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So I stood there, frozen to the spot. The brooding sky was heavy with rain. A delicate mist lay on the damp turf. The distant foliage of a woodland's eaves appeared blurred as if drawn by a crayon. I was standing in a field at dusk being watched by a hundred dark eyes.
Cows. At nightfall they become disturbing creatures. When they have a vulnerable human in their sights, they close in. Curiously. Menacingly. There's a pugent whiff of grass and sour milk.
The flaring nostrils of a confident leader led the herd's plodding approach. Within no time at all I was practically surrounded by a multitude of black & white beasts - sinister in their gorping and twilight friskiness. One lurched forward trying to lick me with its brown truncheon-sized tongue. Another let go a veritable waterfall of p*ss. They just kept staring at me...... their cloven hooves fidgeting ever closer.
My path of escape was being narrowed by the second. I reached out to keep one at bay - it jolted back which triggered a chain reaction of edginess throughout the herd. Some started snorting loudly. One let go a ear-piercing gargle. I slowly began to walk backwards, waving my arms as if drowning.
At this point my heart was racing. Had these grass munchers earmarked me as a victim of bovine revenge? Images of quarter pounders and rump steaks flooded my mind. I could feel their primeval minds sensing my fear. I turned and ran. The muddy turf hindered my stride. In the grainy darkness I slowly but surely I stumbled to the perimeter of the field. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I'm climbed over the fence to freedom. -
Phew. Fear, when I least expected it.
Cows. At nightfall they become disturbing creatures. When they have a vulnerable human in their sights, they close in. Curiously. Menacingly. There's a pugent whiff of grass and sour milk.
The flaring nostrils of a confident leader led the herd's plodding approach. Within no time at all I was practically surrounded by a multitude of black & white beasts - sinister in their gorping and twilight friskiness. One lurched forward trying to lick me with its brown truncheon-sized tongue. Another let go a veritable waterfall of p*ss. They just kept staring at me...... their cloven hooves fidgeting ever closer.
My path of escape was being narrowed by the second. I reached out to keep one at bay - it jolted back which triggered a chain reaction of edginess throughout the herd. Some started snorting loudly. One let go a ear-piercing gargle. I slowly began to walk backwards, waving my arms as if drowning.
At this point my heart was racing. Had these grass munchers earmarked me as a victim of bovine revenge? Images of quarter pounders and rump steaks flooded my mind. I could feel their primeval minds sensing my fear. I turned and ran. The muddy turf hindered my stride. In the grainy darkness I slowly but surely I stumbled to the perimeter of the field. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I'm climbed over the fence to freedom. -
Phew. Fear, when I least expected it.
When a youngster, myself and two friends went into a field. There was some cows, my friend through a stone at one.
It hit it right on the forehead and the thing made the most horrible sound then kind of collapsed slowly and stopped moving.
Then he punched one and it chased us
MOOOOOOOOO
It hit it right on the forehead and the thing made the most horrible sound then kind of collapsed slowly and stopped moving.
Then he punched one and it chased us
MOOOOOOOOO
Raped by a pig!
Stryke wrote:
> My cousin Walter got attack by a cow once. True story...
So my fears were not unfounded. Unless you're subtley referring to "Walter the Softie" of Beano fame..... in which case you're attempting to hoodwink me with sarcastic ruse.
Stryke wrote:
> My cousin Walter got attack by a cow once. True story...
So my fears were not unfounded. Unless you're subtley referring to "Walter the Softie" of Beano fame..... in which case you're attempting to hoodwink me with sarcastic ruse.
Starlight wrote:
> My friend got raped by a pig once.
--
I am unable to stop laughing. 5 mins after reading this, I am still laughing and trying to breathe.
Raped by a pig?
Did it have a knife and whisper "You know you wannit, dirty human, into ma pen"
Raped by a pig....so very, very wrong yet so very, very funny.
> My friend got raped by a pig once.
--
I am unable to stop laughing. 5 mins after reading this, I am still laughing and trying to breathe.
Raped by a pig?
Did it have a knife and whisper "You know you wannit, dirty human, into ma pen"
Raped by a pig....so very, very wrong yet so very, very funny.
Lol, excellent.
Occassionally I go running past a field which sometimes has cows in it.
Most of them back away from the fence when I go past, but there's usually one who stands by the gate and 'looks at me funny'.
