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Some of you may remember a mid '90s (?) song called 'I Swear'. I forget who it was by, but the chorus was something along the lines of:
"I swear,
by the moon and the starts and the sky,
I'll be there..."
It wasn't a great, or even good, song. But it stuck in my head as the first time I listened to a song and noticed abuse of the letter 'S'.
Instead of stretching to a full alphabet, these boyband punks had stopped at around 20, and so despite the S-heavy song, they never went beyond a 'th' sound.
Thus the chorus became:
"I thwear,
by the moon and the tharth and the thky..."
Since that epiphany I've come to understand the reason for the unnatural lithp, and noticed it to be present to some degree in most songs. The s sound is just too harsh, too cutting, to sound good in most songs. So the singers soften the sound.
That realisation was where my troubles began.
From that day I started to notice shrill, whistling s sounds more and more, everywhere I went. My high school maths teacher was particularly 'hissy', every other s sounding like a boiling kettle.
I got paranoid about my s-pronounciation. Every time anyone made a particularly whistly s, including myself, it'd go straight through me.
I could have coped though.
Then I made the biggest mistake of all - I thought I'd use my insider knowledge for the purposes of better karaoke.
Now, I'm never going to be a good singer, especially when drunk enough to be willing to sing in front of other people, so a few dodgy s noises wouldn't have been such a problem. But no, that wasn't good enough for me.
So I tried to adopt the softened s, not a full on lisp, just trying to take the sharp edge off the sound.
Then it occured to me I could apply it not just when facing an s in song, but my not-quite-acquired superpower could wipe out those unpleasant s sounds in speaking too.
So I tried to fix my normal speach.
And the more I thought about it the more I noticed it.
But I can't stop.
So now I pick up on it every single time, and I truely hate it. The prospect of the russian roulette of 'she sells sea shells...' makes me almost suicidal.
I need help.
Somebody, how do I take the edge of these fricking Ss?
Failing that, how can I stop caring?
I'm going insane here
"I swear,
by the moon and the starts and the sky,
I'll be there..."
It wasn't a great, or even good, song. But it stuck in my head as the first time I listened to a song and noticed abuse of the letter 'S'.
Instead of stretching to a full alphabet, these boyband punks had stopped at around 20, and so despite the S-heavy song, they never went beyond a 'th' sound.
Thus the chorus became:
"I thwear,
by the moon and the tharth and the thky..."
Since that epiphany I've come to understand the reason for the unnatural lithp, and noticed it to be present to some degree in most songs. The s sound is just too harsh, too cutting, to sound good in most songs. So the singers soften the sound.
That realisation was where my troubles began.
From that day I started to notice shrill, whistling s sounds more and more, everywhere I went. My high school maths teacher was particularly 'hissy', every other s sounding like a boiling kettle.
I got paranoid about my s-pronounciation. Every time anyone made a particularly whistly s, including myself, it'd go straight through me.
I could have coped though.
Then I made the biggest mistake of all - I thought I'd use my insider knowledge for the purposes of better karaoke.
Now, I'm never going to be a good singer, especially when drunk enough to be willing to sing in front of other people, so a few dodgy s noises wouldn't have been such a problem. But no, that wasn't good enough for me.
So I tried to adopt the softened s, not a full on lisp, just trying to take the sharp edge off the sound.
Then it occured to me I could apply it not just when facing an s in song, but my not-quite-acquired superpower could wipe out those unpleasant s sounds in speaking too.
So I tried to fix my normal speach.
And the more I thought about it the more I noticed it.
But I can't stop.
So now I pick up on it every single time, and I truely hate it. The prospect of the russian roulette of 'she sells sea shells...' makes me almost suicidal.
I need help.
Somebody, how do I take the edge of these fricking Ss?
Failing that, how can I stop caring?
I'm going insane here
I never noticed this until i met my english teacher. He made s's sound so friggin annoying.
The 'S-iness' on the vocals of pop tunes is reduced by voice compressors, so maybe you should look into having one surgically attached to your vocal chords and inserted into a special hearing-aid.
