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It stood towering before them like an ancient shrine stretching up towards the sun, enfeebling the group of teenagers who stood gawping at it. The Eliminator was Terror Land’s latest roller coaster and Jessica and her friends had won tickets for the test ride of it in a magazine competition. Jessica wasn’t an avid fan of rides however entered to competition to boost her popularity with her friends, and so far it was working like a charm. She had always been the geek in school who sat by herself, but in the last few months Jessica had grown into herself and found a small group of friends who accepted her for who she was.
Jessica stared up, open-mouthed, at the Eliminator. As she did so the sun reflected onto the lenses of her steel rimmed glasses, forcing her to squint. The group were unusually quiet, partly due to anticipation and partly due to fear. The 6 of them stood in a line before the roller coaster, surveying each loop and drop of its metal structure. They were waiting for the Terror Land manager to welcome them and let them onto the ride.
It was a matter of minutes before he appeared, kitted out in an expensive looking suit and clutching a large bunch of keys. He politely welcomed the six of them to Terror Land and led them along the red carpet that had been set out for them towards the ride entrance. Jessica, being a little nervous of roller coasters, sat at the back of the carriage with Karen who was also quite anxious. The manager started the ride up and waved them off as the carriage began its protracted journey up the huge incline. The air was cooler the higher the train climbed and Jessica found herself shivering, despite the midday sun beating down over the entire theme park.
The carriage neared the peak of the inevitable summit and Jessica frantically checked that the large rubber restraints that came over her shoulders and across her chest held her tightly in place. They did. In the final few seconds before the plunge she grasped the metal bar until her knuckles appeared white, and screwed her eyes tightly closed. Her breathing became rapid and the seconds before the plummet seemed like hours. As the carriage finally teetered over the edge and began its terrifying journey Jessica let out a petrified scream.
It is true that when one sense is disabled the others become more reactive. With her eyes screwed tightly shut, Jessica could feel the cold metal beneath her fingers, she could smell the scent of Karen’s perfume as she breathed heavily through her nose and she could hear each and every clunk and squeak the carriage made as it ambled along the track. Jessica also heard the screams of her friends but became instantly worried as their shrieks of happiness changed to screams of uttermost terror. She knew something was wrong. In an action that took a great deal of courage, Jessica opened her eyes to see what the commotion was about. The carriage was speeding towards a sharp bend in the track. She was sure the ride shouldn’t be going this fast but in the few seconds before the carriage hit the corner she convinced herself that it was just part of the ride. She was mistaken. As the roller coaster train sped at the corner it was going too fast the turn and simply flew off the end of the track. The screams of the youngsters deafened Jessica, who was too shocked to scream. She simply gripped the metal bar in front of her and prayed not to die.
The carriage seemed to hang momentarily in the air before nose-diving downwards toward the cold concrete floor. The impact caused the entire train to buckle and the metal contorted like a concertina. Jessica could hear the wretched screech of metal scraping metal as the carriage that once offered her safety became her prison. Fear motivated Jessica to open her eyes once more but all she saw was a shadowy blur. Her glasses had slipped off sometime during the fall and without them she was as good as sightless. Jessica listened intently but failed to hear a sound, everything around her was deathly quiet. She felt around the twisted segment of the carriage in an effort to find one of her companions. Jessica groped around to her left and found Karen’s limp arm. She gave the arm a few urgent tugs but it didn’t respond. Unlike Jessica’s own arm, Karen’s arm was cold. In a moment of horrific realisation, it dawned on Jessica that Karen was dead. Amidst her sobs Jessica’s attention was brought to the sirens in the distance. Help was on its way.
After the initial shock of realising her friend was dead, Jessica decided to feel around and check she was all right. She ran her hands over her face, shoulders and chest but when she reached her thighs her hands stopped dead. Worry and panic overcame her as she felt a large metal splinter protruding from her right leg. She fumbled around a little more and came to the conclusion that a carriage support had pierced the seat, and her leg, when it collided with the ground. She felt no pain as her entire leg was numb however she could feel the wound was pumping out blood. Remembering numerous Biology lessons about the circulatory system, she attempted to exert pressure on the leg to cut off the blood flow and prevent excess blood loss. However pushing down managed to jam her leg down further onto the spike and increase the rate of blood loss.
