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George W Bush spoke earlier today to a large crowd of Iraqis and Americans in Baghdad:
"Fellow Bhagdadicans! Brave American troops! Lovers of justice, freedom and Democrat-free democracy! Reformed evildoers! Photogenic children! Welcome, one and all, to the new Iraq: a place of sanctuary-
[BOOOM!]
...a place of sanctuary-
[BOOOM!]
...The traditional Iraqi welcome of explosions is touching, my friends, but somebody must extinguish that burning man before the smoke devisibles the autocue. Thank you. The new Iraq: a place of...Now look, if you folks don't stop running around screaming then I'll never get through this speech. And get through this speech I must, for I have a pretzel banquet to attend, hosted by your new democratically appointed president, Mr, er, um...
[Sound of shuffling notes]
Mr, oh I forget his name, but in any case this is his first time in Iraq so give him a big round of applause! Are you people even listening to me? I tell you not to worry about this bomb: I am perfectly safe inside this tank. You are concerned for me, that is understandable, even touching, but there is no need for hysteria. There will be time enough for you to pull each other from that smoking crater, and time enough to crawl onto the fine American stretchers being rushed to the scene by those very noisy and distractsome ambulances. Time enough: but after my speech!
My Iraqian friends, do not listen to the naysayers: this war is not a clash of civilizations. The American and Iraqi peoples are friends, united against terror. I have visited your synagogues and spoken with your imambojumbos and I know this: Islam and Christianity are much alike. There is no need for a gunfight at the OK Koran: my true god and your false prophet can live in harmony on this earth. Do the teachings of Buddha not say 'Cookies for all, and beards for none'? There is a lesson for all of us in his words. Yes, I see from the tears in your eyes and blood on your faces that you agree with me.
But I say this: there will be no room for fundamentalism in the new Iraq. No longer will the Vietcong force your women to wear burkhas: their faces will be seen by the people, that we might arrest any who look like Saddam. The women of Iraq shall be free, and if they are not free then we must ensure that our soldiers get value for money.
Your old dictator has left this country in ruins: bombing homes and schools, starving children and stealing oil, blowing up TV stations, hiding the truth, arresting the innocent and imprisoning the guilty without trial. Saddam traded with corrupt regimes, threatened and befriended the democracies of the Middle East; even colluded with the terrorist Arafat to use his nuclear weapons and overwhelming military might to occupy and colonise peace-loving Israel. Saddam looted your homes to build his palaces, and decorated his mantle piece with treasures from your museums.
You have my word: your country has been broken by evildoers: it will be fixed with America's goodwill. The reconstruction of Iraq will be velocified a hundredfold. America is committed to providing the bricks, and already Iraqi volunteers are rushing to provide the mortars, delivering them with great speed and accuracy to our eager troops: straight into their laps or into the trunks of their humvees: believe me when I say that each donation is received by our soldiers with an explosion of joy.
The enthusiasm of these Iraqis is to be commended! These fine men and women will restore this country to greatness. Perhaps they will help the Martian Arabs to reclaim their soggy homes. Perhaps they will build something incredible from the uranium that our soldiers have mislaid. Perhaps they will find fulfilling jobs serving freedom fries to the benevolent foreigners here to run your industrial none-of-your-concerns. Who knows: but the future is their's.
But I see that you too are keen to play your part in Iraq's future. The man ripping the aerial from my tank is clearly eager to broadcast the happy news far and wide. Many of you are looting computers and medical equipment: my staff may look concerned but I have no doubt that you are heading to the nearest school or hospital, that the Iraqi people may enjoy the fruits and vegetables of America's generosity. And I see that the man who has borrowed an M16 - from the soldier now sleeping peacefully on the ground - is firing with great caution into the crowd, neutralising the adolescent remnants of the Bath-time regime. Sir, you have my gratitude, my respect, and also my bomber jacket.
