The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
Official SRW Promo: Contract signing with Paul E., Sabu and AJ Styles officially joining SRW and signing the House Of Mania match with an explanation of said match.
Written by LL Cool T
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, sit down, grab some food and throw down your weapons, because we’re back on Eclipse! Last week, we saw the feud between Rob Van Dam and Chris Benoit reach new heights of emotion between the two athletes, as two wrestlers invaded SRW and took the feud down a new path…
***
Benoit has dragged Jericho to the middle of the ring, and has locked the Crossface onto Jericho’s right arm and neck! And here’s Brian Hebner! He slides in the ring, asking Jericho(Figo) if he wants to tap, but there’s Van Dam! Rob Van Dam is up on the turnbuckle, ready to attack – he leaps high – FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! RIGHT ON BENOIT! Benoit is out, but Jericho’s neck could be broken after being caught up in that attack! Benoit flops to the mat, and RVD clutches at every limb available limb of Benoit to get the pin! But wait – SABU ROLLS RVD OVER! RVD’S SHOULDERS ARE DOWN! Brian Hebner makes the count:
1
2
3! BENOIT GETS THE PIN ON THE CHAMP! Sabu(LL Cool T) is here!
***
But that wasn’t all, oh no! Sabu and AJ Styles came to SRW, but Sabu brought with him a special weapon – none other than Paul E. Dangerously! And Paul E. was a weapon that was carrying a devastating payload, as he announced a match right then and there for Sabu and AJ Styles!
***
AJ grabs the chair from Sabu, slams it into Sabu’s midsection, drops it to the floor, and picks Sabu up – tries to step over the arms, but Sabu avoids it, instead managing to move himself up, and hurricanranas AJ onto the chair! Styles grabs his head in pain, but is quickly back up – only to be met with a clothesline by Sabu! AJ’s back up again, though, as Sabu leaps onto his shoulders for a hurricanrana – but AJ hangs on! Sabu just made a huge mistake! AJ steps over the arms, AND HITS THE STYLES CLAH ONTO THE CHAIR! He rolls over, and pins Sabu:
1
2
3! AJ Styles has won this impromptu match-up with the Styles Clash, the move used to dispatch Reaver and Booker T(RM18) tonight!
***
But Paul E. wasn’t done! After illegally announcing a match between two wrestlers not signed with SRW, he then dropped this bombshell:
***
Paul E: Oh yeah, AJ, oh yeah, you just skulk off to the back, like the coward that you are, AJ! But bear this in mind, OK? This little performance of yours, this alleged ‘victory’, has earned you something special. At the next Pay-Per-View, you’ve earned yourself a special match against this very man, Sabu! You want to know the stipulation? It’s no normal stipulation, this is a whole new match! It’s Paul E. Dangerously’s Psychedelic House of Mania! Details revealed next week, on Eclipse!
***
The ‘Psychedelic House of Mania’ is something I’ve looked all over the media for, and I haven’t found anything – this is an all-new, untested match, something that has never been tried before, not even in the independent promotions. Tonight, we’ll have the details of a match that will be live on Pay Per View in a matter of weeks! But first there’s the minor issue of actually signing these athletes to SRW! So, without further ado, SRW takes you live to Elliott and Elliott’s Chambers in Norwich, for the signing of the contracts!
*Camera live to Elliott and Elliott’s in Norwich*
Paul E: Last week, we saw the feud between the Whole F’N Show, Rob Van Dam, and the Rabid Wolverine, Chris Benoit, escalate ever further in a tag team match… a tag team match that not only saw Benoit get Van Dam’s shoulders down for the 1-2-3, but also saw the SRW debut of this man… the homicidal, the suicidal, the genocidal maniac known the world over as Sabu! Unfortunately, another man also entered an SRW ring for the first time, the allegedly ‘Phenomenal’ AJ Styles. Tonight, not only will the world find out about my Psychedelic House of Mania match, we will also see Sabu and AJ Styles officially sign their contracts with SRW. We are here at the world-renowned chambers of Elliott and Elliott’s of Norwich for the contract signing. I’m here with Sabu, and AJ Styles has just arrived with his representative.
*Camera follows Paul E. and Sabu into the contract-singing room, where a barrister is looking over the contract, as AJ and his representative enter the room*
Barrister: Now that you are both here, along with your legal representatives, I have to explain the process for this signing. First, we will sign your respective Special Reserve Wrestling contracts. After that is completed, we will have you [points at Paul E.] explain the upcoming wrestling match, at which point the contract confirming that match will be signed. Now, it is my understanding that the two of you, Sabu and Mr. Styles, are currently under contract with High Dive Wrestling, is that correct?
Paul E: Correct.
Styles: Uh-huh.
Barrister: Good. Now-
“… Wait a second!”
*Camera sweeps across to focus on Don Callis*
Don: What the Hell is this? And what are you three doing here? Paul, Sabu, AJ, you’re all signed with us at High Dive! I’ve taken a look at our schedules and I’ve looked at the contracts – SRW and HDW’s schedules clash more often than America and the UN, and the contracts force you lot to go with those guys! I’m not having this, unless the contracts are changed right now!
Paul E: Woah, Don, keep that big ego of yours under control! I’m afraid that you’re powerless, we’ve tabled our offer to your board for a buy-out, and I’m afraid all signs are pointing to them accepting, so we hold the cards, my friend.
Don: Until they accept, I’m afraid that you three are still under HDW contract, and that means you have a ‘plane to catch, because we’ve got a show in Glasgow that needs going to!
Paul E: Hang on, the flight leaves in an hour – I say we wait here until the HDW confirms its decision.
*Mobile phone rings*
Don: Speak of the devil…
Paul E (into phone): Yeah, Paul here… okay… yep… uh-huh… so what did they say? Yeah… yeah? Yes! Yes, yes, yes! You’ve made my way! Thank you! Thanks! Okay, speak to you later… yes! (To the people present) The board accepted the offer! We’re free to sign! Sabu, get a pen! Sign on that dotted line! We’re in the money! Styles, get that pen-pushing guy of yours to sign, too! Ha ha! Yes! This is excellent! Callis, get your HDW ass out of this building! Unless you got business to handle, you’ve got no right to be in here!
Barrister: Yes, that is quite true. Now if you’ll just leave the building, this really isn’t the time or the place to conduct matters unrelated to this signing.
Don: Hang on, okay? As it happens, I do have some business that needs conducting now. I came here in the hope that you three would come to your senses, and stay with HDW. Even so, I knew how close the board was to accepting the offer, and so came with some ‘back-up’. Dragoon, Enigma – come in!
*Camera sweeps to door, where two wrestlers enter*
Don: Guys, take care of this business, will you?
*Fight breaks out. One of the two new wrestlers, who are both luchadors, spears AJ Styles over the oak desk where the contracts were to be signed, and the other spears Sabu into a bookcase, bringing many books tumbling down. AJ Styles brawls with his opponent, as the barrister runs out the door for his life, and Sabu throws his opponent into the bookcase, as more books cascade down onto them. Paul E. brings the camera round to face him*
Paul E: Follow me! Come on, let’s get the Hell out of this mess!
