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A poem about insomnia
I sleep awake, unrestful see
Trapped in this life’s monotony
Looking for a path, a hole
To escape this life, to save my soul
The darkness shrouds my clouded mind
In vain I search for answers to find
A scapegoat needed for my pain
I sleep awake, unrestful again
I sleep awake, unrestful see
Trapped in this life’s monotony
Looking for a path, a hole
To escape this life, to save my soul
The darkness shrouds my clouded mind
In vain I search for answers to find
A scapegoat needed for my pain
I sleep awake, unrestful again
Maybe Im just jealous because I possess no artistic/poetic flare...
Insomnia is cool like in Stephen King's book, it allows u to c what people are thinking... poems are not cool though.
El Blokey wrote:
> A couple of lines are too long (second half of the poem). Also...it
> was a bit weird. Seemed like you just went for random ideas like
> darkness and life being boring, whereas neither really have anything
> to do with insomnia (unless you tie it in within the poem; which you
> don't).
>
> C- Must try harder
Heh thanks for advice pal. I know a few of the lines were a bit long but if you read it aloud instead of as text, it does sound better.
I know it is a bunch of random crap - but the vast majority of poetry is a jumble of miscellaenous ideas that couldnt quite be formed into stories or songs.
> A couple of lines are too long (second half of the poem). Also...it
> was a bit weird. Seemed like you just went for random ideas like
> darkness and life being boring, whereas neither really have anything
> to do with insomnia (unless you tie it in within the poem; which you
> don't).
>
> C- Must try harder
Heh thanks for advice pal. I know a few of the lines were a bit long but if you read it aloud instead of as text, it does sound better.
I know it is a bunch of random crap - but the vast majority of poetry is a jumble of miscellaenous ideas that couldnt quite be formed into stories or songs.
A couple of lines are too long (second half of the poem). Also...it was a bit weird. Seemed like you just went for random ideas like darkness and life being boring, whereas neither really have anything to do with insomnia (unless you tie it in within the poem; which you don't).
C- Must try harder
C- Must try harder
Poems are not acceptable.
As soon as the first line ended with 'see,' the voice in my head reading the poem suddenly had a Welsh accent.
A poem about insomnia
I sleep awake, unrestful see
Trapped in this life’s monotony
Looking for a path, a hole
To escape this life, to save my soul
The darkness shrouds my clouded mind
In vain I search for answers to find
A scapegoat needed for my pain
I sleep awake, unrestful again
I sleep awake, unrestful see
Trapped in this life’s monotony
Looking for a path, a hole
To escape this life, to save my soul
The darkness shrouds my clouded mind
In vain I search for answers to find
A scapegoat needed for my pain
I sleep awake, unrestful again