I know there have been doubters and I have spoken to many of them. In the Whitehouse a few days ago, a young woman said to me, "George, this is the ladies' room". I understood her concerns. But I told her that though we have made mistakes with Saddam in the past, we must not repeat those mistakes in the future. My friend Donald Rumsfeld visited Iraq several years ago, just after Saddam had gassed the Chinese at Halabja: he spoke to many officials of the Ba'ath Party, but came away without a Party bag! What manner of regime is this, that cannot even provide its guests with a balloon, a novelty toy or a slice of cake? We knew then that Saddam's barbaric regime must end, no matter what hypocritters it would make us look. The young lady nodded and spoke once more: "George", she said, "that is not a urinal but a sink." I knew then that my young friend had understood.
So, my Iraqian friends, I thank you and bid you farewell! Enjoy the firework display! Eat, drink and be merry! And in the morning please invade Iran!"
"Fellow Bhagdadicans! Brave American troops! Lovers of justice, freedom and Democrat-free democracy! Reformed evildoers! Photogenic children! Welcome, one and all, to the new Iraq: a place of sanctuary-
[BOOOM!]
...a place of sanctuary-
[BOOOM!]
...The traditional Iraqi welcome of explosions is touching, my friends, but somebody must extinguish that burning man before the smoke devisibles the autocue. Thank you. The new Iraq: a place of...Now look, if you folks don't stop running around screaming then I'll never get through this speech. And get through this speech I must, for I have a pretzel banquet to attend, hosted by your new democratically appointed president, Mr, er, um...
[Sound of shuffling notes]
Mr, oh I forget his name, but in any case this is his first time in Iraq so give him a big round of applause! Are you people even listening to me? I tell you not to worry about this bomb: I am perfectly safe inside this tank. You are concerned for me, that is understandable, even touching, but there is no need for hysteria. There will be time enough for you to pull each other from that smoking crater, and time enough to crawl onto the fine American stretchers being rushed to the scene by those very noisy and distractsome ambulances. Time enough: but after my speech!
My Iraqian friends, do not listen to the naysayers: this war is not a clash of civilizations. The American and Iraqi peoples are friends, united against terror. I have visited your synagogues and spoken with your imambojumbos and I know this: Islam and Christianity are much alike. There is no need for a gunfight at the OK Koran: my true god and your false prophet can live in harmony on this earth. Do the teachings of Buddha not say 'Cookies for all, and beards for none'? There is a lesson for all of us in his words. Yes, I see from the tears in your eyes and blood on your faces that you agree with me.
But I say this: there will be no room for fundamentalism in the new Iraq. No longer will the Vietcong force your women to wear burkhas: their faces will be seen by the people, that we might arrest any who look like Saddam. The women of Iraq shall be free, and if they are not free then we must ensure that our soldiers get value for money.
Your old dictator has left this country in ruins: bombing homes and schools, starving children and stealing oil, blowing up TV stations, hiding the truth, arresting the innocent and imprisoning the guilty without trial. Saddam traded with corrupt regimes, threatened and befriended the democracies of the Middle East; even colluded with the terrorist Arafat to use his nuclear weapons and overwhelming military might to occupy and colonise peace-loving Israel. Saddam looted your homes to build his palaces, and decorated his mantle piece with treasures from your museums.
You have my word: your country has been broken by evildoers: it will be fixed with America's goodwill. The reconstruction of Iraq will be velocified a hundredfold. America is committed to providing the bricks, and already Iraqi volunteers are rushing to provide the mortars, delivering them with great speed and accuracy to our eager troops: straight into their laps or into the trunks of their humvees: believe me when I say that each donation is received by our soldiers with an explosion of joy.
The enthusiasm of these Iraqis is to be commended! These fine men and women will restore this country to greatness. Perhaps they will help the Martian Arabs to reclaim their soggy homes. Perhaps they will build something incredible from the uranium that our soldiers have mislaid. Perhaps they will find fulfilling jobs serving freedom fries to the benevolent foreigners here to run your industrial none-of-your-concerns. Who knows: but the future is their's.
