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"Letting People Upset You"

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Wed 18/10/06 at 22:14
Regular
"@RichSmedley"
Posts: 10,009
Have a read of this which is said happened some 1500 years ago:

It is said that on an occasion when the Buddha was teaching a group of people, he found himself on the receiving end of a fierce outburst of abuse from a bystander, who was for some reason very angry.

The Buddha listened patiently while the stranger vented his rage, and then the Buddha said to the group and to the stranger, "If someone gives a gift to another person, who then chooses to decline it, tell me, who would then own the gift? The giver or the person who refuses to accept the gift?"

"The giver," said the group after a little thought. "Any fool can see that," added the angry stranger.

"Then it follows, does it not," said the Buddha, "Whenever a person tries to abuse us, or to unload their anger on us, we can each choose to decline or to accept the abuse; whether to make it ours or not. By our personal response to the abuse from another, we can choose who owns and keeps the bad feelings."


I myself find that if someone upsets me I keep replaying it over and over in my mind trying to reason with it and make logic out of it and all it does is upset me even more.

I think most people and certinally myself would do well to follow this advice.......
Thu 19/10/06 at 08:28
Moderator
"possibly impossible"
Posts: 24,985
That Siddhartha Gautama was a clever old soul.
Thu 19/10/06 at 06:26
Regular
Posts: 938
Eleanor Roosevelt was quoted saying "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," which I find goes hand in hand with this Buddha quote.

What I've learned from the couple of victim support groups I've attended is that you really have two options when attacked..reacting or choosing to respond. Reacting doesn't take much foresight or intellect. Its just what has been observed as the norm to do in a circumstance..like on tv, etc..

Choosing to respond doesn't necessarily exclude taking no action. Normally when the perpetrator doesn't get the reaction he was anticipating, it just makes him even more infuriated and it's typically the clear indicator that he's the one with the problem. It's also why they say that the "bigger person" can walk away. ("He" and other similar inferences are used here figuratively speaking..)

I hear your smaller person conflicting with your bigger person, Smedlos. lol No worries mate, we all have our days.
Wed 18/10/06 at 22:14
Regular
"@RichSmedley"
Posts: 10,009
Have a read of this which is said happened some 1500 years ago:

It is said that on an occasion when the Buddha was teaching a group of people, he found himself on the receiving end of a fierce outburst of abuse from a bystander, who was for some reason very angry.

The Buddha listened patiently while the stranger vented his rage, and then the Buddha said to the group and to the stranger, "If someone gives a gift to another person, who then chooses to decline it, tell me, who would then own the gift? The giver or the person who refuses to accept the gift?"

"The giver," said the group after a little thought. "Any fool can see that," added the angry stranger.

"Then it follows, does it not," said the Buddha, "Whenever a person tries to abuse us, or to unload their anger on us, we can each choose to decline or to accept the abuse; whether to make it ours or not. By our personal response to the abuse from another, we can choose who owns and keeps the bad feelings."


I myself find that if someone upsets me I keep replaying it over and over in my mind trying to reason with it and make logic out of it and all it does is upset me even more.

I think most people and certinally myself would do well to follow this advice.......

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