The sirens became clearer and Jessica knew help would arrive soon. Jessica recognised by sound alone that there were two ambulances approaching and the deep bellowing horn-like sound indicated the presence of a fire engine too. A few tortured minutes later the rescue team were gathered around her and the fire men were cutting her out of the iron prison she was encased in. However her blood loss must have been too great and unconsciousness swept over her body.
When Jessica awoke again she was in a bed with starchy sheets pulled up to her chest. The rhythmic bleeps of a heart monitor were the only noise in the silent hospital room. She opened her eyes to survey her surroundings but her glasses were still absent and therefore the room appeared as no more than an unclear smudge. Singular footsteps echoed around the room and stopped at Jessica’s bedside. “Jessica, can you hear me?” asked the consultant. “I can hear you.” She said, “Are my friends alright?” The consultant sighed and looked at the floor. “I suppose it is my sad duty to inform you, Jessica, that your friends didn’t survive the accident. I’m afraid they all died upon impact.” Jessica’s eyes welled up with tears and her jaw began to quiver. The consultant broke the mournful silence “Jessica, I am going to give you a sedative so we can operate, you will wake up in a few hours and you will be fine.” Jessica nodded and the consultant proceeded to inject her in the arm, again Jessica plunged into unconsciousness.
A loud, constant beeping sound made Jessica awake again and she found herself in her own bed, she reached to her side and picked up her glasses from her bedside cabinet. Her alarm clock read ‘7:30’ and she sat up in bed, still in a daze about the horrific dream she had just experienced. She slipped her dressing gown on over the pyjamas and ventured downstairs. On the doormat was a small pile of letters that she picked up and rifled through. She found one letter addressed to her and placed the others down on the kitchen table. She opened the envelope to find a note that read, “Dear Jessica Anderson, we are pleased to inform you that you have won tickets to be the first to ride Terror Land’s newest roller coaster, “The Eliminator.” You and up to five friends are invited to Terror Land next Sunday to experience the exhilarating thrill of our amazing new ride. Please find enclosed 6 tickets, courtesy of Sweet Sixteen magazine.” Jessica tore the letter and the tickets into small pieces, discarded them in the dustbin and went to make breakfast.
Kyz.
Jessica stared up, open-mouthed, at the Eliminator. As she did so the sun reflected onto the lenses of her steel rimmed glasses, forcing her to squint. The group were unusually quiet, partly due to anticipation and partly due to fear. The 6 of them stood in a line before the roller coaster, surveying each loop and drop of its metal structure. They were waiting for the Terror Land manager to welcome them and let them onto the ride.
It was a matter of minutes before he appeared, kitted out in an expensive looking suit and clutching a large bunch of keys. He politely welcomed the six of them to Terror Land and led them along the red carpet that had been set out for them towards the ride entrance. Jessica, being a little nervous of roller coasters, sat at the back of the carriage with Karen who was also quite anxious. The manager started the ride up and waved them off as the carriage began its protracted journey up the huge incline. The air was cooler the higher the train climbed and Jessica found herself shivering, despite the midday sun beating down over the entire theme park.
The carriage neared the peak of the inevitable summit and Jessica frantically checked that the large rubber restraints that came over her shoulders and across her chest held her tightly in place. They did. In the final few seconds before the plunge she grasped the metal bar until her knuckles appeared white, and screwed her eyes tightly closed. Her breathing became rapid and the seconds before the plummet seemed like hours. As the carriage finally teetered over the edge and began its terrifying journey Jessica let out a petrified scream.
It is true that when one sense is disabled the others become more reactive. With her eyes screwed tightly shut, Jessica could feel the cold metal beneath her fingers, she could smell the scent of Karen’s perfume as she breathed heavily through her nose and she could hear each and every clunk and squeak the carriage made as it ambled along the track. Jessica also heard the screams of her friends but became instantly worried as their shrieks of happiness changed to screams of uttermost terror. She knew something was wrong. In an action that took a great deal of courage, Jessica opened her eyes to see what the commotion was about. The carriage was speeding towards a sharp bend in the track. She was sure the ride shouldn’t be going this fast but in the few seconds before the carriage hit the corner she convinced herself that it was just part of the ride. She was mistaken. As the roller coaster train sped at the corner it was going too fast the turn and simply flew off the end of the track. The screams of the youngsters deafened Jessica, who was too shocked to scream. She simply gripped the metal bar in front of her and prayed not to die.