Other than that, phone this number 05005 5555 5555 - Dr. Sassus Sissarssis is the eminent S-therapist in the country.
Other than that, phone this number 05005 5555 5555 - Dr. Sassus Sissarssis is the eminent S-therapist in the country.
Some of you may remember a mid '90s (?) song called 'I Swear'. I forget who it was by, but the chorus was something along the lines of:
"I swear,
by the moon and the starts and the sky,
I'll be there..."
It wasn't a great, or even good, song. But it stuck in my head as the first time I listened to a song and noticed abuse of the letter 'S'.
Instead of stretching to a full alphabet, these boyband punks had stopped at around 20, and so despite the S-heavy song, they never went beyond a 'th' sound.
Thus the chorus became:
"I thwear,
by the moon and the tharth and the thky..."
Since that epiphany I've come to understand the reason for the unnatural lithp, and noticed it to be present to some degree in most songs. The s sound is just too harsh, too cutting, to sound good in most songs. So the singers soften the sound.
That realisation was where my troubles began.
From that day I started to notice shrill, whistling s sounds more and more, everywhere I went. My high school maths teacher was particularly 'hissy', every other s sounding like a boiling kettle.
I got paranoid about my s-pronounciation. Every time anyone made a particularly whistly s, including myself, it'd go straight through me.
I could have coped though.
Then I made the biggest mistake of all - I thought I'd use my insider knowledge for the purposes of better karaoke.
Now, I'm never going to be a good singer, especially when drunk enough to be willing to sing in front of other people, so a few dodgy s noises wouldn't have been such a problem. But no, that wasn't good enough for me.
So I tried to adopt the softened s, not a full on lisp, just trying to take the sharp edge off the sound.
Then it occured to me I could apply it not just when facing an s in song, but my not-quite-acquired superpower could wipe out those unpleasant s sounds in speaking too.
So I tried to fix my normal speach.
And the more I thought about it the more I noticed it.
But I can't stop.
So now I pick up on it every single time, and I truely hate it. The prospect of the russian roulette of 'she sells sea shells...' makes me almost suicidal.
I need help.
Somebody, how do I take the edge of these fricking Ss?
Failing that, how can I stop caring?
I'm going insane here
"I swear,
by the moon and the starts and the sky,
I'll be there..."
It wasn't a great, or even good, song. But it stuck in my head as the first time I listened to a song and noticed abuse of the letter 'S'.
Instead of stretching to a full alphabet, these boyband punks had stopped at around 20, and so despite the S-heavy song, they never went beyond a 'th' sound.
Thus the chorus became:
"I thwear,
by the moon and the tharth and the thky..."
Since that epiphany I've come to understand the reason for the unnatural lithp, and noticed it to be present to some degree in most songs. The s sound is just too harsh, too cutting, to sound good in most songs. So the singers soften the sound.
That realisation was where my troubles began.
From that day I started to notice shrill, whistling s sounds more and more, everywhere I went. My high school maths teacher was particularly 'hissy', every other s sounding like a boiling kettle.
I got paranoid about my s-pronounciation. Every time anyone made a particularly whistly s, including myself, it'd go straight through me.
I could have coped though.
Then I made the biggest mistake of all - I thought I'd use my insider knowledge for the purposes of better karaoke.
Now, I'm never going to be a good singer, especially when drunk enough to be willing to sing in front of other people, so a few dodgy s noises wouldn't have been such a problem. But no, that wasn't good enough for me.
So I tried to adopt the softened s, not a full on lisp, just trying to take the sharp edge off the sound.
Then it occured to me I could apply it not just when facing an s in song, but my not-quite-acquired superpower could wipe out those unpleasant s sounds in speaking too.
So I tried to fix my normal speach.
And the more I thought about it the more I noticed it.
But I can't stop.
So now I pick up on it every single time, and I truely hate it. The prospect of the russian roulette of 'she sells sea shells...' makes me almost suicidal.
I need help.
Somebody, how do I take the edge of these fricking Ss?
Failing that, how can I stop caring?
I'm going insane here