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"Going home (story)"

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Mon 06/10/03 at 12:41
Regular
"Going nowhere fast"
Posts: 6,574
Tendrils of consciousness filtered through the darkness and I was suddenly aware that I was stood in the middle of a room Although the room was icy cold and I was naked I realised that I was not effected by it, I was warm enough. The room contained headless carcasses hung upside down and headless so that blood drained into channels in the floor. I walked softly towards the nearest one and stared in fascination. It was human, the arms somehow adhered to the torso, not tied that I could see, just not hanging into space by the side of the heads they no longer possessed. There was no revulsion on my part, no horror, just a curious sensation of being hungry, of not eating for such a long time. A strange sensation since looking upon my form I seemed healthy enough.

A sound behind me made me turn to see a man but, oh, what a man. Dark, handsome, beautiful, rugged, charming, tall. A sight to set every sense alight, every pleasure point in my body react with immediate lust and a craving to take him, there and then, by force if needs be. Then he spoke, all he'd said was hello. What the sense of sight had started the sense of sound finished. His voice hit me in the pit of my stomach and shot to the tip of every nerve ending. It was a voice that dripped honey and cream, promised pain and pleasure, sensuous lovemaking or wild nights of passion, whatever my body desired and my memory could dredge up.

Memory. I knew this man. I had a vivid recollection of a one night stand that had left me exhausted and fulfilled yet still craving more. A never ending roller coaster of sensations that eventually forced my body into an exhausted sleep. When I'd awoken he had gone and I had not seen him again until today. At this point my body betrayed me and an orgasm ripped through me, forcing a scream from my throat and my knees to give way. I crashed to the floor and began to vomit streams of thin black leeches that squirmed away to feast in the troughs of blood.

Suddenly I was lifted bodily from the floor and cradled in strong welcoming arms. As I looked up into liquid black eyes I could feel envy suddenly coursing through my veins. I wanted to own those eyes, those beautiful black eyes that held so much power. I was ready to rip them from his face when suddenly I started to laugh.

"Oh no my brother. I know where I am, who I am and who you are. Your trickery will not work anymore on me" and I blocked all the sensations he was sending my way and with a thought clothed myself. It was always this way when I first returned, he always played with me, even if my form was male.
"Welcome home sister" he replied "we were getting a little concerned and I was sent to fetch you. Why did you go into a church of all places."
"Curiosity mainly. I wanted to see what was on offer from the other side" I replied. "There was a peacefulness, a calming awareness there that most of the population are unaware of and even the people that enter the churches are not fully tuned to. I am pleased that our night of debauchery brought me back to reality."
"You still took your time though" he admonished.
"Not my fault, the people are getting softer up there. They had caught me red-handed and still some people were screaming for my life to be spared. I thought I was going to have to end it myself. The stupidity of those people knows no bounds." I mused, more to myself than my brother.

As the walls around us shimmered and shifted to a new location I remembered the pleasure of my last months on earth. After my night of passion with my brother I had become hungry for more. Lusting after both male and females in an urge to gratify something I couldn't put my finger on. Then I remembered, I had come to here to have some fun and so the fun had started.

The one night stands, with either sexes, when I used my own powers to pour lust into human hearts. The men and women I had left unsatisfied so that they in turn could spread the lust further. Then the mutilations had begun and fear had spread like wildfire through the city I inhabited. I remembered with pleasure the men I had castrated or flayed, the women I had raped and mutilated and all the while the police, those protectors of society, were getting nowhere close to catching me, no matter how many clues I left them.

In the end I had needed to call them in myself. A man I had been with this time and we had had plenty of fun for several hours. I had left him tied to the bed while I fetched a pair of shears and as the lust faded from his eyes and reality dawned on him I felt a tremendous rush of pleasure - he was mine to play with. When the police eventually turned up it was to a scene which sent many of them out of the room to throw up. Some of them, with weaker stomachs, didn't make it out of the room and their vomit mingled with the spreading blood from my final lover. They found me sitting naked covered in his blood, alternating between nibbling his toes (which were no longer attached to his feet) while sucking fluid from the open end of his member which I held in my left hand.