*Camera follows Paul E. to just outside the room, near a banister which protects against a huge fall to the next floor*
Paul E: Okay, it’s not as grand as I would have liked it, but here it is anyway: the rules of my Psychedelic House of Mania match. Okay, what happens is this: the match is divided into two halves, both 10 minutes long, with a 2 minute break in between. The ring, for the first half, remains normal. For the second half, though, one side of a cage will be lowered down, and the opposite side of the ring to the caged side will have barbed wire wrapped around the ropes. There will be trash cans of weapons in two opposite corners, a table set up in another, and a ladder will rest in the other. You don’t win the match by pinning though, nor by making your opponent submit – you win if you’ve got the most points.
*AJ is seen manhandling his opponent near the balcony, and throws the opponent off the balcony*
Paul E: OH MY GOD! Oh right – back to the match! Jesus Christ… anyway, you can only win if you’ve got more points than your opponent by the end of the 20 minutes. You earn points by pinning your opponent, by making them submit, or by adhering to some of the rules set out in the document I’ve sent to SRW – I’m sure they’ll explain it for you soon. However, the main point to this match, and its main selling point, might I add, is this – throughout out the match, all the arena lights are off. The ReserveTron, the television lights, everything that is normally used for lighting an SRW match is turned off for this match. The only lights that are on for this match are located at the top of the arena, are there are two types – one type will cover the ring, and only the ring, in a dull coloured light. The other types of lights will project various shapes onto the mat, and the wrestlers can score points in different ways by slamming their opponents into these shapes. That’s all in the document I’ve given to SRW, they’ll explain it for you. Announcers are banned for the match; the only sounds in the arena will be psycho-techno type music played over the speakers, it’s all about confusing the wrestlers. The one with the most points at the end of the match wins, okay? I’ve gotta see if Sabu’s all right!
*Camera follows Paul E. into the contract-signing room, where we see Sabu standing over his opponent, threatening him with a pair of scissors*
Paul E: No, Sabu, no! We can’t have any prosecutions against you! Now grab a pen and sign those two damn contracts! Come on!
*Sabu finds a pen and the two contracts amongst the wreckage and signs them, as Paul E. grabs the contracts and pen, and runs out the room towards AJ Styles*
Paul E: Here, sign these, now!
*AJ grabs the contracts and signs them*
Paul E: Yes! It’s done! Woah!
*Sabu and AJ clash in the signing room*
Paul E: Get him, Sabu! Get him! Use the scissors! Use the damn scissors!
*Callis sneaks up behind Paul E. clobbers him with a large book*
Don: HDW will have the last laugh! The inventors of the Mall Mash Match will not see this match happen! We will win! Damn you SRW! Damn you!
*Camera cuts quickly back to SRW Towers*
Right… okay. Well, er… oh yes, that document Paul E. was talking about – we’ve got it right here, and it just about sums up his strange new match. Okay… yeah, so we’ve got two halves, like he said ten minutes each. Er… right, there’s all the stuff Paul E. said, but about that point-scoring system, we’ve got all the details here, and we’ll show you it on the screen soon. Quite complex stuff, though. We got it? Okay, here it is…
*Screen shows the following information:
Throwdown (ie. force your opponent onto his back through a slam or throw, without going to the mat yourself): 2 points.
Takedown (ie. force your opponent onto his back by going down to the mat yourself, rugby tackle or Lou Thesz Press style): 1 point.
Knockdown (ie. hit your opponent to the ground with a punch, kick or clothesline etc): 1 point
Low blow: -3 points.
3-count: 15 points.
Submission: 20 points.
Top-rope diving move (ie. splash, legdrop, flying clothesline etc): 7 points.
Top-rope wrestling move (ie. superplex, top-rope belly-to-belly suplex etc): 10 points.*
Right, that’s the simpler stuff out the way, now for the complex bits.
*Screen shows the following information:
Red shape: Original score +5 points
Green shape: Original score +10 points
Blue shape: Original score x 2
White shape: Original score x 5
Multicoloured shape: Original score x 7
Triangle: Original score + colour points + 5 points
Square: Original score + colour points + 10 points
Circle: Original score + colour points + 15 points
Complex shape: Original score + colour points x 2*
Okay, well it looks like the major points are had with those multicoloured complex shapes, whatever they’re going to look like. Just one more screen of rules – how long did this take Paul E.? Okay, this is for the hardcore half:
*Screen shows the following information:
Weapon shot: 1 point
Flying turnbuckle weapon shot (Arabian Facebuster etc): 5 points
Wrestling turnbuckle weapon shot (Russian Leg Sweep with cane off the turnbuckle etc.): 10 points
Double weapon shot: 2 points
Flying turnbuckle double weapon usage (Arabian Facebuster through a table etc): 10 points
Wrestling turnbuckle double weapon usage (Russian Leg Sweep with cane off the turnbuckle through a table etc): 15 points.*
I think that’s it as far as the rules go. Paul E. has assured us that he’ll send us any updates on the match, should there be any. Well, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we’ve just seen Sabu and AJ Styles sign for SRW, and Paul E. Dangerously’s Psychedelic House of Mania match explained and signed for the next PPV! Wow! Stay tuned, folks, for the rest of SRW Eclipse tonight!
***
Well, there you have it. It’s very complicated, but it should make for a good match. For those of you that want to listen to some of the type of music that will be used throughout the match, go to:
http://chilled.cream.org/musiwrongs (SPACE) /cab-thisisthenews-joe-larkins.mp3
That should give you an idea of the sort of stuff that will be used throughout the match. Announcers in the arena are banned, but ReserveRadio is still allowed to call the match, so that’s how it will be done. No need to really remember the points system, either, it will all be called throughout the match.
High Dive Wrestling is a promotion based in New Orleans, in the US. It has earned widespread respect for its focus on technical and high-flying matches, but the Mall Mash Match has drawn criticism from most circles, for it being too brutal. The Mall Mash Match is just a match in a mall, where there have been numerous bumps from floor to floor. The two wrestlers who attacked Sabu and AJ Styles are Super Dragoon, and Enigma Fantastico, two luchadors who have been feuding across the world for four and a half years.
Super Dragoon is billed as the ‘World’s Perfect Athlete’, and wears a ‘777’ on his chest. He looks very much like Ultimo Dragon, who he mocks regularly in his Japanese promos.
Enigma Fantastico is Dragoon’s nemesis – he is taller, slightly bigger, faster and has the highest leap ever recorded in professional wrestling. He wears a leopard-skin mask, nothing on his upper-body, and psychedelic leopard skin style tights. His finisher is widely acclaimed as one of the only moves in wrestling that is impossible to kick out of – it is an unbelievable frog splash where he leaps extremely high, performs the splits in mid-air, and crushes his opponent with the splash. After 9 years in professional wrestling, no one has ever kicked out of it.
These two wrestlers are constantly the targets of WWE attention, but refuse to sign, for fear of being wasted.
