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In a bid to stop wastrels from wasting paper; by chucking it away as waste, the Government has shuffled it’s latest plans into the public eye, in the form of a 10000 page document pulped from Mahogany, which they intend to issue to every person in the country and will doubtless contain paragraphs and the like which are better construed than this one is.
The revised document is set to outline some proposals for reducing the amount of waste that Britain disposes into landfill each year, after the initial plan to dump all the waste onto Harlow met with disapproval from Europe, which claimed that any such regeneration scheme would have to be allocated on a fair and open basis.
The most controversial proposal is the enforcement of the one newspaper per carriage of commuters-only piece of legislation, with the intention that “someone with a smooth, resonate and assured voice reads the news to the other occupants” and that everyone collaborates on the crossword. The Daily Mail is delighted that they have been chosen to fulfil the role of the Nation’s paper.
To counteract the need of those who seek the thrill of the bosom offered by the soon to be defunct tabloids, it is suggested that men should approach women in the street and ask to see their knockers saying “look lady I’m simply trying to save the planet”. Any woman who cares about the environment should have no objection to such a reasonable request and stop being so prudish. Top shelf magazines will also be covered in legislation, and rationed to one per estate. A concession to laminate them will probably be made, for hygiene reasons. The provision of tissue paper is proving to be a sticky issue at present and is proving to be a major bone of contention. A spokesman issued comment on any possible amendment to the legislation saying “we don’t want someone to knock one out haphazardly, it’s our mess and we want to clean it up ourselves”.
Other proposals include; making tattoos more affordable so people can make really Important notes easily; the creation of the world’s largest library with a copy of every book in print for every person in the country; banning art from schools; long words will be taken out of the word book (formally known as the dictionary) and other novels, to save space and the thesaurus is to be abolished as only government approved words will be acceptable in future.
The revised document is set to outline some proposals for reducing the amount of waste that Britain disposes into landfill each year, after the initial plan to dump all the waste onto Harlow met with disapproval from Europe, which claimed that any such regeneration scheme would have to be allocated on a fair and open basis.
The most controversial proposal is the enforcement of the one newspaper per carriage of commuters-only piece of legislation, with the intention that “someone with a smooth, resonate and assured voice reads the news to the other occupants” and that everyone collaborates on the crossword. The Daily Mail is delighted that they have been chosen to fulfil the role of the Nation’s paper.
To counteract the need of those who seek the thrill of the bosom offered by the soon to be defunct tabloids, it is suggested that men should approach women in the street and ask to see their knockers saying “look lady I’m simply trying to save the planet”. Any woman who cares about the environment should have no objection to such a reasonable request and stop being so prudish. Top shelf magazines will also be covered in legislation, and rationed to one per estate. A concession to laminate them will probably be made, for hygiene reasons. The provision of tissue paper is proving to be a sticky issue at present and is proving to be a major bone of contention. A spokesman issued comment on any possible amendment to the legislation saying “we don’t want someone to knock one out haphazardly, it’s our mess and we want to clean it up ourselves”.
Other proposals include; making tattoos more affordable so people can make really Important notes easily; the creation of the world’s largest library with a copy of every book in print for every person in the country; banning art from schools; long words will be taken out of the word book (formally known as the dictionary) and other novels, to save space and the thesaurus is to be abolished as only government approved words will be acceptable in future.
I'm all for it.
Hey Ros, I'm feeling all environmental...
Hey Ros, I'm feeling all environmental...
I do good dirty humour, my mum is so proud.
“we don’t want someone to knock one out haphazardly, it’s our mess and we want to clean it up ourselves”.
Thats the funniest thing I've read in ages!
Thats the funniest thing I've read in ages!
I laughed
This is good
This is good
Europe should come to Harlow - then they wouldn't disagree.
What are plans for paper 'air-o-planes'?
In a bid to stop wastrels from wasting paper; by chucking it away as waste, the Government has shuffled it’s latest plans into the public eye, in the form of a 10000 page document pulped from Mahogany, which they intend to issue to every person in the country and will doubtless contain paragraphs and the like which are better construed than this one is.
The revised document is set to outline some proposals for reducing the amount of waste that Britain disposes into landfill each year, after the initial plan to dump all the waste onto Harlow met with disapproval from Europe, which claimed that any such regeneration scheme would have to be allocated on a fair and open basis.
The most controversial proposal is the enforcement of the one newspaper per carriage of commuters-only piece of legislation, with the intention that “someone with a smooth, resonate and assured voice reads the news to the other occupants” and that everyone collaborates on the crossword. The Daily Mail is delighted that they have been chosen to fulfil the role of the Nation’s paper.
To counteract the need of those who seek the thrill of the bosom offered by the soon to be defunct tabloids, it is suggested that men should approach women in the street and ask to see their knockers saying “look lady I’m simply trying to save the planet”. Any woman who cares about the environment should have no objection to such a reasonable request and stop being so prudish. Top shelf magazines will also be covered in legislation, and rationed to one per estate. A concession to laminate them will probably be made, for hygiene reasons. The provision of tissue paper is proving to be a sticky issue at present and is proving to be a major bone of contention. A spokesman issued comment on any possible amendment to the legislation saying “we don’t want someone to knock one out haphazardly, it’s our mess and we want to clean it up ourselves”.
Other proposals include; making tattoos more affordable so people can make really Important notes easily; the creation of the world’s largest library with a copy of every book in print for every person in the country; banning art from schools; long words will be taken out of the word book (formally known as the dictionary) and other novels, to save space and the thesaurus is to be abolished as only government approved words will be acceptable in future.
The revised document is set to outline some proposals for reducing the amount of waste that Britain disposes into landfill each year, after the initial plan to dump all the waste onto Harlow met with disapproval from Europe, which claimed that any such regeneration scheme would have to be allocated on a fair and open basis.
The most controversial proposal is the enforcement of the one newspaper per carriage of commuters-only piece of legislation, with the intention that “someone with a smooth, resonate and assured voice reads the news to the other occupants” and that everyone collaborates on the crossword. The Daily Mail is delighted that they have been chosen to fulfil the role of the Nation’s paper.
To counteract the need of those who seek the thrill of the bosom offered by the soon to be defunct tabloids, it is suggested that men should approach women in the street and ask to see their knockers saying “look lady I’m simply trying to save the planet”. Any woman who cares about the environment should have no objection to such a reasonable request and stop being so prudish. Top shelf magazines will also be covered in legislation, and rationed to one per estate. A concession to laminate them will probably be made, for hygiene reasons. The provision of tissue paper is proving to be a sticky issue at present and is proving to be a major bone of contention. A spokesman issued comment on any possible amendment to the legislation saying “we don’t want someone to knock one out haphazardly, it’s our mess and we want to clean it up ourselves”.
Other proposals include; making tattoos more affordable so people can make really Important notes easily; the creation of the world’s largest library with a copy of every book in print for every person in the country; banning art from schools; long words will be taken out of the word book (formally known as the dictionary) and other novels, to save space and the thesaurus is to be abolished as only government approved words will be acceptable in future.