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Not so long ago, in a mood like this, I would write a poem. Some odd little crappy poem that rhymed a bit, using simple words, enforcing others with my emotional outburst because I might be a bit down.
Looking back, I have to ask myself why I wrote them at all. Feeling like that, there's the urge to do something you can be proud of, to do something to show yourself off, to make someone love you. And in other ways, it's more like a cry for help.
And in a weird kinda way I guess I don't feel like crying for help any more.
There's the temptation to take yourself seriously. The temptation to say "hey, look, I'm in pain, can't you understand?"
And then there's the temptation to try and explain everything. I think I've been gifted with confusion. I've tried for so long to try and understand myself, what I did to myself and my past, but I've ended up trailing complicated circles. And the gift was to me, because now I just don't care.
I've ceased to worry. It's nice. Nothing that's happened is of any significance. I've taken all I can, and all I can do now is not worry where tomorrow takes me. I still have my dreams, my ambitions, so that's not to say I'm just drifting... but well, I'm happy here, and I'll be happy tomorrow.
But again, ignoring the temptation to take myself seriously, there's a level of communication that I feel is missing from my life, and sometimes I feel quite imbalanced.
I tend to compensate with my imagination. It's strange to realise something.
The two most important people are my life, are dead, or fictional. The thought of my grandfather seems to keep me on track with animation, and for anything close and personal that worries me, it's my imaginary friend that calms me down.
In fairness, I guess my grandfather is perhaps nowhere near as high as I hold him in my heart. But that doesn't matter, because I have someone who I have nothing but good memories of, and continues to inspire me, even though he's dead.
For my imagination, I have a voice in my head that I decided to name Leon. I know quite well it's just a different aspect of my personality, and I personally think it's quite healthy. But it's quite nice to be able to argue with him, or discuss things, to try to come to a rational conclusion without letting fear or stupidity truly control me. I guess it's the way I work best.
But do you ever get the feeling that you really need someone to talk to about things you didn't even realise you had the intelligence to say? Do you ever want to be in complete understanding with someone, complete trust and ability to argue right through the night, and still know deep in your heart that this person would never leave you?
To know deep in your heart that well, this person isn't looking for anything else... they live a good life, and they fight forward and do what they do, but still enjoy living their life and coming back to you to rest for a while.
Trust.
I guess perhaps it's about finding the right person... But does that even work? Is there someone that's completely tailored to suit your needs, or does trust come from somewhere else?
And I know it's something that people do worry about... look how many love songs there are. Love songs about how clingy people are, love songs about how much they need someone... love songs. It just doesn't seem right. Songs that make me feel bad about myself for even wanting company.
What's bought all this on? Oddly enough, Family Guy.
I really, really love Family Guy. It's one of the things that keep me going, keeps me in love with animation too.
Brian, the dog of the family, I think I can relate to quite well... setting standards so high that you end up quite alone, but will not compensate for fear of being with someone who would, in affect, just bore your nipples off.
I dunno. Just need to ramble for a bit, thought you might have some comments.
What about dating.. I mean, I've never, really... dated anyone. Had one relationship, lasted a year, but... it's just I've never asked anyone out in the way you're kinda supposed to. Added to the fact there's no-one I'd want to ask out and also I don't even want to be in a committed relationship to someone that I didn't know.
But I guess I make more fuss of it than what's really necessary.
Any thoughts?
Looking back, I have to ask myself why I wrote them at all. Feeling like that, there's the urge to do something you can be proud of, to do something to show yourself off, to make someone love you. And in other ways, it's more like a cry for help.
And in a weird kinda way I guess I don't feel like crying for help any more.
There's the temptation to take yourself seriously. The temptation to say "hey, look, I'm in pain, can't you understand?"
And then there's the temptation to try and explain everything. I think I've been gifted with confusion. I've tried for so long to try and understand myself, what I did to myself and my past, but I've ended up trailing complicated circles. And the gift was to me, because now I just don't care.
I've ceased to worry. It's nice. Nothing that's happened is of any significance. I've taken all I can, and all I can do now is not worry where tomorrow takes me. I still have my dreams, my ambitions, so that's not to say I'm just drifting... but well, I'm happy here, and I'll be happy tomorrow.
But again, ignoring the temptation to take myself seriously, there's a level of communication that I feel is missing from my life, and sometimes I feel quite imbalanced.
I tend to compensate with my imagination. It's strange to realise something.
The two most important people are my life, are dead, or fictional. The thought of my grandfather seems to keep me on track with animation, and for anything close and personal that worries me, it's my imaginary friend that calms me down.
