to the doctor and my father, the doctor says that I cannot hear them, that my injuries are severe and I will be lucky to make it through the night. But I can hear them. I will be fine. My dad hugs me then leaves, why is he leaving me? I wish he would stay.
Night draws in and the only sound is that of my heart monitor gently bleeping rhythmically. I still cannot move but tomorrow I will be all right, I can tell my dad I was stupid and I am sorry. He will forgive me, then we can go on that holiday to Spain we always planned. I wont hang around with Dave and that lot anymore, Dad was right, they are a bad influence on me. That is. Suddenly I find it harder to draw in breaths, no air is getting to my lungs and I begin to panic. I try to call out for a nurse but I still have no voice. I hear my heart monitor getting slower, my heartbeats further apart. Nobody is there to hear my silent cry for help. I feel as if I am choking, my lungs feel fit to explode. My heart monitor is no longer beeping rhythmically along with my heart but is drowning out my thoughts with a monotone beep. Why is nobody coming to help me? I wish my dad knew how sorry I was, I wish I could change what I did tonight.
The sirens are growing louder and the overwhelming coppery scent of blood fills my nostrils. I knew this was a bad idea from the start, I didn’t even want to go along with it, but I did. I thought it would make me popular, one of the lads. Once Dave managed to get the door open I clambered inside like a moron, I didn’t know he was drunk, I never thought of the consequences. I didn’t think to use a seatbelt because I was too busy having a good time, nobody else put their seatbelt on and I just wanted to fit in.
The sirens grow even louder and the flashing blue lights swirl over my half-open eyes, almost blinding me. I try to sit up but I cannot feel my back or my neck so I slump back down onto the cold hard surface I am resting on. Am I numb because of the alcohol or because of the amount of blood I have lost? The sirens are deafening now and the ambulance stops near the overturned car. As I lift up my arm to signal the paramedic, I notice my underarm is bleeding and the skin is peeled back and hanging from my arm, exposing the bone beneath. I try to shout for him but I make no sound, my throat feels as if an invisible foot is stood on my windpipe, I struggle to breath but drift into unconsciousness.
I awake flat on my back being lifted into the back of an ambulance, the sky is an inky black and I head nothing but the bellow of the swirling siren on top of the stationary ambulance. I want to ask what is happening but I am still voiceless. I wish I had listened to my dad now, he told me it was stupid to hang around with Dave and the others, they are just troublemakers, he said. The ambulance begins to move and the sirens echo inside the ambulance, more deafening than ever. I feel myself starting to shake, but I wasn’t cold, what was wrong with me? I tried to inhale but it felt as if my lungs were sealed shut. The medic clamped my face down and held an oxygen mask over my mouth. I could breathe again.
I could have stayed at home tonight; I could be watching the telly with dad right now. He will be so mad at me when he finds out what I did, he told me not to hang around with Dave’s lot. I never broke the law before, now I will be done for nicking a car and end up in prison. I don’t want to go to prison; I’m not a bad lad. The ambulance comes to a standstill and I am wheeled out and rushed into the hospital. Why are they taking me into the intensive care unit? I’m not hurt badly. I’ll be fine.
The doctor gave me an injection to put me to sleep for the operation. I tried to tell him I didn’t need an operation but I still can’t speak. I heard the doctor telling the surgeon I had spinal injuries and lacerations to the throat, but my back is fine, I am sure. It will just be bruised. Dave told me I would be fine, he could handle his booze. He was fine to drive, he said. He had nicked cars before. Said it would be fun. I wonder where he is now, and the others. The injection is having effects, the room is swirling slowly and I feel myself once more into unconsciousness.
My eyes open but my eyelids feel heavy and bruised. I can see my dad standing there talking to the doctor. I try to tell him I am sorry, that I didn’t mean for any of it to happen. I still cannot find my voice. I try to sit up but I feel as if my body is made from lead, I cannot move an inch and I am numbed all over. As I listen to the doctor and my father, the doctor says that I cannot hear them, that my injuries are severe and I will be lucky to make it through the night. But I can hear them. I will be fine. My dad hugs me then leaves, why is he leaving me? I wish he would stay.
Night draws in and the only sound is that of my heart monitor gently bleeping rhythmically. I still cannot move but tomorrow I will be all right, I can tell my dad I was stupid and I am sorry. He will forgive me, then we can go on that holiday to Spain we always planned. I wont hang around with Dave and that lot anymore, Dad was right, they are a bad influence on me. That is. Suddenly I find it harder to draw in breaths, no air is getting to my lungs and I begin to panic. I try to call out for a nurse but I still have no voice. I hear my heart monitor getting slower, my heartbeats further apart. Nobody is there to hear my silent cry for help. I feel as if I am choking, my lungs feel fit to explode. My heart monitor is no longer beeping rhythmically along with my heart but is drowning out my thoughts with a monotone beep. Why is nobody coming to help me? I wish my dad knew how sorry I was, I wish I could change what I did tonight.