But I see that you too are keen to play your part in Iraq's future. The man ripping the aerial from my tank is clearly eager to broadcast the happy news far and wide. Many of you are looting computers and medical equipment: my staff may look concerned but I have no doubt that you are heading to the nearest school or hospital, that the Iraqi people may enjoy the fruits and vegetables of America's generosity. And I see that the man who has borrowed an M16 - from the soldier now sleeping peacefully on the ground - is firing with great caution into the crowd, neutralising the adolescent remnants of the Bath-time regime. Sir, you have my gratitude, my respect, and also my bomber jacket.
I know there have been doubters and I have spoken to many of them. In the Whitehouse a few days ago, a young woman said to me, "George, this is the ladies' room". I understood her concerns. But I told her that though we have made mistakes with Saddam in the past, we must not repeat those mistakes in the future. My friend Donald Rumsfeld visited Iraq several years ago, just after Saddam had gassed the Chinese at Halabja: he spoke to many officials of the Ba'ath Party, but came away without a Party bag! What manner of regime is this, that cannot even provide its guests with a balloon, a novelty toy or a slice of cake? We knew then that Saddam's barbaric regime must end, no matter what hypocritters it would make us look. The young lady nodded and spoke once more: "George", she said, "that is not a urinal but a sink." I knew then that my young friend had understood.
So, my Iraqian friends, I thank you and bid you farewell! Enjoy the firework display! Eat, drink and be merry! And in the morning please invade Iran!"
"There is no need for a gunfight at the OK Koran: my true god and your false prophet can live in harmony on this earth."
I am amused.
I am amused.
Heh. Most amusing!
ßora† SagdiyeV wrote:
> that made me laugh out loud, the bit about the man who stole the M16
> from the american soldier sleeping peacefully on the ground - comedy
> genius.
>
> great stuff
Yea I liked that! :D very amusing!
> that made me laugh out loud, the bit about the man who stole the M16
> from the american soldier sleeping peacefully on the ground - comedy
> genius.
>
> great stuff
Yea I liked that! :D very amusing!
Raised a smile.
that made me laugh out loud, the bit about the man who stole the M16 from the american soldier sleeping peacefully on the ground - comedy genius.
great stuff
great stuff
George W Bush spoke earlier today to a large crowd of Iraqis and Americans in Baghdad:
"Fellow Bhagdadicans! Brave American troops! Lovers of justice, freedom and Democrat-free democracy! Reformed evildoers! Photogenic children! Welcome, one and all, to the new Iraq: a place of sanctuary-
[BOOOM!]
...a place of sanctuary-
[BOOOM!]
...The traditional Iraqi welcome of explosions is touching, my friends, but somebody must extinguish that burning man before the smoke devisibles the autocue. Thank you. The new Iraq: a place of...Now look, if you folks don't stop running around screaming then I'll never get through this speech. And get through this speech I must, for I have a pretzel banquet to attend, hosted by your new democratically appointed president, Mr, er, um...
[Sound of shuffling notes]
Mr, oh I forget his name, but in any case this is his first time in Iraq so give him a big round of applause! Are you people even listening to me? I tell you not to worry about this bomb: I am perfectly safe inside this tank. You are concerned for me, that is understandable, even touching, but there is no need for hysteria. There will be time enough for you to pull each other from that smoking crater, and time enough to crawl onto the fine American stretchers being rushed to the scene by those very noisy and distractsome ambulances. Time enough: but after my speech!
My Iraqian friends, do not listen to the naysayers: this war is not a clash of civilizations. The American and Iraqi peoples are friends, united against terror. I have visited your synagogues and spoken with your imambojumbos and I know this: Islam and Christianity are much alike. There is no need for a gunfight at the OK Koran: my true god and your false prophet can live in harmony on this earth. Do the teachings of Buddha not say 'Cookies for all, and beards for none'? There is a lesson for all of us in his words. Yes, I see from the tears in your eyes and blood on your faces that you agree with me.