In fairness, I guess my grandfather is perhaps nowhere near as high as I hold him in my heart. But that doesn't matter, because I have someone who I have nothing but good memories of, and continues to inspire me, even though he's dead.
For my imagination, I have a voice in my head that I decided to name Leon. I know quite well it's just a different aspect of my personality, and I personally think it's quite healthy. But it's quite nice to be able to argue with him, or discuss things, to try to come to a rational conclusion without letting fear or stupidity truly control me. I guess it's the way I work best.
But do you ever get the feeling that you really need someone to talk to about things you didn't even realise you had the intelligence to say? Do you ever want to be in complete understanding with someone, complete trust and ability to argue right through the night, and still know deep in your heart that this person would never leave you?
To know deep in your heart that well, this person isn't looking for anything else... they live a good life, and they fight forward and do what they do, but still enjoy living their life and coming back to you to rest for a while.
Trust.
I guess perhaps it's about finding the right person... But does that even work? Is there someone that's completely tailored to suit your needs, or does trust come from somewhere else?
And I know it's something that people do worry about... look how many love songs there are. Love songs about how clingy people are, love songs about how much they need someone... love songs. It just doesn't seem right. Songs that make me feel bad about myself for even wanting company.
What's bought all this on? Oddly enough, Family Guy.
I really, really love Family Guy. It's one of the things that keep me going, keeps me in love with animation too.
Brian, the dog of the family, I think I can relate to quite well... setting standards so high that you end up quite alone, but will not compensate for fear of being with someone who would, in affect, just bore your nipples off.
I dunno. Just need to ramble for a bit, thought you might have some comments.
What about dating.. I mean, I've never, really... dated anyone. Had one relationship, lasted a year, but... it's just I've never asked anyone out in the way you're kinda supposed to. Added to the fact there's no-one I'd want to ask out and also I don't even want to be in a committed relationship to someone that I didn't know.
But I guess I make more fuss of it than what's really necessary.
Any thoughts?
Thoughts from a stranger? Okay.
You can experience loneliness throughout your life and it has nothing to do with any type of relationship you may have with other people. I believe it to be kind of a chasm that you fall into, when you suddenly turn around and say to yourself 'I'm feeling lonely', but then you don't realise when you do not feel lonely anymore and it seems as if you have climbed out of the chasm. You never reflect on an instance of your life and say 'Hey, I am not feeling lonely'. Does that make sense? Everyone, no matter how popular they are, feels lonely but it is not the same as being alone.
It's nice to hear that you are happy where you are and to know that you will be happy tomorrow.
> Trust.
>
> I guess perhaps it's about finding the right person... But does that
> even work? Is there someone that's completely tailored to suit your
> needs, or does trust come from somewhere else?
>
> And I know it's something that people do worry about... look how many
> love songs there are. Love songs about how clingy people are, love
> songs about how much they need someone... love songs. It just doesn't
> seem right. Songs that make me feel bad about myself for even wanting
> company.
Love songs - a way for the record companies / recording artists to make money from sappy people. Been there, done that, thankfully never bought the records but nothing to do with finding 'the right person'. Playing on different aspects of relationships. "Oh, this song perfectly fits my partner and me", "Oh, this reminds me of my first love", "Oh, this was our record" (reflections on a relationship breaking up). Bah humbug to it all.
How did we get from loneliness to trust? Speaking just of relationships now? I think I deleted too much of the original message and lost this slightly.
I have a loving husband and I trust him but I do not tell him all my secrets but I have a best friend and she knows all my secrets. I completely trust her to keep them but it is a relationship that has built up over many years, it did not happen overnight. I have moments of loneliness in her presence as well.
I never worried about dating at 20 (is that your age?), it's not that I had more offers then I could cope with (wistful thinking) or that I was in a relationship with anyone. I was more interested in being completely free to do what ever I wanted to do with whomever I chose. Even though I am married we both do as we wish and do not live in each others pockets, which works well for us.
There may be no one that you want to ask out at the moment but what about tomorrow? I also don't believe you can ever be in a truely committed relationship with someone you don't know. I guess you probably are making more of a fuss than you need to but it's good to ramble.
Just like I seemed to have done - wish I could write stories this long, now I must go do some work :)
You can experience loneliness throughout your life and it has nothing to do with any type of relationship you may have with other people. I believe it to be kind of a chasm that you fall into, when you suddenly turn around and say to yourself 'I'm feeling lonely', but then you don't realise when you do not feel lonely anymore and it seems as if you have climbed out of the chasm. You never reflect on an instance of your life and say 'Hey, I am not feeling lonely'. Does that make sense? Everyone, no matter how popular they are, feels lonely but it is not the same as being alone.