***
The RVD-Booker match should be up tomorrow, or Monday at the latest
Written by LL Cool T
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, sit down, grab some food and throw down your weapons, because we’re back on Eclipse! Last week, we saw the feud between Rob Van Dam and Chris Benoit reach new heights of emotion between the two athletes, as two wrestlers invaded SRW and took the feud down a new path…
***
Benoit has dragged Jericho to the middle of the ring, and has locked the Crossface onto Jericho’s right arm and neck! And here’s Brian Hebner! He slides in the ring, asking Jericho(Figo) if he wants to tap, but there’s Van Dam! Rob Van Dam is up on the turnbuckle, ready to attack – he leaps high – FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! RIGHT ON BENOIT! Benoit is out, but Jericho’s neck could be broken after being caught up in that attack! Benoit flops to the mat, and RVD clutches at every limb available limb of Benoit to get the pin! But wait – SABU ROLLS RVD OVER! RVD’S SHOULDERS ARE DOWN! Brian Hebner makes the count:
1
2
3! BENOIT GETS THE PIN ON THE CHAMP! Sabu(LL Cool T) is here!
***
But that wasn’t all, oh no! Sabu and AJ Styles came to SRW, but Sabu brought with him a special weapon – none other than Paul E. Dangerously! And Paul E. was a weapon that was carrying a devastating payload, as he announced a match right then and there for Sabu and AJ Styles!
***
AJ grabs the chair from Sabu, slams it into Sabu’s midsection, drops it to the floor, and picks Sabu up – tries to step over the arms, but Sabu avoids it, instead managing to move himself up, and hurricanranas AJ onto the chair! Styles grabs his head in pain, but is quickly back up – only to be met with a clothesline by Sabu! AJ’s back up again, though, as Sabu leaps onto his shoulders for a hurricanrana – but AJ hangs on! Sabu just made a huge mistake! AJ steps over the arms, AND HITS THE STYLES CLAH ONTO THE CHAIR! He rolls over, and pins Sabu:
1
2
3! AJ Styles has won this impromptu match-up with the Styles Clash, the move used to dispatch Reaver and Booker T(RM18) tonight!
***
But Paul E. wasn’t done! After illegally announcing a match between two wrestlers not signed with SRW, he then dropped this bombshell:
***
Paul E: Oh yeah, AJ, oh yeah, you just skulk off to the back, like the coward that you are, AJ! But bear this in mind, OK? This little performance of yours, this alleged ‘victory’, has earned you something special. At the next Pay-Per-View, you’ve earned yourself a special match against this very man, Sabu! You want to know the stipulation? It’s no normal stipulation, this is a whole new match! It’s Paul E. Dangerously’s Psychedelic House of Mania! Details revealed next week, on Eclipse!
***
The ‘Psychedelic House of Mania’ is something I’ve looked all over the media for, and I haven’t found anything – this is an all-new, untested match, something that has never been tried before, not even in the independent promotions. Tonight, we’ll have the details of a match that will be live on Pay Per View in a matter of weeks! But first there’s the minor issue of actually signing these athletes to SRW! So, without further ado, SRW takes you live to Elliott and Elliott’s Chambers in Norwich, for the signing of the contracts!
*Camera live to Elliott and Elliott’s in Norwich*
Paul E: Last week, we saw the feud between the Whole F’N Show, Rob Van Dam, and the Rabid Wolverine, Chris Benoit, escalate ever further in a tag team match… a tag team match that not only saw Benoit get Van Dam’s shoulders down for the 1-2-3, but also saw the SRW debut of this man… the homicidal, the suicidal, the genocidal maniac known the world over as Sabu! Unfortunately, another man also entered an SRW ring for the first time, the allegedly ‘Phenomenal’ AJ Styles. Tonight, not only will the world find out about my Psychedelic House of Mania match, we will also see Sabu and AJ Styles officially sign their contracts with SRW. We are here at the world-renowned chambers of Elliott and Elliott’s of Norwich for the contract signing. I’m here with Sabu, and AJ Styles has just arrived with his representative.
*Camera follows Paul E. and Sabu into the contract-singing room, where a barrister is looking over the contract, as AJ and his representative enter the room*
Barrister: Now that you are both here, along with your legal representatives, I have to explain the process for this signing. First, we will sign your respective Special Reserve Wrestling contracts. After that is completed, we will have you [points at Paul E.] explain the upcoming wrestling match, at which point the contract confirming that match will be signed. Now, it is my understanding that the two of you, Sabu and Mr. Styles, are currently under contract with High Dive Wrestling, is that correct?
Paul E: Correct.
Styles: Uh-huh.
Barrister: Good. Now-
“… Wait a second!”
*Camera sweeps across to focus on Don Callis*
Don: What the Hell is this? And what are you three doing here? Paul, Sabu, AJ, you’re all signed with us at High Dive! I’ve taken a look at our schedules and I’ve looked at the contracts – SRW and HDW’s schedules clash more often than America and the UN, and the contracts force you lot to go with those guys! I’m not having this, unless the contracts are changed right now!
Paul E: Woah, Don, keep that big ego of yours under control! I’m afraid that you’re powerless, we’ve tabled our offer to your board for a buy-out, and I’m afraid all signs are pointing to them accepting, so we hold the cards, my friend.
Don: Until they accept, I’m afraid that you three are still under HDW contract, and that means you have a ‘plane to catch, because we’ve got a show in Glasgow that needs going to!
Paul E: Hang on, the flight leaves in an hour – I say we wait here until the HDW confirms its decision.
*Mobile phone rings*
Don: Speak of the devil…
Paul E (into phone): Yeah, Paul here… okay… yep… uh-huh… so what did they say? Yeah… yeah? Yes! Yes, yes, yes! You’ve made my way! Thank you! Thanks! Okay, speak to you later… yes! (To the people present) The board accepted the offer! We’re free to sign! Sabu, get a pen! Sign on that dotted line! We’re in the money! Styles, get that pen-pushing guy of yours to sign, too! Ha ha! Yes! This is excellent! Callis, get your HDW ass out of this building! Unless you got business to handle, you’ve got no right to be in here!
Barrister: Yes, that is quite true. Now if you’ll just leave the building, this really isn’t the time or the place to conduct matters unrelated to this signing.
Don: Hang on, okay? As it happens, I do have some business that needs conducting now. I came here in the hope that you three would come to your senses, and stay with HDW. Even so, I knew how close the board was to accepting the offer, and so came with some ‘back-up’. Dragoon, Enigma – come in!
*Camera sweeps to door, where two wrestlers enter*
Don: Guys, take care of this business, will you?
*Fight breaks out. One of the two new wrestlers, who are both luchadors, spears AJ Styles over the oak desk where the contracts were to be signed, and the other spears Sabu into a bookcase, bringing many books tumbling down. AJ Styles brawls with his opponent, as the barrister runs out the door for his life, and Sabu throws his opponent into the bookcase, as more books cascade down onto them. Paul E. brings the camera round to face him*
Paul E: Follow me! Come on, let’s get the Hell out of this mess!
*Camera follows Paul E. to just outside the room, near a banister which protects against a huge fall to the next floor*
Paul E: Okay, it’s not as grand as I would have liked it, but here it is anyway: the rules of my Psychedelic House of Mania match. Okay, what happens is this: the match is divided into two halves, both 10 minutes long, with a 2 minute break in between. The ring, for the first half, remains normal. For the second half, though, one side of a cage will be lowered down, and the opposite side of the ring to the caged side will have barbed wire wrapped around the ropes. There will be trash cans of weapons in two opposite corners, a table set up in another, and a ladder will rest in the other. You don’t win the match by pinning though, nor by making your opponent submit – you win if you’ve got the most points.
