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In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
Most people have probably seen these before but I'm bored and I feel like spamming so here they are:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Yeah, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)!
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (Nice one, you idiots.)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (As opposed to..?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Oh, thanks for that timely reminder, you buffons.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating"
(No $hit, Sherlock.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (I'm sure we could reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those damn forklifts!)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness" (Damn, I was hoping to stay awak for a fortnight.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(Thanks for narrowing that down for me.)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Stop the presses! This is big news.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
eat nuts." (Step 3: Laugh at the idiotic "instructions".)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Why not?)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."(What?...was there a lot of this happening somewhere???)
Most people have probably seen these before but I'm bored and I feel like spamming so here they are:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Yeah, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)!
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (Nice one, you idiots.)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (As opposed to..?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Oh, thanks for that timely reminder, you buffons.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating"
(No $hit, Sherlock.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (I'm sure we could reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those damn forklifts!)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness" (Damn, I was hoping to stay awak for a fortnight.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(Thanks for narrowing that down for me.)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Stop the presses! This is big news.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
eat nuts." (Step 3: Laugh at the idiotic "instructions".)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Why not?)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."(What?...was there a lot of this happening somewhere???)
N*A*S*H wrote:
> There's a legal reason to that "No purchase necessary" I think.
> I can't remember right now, but I'll tell you sometime.
It's to do with betting laws.
If they charged for the entry to the competition, it would be like a lottery - and only Camelot's allowed to do that as they have the license.
Horse race betting (and similar) is legal because there's 'skill' involved.
Bingo has the same exception due to 'skill' being required.
Church raffles (and similar) are legal because it's fund-raising (I think churches and schools and actual charity's are allowed raffles, but nobody else).
Any other competition that requires you to pay to enter but no skill is involved in winning is illegal.
> There's a legal reason to that "No purchase necessary" I think.
> I can't remember right now, but I'll tell you sometime.
It's to do with betting laws.
If they charged for the entry to the competition, it would be like a lottery - and only Camelot's allowed to do that as they have the license.
Horse race betting (and similar) is legal because there's 'skill' involved.
Bingo has the same exception due to 'skill' being required.
Church raffles (and similar) are legal because it's fund-raising (I think churches and schools and actual charity's are allowed raffles, but nobody else).
Any other competition that requires you to pay to enter but no skill is involved in winning is illegal.
Well said.
N*A*S*H wrote:
> There's a legal reason to that "No purchase necessary" I
> think.
> I can't remember right now, but I'll tell you sometime.
It's avoiding some tax/duty on the competition the company is running.
> There's a legal reason to that "No purchase necessary" I
> think.
> I can't remember right now, but I'll tell you sometime.
It's avoiding some tax/duty on the competition the company is running.
Some of them are there for legal reasons such as if a food product contains nuts it must say so evan if the product is nuts.
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (I'm sure we could reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those damn forklifts!)
thats funny
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (I'm sure we could reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those damn forklifts!)
thats funny
There's a legal reason to that "No purchase necessary" I think.
I can't remember right now, but I'll tell you sometime.
I can't remember right now, but I'll tell you sometime.
Believer of "Un's"
Of The Dump.
HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL
***************************
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth, open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour a pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for VET to collect cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
***************************
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth, open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour a pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for VET to collect cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
They are so silly. Think I've heard a few before but still something to laugh at so early in the morning. One of my favorites is on hair dye packs. Might not be too obvious to some but to me it is.
"Do not take internally"
Silly beggers.
"Do not take internally"
Silly beggers.
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
Most people have probably seen these before but I'm bored and I feel like spamming so here they are:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Yeah, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)!
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (Nice one, you idiots.)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (As opposed to..?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Oh, thanks for that timely reminder, you buffons.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating"
(No $hit, Sherlock.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (I'm sure we could reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those damn forklifts!)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness" (Damn, I was hoping to stay awak for a fortnight.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(Thanks for narrowing that down for me.)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Stop the presses! This is big news.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
eat nuts." (Step 3: Laugh at the idiotic "instructions".)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Why not?)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."(What?...was there a lot of this happening somewhere???)
Most people have probably seen these before but I'm bored and I feel like spamming so here they are:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Yeah, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)!
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (Nice one, you idiots.)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (As opposed to..?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Oh, thanks for that timely reminder, you buffons.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating"
(No $hit, Sherlock.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (I'm sure we could reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those damn forklifts!)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness" (Damn, I was hoping to stay awak for a fortnight.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(Thanks for narrowing that down for me.)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Stop the presses! This is big news.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,
eat nuts." (Step 3: Laugh at the idiotic "instructions".)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Why not?)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."(What?...was there a lot of this happening somewhere???)