The carriage seemed to hang momentarily in the air before nose-diving downwards toward the cold concrete floor. The impact caused the entire train to buckle and the metal contorted like a concertina. Jessica could hear the wretched screech of metal scraping metal as the carriage that once offered her safety became her prison. Fear motivated Jessica to open her eyes once more but all she saw was a shadowy blur. Her glasses had slipped off sometime during the fall and without them she was as good as sightless. Jessica listened intently but failed to hear a sound, everything around her was deathly quiet. She felt around the twisted segment of the carriage in an effort to find one of her companions. Jessica groped around to her left and found Karen’s limp arm. She gave the arm a few urgent tugs but it didn’t respond. Unlike Jessica’s own arm, Karen’s arm was cold. In a moment of horrific realisation, it dawned on Jessica that Karen was dead. Amidst her sobs Jessica’s attention was brought to the sirens in the distance. Help was on its way.
After the initial shock of realising her friend was dead, Jessica decided to feel around and check she was all right. She ran her hands over her face, shoulders and chest but when she reached her thighs her hands stopped dead. Worry and panic overcame her as she felt a large metal splinter protruding from her right leg. She fumbled around a little more and came to the conclusion that a carriage support had pierced the seat, and her leg, when it collided with the ground. She felt no pain as her entire leg was numb however she could feel the wound was pumping out blood. Remembering numerous Biology lessons about the circulatory system, she attempted to exert pressure on the leg to cut off the blood flow and prevent excess blood loss. However pushing down managed to jam her leg down further onto the spike and increase the rate of blood loss.
The sirens became clearer and Jessica knew help would arrive soon. Jessica recognised by sound alone that there were two ambulances approaching and the deep bellowing horn-like sound indicated the presence of a fire engine too. A few tortured minutes later the rescue team were gathered around her and the fire men were cutting her out of the iron prison she was encased in. However her blood loss must have been too great and unconsciousness swept over her body.
When Jessica awoke again she was in a bed with starchy sheets pulled up to her chest. The rhythmic bleeps of a heart monitor were the only noise in the silent hospital room. She opened her eyes to survey her surroundings but her glasses were still absent and therefore the room appeared as no more than an unclear smudge. Singular footsteps echoed around the room and stopped at Jessica’s bedside. “Jessica, can you hear me?” asked the consultant. “I can hear you.” She said, “Are my friends alright?” The consultant sighed and looked at the floor. “I suppose it is my sad duty to inform you, Jessica, that your friends didn’t survive the accident. I’m afraid they all died upon impact.” Jessica’s eyes welled up with tears and her jaw began to quiver. The consultant broke the mournful silence “Jessica, I am going to give you a sedative so we can operate, you will wake up in a few hours and you will be fine.” Jessica nodded and the consultant proceeded to inject her in the arm, again Jessica plunged into unconsciousness.
A loud, constant beeping sound made Jessica awake again and she found herself in her own bed, she reached to her side and picked up her glasses from her bedside cabinet. Her alarm clock read ‘7:30’ and she sat up in bed, still in a daze about the horrific dream she had just experienced. She slipped her dressing gown on over the pyjamas and ventured downstairs. On the doormat was a small pile of letters that she picked up and rifled through. She found one letter addressed to her and placed the others down on the kitchen table. She opened the envelope to find a note that read, “Dear Jessica Anderson, we are pleased to inform you that you have won tickets to be the first to ride Terror Land’s newest roller coaster, “The Eliminator.” You and up to five friends are invited to Terror Land next Sunday to experience the exhilarating thrill of our amazing new ride. Please find enclosed 6 tickets, courtesy of Sweet Sixteen magazine.” Jessica tore the letter and the tickets into small pieces, discarded them in the dustbin and went to make breakfast.
Kyz.
i HATE surprises!
Yeah, its the very same one. Wonder when the winner of the comp is announced...
Good one. Some excellent description in there. Is this the story you entered into Meka Dragon's competition?
Kyz22 wrote:
> Cheers, anyone else fancy reading it?
*Ahem*
> Cheers, anyone else fancy reading it?