*AJ is seen manhandling his opponent near the balcony, and throws the opponent off the balcony*
Paul E: OH MY GOD! Oh right – back to the match! Jesus Christ… anyway, you can only win if you’ve got more points than your opponent by the end of the 20 minutes. You earn points by pinning your opponent, by making them submit, or by adhering to some of the rules set out in the document I’ve sent to SRW – I’m sure they’ll explain it for you soon. However, the main point to this match, and its main selling point, might I add, is this – throughout out the match, all the arena lights are off. The ReserveTron, the television lights, everything that is normally used for lighting an SRW match is turned off for this match. The only lights that are on for this match are located at the top of the arena, are there are two types – one type will cover the ring, and only the ring, in a dull coloured light. The other types of lights will project various shapes onto the mat, and the wrestlers can score points in different ways by slamming their opponents into these shapes. That’s all in the document I’ve given to SRW, they’ll explain it for you. Announcers are banned for the match; the only sounds in the arena will be psycho-techno type music played over the speakers, it’s all about confusing the wrestlers. The one with the most points at the end of the match wins, okay? I’ve gotta see if Sabu’s all right!
*Camera follows Paul E. into the contract-signing room, where we see Sabu standing over his opponent, threatening him with a pair of scissors*
Paul E: No, Sabu, no! We can’t have any prosecutions against you! Now grab a pen and sign those two damn contracts! Come on!
*Sabu finds a pen and the two contracts amongst the wreckage and signs them, as Paul E. grabs the contracts and pen, and runs out the room towards AJ Styles*
Paul E: Here, sign these, now!
*AJ grabs the contracts and signs them*
Paul E: Yes! It’s done! Woah!
*Sabu and AJ clash in the signing room*
Paul E: Get him, Sabu! Get him! Use the scissors! Use the damn scissors!
*Callis sneaks up behind Paul E. clobbers him with a large book*
Don: HDW will have the last laugh! The inventors of the Mall Mash Match will not see this match happen! We will win! Damn you SRW! Damn you!
*Camera cuts quickly back to SRW Towers*
Right… okay. Well, er… oh yes, that document Paul E. was talking about – we’ve got it right here, and it just about sums up his strange new match. Okay… yeah, so we’ve got two halves, like he said ten minutes each. Er… right, there’s all the stuff Paul E. said, but about that point-scoring system, we’ve got all the details here, and we’ll show you it on the screen soon. Quite complex stuff, though. We got it? Okay, here it is…
*Screen shows the following information:
Throwdown (ie. force your opponent onto his back through a slam or throw, without going to the mat yourself): 2 points.
Takedown (ie. force your opponent onto his back by going down to the mat yourself, rugby tackle or Lou Thesz Press style): 1 point.
Knockdown (ie. hit your opponent to the ground with a punch, kick or clothesline etc): 1 point
Low blow: -3 points.
3-count: 15 points.
Submission: 20 points.
Top-rope diving move (ie. splash, legdrop, flying clothesline etc): 7 points.
Top-rope wrestling move (ie. superplex, top-rope belly-to-belly suplex etc): 10 points.*
Right, that’s the simpler stuff out the way, now for the complex bits.
*Screen shows the following information:
Red shape: Original score +5 points
Green shape: Original score +10 points
Blue shape: Original score x 2
White shape: Original score x 5
Multicoloured shape: Original score x 7
Triangle: Original score + colour points + 5 points
Square: Original score + colour points + 10 points
Circle: Original score + colour points + 15 points
Complex shape: Original score + colour points x 2*
Okay, well it looks like the major points are had with those multicoloured complex shapes, whatever they’re going to look like. Just one more screen of rules – how long did this take Paul E.? Okay, this is for the hardcore half:
*Screen shows the following information:
Weapon shot: 1 point
Flying turnbuckle weapon shot (Arabian Facebuster etc): 5 points
Wrestling turnbuckle weapon shot (Russian Leg Sweep with cane off the turnbuckle etc.): 10 points
Double weapon shot: 2 points
Flying turnbuckle double weapon usage (Arabian Facebuster through a table etc): 10 points
Wrestling turnbuckle double weapon usage (Russian Leg Sweep with cane off the turnbuckle through a table etc): 15 points.*
I think that’s it as far as the rules go. Paul E. has assured us that he’ll send us any updates on the match, should there be any. Well, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we’ve just seen Sabu and AJ Styles sign for SRW, and Paul E. Dangerously’s Psychedelic House of Mania match explained and signed for the next PPV! Wow! Stay tuned, folks, for the rest of SRW Eclipse tonight!
***
Well, there you have it. It’s very complicated, but it should make for a good match. For those of you that want to listen to some of the type of music that will be used throughout the match, go to:
http://chilled.cream.org/musiwrongs (SPACE) /cab-thisisthenews-joe-larkins.mp3
That should give you an idea of the sort of stuff that will be used throughout the match. Announcers in the arena are banned, but ReserveRadio is still allowed to call the match, so that’s how it will be done. No need to really remember the points system, either, it will all be called throughout the match.
High Dive Wrestling is a promotion based in New Orleans, in the US. It has earned widespread respect for its focus on technical and high-flying matches, but the Mall Mash Match has drawn criticism from most circles, for it being too brutal. The Mall Mash Match is just a match in a mall, where there have been numerous bumps from floor to floor. The two wrestlers who attacked Sabu and AJ Styles are Super Dragoon, and Enigma Fantastico, two luchadors who have been feuding across the world for four and a half years.
Super Dragoon is billed as the ‘World’s Perfect Athlete’, and wears a ‘777’ on his chest. He looks very much like Ultimo Dragon, who he mocks regularly in his Japanese promos.
Enigma Fantastico is Dragoon’s nemesis – he is taller, slightly bigger, faster and has the highest leap ever recorded in professional wrestling. He wears a leopard-skin mask, nothing on his upper-body, and psychedelic leopard skin style tights. His finisher is widely acclaimed as one of the only moves in wrestling that is impossible to kick out of – it is an unbelievable frog splash where he leaps extremely high, performs the splits in mid-air, and crushes his opponent with the splash. After 9 years in professional wrestling, no one has ever kicked out of it.
These two wrestlers are constantly the targets of WWE attention, but refuse to sign, for fear of being wasted.
***
The RVD-Booker match should be up tomorrow, or Monday at the latest
Official SRW Promo: Contract signing with Paul E., Sabu and AJ Styles officially joining SRW and signing the House Of Mania match with an explanation of said match.
Written by LL Cool T
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, sit down, grab some food and throw down your weapons, because we’re back on Eclipse! Last week, we saw the feud between Rob Van Dam and Chris Benoit reach new heights of emotion between the two athletes, as two wrestlers invaded SRW and took the feud down a new path…
***
Benoit has dragged Jericho to the middle of the ring, and has locked the Crossface onto Jericho’s right arm and neck! And here’s Brian Hebner! He slides in the ring, asking Jericho(Figo) if he wants to tap, but there’s Van Dam! Rob Van Dam is up on the turnbuckle, ready to attack – he leaps high – FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! RIGHT ON BENOIT! Benoit is out, but Jericho’s neck could be broken after being caught up in that attack! Benoit flops to the mat, and RVD clutches at every limb available limb of Benoit to get the pin! But wait – SABU ROLLS RVD OVER! RVD’S SHOULDERS ARE DOWN! Brian Hebner makes the count:
1
2
3! BENOIT GETS THE PIN ON THE CHAMP! Sabu(LL Cool T) is here!