But I say this: there will be no room for fundamentalism in the new Iraq. No longer will the Vietcong force your women to wear burkhas: their faces will be seen by the people, that we might arrest any who look like Saddam. The women of Iraq shall be free, and if they are not free then we must ensure that our soldiers get value for money.
Your old dictator has left this country in ruins: bombing homes and schools, starving children and stealing oil, blowing up TV stations, hiding the truth, arresting the innocent and imprisoning the guilty without trial. Saddam traded with corrupt regimes, threatened and befriended the democracies of the Middle East; even colluded with the terrorist Arafat to use his nuclear weapons and overwhelming military might to occupy and colonise peace-loving Israel. Saddam looted your homes to build his palaces, and decorated his mantle piece with treasures from your museums.
You have my word: your country has been broken by evildoers: it will be fixed with America's goodwill. The reconstruction of Iraq will be velocified a hundredfold. America is committed to providing the bricks, and already Iraqi volunteers are rushing to provide the mortars, delivering them with great speed and accuracy to our eager troops: straight into their laps or into the trunks of their humvees: believe me when I say that each donation is received by our soldiers with an explosion of joy.
The enthusiasm of these Iraqis is to be commended! These fine men and women will restore this country to greatness. Perhaps they will help the Martian Arabs to reclaim their soggy homes. Perhaps they will build something incredible from the uranium that our soldiers have mislaid. Perhaps they will find fulfilling jobs serving freedom fries to the benevolent foreigners here to run your industrial none-of-your-concerns. Who knows: but the future is their's.
But I see that you too are keen to play your part in Iraq's future. The man ripping the aerial from my tank is clearly eager to broadcast the happy news far and wide. Many of you are looting computers and medical equipment: my staff may look concerned but I have no doubt that you are heading to the nearest school or hospital, that the Iraqi people may enjoy the fruits and vegetables of America's generosity. And I see that the man who has borrowed an M16 - from the soldier now sleeping peacefully on the ground - is firing with great caution into the crowd, neutralising the adolescent remnants of the Bath-time regime. Sir, you have my gratitude, my respect, and also my bomber jacket.
I know there have been doubters and I have spoken to many of them. In the Whitehouse a few days ago, a young woman said to me, "George, this is the ladies' room". I understood her concerns. But I told her that though we have made mistakes with Saddam in the past, we must not repeat those mistakes in the future. My friend Donald Rumsfeld visited Iraq several years ago, just after Saddam had gassed the Chinese at Halabja: he spoke to many officials of the Ba'ath Party, but came away without a Party bag! What manner of regime is this, that cannot even provide its guests with a balloon, a novelty toy or a slice of cake? We knew then that Saddam's barbaric regime must end, no matter what hypocritters it would make us look. The young lady nodded and spoke once more: "George", she said, "that is not a urinal but a sink." I knew then that my young friend had understood.
So, my Iraqian friends, I thank you and bid you farewell! Enjoy the firework display! Eat, drink and be merry! And in the morning please invade Iran!"
"Fellow Bhagdadicans! Brave American troops! Lovers of justice, freedom and Democrat-free democracy! Reformed evildoers! Photogenic children! Welcome, one and all, to the new Iraq: a place of sanctuary-
[BOOOM!]
...a place of sanctuary-
[BOOOM!]
...The traditional Iraqi welcome of explosions is touching, my friends, but somebody must extinguish that burning man before the smoke devisibles the autocue. Thank you. The new Iraq: a place of...Now look, if you folks don't stop running around screaming then I'll never get through this speech. And get through this speech I must, for I have a pretzel banquet to attend, hosted by your new democratically appointed president, Mr, er, um...