*Ahem*
Cheers, anyone else fancy reading it?
Still mostly good.
I guess the end twist bit makes it a teeny bit like Final Destination, but in the movie the theme of fate and predictions are constant and not merely a twist in the movies tail.
Never seen it, but the synopsis of Final Destination sounds a bit like this...
It stood towering before them like an ancient shrine stretching up towards the sun, enfeebling the group of teenagers who stood gawping at it. The Eliminator was Terror Land’s latest roller coaster and Jessica and her friends had won tickets for the test ride of it in a magazine competition. Jessica wasn’t an avid fan of rides however entered to competition to boost her popularity with her friends, and so far it was working like a charm. She had always been the geek in school who sat by herself, but in the last few months Jessica had grown into herself and found a small group of friends who accepted her for who she was.
Jessica stared up, open-mouthed, at the Eliminator. As she did so the sun reflected onto the lenses of her steel rimmed glasses, forcing her to squint. The group were unusually quiet, partly due to anticipation and partly due to fear. The 6 of them stood in a line before the roller coaster, surveying each loop and drop of its metal structure. They were waiting for the Terror Land manager to welcome them and let them onto the ride.
It was a matter of minutes before he appeared, kitted out in an expensive looking suit and clutching a large bunch of keys. He politely welcomed the six of them to Terror Land and led them along the red carpet that had been set out for them towards the ride entrance. Jessica, being a little nervous of roller coasters, sat at the back of the carriage with Karen who was also quite anxious. The manager started the ride up and waved them off as the carriage began its protracted journey up the huge incline. The air was cooler the higher the train climbed and Jessica found herself shivering, despite the midday sun beating down over the entire theme park.
The carriage neared the peak of the inevitable summit and Jessica frantically checked that the large rubber restraints that came over her shoulders and across her chest held her tightly in place. They did. In the final few seconds before the plunge she grasped the metal bar until her knuckles appeared white, and screwed her eyes tightly closed. Her breathing became rapid and the seconds before the plummet seemed like hours. As the carriage finally teetered over the edge and began its terrifying journey Jessica let out a petrified scream.
It is true that when one sense is disabled the others become more reactive. With her eyes screwed tightly shut, Jessica could feel the cold metal beneath her fingers, she could smell the scent of Karen’s perfume as she breathed heavily through her nose and she could hear each and every clunk and squeak the carriage made as it ambled along the track. Jessica also heard the screams of her friends but became instantly worried as their shrieks of happiness changed to screams of uttermost terror. She knew something was wrong. In an action that took a great deal of courage, Jessica opened her eyes to see what the commotion was about. The carriage was speeding towards a sharp bend in the track. She was sure the ride shouldn’t be going this fast but in the few seconds before the carriage hit the corner she convinced herself that it was just part of the ride. She was mistaken. As the roller coaster train sped at the corner it was going too fast the turn and simply flew off the end of the track. The screams of the youngsters deafened Jessica, who was too shocked to scream. She simply gripped the metal bar in front of her and prayed not to die.
The carriage seemed to hang momentarily in the air before nose-diving downwards toward the cold concrete floor. The impact caused the entire train to buckle and the metal contorted like a concertina. Jessica could hear the wretched screech of metal scraping metal as the carriage that once offered her safety became her prison. Fear motivated Jessica to open her eyes once more but all she saw was a shadowy blur. Her glasses had slipped off sometime during the fall and without them she was as good as sightless. Jessica listened intently but failed to hear a sound, everything around her was deathly quiet. She felt around the twisted segment of the carriage in an effort to find one of her companions. Jessica groped around to her left and found Karen’s limp arm. She gave the arm a few urgent tugs but it didn’t respond. Unlike Jessica’s own arm, Karen’s arm was cold. In a moment of horrific realisation, it dawned on Jessica that Karen was dead. Amidst her sobs Jessica’s attention was brought to the sirens in the distance. Help was on its way.
After the initial shock of realising her friend was dead, Jessica decided to feel around and check she was all right. She ran her hands over her face, shoulders and chest but when she reached her thighs her hands stopped dead. Worry and panic overcame her as she felt a large metal splinter protruding from her right leg. She fumbled around a little more and came to the conclusion that a carriage support had pierced the seat, and her leg, when it collided with the ground. She felt no pain as her entire leg was numb however she could feel the wound was pumping out blood. Remembering numerous Biology lessons about the circulatory system, she attempted to exert pressure on the leg to cut off the blood flow and prevent excess blood loss. However pushing down managed to jam her leg down further onto the spike and increase the rate of blood loss.