***
But that wasn’t all, oh no! Sabu and AJ Styles came to SRW, but Sabu brought with him a special weapon – none other than Paul E. Dangerously! And Paul E. was a weapon that was carrying a devastating payload, as he announced a match right then and there for Sabu and AJ Styles!
***
AJ grabs the chair from Sabu, slams it into Sabu’s midsection, drops it to the floor, and picks Sabu up – tries to step over the arms, but Sabu avoids it, instead managing to move himself up, and hurricanranas AJ onto the chair! Styles grabs his head in pain, but is quickly back up – only to be met with a clothesline by Sabu! AJ’s back up again, though, as Sabu leaps onto his shoulders for a hurricanrana – but AJ hangs on! Sabu just made a huge mistake! AJ steps over the arms, AND HITS THE STYLES CLAH ONTO THE CHAIR! He rolls over, and pins Sabu:
1
2
3! AJ Styles has won this impromptu match-up with the Styles Clash, the move used to dispatch Reaver and Booker T(RM18) tonight!
***
But Paul E. wasn’t done! After illegally announcing a match between two wrestlers not signed with SRW, he then dropped this bombshell:
***
Paul E: Oh yeah, AJ, oh yeah, you just skulk off to the back, like the coward that you are, AJ! But bear this in mind, OK? This little performance of yours, this alleged ‘victory’, has earned you something special. At the next Pay-Per-View, you’ve earned yourself a special match against this very man, Sabu! You want to know the stipulation? It’s no normal stipulation, this is a whole new match! It’s Paul E. Dangerously’s Psychedelic House of Mania! Details revealed next week, on Eclipse!
***
The ‘Psychedelic House of Mania’ is something I’ve looked all over the media for, and I haven’t found anything – this is an all-new, untested match, something that has never been tried before, not even in the independent promotions. Tonight, we’ll have the details of a match that will be live on Pay Per View in a matter of weeks! But first there’s the minor issue of actually signing these athletes to SRW! So, without further ado, SRW takes you live to Elliott and Elliott’s Chambers in Norwich, for the signing of the contracts!
*Camera live to Elliott and Elliott’s in Norwich*
Paul E: Last week, we saw the feud between the Whole F’N Show, Rob Van Dam, and the Rabid Wolverine, Chris Benoit, escalate ever further in a tag team match… a tag team match that not only saw Benoit get Van Dam’s shoulders down for the 1-2-3, but also saw the SRW debut of this man… the homicidal, the suicidal, the genocidal maniac known the world over as Sabu! Unfortunately, another man also entered an SRW ring for the first time, the allegedly ‘Phenomenal’ AJ Styles. Tonight, not only will the world find out about my Psychedelic House of Mania match, we will also see Sabu and AJ Styles officially sign their contracts with SRW. We are here at the world-renowned chambers of Elliott and Elliott’s of Norwich for the contract signing. I’m here with Sabu, and AJ Styles has just arrived with his representative.
*Camera follows Paul E. and Sabu into the contract-singing room, where a barrister is looking over the contract, as AJ and his representative enter the room*
Barrister: Now that you are both here, along with your legal representatives, I have to explain the process for this signing. First, we will sign your respective Special Reserve Wrestling contracts. After that is completed, we will have you [points at Paul E.] explain the upcoming wrestling match, at which point the contract confirming that match will be signed. Now, it is my understanding that the two of you, Sabu and Mr. Styles, are currently under contract with High Dive Wrestling, is that correct?
Paul E: Correct.
Styles: Uh-huh.
Barrister: Good. Now-
“… Wait a second!”
*Camera sweeps across to focus on Don Callis*
Don: What the Hell is this? And what are you three doing here? Paul, Sabu, AJ, you’re all signed with us at High Dive! I’ve taken a look at our schedules and I’ve looked at the contracts – SRW and HDW’s schedules clash more often than America and the UN, and the contracts force you lot to go with those guys! I’m not having this, unless the contracts are changed right now!
Paul E: Woah, Don, keep that big ego of yours under control! I’m afraid that you’re powerless, we’ve tabled our offer to your board for a buy-out, and I’m afraid all signs are pointing to them accepting, so we hold the cards, my friend.
Don: Until they accept, I’m afraid that you three are still under HDW contract, and that means you have a ‘plane to catch, because we’ve got a show in Glasgow that needs going to!
Paul E: Hang on, the flight leaves in an hour – I say we wait here until the HDW confirms its decision.
*Mobile phone rings*
Don: Speak of the devil…
Paul E (into phone): Yeah, Paul here… okay… yep… uh-huh… so what did they say? Yeah… yeah? Yes! Yes, yes, yes! You’ve made my way! Thank you! Thanks! Okay, speak to you later… yes! (To the people present) The board accepted the offer! We’re free to sign! Sabu, get a pen! Sign on that dotted line! We’re in the money! Styles, get that pen-pushing guy of yours to sign, too! Ha ha! Yes! This is excellent! Callis, get your HDW ass out of this building! Unless you got business to handle, you’ve got no right to be in here!
Barrister: Yes, that is quite true. Now if you’ll just leave the building, this really isn’t the time or the place to conduct matters unrelated to this signing.
Don: Hang on, okay? As it happens, I do have some business that needs conducting now. I came here in the hope that you three would come to your senses, and stay with HDW. Even so, I knew how close the board was to accepting the offer, and so came with some ‘back-up’. Dragoon, Enigma – come in!
*Camera sweeps to door, where two wrestlers enter*
Don: Guys, take care of this business, will you?
*Fight breaks out. One of the two new wrestlers, who are both luchadors, spears AJ Styles over the oak desk where the contracts were to be signed, and the other spears Sabu into a bookcase, bringing many books tumbling down. AJ Styles brawls with his opponent, as the barrister runs out the door for his life, and Sabu throws his opponent into the bookcase, as more books cascade down onto them. Paul E. brings the camera round to face him*
Paul E: Follow me! Come on, let’s get the Hell out of this mess!
*Camera follows Paul E. to just outside the room, near a banister which protects against a huge fall to the next floor*
Paul E: Okay, it’s not as grand as I would have liked it, but here it is anyway: the rules of my Psychedelic House of Mania match. Okay, what happens is this: the match is divided into two halves, both 10 minutes long, with a 2 minute break in between. The ring, for the first half, remains normal. For the second half, though, one side of a cage will be lowered down, and the opposite side of the ring to the caged side will have barbed wire wrapped around the ropes. There will be trash cans of weapons in two opposite corners, a table set up in another, and a ladder will rest in the other. You don’t win the match by pinning though, nor by making your opponent submit – you win if you’ve got the most points.
