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It's not me directly. But it is kinda linked to me. I don't care if you sl@g it off or whatever, even if you ignore it...
I was standing in my room. How had it all gone wrong? And so quickly too? One day I was fine, the next a nervous wreck. I had messed up, big time.
It all started when I was walking to work. As usual I met my lady friend just round the corner and we walked arm in arm along the dark cold streets to school. As usual we had our chats about what we had done the night before, and other such interesting conversations. But that day, three mornings ago felt somehow different. The streets felt colder, looked darker and the world felt like it had never before. I knew something was wrong.
True to form, something was wrong. A few streets from work she stopped and grabbed my arm to stop me. She had a stern and serious look on her face and immediately I felt ice cold inside. Almost dead.
We had been together six years and were engaged. I had popped the question just weeks before and ever since had been walking on water. I couldn’t imagine life without her, she was my sun and my moon. Without her, I felt I was nothing. We had met six years earlier at secondary school. She had been in my form. She was miss-popular me just a little geek at the front. I had always had a huge crush on her, knowing nothing would ever happen. But it did. I remember it vividly, one fine summers day when I was sitting at a bench reading a book, she came up and stood in front of me. At first I asked her to move because she was blocking the sun but then I realized something was about to happen. And ever since I have been with the girl I love.
But that day on our way to work, it felt like the world had crashed down and burnt right in front of my eyes. She just said there and then ‘there’s some one else’ and walked off to work.
I cried. I’m not ashamed to admit it, I cried. I sat down in the doorway of a shop and cried. I sat there for about an hour, unaware of my surroundings. Then got up and went home. I sat alone all night, all of the next day, for the rest of the week, only getting up to eat or use the toilet.
Then she came. One night there was a knocking on the door. At first ignored it, then got up and went to answer it. It was she, the love of my life, at my door. She invited herself in and went straight through to the kitchen. I wondered what was happening. My head started to spin. What was she doing here?
So we sat together at the table, slowly drinking coffee. I felt I was going to explode with the amount of time she was taking to tell me. Finally she said it. There and then she asked me to marry her. I sat there, bewildered at what had just happened. I took a long time over the answer. What was it? No. It was no. I had had enough. She had mucked me around and now wanted me back. I had spent the last week getting, or trying to get, over her. I was not going back now.
That’s why I am standing here now. Angry at myself for what I had done. Why had I not taken her back? Why had I said no. These thought will be with me always. Why was I a fool? Was I destined to be a geek all my life….?
I was standing in my room. How had it all gone wrong? And so quickly too? One day I was fine, the next a nervous wreck. I had messed up, big time.
It all started when I was walking to work. As usual I met my lady friend just round the corner and we walked arm in arm along the dark cold streets to school. As usual we had our chats about what we had done the night before, and other such interesting conversations. But that day, three mornings ago felt somehow different. The streets felt colder, looked darker and the world felt like it had never before. I knew something was wrong.
True to form, something was wrong. A few streets from work she stopped and grabbed my arm to stop me. She had a stern and serious look on her face and immediately I felt ice cold inside. Almost dead.
We had been together six years and were engaged. I had popped the question just weeks before and ever since had been walking on water. I couldn’t imagine life without her, she was my sun and my moon. Without her, I felt I was nothing. We had met six years earlier at secondary school. She had been in my form. She was miss-popular me just a little geek at the front. I had always had a huge crush on her, knowing nothing would ever happen. But it did. I remember it vividly, one fine summers day when I was sitting at a bench reading a book, she came up and stood in front of me. At first I asked her to move because she was blocking the sun but then I realized something was about to happen. And ever since I have been with the girl I love.
But that day on our way to work, it felt like the world had crashed down and burnt right in front of my eyes. She just said there and then ‘there’s some one else’ and walked off to work.
I cried. I’m not ashamed to admit it, I cried. I sat down in the doorway of a shop and cried. I sat there for about an hour, unaware of my surroundings. Then got up and went home. I sat alone all night, all of the next day, for the rest of the week, only getting up to eat or use the toilet.
Then she came. One night there was a knocking on the door. At first ignored it, then got up and went to answer it. It was she, the love of my life, at my door. She invited herself in and went straight through to the kitchen. I wondered what was happening. My head started to spin. What was she doing here?
So we sat together at the table, slowly drinking coffee. I felt I was going to explode with the amount of time she was taking to tell me. Finally she said it. There and then she asked me to marry her. I sat there, bewildered at what had just happened. I took a long time over the answer. What was it? No. It was no. I had had enough. She had mucked me around and now wanted me back. I had spent the last week getting, or trying to get, over her. I was not going back now.
That’s why I am standing here now. Angry at myself for what I had done. Why had I not taken her back? Why had I said no. These thought will be with me always. Why was I a fool? Was I destined to be a geek all my life….?
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Cheers i will change it with accords to what some of you have said and post it again. Cheers SR :cD
Nice.
Some inconsistency regarding whether you're on your way to school or to work, and I feel like slapping your main character in the face for letting his bird just say "there's someone else" and then walk off without explanation of some kind.
And the answer to your character's question at the end is all to obvious. He said no because he know's he can never trust her again.
Assuming you don't really write stories like this a lot (it seems very "First Draft, first draft"), then this is as good a platform as any on which to begin, and indeed is not far removed from where I began to write. Clear up the inconsistencies, carve out the characters a little more, flesh out the atmospheres and see how it looks then.
Some inconsistency regarding whether you're on your way to school or to work, and I feel like slapping your main character in the face for letting his bird just say "there's someone else" and then walk off without explanation of some kind.
And the answer to your character's question at the end is all to obvious. He said no because he know's he can never trust her again.
Assuming you don't really write stories like this a lot (it seems very "First Draft, first draft"), then this is as good a platform as any on which to begin, and indeed is not far removed from where I began to write. Clear up the inconsistencies, carve out the characters a little more, flesh out the atmospheres and see how it looks then.
MoJoJoJo wrote:
> "but then I realized something was about to happen"
>
> What's with the American spellings?
Its all the duck I tell you.
> "but then I realized something was about to happen"
>
> What's with the American spellings?
Its all the duck I tell you.
"but then I realized something was about to happen"
What's with the American spellings?
What's with the American spellings?
Alec wrote:
> All i lack is ideas,
And a good keyboard by the looks of it! ;-)
Nah, good story. Next one can be longer. How about something about an imaginary friend.
> All i lack is ideas,
And a good keyboard by the looks of it! ;-)
Nah, good story. Next one can be longer. How about something about an imaginary friend.
Yay lots of people like nmy stories. I may have to write some mor ein future. All i lack is ideas, anyone??
**ventures into Life and Everything**
Very Well Done Alec..i'd write a story but alas I have better things to do such as A Level Homework...I'll write a story or 2 at Christmas or just dig out the tonnes I used to write...
(and yes I am telling the truth none of this is ment as sarcastic)
Very Well Done Alec..i'd write a story but alas I have better things to do such as A Level Homework...I'll write a story or 2 at Christmas or just dig out the tonnes I used to write...
(and yes I am telling the truth none of this is ment as sarcastic)
gamezfreak wrote:
> Shut up colourless.
Whatever
> Shut up colourless.
Whatever
Alec wrote:
> I'm not criticising you mate.
Thank you, since my comment on the duck with a spoon was perfectly valid.
...
> I'm not criticising you mate.
Thank you, since my comment on the duck with a spoon was perfectly valid.
...
I'm not criticising you mate.
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