The sirens became clearer and Jessica knew help would arrive soon. Jessica recognised by sound alone that there were two ambulances approaching and the deep bellowing horn-like sound indicated the presence of a fire engine too. A few tortured minutes later the rescue team were gathered around her and the fire men were cutting her out of the iron prison she was encased in. However her blood loss must have been too great and unconsciousness swept over her body.
When Jessica awoke again she was in a bed with starchy sheets pulled up to her chest. The rhythmic bleeps of a heart monitor were the only noise in the silent hospital room. She opened her eyes to survey her surroundings but her glasses were still absent and therefore the room appeared as no more than an unclear smudge. Singular footsteps echoed around the room and stopped at Jessica’s bedside. “Jessica, can you hear me?” asked the consultant. “I can hear you.” She said, “Are my friends alright?” The consultant sighed and looked at the floor. “I suppose it is my sad duty to inform you, Jessica, that your friends didn’t survive the accident. I’m afraid they all died upon impact.” Jessica’s eyes welled up with tears and her jaw began to quiver. The consultant broke the mournful silence “Jessica, I am going to give you a sedative so we can operate, you will wake up in a few hours and you will be fine.” Jessica nodded and the consultant proceeded to inject her in the arm, again Jessica plunged into unconsciousness.
A loud, constant beeping sound made Jessica awake again and she found herself in her own bed, she reached to her side and picked up her glasses from her bedside cabinet. Her alarm clock read ‘7:30’ and she sat up in bed, still in a daze about the horrific dream she had just experienced. She slipped her dressing gown on over the pyjamas and ventured downstairs. On the doormat was a small pile of letters that she picked up and rifled through. She found one letter addressed to her and placed the others down on the kitchen table. She opened the envelope to find a note that read, “Dear Jessica Anderson, we are pleased to inform you that you have won tickets to be the first to ride Terror Land’s newest roller coaster, “The Eliminator.” You and up to five friends are invited to Terror Land next Sunday to experience the exhilarating thrill of our amazing new ride. Please find enclosed 6 tickets, courtesy of Sweet Sixteen magazine.” Jessica tore the letter and the tickets into small pieces, discarded them in the dustbin and went to make breakfast.
Kyz.
Jessica stared up, open-mouthed, at the Eliminator. As she did so the sun reflected onto the lenses of her steel rimmed glasses, forcing her to squint. The group were unusually quiet, partly due to anticipation and partly due to fear. The 6 of them stood in a line before the roller coaster, surveying each loop and drop of its metal structure. They were waiting for the Terror Land manager to welcome them and let them onto the ride.
It was a matter of minutes before he appeared, kitted out in an expensive looking suit and clutching a large bunch of keys. He politely welcomed the six of them to Terror Land and led them along the red carpet that had been set out for them towards the ride entrance. Jessica, being a little nervous of roller coasters, sat at the back of the carriage with Karen who was also quite anxious. The manager started the ride up and waved them off as the carriage began its protracted journey up the huge incline. The air was cooler the higher the train climbed and Jessica found herself shivering, despite the midday sun beating down over the entire theme park.
The carriage neared the peak of the inevitable summit and Jessica frantically checked that the large rubber restraints that came over her shoulders and across her chest held her tightly in place. They did. In the final few seconds before the plunge she grasped the metal bar until her knuckles appeared white, and screwed her eyes tightly closed. Her breathing became rapid and the seconds before the plummet seemed like hours. As the carriage finally teetered over the edge and began its terrifying journey Jessica let out a petrified scream.