Scary stuff indeed.
Once though, as I was running past the field, all the cows gathered at the gate at the far end, and proceded to moo a bit while they all 'looked at me funny'.
I ran faster than normal that day, I can tell you ¦^O
Occassionally I go running past a field which sometimes has cows in it.
Most of them back away from the fence when I go past, but there's usually one who stands by the gate and 'looks at me funny'.
Scary stuff indeed.
Once though, as I was running past the field, all the cows gathered at the gate at the far end, and proceded to moo a bit while they all 'looked at me funny'.
I ran faster than normal that day, I can tell you ¦^O
My friend got raped by a pig once. He even admits it to this day even when he's sober.
My cousin Walter got attack by a cow once. True story...
Goatboy wrote:
> Frightened by cows?
> HAHAHAHAHAHA, you pooftah
I know :) But they were particularily bulky, and frisky, it was dusk and they surrounded me. The thought of being ping-ponged from cow snout to cow snout unnerved me.
> Frightened by cows?
> HAHAHAHAHAHA, you pooftah
I know :) But they were particularily bulky, and frisky, it was dusk and they surrounded me. The thought of being ping-ponged from cow snout to cow snout unnerved me.
Nomad Soul wrote:
> One lurched forward trying to lick me with its brown truncheon-sized tongue.
thats not a TONGUE.....ARRRRRRRRRRRR
*dead*
> One lurched forward trying to lick me with its brown truncheon-sized tongue.
thats not a TONGUE.....ARRRRRRRRRRRR
*dead*
Frightened by cows?
HAHAHAHAHAHA, you pooftah
Well written though.
HAHAHAHAHAHA, you pooftah
Well written though.
So I stood there, frozen to the spot. The brooding sky was heavy with rain. A delicate mist lay on the damp turf. The distant foliage of a woodland's eaves appeared blurred as if drawn by a crayon. I was standing in a field at dusk being watched by a hundred dark eyes.
Cows. At nightfall they become disturbing creatures. When they have a vulnerable human in their sights, they close in. Curiously. Menacingly. There's a pugent whiff of grass and sour milk.
The flaring nostrils of a confident leader led the herd's plodding approach. Within no time at all I was practically surrounded by a multitude of black & white beasts - sinister in their gorping and twilight friskiness. One lurched forward trying to lick me with its brown truncheon-sized tongue. Another let go a veritable waterfall of p*ss. They just kept staring at me...... their cloven hooves fidgeting ever closer.
My path of escape was being narrowed by the second. I reached out to keep one at bay - it jolted back which triggered a chain reaction of edginess throughout the herd. Some started snorting loudly. One let go a ear-piercing gargle. I slowly began to walk backwards, waving my arms as if drowning.
At this point my heart was racing. Had these grass munchers earmarked me as a victim of bovine revenge? Images of quarter pounders and rump steaks flooded my mind. I could feel their primeval minds sensing my fear. I turned and ran. The muddy turf hindered my stride. In the grainy darkness I slowly but surely I stumbled to the perimeter of the field. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I'm climbed over the fence to freedom. -
Phew. Fear, when I least expected it.
Cows. At nightfall they become disturbing creatures. When they have a vulnerable human in their sights, they close in. Curiously. Menacingly. There's a pugent whiff of grass and sour milk.
The flaring nostrils of a confident leader led the herd's plodding approach. Within no time at all I was practically surrounded by a multitude of black & white beasts - sinister in their gorping and twilight friskiness. One lurched forward trying to lick me with its brown truncheon-sized tongue. Another let go a veritable waterfall of p*ss. They just kept staring at me...... their cloven hooves fidgeting ever closer.
My path of escape was being narrowed by the second. I reached out to keep one at bay - it jolted back which triggered a chain reaction of edginess throughout the herd. Some started snorting loudly. One let go a ear-piercing gargle. I slowly began to walk backwards, waving my arms as if drowning.
At this point my heart was racing. Had these grass munchers earmarked me as a victim of bovine revenge? Images of quarter pounders and rump steaks flooded my mind. I could feel their primeval minds sensing my fear. I turned and ran. The muddy turf hindered my stride. In the grainy darkness I slowly but surely I stumbled to the perimeter of the field. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I'm climbed over the fence to freedom. -
Phew. Fear, when I least expected it.