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I sleep awake, unrestful see
Trapped in this life’s monotony
Looking for a path, a hole
To escape this life, to save my soul
The darkness shrouds my clouded mind
In vain I search for answers to find
A scapegoat needed for my pain
I sleep awake, unrestful again
> A couple of lines are too long (second half of the poem). Also...it
> was a bit weird. Seemed like you just went for random ideas like
> darkness and life being boring, whereas neither really have anything
> to do with insomnia (unless you tie it in within the poem; which you
> don't).
>
> C- Must try harder
Heh thanks for advice pal. I know a few of the lines were a bit long but if you read it aloud instead of as text, it does sound better.
I know it is a bunch of random crap - but the vast majority of poetry is a jumble of miscellaenous ideas that couldnt quite be formed into stories or songs.
C- Must try harder
I sleep awake, unrestful see
Trapped in this life’s monotony
Looking for a path, a hole
To escape this life, to save my soul
The darkness shrouds my clouded mind
In vain I search for answers to find
A scapegoat needed for my pain
I sleep awake, unrestful again