It's nice to hear that you are happy where you are and to know that you will be happy tomorrow.
> Trust.
>
> I guess perhaps it's about finding the right person... But does that
> even work? Is there someone that's completely tailored to suit your
> needs, or does trust come from somewhere else?
>
> And I know it's something that people do worry about... look how many
> love songs there are. Love songs about how clingy people are, love
> songs about how much they need someone... love songs. It just doesn't
> seem right. Songs that make me feel bad about myself for even wanting
> company.
Love songs - a way for the record companies / recording artists to make money from sappy people. Been there, done that, thankfully never bought the records but nothing to do with finding 'the right person'. Playing on different aspects of relationships. "Oh, this song perfectly fits my partner and me", "Oh, this reminds me of my first love", "Oh, this was our record" (reflections on a relationship breaking up). Bah humbug to it all.
How did we get from loneliness to trust? Speaking just of relationships now? I think I deleted too much of the original message and lost this slightly.
I have a loving husband and I trust him but I do not tell him all my secrets but I have a best friend and she knows all my secrets. I completely trust her to keep them but it is a relationship that has built up over many years, it did not happen overnight. I have moments of loneliness in her presence as well.
I never worried about dating at 20 (is that your age?), it's not that I had more offers then I could cope with (wistful thinking) or that I was in a relationship with anyone. I was more interested in being completely free to do what ever I wanted to do with whomever I chose. Even though I am married we both do as we wish and do not live in each others pockets, which works well for us.
There may be no one that you want to ask out at the moment but what about tomorrow? I also don't believe you can ever be in a truely committed relationship with someone you don't know. I guess you probably are making more of a fuss than you need to but it's good to ramble.
Just like I seemed to have done - wish I could write stories this long, now I must go do some work :)
I like solitude and company
I need to balance the both, too much of one can make me go a bit weird.
I need to balance the both, too much of one can make me go a bit weird.
I'm in love with solitude. Cuh, that's sounds ridiculous, but it's true. Loneliness doesn't effect me - in fact, I prefer to be lonesome. I enjoy space, big space.
I once bumped into a girl in a shop, and out-of-the-blue I felt an overwhelming affinity with her. Our eyes met, smiles were exchanged, but she walked that way and I walked the other.
I can see the attraction in being intertwined with someone's Being on all levels, but I honestly can't say it's something I want, or more importantly, need.
I've had one longish relationship, and I found it overbearing. Am I scared of commitment? Yes - because to be committed to the wrong person would crush me. I've never met the right person and to be honest, I don't expect to.
But, I remain open-minded [I think?]
I once bumped into a girl in a shop, and out-of-the-blue I felt an overwhelming affinity with her. Our eyes met, smiles were exchanged, but she walked that way and I walked the other.
I can see the attraction in being intertwined with someone's Being on all levels, but I honestly can't say it's something I want, or more importantly, need.
I've had one longish relationship, and I found it overbearing. Am I scared of commitment? Yes - because to be committed to the wrong person would crush me. I've never met the right person and to be honest, I don't expect to.
But, I remain open-minded [I think?]
I'm happy at the moment, exceot for when a malicious strak appears in my character. All the stuff comes out, arrogance, hatred, the rubbish that usualy we bury. Hopefully. My horizon is very bright at the moment.
There have been some serious low moments in my life.
Things that you think would only ever happen in nightmares. You say to yourself 'that would never happen to me' but it does and your screwed.
All my life, people have been able to talk to me. Im good at advice and I listen. I comfort those that are down. I would take in every body elses problems and this would cover up all of mine.
By doing this, I never ever talked to anyone about me. Nobody knew me. Nobody knew properly what was happening to me and the horribole things that I was going through.
I felt guilty for talking to others about myself, guilty about sharing my feelings as if I was palming off on them - even though I had been the one that was the emotional intake sponge throughout my life.
I was blessed to have an amazing family, but something appened in my life which changed us all, we have never been the same since and I have grown so distant as if i am not part of the same family no more.
I had kept everything in me inside for so long, inside i was an emotional wreck for three years I could not sleep. I would play things over inmy head and my thoughts would be my worst enemie.
I was alone. Even though i wa surrounded by people
Then I met someone. Someone who changed me in ways he never knew about. I fell in love and he loved me he gave me all the affection I needed. I can tell him anything - there is pure trust. There are thing s i tell him I would never of told anyone. It is amazing yet still even with him it is so hard to say what i need to say sometimes.
