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"The Night - Very Short Story"

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Tue 18/11/03 at 00:14
Regular
"Sex On Wheels"
Posts: 3,526
I lay awake that night and looked into the darkness, trying to find meaning in the unknown above. What had been covered behind a veil of light was now more beautiful than the sun itself and I wanted to experience it all.

Each star above me seemed mere inches away. I could feel each one pulsing, emitting its tender glow. It's beating, like the beating of my heart gave me comfort as I lay upon the floor and gazed at god’s creation in wonder.

The moon seemed to sail across the sky like a ghostly galleon searching for its way home. However I knew it never could, I knew it never would. In five, maybe four hours its journey was to be interrupted, like the night before that and the night before that. Its path obstructed by a blazing ball of fire. Another day would begin with men, women, children and the elderly going forth to live their lives as slaves to the light.

I would never tell them though, never tell them my secret. They think the light of day illuminates the path ahead yet it only serves to make them blinder. With light comes day, with day comes the masses and with the masses comes utter confusion. To see the stars at night, to truly be alone, to hear the wind and smell the scents of nature is more than they will ever know.

As streets awaken to see the sun rise I breath a sigh of pity, I would await the sun set again for when the night comes, there will be so much to look forward to...
Tue 18/11/03 at 00:14
Regular
"Sex On Wheels"
Posts: 3,526
I lay awake that night and looked into the darkness, trying to find meaning in the unknown above. What had been covered behind a veil of light was now more beautiful than the sun itself and I wanted to experience it all.

Each star above me seemed mere inches away. I could feel each one pulsing, emitting its tender glow. It's beating, like the beating of my heart gave me comfort as I lay upon the floor and gazed at god’s creation in wonder.

The moon seemed to sail across the sky like a ghostly galleon searching for its way home. However I knew it never could, I knew it never would. In five, maybe four hours its journey was to be interrupted, like the night before that and the night before that. Its path obstructed by a blazing ball of fire. Another day would begin with men, women, children and the elderly going forth to live their lives as slaves to the light.

I would never tell them though, never tell them my secret. They think the light of day illuminates the path ahead yet it only serves to make them blinder. With light comes day, with day comes the masses and with the masses comes utter confusion. To see the stars at night, to truly be alone, to hear the wind and smell the scents of nature is more than they will ever know.

As streets awaken to see the sun rise I breath a sigh of pity, I would await the sun set again for when the night comes, there will be so much to look forward to...
Tue 18/11/03 at 08:22
Regular
Posts: 14,437
That's pretty good, although I'm sure I've seen that somewhere before...
Tue 18/11/03 at 12:51
Regular
"Laughingstock"
Posts: 3,522
Nice description and ambience, but I don't see a story. More of a prose poem really. Good though.
Tue 18/11/03 at 12:56
"Darkness, always"
Posts: 9,603
Agree with Black Glove here. Verges very close to poetry, and I suspect that a little chopping of line structure would reveal the true message here.

Of course, I hate poetry.
Tue 18/11/03 at 16:28
Regular
"Sex On Wheels"
Posts: 3,526
Yeh I don't quite know what it is myself. I just sat down and wrote it while gazing out of the window. Anyway thanks for the good comments :)
Tue 18/11/03 at 16:30
"Darkness, always"
Posts: 9,603
Did well to keep hitting the right keys, then. When I type without looking, it comes out as a right mess.

Does half the time when I paying attention too.
Tue 18/11/03 at 16:33
Regular
"Sex On Wheels"
Posts: 3,526
Lol I learned to touch type and as long as my fingers are on the home keys to begin with it comes out fine:D I am typing this post right now while watching Charlies Angels : Full Throttle heh.
Tue 18/11/03 at 17:20
Regular
"previously phuzzy."
Posts: 3,487
Now see, if you showed *this* to Volans I'm sure you would be able to go to the level you could be sitting at.
Tue 18/11/03 at 17:32
Regular
"Sex On Wheels"
Posts: 3,526
Heh thanks. I can only hope she sets me a task like that for my next piece of creative writing then :D
Tue 18/11/03 at 18:17
Regular
"SOUP!"
Posts: 13,017
You're after a sneaky Meka GAD for a "very short story" arentcha!

Heh, was good mate.

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