*AJ is seen manhandling his opponent near the balcony, and throws the opponent off the balcony*
Paul E: OH MY GOD! Oh right – back to the match! Jesus Christ… anyway, you can only win if you’ve got more points than your opponent by the end of the 20 minutes. You earn points by pinning your opponent, by making them submit, or by adhering to some of the rules set out in the document I’ve sent to SRW – I’m sure they’ll explain it for you soon. However, the main point to this match, and its main selling point, might I add, is this – throughout out the match, all the arena lights are off. The ReserveTron, the television lights, everything that is normally used for lighting an SRW match is turned off for this match. The only lights that are on for this match are located at the top of the arena, are there are two types – one type will cover the ring, and only the ring, in a dull coloured light. The other types of lights will project various shapes onto the mat, and the wrestlers can score points in different ways by slamming their opponents into these shapes. That’s all in the document I’ve given to SRW, they’ll explain it for you. Announcers are banned for the match; the only sounds in the arena will be psycho-techno type music played over the speakers, it’s all about confusing the wrestlers. The one with the most points at the end of the match wins, okay? I’ve gotta see if Sabu’s all right!
*Camera follows Paul E. into the contract-signing room, where we see Sabu standing over his opponent, threatening him with a pair of scissors*
Paul E: No, Sabu, no! We can’t have any prosecutions against you! Now grab a pen and sign those two damn contracts! Come on!
*Sabu finds a pen and the two contracts amongst the wreckage and signs them, as Paul E. grabs the contracts and pen, and runs out the room towards AJ Styles*
Paul E: Here, sign these, now!
*AJ grabs the contracts and signs them*
Paul E: Yes! It’s done! Woah!
*Sabu and AJ clash in the signing room*
Paul E: Get him, Sabu! Get him! Use the scissors! Use the damn scissors!
*Callis sneaks up behind Paul E. clobbers him with a large book*
Don: HDW will have the last laugh! The inventors of the Mall Mash Match will not see this match happen! We will win! Damn you SRW! Damn you!
*Camera cuts quickly back to SRW Towers*
Right… okay. Well, er… oh yes, that document Paul E. was talking about – we’ve got it right here, and it just about sums up his strange new match. Okay… yeah, so we’ve got two halves, like he said ten minutes each. Er… right, there’s all the stuff Paul E. said, but about that point-scoring system, we’ve got all the details here, and we’ll show you it on the screen soon. Quite complex stuff, though. We got it? Okay, here it is…
*Screen shows the following information:
Throwdown (ie. force your opponent onto his back through a slam or throw, without going to the mat yourself): 2 points.
Takedown (ie. force your opponent onto his back by going down to the mat yourself, rugby tackle or Lou Thesz Press style): 1 point.
Knockdown (ie. hit your opponent to the ground with a punch, kick or clothesline etc): 1 point
Low blow: -3 points.
3-count: 15 points.
Submission: 20 points.
Top-rope diving move (ie. splash, legdrop, flying clothesline etc): 7 points.
Top-rope wrestling move (ie. superplex, top-rope belly-to-belly suplex etc): 10 points.*
Right, that’s the simpler stuff out the way, now for the complex bits.
*Screen shows the following information:
Red shape: Original score +5 points
Green shape: Original score +10 points
Blue shape: Original score x 2
White shape: Original score x 5
Multicoloured shape: Original score x 7
Triangle: Original score + colour points + 5 points
Square: Original score + colour points + 10 points
Circle: Original score + colour points + 15 points
Complex shape: Original score + colour points x 2*
Okay, well it looks like the major points are had with those multicoloured complex shapes, whatever they’re going to look like. Just one more screen of rules – how long did this take Paul E.? Okay, this is for the hardcore half:
*Screen shows the following information:
Weapon shot: 1 point
Flying turnbuckle weapon shot (Arabian Facebuster etc): 5 points
Wrestling turnbuckle weapon shot (Russian Leg Sweep with cane off the turnbuckle etc.): 10 points
Double weapon shot: 2 points
Flying turnbuckle double weapon usage (Arabian Facebuster through a table etc): 10 points
Wrestling turnbuckle double weapon usage (Russian Leg Sweep with cane off the turnbuckle through a table etc): 15 points.*
I think that’s it as far as the rules go. Paul E. has assured us that he’ll send us any updates on the match, should there be any. Well, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we’ve just seen Sabu and AJ Styles sign for SRW, and Paul E. Dangerously’s Psychedelic House of Mania match explained and signed for the next PPV! Wow! Stay tuned, folks, for the rest of SRW Eclipse tonight!
***
Well, there you have it. It’s very complicated, but it should make for a good match. For those of you that want to listen to some of the type of music that will be used throughout the match, go to:
http://chilled.cream.org/musiwrongs (SPACE) /cab-thisisthenews-joe-larkins.mp3
That should give you an idea of the sort of stuff that will be used throughout the match. Announcers in the arena are banned, but ReserveRadio is still allowed to call the match, so that’s how it will be done. No need to really remember the points system, either, it will all be called throughout the match.
High Dive Wrestling is a promotion based in New Orleans, in the US. It has earned widespread respect for its focus on technical and high-flying matches, but the Mall Mash Match has drawn criticism from most circles, for it being too brutal. The Mall Mash Match is just a match in a mall, where there have been numerous bumps from floor to floor. The two wrestlers who attacked Sabu and AJ Styles are Super Dragoon, and Enigma Fantastico, two luchadors who have been feuding across the world for four and a half years.
Super Dragoon is billed as the ‘World’s Perfect Athlete’, and wears a ‘777’ on his chest. He looks very much like Ultimo Dragon, who he mocks regularly in his Japanese promos.
Enigma Fantastico is Dragoon’s nemesis – he is taller, slightly bigger, faster and has the highest leap ever recorded in professional wrestling. He wears a leopard-skin mask, nothing on his upper-body, and psychedelic leopard skin style tights. His finisher is widely acclaimed as one of the only moves in wrestling that is impossible to kick out of – it is an unbelievable frog splash where he leaps extremely high, performs the splits in mid-air, and crushes his opponent with the splash. After 9 years in professional wrestling, no one has ever kicked out of it.
These two wrestlers are constantly the targets of WWE attention, but refuse to sign, for fear of being wasted.
***
The RVD-Booker match should be up tomorrow, or Monday at the latest
Written by LL Cool T
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, sit down, grab some food and throw down your weapons, because we’re back on Eclipse! Last week, we saw the feud between Rob Van Dam and Chris Benoit reach new heights of emotion between the two athletes, as two wrestlers invaded SRW and took the feud down a new path…
***
Benoit has dragged Jericho to the middle of the ring, and has locked the Crossface onto Jericho’s right arm and neck! And here’s Brian Hebner! He slides in the ring, asking Jericho(Figo) if he wants to tap, but there’s Van Dam! Rob Van Dam is up on the turnbuckle, ready to attack – he leaps high – FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! RIGHT ON BENOIT! Benoit is out, but Jericho’s neck could be broken after being caught up in that attack! Benoit flops to the mat, and RVD clutches at every limb available limb of Benoit to get the pin! But wait – SABU ROLLS RVD OVER! RVD’S SHOULDERS ARE DOWN! Brian Hebner makes the count:
1
2
3! BENOIT GETS THE PIN ON THE CHAMP! Sabu(LL Cool T) is here!