But grix reading through when you was saying about meeting someone as you described thats him. I know what ever I do he will be there by my side, maybe angry but he makes us work.
Its amazing and you will find it too
Things that you think would only ever happen in nightmares. You say to yourself 'that would never happen to me' but it does and your screwed.
All my life, people have been able to talk to me. Im good at advice and I listen. I comfort those that are down. I would take in every body elses problems and this would cover up all of mine.
By doing this, I never ever talked to anyone about me. Nobody knew me. Nobody knew properly what was happening to me and the horribole things that I was going through.
I felt guilty for talking to others about myself, guilty about sharing my feelings as if I was palming off on them - even though I had been the one that was the emotional intake sponge throughout my life.
I was blessed to have an amazing family, but something appened in my life which changed us all, we have never been the same since and I have grown so distant as if i am not part of the same family no more.
I had kept everything in me inside for so long, inside i was an emotional wreck for three years I could not sleep. I would play things over inmy head and my thoughts would be my worst enemie.
I was alone. Even though i wa surrounded by people
Then I met someone. Someone who changed me in ways he never knew about. I fell in love and he loved me he gave me all the affection I needed. I can tell him anything - there is pure trust. There are thing s i tell him I would never of told anyone. It is amazing yet still even with him it is so hard to say what i need to say sometimes.
But grix reading through when you was saying about meeting someone as you described thats him. I know what ever I do he will be there by my side, maybe angry but he makes us work.
Its amazing and you will find it too
Grix i kind of feel the same way, i sometimes lie down on my bed and talk to myself in my head though i dont call it any name, it helps and its made the new person that i am although people dont want to know that they just think me as that insecure, careless and unconfident person that i was in the past.
I have no Grandparents at all anymore so, i have no inspiration but myself to make me movitated, my parents dont help all they do is shout at me and drive me nuts and sometimes when im so emotionally low i shout back.
When you find the right person, that person you have to be happy with, who you can talk to, who can cheer you up and who's smile light up's your day.. heh u guessed it i've tasted it and i want more.
But though i feel this way i feel i have to fight on rather than give up on it.
I have no Grandparents at all anymore so, i have no inspiration but myself to make me movitated, my parents dont help all they do is shout at me and drive me nuts and sometimes when im so emotionally low i shout back.
When you find the right person, that person you have to be happy with, who you can talk to, who can cheer you up and who's smile light up's your day.. heh u guessed it i've tasted it and i want more.
But though i feel this way i feel i have to fight on rather than give up on it.
Not so long ago, in a mood like this, I would write a poem. Some odd little crappy poem that rhymed a bit, using simple words, enforcing others with my emotional outburst because I might be a bit down.
Looking back, I have to ask myself why I wrote them at all. Feeling like that, there's the urge to do something you can be proud of, to do something to show yourself off, to make someone love you. And in other ways, it's more like a cry for help.
And in a weird kinda way I guess I don't feel like crying for help any more.
There's the temptation to take yourself seriously. The temptation to say "hey, look, I'm in pain, can't you understand?"
And then there's the temptation to try and explain everything. I think I've been gifted with confusion. I've tried for so long to try and understand myself, what I did to myself and my past, but I've ended up trailing complicated circles. And the gift was to me, because now I just don't care.
I've ceased to worry. It's nice. Nothing that's happened is of any significance. I've taken all I can, and all I can do now is not worry where tomorrow takes me. I still have my dreams, my ambitions, so that's not to say I'm just drifting... but well, I'm happy here, and I'll be happy tomorrow.
But again, ignoring the temptation to take myself seriously, there's a level of communication that I feel is missing from my life, and sometimes I feel quite imbalanced.
I tend to compensate with my imagination. It's strange to realise something.
The two most important people are my life, are dead, or fictional. The thought of my grandfather seems to keep me on track with animation, and for anything close and personal that worries me, it's my imaginary friend that calms me down.
In fairness, I guess my grandfather is perhaps nowhere near as high as I hold him in my heart. But that doesn't matter, because I have someone who I have nothing but good memories of, and continues to inspire me, even though he's dead.
For my imagination, I have a voice in my head that I decided to name Leon. I know quite well it's just a different aspect of my personality, and I personally think it's quite healthy. But it's quite nice to be able to argue with him, or discuss things, to try to come to a rational conclusion without letting fear or stupidity truly control me. I guess it's the way I work best.