As that memory faded I became aware that the walls around my brother and myself had solidified once again. The glorious stench of rotten flesh and sulphur assailed my sense of smell, making my mouth water with hunger and the screams of pitiful creatures was music to my ears. Another voice spoke behind me and washed over me. A voice full of pride, anger, lust, gluttony, envy, greed and sloth "Daughter?" and I turned to be enfolded into another pair of arms.

"Hello father, I'm home".
Fri 10/10/03 at 08:15
Regular
"Going nowhere fast"
Posts: 6,574
Thank you. Oddly enough, of all the stories I've tried recently, my two favourites are both written from the first person perspective.

It is easy to expand. I had the idea of the first crime being described as a lesbian scene and, yes, her final memory is easy to expand. The only problem I'd have is to get everything through the swear filter for this site. It was easier, and better for the flow of the story I thought, for me to miss these scenes completely.

Thanks for the link. I will browse through the site this weekend when I have more time and I can get a feel for the kind of stories they are looking for.
Thu 09/10/03 at 13:47
Posts: 643
I thought this worked well enough. I’ve been working on first person stuff myself recently, and while some say it’s tricky, you’ve done a good job of keeping the rhythm here, in both present and past tense.

Erotica is a woman’s domain, men just can’t write it. So your femininity serves you well if this is the sort of thing you want to write. Funny though, how horror and erotica often go so well together.

Personally, I thought the story was, from horror perspective, fairly ordinary, but only because subjects like incest and females enjoying multiple sexual partners are so often related to the highest forms of sin and evil, but it worked well because the first person character was originally made out to seem fairly ordinary, in an extraordinary position.

I think you could easily make this a passable piece of erotic horror by expanding on the “several hours” with the final lover – how you met, what was said, and finally what you did – as you certainly don’t have any quabbles about adding “orgasm”, “member” etc into work, I’m sure you could go further and explain in great detail what is happening.

If that’s the path you choose, might I also recommend http://www.theedgeabelgratis.co.uk, which is a magazine that apparently publishes material under a number of genres, including erotica and horror, so I assume they would also be interested in hybrids.
Wed 08/10/03 at 23:25
Moderator
"possibly impossible"
Posts: 24,985
Reminds me of something Neil Gaimen would write. Very good gothic piece, though...um...graphic!
Wed 08/10/03 at 21:59
Regular
Posts: 2,774
Ineedsleep wrote: >
> At this point my body
> betrayed me and an orgasm ripped through me, forcing a scream from my
> throat and my knees to give way.

now that's a good trick...
Tue 07/10/03 at 16:48
Regular
"Laughingstock"
Posts: 3,522
Tease?

"They found me sitting naked covered in his blood, alternating between nibbling his toes (which were no longer attached to his feet) while sucking fluid from the open end of his member which I held in my left hand."

That's pretty gruesome in anyone's book.
Tue 07/10/03 at 16:45
Regular
"Infantalised Forums"
Posts: 23,089
It's a cross between Penthouse letters, Mills & Boon and Dante.

I like.
Tue 07/10/03 at 16:43
Regular
"Going nowhere fast"
Posts: 6,574
Thanks - my egometer just exploded :)

The Fey Enchantress thanks the Master of Darkness but thinks he does tease her a little with his gruesome comments. This only a goblintale to ease the imps into their slumber.
Mon 06/10/03 at 19:42
Regular
Posts: 10,364
Bah this isn't excellent at all.

Its bloody exceptional!

Dark yet sexual story.

Loved it. Write more!
Mon 06/10/03 at 18:33
Regular
Posts: 10,437
Brilliant.

The atmosphere throughout the whole thing was superbly done, the whole thing seemed so... unique. Very good, look forward to the next one.
Mon 06/10/03 at 16:34
Regular
"Not a Jew"
Posts: 7,532
That description at the end - the mutilation - made me grimace in revulsion, it was that acute and accurate. Very nicely done.

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