[Sound of shuffling notes]
Mr, oh I forget his name, but in any case this is his first time in Iraq so give him a big round of applause! Are you people even listening to me? I tell you not to worry about this bomb: I am perfectly safe inside this tank. You are concerned for me, that is understandable, even touching, but there is no need for hysteria. There will be time enough for you to pull each other from that smoking crater, and time enough to crawl onto the fine American stretchers being rushed to the scene by those very noisy and distractsome ambulances. Time enough: but after my speech!
My Iraqian friends, do not listen to the naysayers: this war is not a clash of civilizations. The American and Iraqi peoples are friends, united against terror. I have visited your synagogues and spoken with your imambojumbos and I know this: Islam and Christianity are much alike. There is no need for a gunfight at the OK Koran: my true god and your false prophet can live in harmony on this earth. Do the teachings of Buddha not say 'Cookies for all, and beards for none'? There is a lesson for all of us in his words. Yes, I see from the tears in your eyes and blood on your faces that you agree with me.
But I say this: there will be no room for fundamentalism in the new Iraq. No longer will the Vietcong force your women to wear burkhas: their faces will be seen by the people, that we might arrest any who look like Saddam. The women of Iraq shall be free, and if they are not free then we must ensure that our soldiers get value for money.
Your old dictator has left this country in ruins: bombing homes and schools, starving children and stealing oil, blowing up TV stations, hiding the truth, arresting the innocent and imprisoning the guilty without trial. Saddam traded with corrupt regimes, threatened and befriended the democracies of the Middle East; even colluded with the terrorist Arafat to use his nuclear weapons and overwhelming military might to occupy and colonise peace-loving Israel. Saddam looted your homes to build his palaces, and decorated his mantle piece with treasures from your museums.
You have my word: your country has been broken by evildoers: it will be fixed with America's goodwill. The reconstruction of Iraq will be velocified a hundredfold. America is committed to providing the bricks, and already Iraqi volunteers are rushing to provide the mortars, delivering them with great speed and accuracy to our eager troops: straight into their laps or into the trunks of their humvees: believe me when I say that each donation is received by our soldiers with an explosion of joy.
The enthusiasm of these Iraqis is to be commended! These fine men and women will restore this country to greatness. Perhaps they will help the Martian Arabs to reclaim their soggy homes. Perhaps they will build something incredible from the uranium that our soldiers have mislaid. Perhaps they will find fulfilling jobs serving freedom fries to the benevolent foreigners here to run your industrial none-of-your-concerns. Who knows: but the future is their's.
But I see that you too are keen to play your part in Iraq's future. The man ripping the aerial from my tank is clearly eager to broadcast the happy news far and wide. Many of you are looting computers and medical equipment: my staff may look concerned but I have no doubt that you are heading to the nearest school or hospital, that the Iraqi people may enjoy the fruits and vegetables of America's generosity. And I see that the man who has borrowed an M16 - from the soldier now sleeping peacefully on the ground - is firing with great caution into the crowd, neutralising the adolescent remnants of the Bath-time regime. Sir, you have my gratitude, my respect, and also my bomber jacket.
I know there have been doubters and I have spoken to many of them. In the Whitehouse a few days ago, a young woman said to me, "George, this is the ladies' room". I understood her concerns. But I told her that though we have made mistakes with Saddam in the past, we must not repeat those mistakes in the future. My friend Donald Rumsfeld visited Iraq several years ago, just after Saddam had gassed the Chinese at Halabja: he spoke to many officials of the Ba'ath Party, but came away without a Party bag! What manner of regime is this, that cannot even provide its guests with a balloon, a novelty toy or a slice of cake? We knew then that Saddam's barbaric regime must end, no matter what hypocritters it would make us look. The young lady nodded and spoke once more: "George", she said, "that is not a urinal but a sink." I knew then that my young friend had understood.
So, my Iraqian friends, I thank you and bid you farewell! Enjoy the firework display! Eat, drink and be merry! And in the morning please invade Iran!"