GetDotted Domains

Viewing Thread:
"Him (Short Story)"

The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.

Fri 19/09/03 at 21:44
Regular
"Not a Jew"
Posts: 7,532
Short story. About a wasted life etc. Not my normal thing, but tell me what you think. It's okay, needs a few touches here and there but inform me of me what you think of it anyway. Cheers.



He woke up immediately and knew that he was going to make himself a good day. “A day is what you make it” was the saying, and he was going to follow that saying and make this the best day of his life. He put on his old black Metallica T-Shirt, some dark blue Levi’s and pulled on some stained white socks. He got out of his bed and slowly made his way downstairs. My legs are felling kind of cramped, he thought. Better not do any jogging today or anything. He walked into the bathroom, pulled the string to turn on the light and splashed some water on his face. Ach, my eyes are sore, was his next thought, and he looked at them in the mirror as close as he could while his dodgy bathroom light flickered in the background. Satisfied as he couldn’t see anything in in them he made his way out of the bathroom turning off the light as he went, and made his way to the kitchen to grab some toast. None left. Damnit, he thought. He opened up the beaten old fridge and surveyed the sparse contents inside. A half eaten pot full of yoghurt, a cucumber, a pint of milk, some cheese and an orange that was going blue with age. Yoghurt will have to do, thought he, and dragged it out. He pulled out the spoon inside it and took a few mouthfuls, before spitting it out. Bloody hell he thought. That stuff’s vile. He was stressed out by this point, and went into the living room. He pulled open a mahogany drawer and took out a small rust tin. He opened it and took out some rolly papers, a few cigarettes, a lighter and a small quantity of cannabis resin. He opened a cigarette and put some tobacco onto it, and crumbled up some of the resin an added it. He smoked it with relish, and when he finished he felt so good he needed another. Four or so hours later he woke up sprawled on the couch, surrounded by empty Strongbow bottles and spilt tobacco. God, my head hurts, he thought. He stumbled over to the bathroom and splashed some more water on his face. Slowly moving back into the living room, he collapsed onto the sofa and dug for the remote under the filthy cushions. Eventually he found it and dragged it out, switching on the TV. He was bored and watched the first thing that came on, which happened to be a nature documentary. After fifteen minutes of staring blankly at the screen and listening to David Attenborough’s constant droning about how the Peru apes find ticks in the undergrowth, he nodded off. When he awoke it was 11.00 at night. He shifted position and went back to sleep. Tomorrow, he thought, will be a great day. He promised himself he would make it a great day. He would be making this promise everyday to himself for the rest of his life.
Sun 21/09/03 at 21:51
Regular
"Going nowhere fast"
Posts: 6,574
You been reading my diary, no wait, mine has paragraphs in it:)

Sorry, didn't do anything for me. Don't think it is up to the standard you are capable of.
Sun 21/09/03 at 16:36
"I love yo... lamp."
Posts: 19,577
Quite good. But paragraphs are needed.
Sat 20/09/03 at 22:11
Regular
"Not a Jew"
Posts: 7,532
Yes that was moi.
Sat 20/09/03 at 22:05
Regular
"aka memo aaka gayby"
Posts: 11,948
RoJ wrote:
> P.S. Unblock me.

I can't unblock someone who isn't on my contacts list...

I only have 9 contacts from SR. Anyone who I didn't talk to/want to talk to was deleted. Were you the person who tried to add me last night?

I didn't know who it was so I didn't add them back.
Sat 20/09/03 at 22:05
Regular
"Not a Jew"
Posts: 7,532
Yeah Memo is actually right.
p.s. Unblock me.
Sat 20/09/03 at 22:03
Regular
"aka memo aaka gayby"
Posts: 11,948
Alec wrote:
> You are not a critic ok?

Oh for f**ks sake. People post their stories on the forum to get comments on it, and to ask for advice on improving them etc. I was making a perfectly valid comment. It's called constructive criticism.

I'm sure there are plenty of other people who share my view. If a story isn't paragraphed in an attractive and appropriate style it WILL discourage people from reading it, because it's easy to lose your place, and can put unnecessary strain on your eyes.

Okay?
Sat 20/09/03 at 22:01
Regular
"Not a Jew"
Posts: 7,532
Memorandum! wrote:
> If it wasn't an ugly uninviting block of text I'd read it.
>
> Paragraphs RoJ, paragraphs.


I know. I could have put in some paragraphs but I didn't, because I couldn't be bothered to read it all and decide where to put in paragraphs.
P.S. Unblock me.
Sat 20/09/03 at 22:00
Regular
"Not a Jew"
Posts: 7,532
I know it doesn't have a point. That is the whole point!! The point is, it doesn't have a point, so technically, it does have a point!!
Sat 20/09/03 at 21:59
Regular
"It's been a while.."
Posts: 4,314
Memorandum! wrote:
> If it wasn't an ugly uninviting block of text I'd read it.
>
> Paragraphs RoJ, paragraphs.

You are not a critic ok?
Sat 20/09/03 at 21:58
Regular
"It's been a while.."
Posts: 4,314
Um....i guess it's good but it doesn't really have a point to it, or am i just missing it?

Freeola & GetDotted are rated 5 Stars

Check out some of our customer reviews below:

Easy and free service!
I think it's fab that you provide an easy-to-follow service, and even better that it's free...!
Cerrie
Excellent support service!
I have always found the support staff to provide an excellent service on every occasion I've called.
Ben

View More Reviews

Need some help? Give us a call on 01376 55 60 60

Go to Support Centre

It appears you are using an old browser, as such, some parts of the Freeola and Getdotted site will not work as intended. Using the latest version of your browser, or another browser such as Google Chrome, Mozilla Firefox, or Opera will provide a better, safer browsing experience for you.