***
But that wasn’t all, oh no! Sabu and AJ Styles came to SRW, but Sabu brought with him a special weapon – none other than Paul E. Dangerously! And Paul E. was a weapon that was carrying a devastating payload, as he announced a match right then and there for Sabu and AJ Styles!
***
AJ grabs the chair from Sabu, slams it into Sabu’s midsection, drops it to the floor, and picks Sabu up – tries to step over the arms, but Sabu avoids it, instead managing to move himself up, and hurricanranas AJ onto the chair! Styles grabs his head in pain, but is quickly back up – only to be met with a clothesline by Sabu! AJ’s back up again, though, as Sabu leaps onto his shoulders for a hurricanrana – but AJ hangs on! Sabu just made a huge mistake! AJ steps over the arms, AND HITS THE STYLES CLAH ONTO THE CHAIR! He rolls over, and pins Sabu:
1
2
3! AJ Styles has won this impromptu match-up with the Styles Clash, the move used to dispatch Reaver and Booker T(RM18) tonight!
***
But Paul E. wasn’t done! After illegally announcing a match between two wrestlers not signed with SRW, he then dropped this bombshell:
***
Paul E: Oh yeah, AJ, oh yeah, you just skulk off to the back, like the coward that you are, AJ! But bear this in mind, OK? This little performance of yours, this alleged ‘victory’, has earned you something special. At the next Pay-Per-View, you’ve earned yourself a special match against this very man, Sabu! You want to know the stipulation? It’s no normal stipulation, this is a whole new match! It’s Paul E. Dangerously’s Psychedelic House of Mania! Details revealed next week, on Eclipse!
***
The ‘Psychedelic House of Mania’ is something I’ve looked all over the media for, and I haven’t found anything – this is an all-new, untested match, something that has never been tried before, not even in the independent promotions. Tonight, we’ll have the details of a match that will be live on Pay Per View in a matter of weeks! But first there’s the minor issue of actually signing these athletes to SRW! So, without further ado, SRW takes you live to Elliott and Elliott’s Chambers in Norwich, for the signing of the contracts!
*Camera live to Elliott and Elliott’s in Norwich*
Paul E: Last week, we saw the feud between the Whole F’N Show, Rob Van Dam, and the Rabid Wolverine, Chris Benoit, escalate ever further in a tag team match… a tag team match that not only saw Benoit get Van Dam’s shoulders down for the 1-2-3, but also saw the SRW debut of this man… the homicidal, the suicidal, the genocidal maniac known the world over as Sabu! Unfortunately, another man also entered an SRW ring for the first time, the allegedly ‘Phenomenal’ AJ Styles. Tonight, not only will the world find out about my Psychedelic House of Mania match, we will also see Sabu and AJ Styles officially sign their contracts with SRW. We are here at the world-renowned chambers of Elliott and Elliott’s of Norwich for the contract signing. I’m here with Sabu, and AJ Styles has just arrived with his representative.
*Camera follows Paul E. and Sabu into the contract-singing room, where a barrister is looking over the contract, as AJ and his representative enter the room*
Barrister: Now that you are both here, along with your legal representatives, I have to explain the process for this signing. First, we will sign your respective Special Reserve Wrestling contracts. After that is completed, we will have you [points at Paul E.] explain the upcoming wrestling match, at which point the contract confirming that match will be signed. Now, it is my understanding that the two of you, Sabu and Mr. Styles, are currently under contract with High Dive Wrestling, is that correct?
Paul E: Correct.
Styles: Uh-huh.
Barrister: Good. Now-
“… Wait a second!”
*Camera sweeps across to focus on Don Callis*
Don: What the Hell is this? And what are you three doing here? Paul, Sabu, AJ, you’re all signed with us at High Dive! I’ve taken a look at our schedules and I’ve looked at the contracts – SRW and HDW’s schedules clash more often than America and the UN, and the contracts force you lot to go with those guys! I’m not having this, unless the contracts are changed right now!
Paul E: Woah, Don, keep that big ego of yours under control! I’m afraid that you’re powerless, we’ve tabled our offer to your board for a buy-out, and I’m afraid all signs are pointing to them accepting, so we hold the cards, my friend.
Don: Until they accept, I’m afraid that you three are still under HDW contract, and that means you have a ‘plane to catch, because we’ve got a show in Glasgow that needs going to!
Paul E: Hang on, the flight leaves in an hour – I say we wait here until the HDW confirms its decision.
*Mobile phone rings*
Don: Speak of the devil…
Paul E (into phone): Yeah, Paul here… okay… yep… uh-huh… so what did they say? Yeah… yeah? Yes! Yes, yes, yes! You’ve made my way! Thank you! Thanks! Okay, speak to you later… yes! (To the people present) The board accepted the offer! We’re free to sign! Sabu, get a pen! Sign on that dotted line! We’re in the money! Styles, get that pen-pushing guy of yours to sign, too! Ha ha! Yes! This is excellent! Callis, get your HDW ass out of this building! Unless you got business to handle, you’ve got no right to be in here!
Barrister: Yes, that is quite true. Now if you’ll just leave the building, this really isn’t the time or the place to conduct matters unrelated to this signing.
Don: Hang on, okay? As it happens, I do have some business that needs conducting now. I came here in the hope that you three would come to your senses, and stay with HDW. Even so, I knew how close the board was to accepting the offer, and so came with some ‘back-up’. Dragoon, Enigma – come in!
*Camera sweeps to door, where two wrestlers enter*
Don: Guys, take care of this business, will you?
*Fight breaks out. One of the two new wrestlers, who are both luchadors, spears AJ Styles over the oak desk where the contracts were to be signed, and the other spears Sabu into a bookcase, bringing many books tumbling down. AJ Styles brawls with his opponent, as the barrister runs out the door for his life, and Sabu throws his opponent into the bookcase, as more books cascade down onto them. Paul E. brings the camera round to face him*
Paul E: Follow me! Come on, let’s get the Hell out of this mess!
*Camera follows Paul E. to just outside the room, near a banister which protects against a huge fall to the next floor*
Paul E: Okay, it’s not as grand as I would have liked it, but here it is anyway: the rules of my Psychedelic House of Mania match. Okay, what happens is this: the match is divided into two halves, both 10 minutes long, with a 2 minute break in between. The ring, for the first half, remains normal. For the second half, though, one side of a cage will be lowered down, and the opposite side of the ring to the caged side will have barbed wire wrapped around the ropes. There will be trash cans of weapons in two opposite corners, a table set up in another, and a ladder will rest in the other. You don’t win the match by pinning though, nor by making your opponent submit – you win if you’ve got the most points.
*AJ is seen manhandling his opponent near the balcony, and throws the opponent off the balcony*
Paul E: OH MY GOD! Oh right – back to the match! Jesus Christ… anyway, you can only win if you’ve got more points than your opponent by the end of the 20 minutes. You earn points by pinning your opponent, by making them submit, or by adhering to some of the rules set out in the document I’ve sent to SRW – I’m sure they’ll explain it for you soon. However, the main point to this match, and its main selling point, might I add, is this – throughout out the match, all the arena lights are off. The ReserveTron, the television lights, everything that is normally used for lighting an SRW match is turned off for this match. The only lights that are on for this match are located at the top of the arena, are there are two types – one type will cover the ring, and only the ring, in a dull coloured light. The other types of lights will project various shapes onto the mat, and the wrestlers can score points in different ways by slamming their opponents into these shapes. That’s all in the document I’ve given to SRW, they’ll explain it for you. Announcers are banned for the match; the only sounds in the arena will be psycho-techno type music played over the speakers, it’s all about confusing the wrestlers. The one with the most points at the end of the match wins, okay? I’ve gotta see if Sabu’s all right!