It is true that when one sense is disabled the others become more reactive. With her eyes screwed tightly shut, Jessica could feel the cold metal beneath her fingers, she could smell the scent of Karen’s perfume as she breathed heavily through her nose and she could hear each and every clunk and squeak the carriage made as it ambled along the track. Jessica also heard the screams of her friends but became instantly worried as their shrieks of happiness changed to screams of uttermost terror. She knew something was wrong. In an action that took a great deal of courage, Jessica opened her eyes to see what the commotion was about. The carriage was speeding towards a sharp bend in the track. She was sure the ride shouldn’t be going this fast but in the few seconds before the carriage hit the corner she convinced herself that it was just part of the ride. She was mistaken. As the roller coaster train sped at the corner it was going too fast the turn and simply flew off the end of the track. The screams of the youngsters deafened Jessica, who was too shocked to scream. She simply gripped the metal bar in front of her and prayed not to die.
The carriage seemed to hang momentarily in the air before nose-diving downwards toward the cold concrete floor. The impact caused the entire train to buckle and the metal contorted like a concertina. Jessica could hear the wretched screech of metal scraping metal as the carriage that once offered her safety became her prison. Fear motivated Jessica to open her eyes once more but all she saw was a shadowy blur. Her glasses had slipped off sometime during the fall and without them she was as good as sightless. Jessica listened intently but failed to hear a sound, everything around her was deathly quiet. She felt around the twisted segment of the carriage in an effort to find one of her companions. Jessica groped around to her left and found Karen’s limp arm. She gave the arm a few urgent tugs but it didn’t respond. Unlike Jessica’s own arm, Karen’s arm was cold. In a moment of horrific realisation, it dawned on Jessica that Karen was dead. Amidst her sobs Jessica’s attention was brought to the sirens in the distance. Help was on its way.
After the initial shock of realising her friend was dead, Jessica decided to feel around and check she was all right. She ran her hands over her face, shoulders and chest but when she reached her thighs her hands stopped dead. Worry and panic overcame her as she felt a large metal splinter protruding from her right leg. She fumbled around a little more and came to the conclusion that a carriage support had pierced the seat, and her leg, when it collided with the ground. She felt no pain as her entire leg was numb however she could feel the wound was pumping out blood. Remembering numerous Biology lessons about the circulatory system, she attempted to exert pressure on the leg to cut off the blood flow and prevent excess blood loss. However pushing down managed to jam her leg down further onto the spike and increase the rate of blood loss.
The sirens became clearer and Jessica knew help would arrive soon. Jessica recognised by sound alone that there were two ambulances approaching and the deep bellowing horn-like sound indicated the presence of a fire engine too. A few tortured minutes later the rescue team were gathered around her and the fire men were cutting her out of the iron prison she was encased in. However her blood loss must have been too great and unconsciousness swept over her body.
When Jessica awoke again she was in a bed with starchy sheets pulled up to her chest. The rhythmic bleeps of a heart monitor were the only noise in the silent hospital room. She opened her eyes to survey her surroundings but her glasses were still absent and therefore the room appeared as no more than an unclear smudge. Singular footsteps echoed around the room and stopped at Jessica’s bedside. “Jessica, can you hear me?” asked the consultant. “I can hear you.” She said, “Are my friends alright?” The consultant sighed and looked at the floor. “I suppose it is my sad duty to inform you, Jessica, that your friends didn’t survive the accident. I’m afraid they all died upon impact.” Jessica’s eyes welled up with tears and her jaw began to quiver. The consultant broke the mournful silence “Jessica, I am going to give you a sedative so we can operate, you will wake up in a few hours and you will be fine.” Jessica nodded and the consultant proceeded to inject her in the arm, again Jessica plunged into unconsciousness.
A loud, constant beeping sound made Jessica awake again and she found herself in her own bed, she reached to her side and picked up her glasses from her bedside cabinet. Her alarm clock read ‘7:30’ and she sat up in bed, still in a daze about the horrific dream she had just experienced. She slipped her dressing gown on over the pyjamas and ventured downstairs. On the doormat was a small pile of letters that she picked up and rifled through. She found one letter addressed to her and placed the others down on the kitchen table. She opened the envelope to find a note that read, “Dear Jessica Anderson, we are pleased to inform you that you have won tickets to be the first to ride Terror Land’s newest roller coaster, “The Eliminator.” You and up to five friends are invited to Terror Land next Sunday to experience the exhilarating thrill of our amazing new ride. Please find enclosed 6 tickets, courtesy of Sweet Sixteen magazine.” Jessica tore the letter and the tickets into small pieces, discarded them in the dustbin and went to make breakfast.
Kyz.