But do you ever get the feeling that you really need someone to talk to about things you didn't even realise you had the intelligence to say? Do you ever want to be in complete understanding with someone, complete trust and ability to argue right through the night, and still know deep in your heart that this person would never leave you?
To know deep in your heart that well, this person isn't looking for anything else... they live a good life, and they fight forward and do what they do, but still enjoy living their life and coming back to you to rest for a while.
Trust.
I guess perhaps it's about finding the right person... But does that even work? Is there someone that's completely tailored to suit your needs, or does trust come from somewhere else?
And I know it's something that people do worry about... look how many love songs there are. Love songs about how clingy people are, love songs about how much they need someone... love songs. It just doesn't seem right. Songs that make me feel bad about myself for even wanting company.
What's bought all this on? Oddly enough, Family Guy.
I really, really love Family Guy. It's one of the things that keep me going, keeps me in love with animation too.
Brian, the dog of the family, I think I can relate to quite well... setting standards so high that you end up quite alone, but will not compensate for fear of being with someone who would, in affect, just bore your nipples off.
I dunno. Just need to ramble for a bit, thought you might have some comments.
What about dating.. I mean, I've never, really... dated anyone. Had one relationship, lasted a year, but... it's just I've never asked anyone out in the way you're kinda supposed to. Added to the fact there's no-one I'd want to ask out and also I don't even want to be in a committed relationship to someone that I didn't know.
But I guess I make more fuss of it than what's really necessary.
Any thoughts?
Looking back, I have to ask myself why I wrote them at all. Feeling like that, there's the urge to do something you can be proud of, to do something to show yourself off, to make someone love you. And in other ways, it's more like a cry for help.
And in a weird kinda way I guess I don't feel like crying for help any more.
There's the temptation to take yourself seriously. The temptation to say "hey, look, I'm in pain, can't you understand?"
And then there's the temptation to try and explain everything. I think I've been gifted with confusion. I've tried for so long to try and understand myself, what I did to myself and my past, but I've ended up trailing complicated circles. And the gift was to me, because now I just don't care.
I've ceased to worry. It's nice. Nothing that's happened is of any significance. I've taken all I can, and all I can do now is not worry where tomorrow takes me. I still have my dreams, my ambitions, so that's not to say I'm just drifting... but well, I'm happy here, and I'll be happy tomorrow.
But again, ignoring the temptation to take myself seriously, there's a level of communication that I feel is missing from my life, and sometimes I feel quite imbalanced.
I tend to compensate with my imagination. It's strange to realise something.
The two most important people are my life, are dead, or fictional. The thought of my grandfather seems to keep me on track with animation, and for anything close and personal that worries me, it's my imaginary friend that calms me down.
In fairness, I guess my grandfather is perhaps nowhere near as high as I hold him in my heart. But that doesn't matter, because I have someone who I have nothing but good memories of, and continues to inspire me, even though he's dead.
For my imagination, I have a voice in my head that I decided to name Leon. I know quite well it's just a different aspect of my personality, and I personally think it's quite healthy. But it's quite nice to be able to argue with him, or discuss things, to try to come to a rational conclusion without letting fear or stupidity truly control me. I guess it's the way I work best.
But do you ever get the feeling that you really need someone to talk to about things you didn't even realise you had the intelligence to say? Do you ever want to be in complete understanding with someone, complete trust and ability to argue right through the night, and still know deep in your heart that this person would never leave you?
To know deep in your heart that well, this person isn't looking for anything else... they live a good life, and they fight forward and do what they do, but still enjoy living their life and coming back to you to rest for a while.
Trust.
I guess perhaps it's about finding the right person... But does that even work? Is there someone that's completely tailored to suit your needs, or does trust come from somewhere else?
And I know it's something that people do worry about... look how many love songs there are. Love songs about how clingy people are, love songs about how much they need someone... love songs. It just doesn't seem right. Songs that make me feel bad about myself for even wanting company.
What's bought all this on? Oddly enough, Family Guy.
I really, really love Family Guy. It's one of the things that keep me going, keeps me in love with animation too.
Brian, the dog of the family, I think I can relate to quite well... setting standards so high that you end up quite alone, but will not compensate for fear of being with someone who would, in affect, just bore your nipples off.
I dunno. Just need to ramble for a bit, thought you might have some comments.
What about dating.. I mean, I've never, really... dated anyone. Had one relationship, lasted a year, but... it's just I've never asked anyone out in the way you're kinda supposed to. Added to the fact there's no-one I'd want to ask out and also I don't even want to be in a committed relationship to someone that I didn't know.
But I guess I make more fuss of it than what's really necessary.
Any thoughts?