*Camera follows Paul E. into the contract-signing room, where we see Sabu standing over his opponent, threatening him with a pair of scissors*
Paul E: No, Sabu, no! We can’t have any prosecutions against you! Now grab a pen and sign those two damn contracts! Come on!
*Sabu finds a pen and the two contracts amongst the wreckage and signs them, as Paul E. grabs the contracts and pen, and runs out the room towards AJ Styles*
Paul E: Here, sign these, now!
*AJ grabs the contracts and signs them*
Paul E: Yes! It’s done! Woah!
*Sabu and AJ clash in the signing room*
Paul E: Get him, Sabu! Get him! Use the scissors! Use the damn scissors!
*Callis sneaks up behind Paul E. clobbers him with a large book*
Don: HDW will have the last laugh! The inventors of the Mall Mash Match will not see this match happen! We will win! Damn you SRW! Damn you!
*Camera cuts quickly back to SRW Towers*
Right… okay. Well, er… oh yes, that document Paul E. was talking about – we’ve got it right here, and it just about sums up his strange new match. Okay… yeah, so we’ve got two halves, like he said ten minutes each. Er… right, there’s all the stuff Paul E. said, but about that point-scoring system, we’ve got all the details here, and we’ll show you it on the screen soon. Quite complex stuff, though. We got it? Okay, here it is…
*Screen shows the following information:
Throwdown (ie. force your opponent onto his back through a slam or throw, without going to the mat yourself): 2 points.
Takedown (ie. force your opponent onto his back by going down to the mat yourself, rugby tackle or Lou Thesz Press style): 1 point.
Knockdown (ie. hit your opponent to the ground with a punch, kick or clothesline etc): 1 point
Low blow: -3 points.
3-count: 15 points.
Submission: 20 points.
Top-rope diving move (ie. splash, legdrop, flying clothesline etc): 7 points.
Top-rope wrestling move (ie. superplex, top-rope belly-to-belly suplex etc): 10 points.*
Right, that’s the simpler stuff out the way, now for the complex bits.
*Screen shows the following information:
Red shape: Original score +5 points
Green shape: Original score +10 points
Blue shape: Original score x 2
White shape: Original score x 5
Multicoloured shape: Original score x 7
Triangle: Original score + colour points + 5 points
Square: Original score + colour points + 10 points
Circle: Original score + colour points + 15 points
Complex shape: Original score + colour points x 2*
Okay, well it looks like the major points are had with those multicoloured complex shapes, whatever they’re going to look like. Just one more screen of rules – how long did this take Paul E.? Okay, this is for the hardcore half:
*Screen shows the following information:
Weapon shot: 1 point
Flying turnbuckle weapon shot (Arabian Facebuster etc): 5 points
Wrestling turnbuckle weapon shot (Russian Leg Sweep with cane off the turnbuckle etc.): 10 points
Double weapon shot: 2 points
Flying turnbuckle double weapon usage (Arabian Facebuster through a table etc): 10 points
Wrestling turnbuckle double weapon usage (Russian Leg Sweep with cane off the turnbuckle through a table etc): 15 points.*
I think that’s it as far as the rules go. Paul E. has assured us that he’ll send us any updates on the match, should there be any. Well, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we’ve just seen Sabu and AJ Styles sign for SRW, and Paul E. Dangerously’s Psychedelic House of Mania match explained and signed for the next PPV! Wow! Stay tuned, folks, for the rest of SRW Eclipse tonight!
***
Well, there you have it. It’s very complicated, but it should make for a good match. For those of you that want to listen to some of the type of music that will be used throughout the match, go to:
http://chilled.cream.org/musiwrongs (SPACE) /cab-thisisthenews-joe-larkins.mp3
That should give you an idea of the sort of stuff that will be used throughout the match. Announcers in the arena are banned, but ReserveRadio is still allowed to call the match, so that’s how it will be done. No need to really remember the points system, either, it will all be called throughout the match.
High Dive Wrestling is a promotion based in New Orleans, in the US. It has earned widespread respect for its focus on technical and high-flying matches, but the Mall Mash Match has drawn criticism from most circles, for it being too brutal. The Mall Mash Match is just a match in a mall, where there have been numerous bumps from floor to floor. The two wrestlers who attacked Sabu and AJ Styles are Super Dragoon, and Enigma Fantastico, two luchadors who have been feuding across the world for four and a half years.
Super Dragoon is billed as the ‘World’s Perfect Athlete’, and wears a ‘777’ on his chest. He looks very much like Ultimo Dragon, who he mocks regularly in his Japanese promos.
Enigma Fantastico is Dragoon’s nemesis – he is taller, slightly bigger, faster and has the highest leap ever recorded in professional wrestling. He wears a leopard-skin mask, nothing on his upper-body, and psychedelic leopard skin style tights. His finisher is widely acclaimed as one of the only moves in wrestling that is impossible to kick out of – it is an unbelievable frog splash where he leaps extremely high, performs the splits in mid-air, and crushes his opponent with the splash. After 9 years in professional wrestling, no one has ever kicked out of it.
These two wrestlers are constantly the targets of WWE attention, but refuse to sign, for fear of being wasted.
***
The RVD-Booker match should be up tomorrow, or Monday at the latest
Oh my! As usual, a contract signing turns into a brawl but the match... Absolutely mental! I'm not going to worry about remembering the points, I wouldn't be able to remember them anyway!
You are one bizarre fellow, LL. :D
You are one bizarre fellow, LL. :D
Top signing session! :D That match really confuses me. Really Really confuses me. :S :D Anyway, what I understood, sounded great. It should make for a good match. :)
*Reads, reads again, and again, again*
Nope, still don't get it, but from what I did understand it rocked LL Coolio. :)
Nope, still don't get it, but from what I did understand it rocked LL Coolio. :)
Woah, nice. :D I enjoyed that, I found a lot of bits funny, especially Paul E, he rules. :D
That match sounds very cool and obviously SRW welcomes anything new and original. My question is when does the match take place? We already have the Elimination Chamber match at the next PPV, so should we be using two big stipulation/gimmick matches at the same event?
But anyway, we'll sort that later, I love all the ideas though. :D Just remember to include the SR usernames in brackets occasionally. :P
Keep it up dude.
That match sounds very cool and obviously SRW welcomes anything new and original. My question is when does the match take place? We already have the Elimination Chamber match at the next PPV, so should we be using two big stipulation/gimmick matches at the same event?
But anyway, we'll sort that later, I love all the ideas though. :D Just remember to include the SR usernames in brackets occasionally. :P
Keep it up dude.
One word to describe that whole thing - madness! Absolute madness! I understodd most of that match and the points system, just about! Great promo :D