The "Creative Writing" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
plz post your opinions
The light
There it was again. That noise up on the roof. I’d been hearing it for weeks now. It was a sort of low, thumping noise. It happened every night at eleven thirty four, and it always woke me up. But no one else seemed to hear it. Whenever it woke me, my heart was pounding like I’d run a five hundred metre sprint, and my pillow was damp with sweat.
When I woke up, in the morning, I could never remember any of my dreams. It doesn’t sound like much, but the time I first started hearing the noise was about the time when I first stopped remembering them. Oh well, I thought to myself, I guess it’s just coincidence. Oh no, I thought. I’ve got school today, dreading the thought. Then I remembered. It was Saturday, and relief flooded through me.
All my friends said they had lie-ins until eleven. I tried it once, but it was so mind-numbingly boring I stopped before the hands hit nine. So I got out of bed and had my breakfast.
My Mums usually the one home most on the weekends, and my Dad was at his job in Somerset, which was an hour and a half away. But today my Mum had an important meeting with her work, which meant I had the day, and the house, to myself.
My friends called on me after lunch, so I went out to play football, which passed most of the day. But when I got home I was dead bored. So I decided that I would go up on to the roof and look for this that could be causing the sound. It was a dangerous thought, but it was something to do.
Round the back of my house, there’s a trellis with thorned roses running all the way up it. That was what I had to climb in order to get up on to the roof. From the top of the trellis I would have to jump onto a small ledge beneath my parents bedroom window and then reach my hands upon to the roof and haul myself over. I first reached my feet, and then my hands onto the trellis and started climbing, being careful not to cut myself on the thorns. When I reached the top, my legs were burning with a fierce pain. It would take a lot of effort to make the jump, and if I missed I would end up with a sprained ankle, at least. With great effort, I propelled myself onto the ledge. With disbelief, I looked at the distance I’d just leaped over. I sat for a minute to retrieve my strength, and then reached my hands on the roof edge; put my toes in a small crevice in the bricks and pulled myself onto the roof.
I walked over, being careful not to slip on the wet tiles, to where I thought the noise was coming from and encountered a surprise. There were three tiles missing. But what was an even bigger surprise was that I couldn’t find any of them. I checked everywhere possible place where they could have been, but they just weren’t there.
Suddenly realizing it was starting to get dark, I looked at my watch. My Mum would think I was crazy if she saw me on the roof! I jumped down from the ledge, onto the back garden, just as I heard her car pulling up. I quickly ran in through the back door, flicked the TV on and acted as if everything was completely normal.
“Ryan, I’m home” my mum cried.
“Really, I thought you were still out”, I replied sarcastically.
“Ryan, I’m not in the mood for that today. I’ve had a bad day”.
I didn’t want to say it, but really I had to ask her.
“Okay, what happened then?” I asked reluctantly
“Well, some idiot thought my clothes designs weren’t good enough, so I have to redo all of them for tomorrow morning. I spent days working on those and what do I get...”
Oh no I thought. I shouldn’t have done that. Now I’ve unleashed another torrent of monologue.
“…So I said to him well if you don’t like them then that’s your problem. Ryan, are you listening?”
“Hmm? Oh, yeah” I replied, only half aware of what the question was.
“Alright Ryan, I can take a hint.” She said bitterly and walked out of the room, finally giving me some peace and quiet. I thought of so many things before I went to bed, I practically needed a schedule to fit them in!
By the time I was in bed, I’d thought up a plan of action. I would climb onto the roof again, but this time I’d hide behind our chimney. And then I would wait. Until eleven thirty four. Then I’d know what was happening.
My Mum was in bed by eleven, which was just as I had expected. I waited until I was sure she was asleep, and then began. I took some of my sisters toys from her room, which was okay because she was at a sleepover, and arranged them under my bed so it looked like was still in it if my Mum came in. I then tiptoed so quietly out of the house, I wasn’t sure if I actually was. I made my way around the back, and climbed onto the roof again. This time it was considerably harder because my parents were in their bedroom, and it was dark, but I made it up alright. Only seven minutes left. I crept behind the chimney and waited. The silence was so unnerving it was scary. That’s something you don’t get much. Complete, utter silence. Only then I began to notice the stars. There were just so many of them. They looked like sparkling diamonds that had been sieved through the night’s sky. I looked at my watch. It was time. For the first couple of seconds nothing happened. Then I suddenly felt a rush of cold air, as if the very wind itself was trying to escape from whatever was coming. Then a morbid blue light appeared, triggering a suppressed memory that I didn’t know I had. I had an image of blue light seeping through the ceiling of my room. This blue light. The light began to take a form, and much to my amazement, it was a small child. The rest of the light started circling above his head, the boy was wearing old clothes. Very old clothes, which to me looked Victorian. He slowly turned his head towards me. I wanted to withdraw my head to behind the chimney, but I was so enticed by all the happenings, I couldn’t. He then stared at the chimney with a sinister stare, full of hatred. What happened next was so unbelievable, you probably won’t believe me. The light above the boy’s head flew towards the chimney and enveloped it. The light grew thicker and brighter until the chimney was unrecognizable. The light slowly began to fade away, and the chimney disappeared with it. He, finally contented, smiled at me.
The light
There it was again. That noise up on the roof. I’d been hearing it for weeks now. It was a sort of low, thumping noise. It happened every night at eleven thirty four, and it always woke me up. But no one else seemed to hear it. Whenever it woke me, my heart was pounding like I’d run a five hundred metre sprint, and my pillow was damp with sweat.
When I woke up, in the morning, I could never remember any of my dreams. It doesn’t sound like much, but the time I first started hearing the noise was about the time when I first stopped remembering them. Oh well, I thought to myself, I guess it’s just coincidence. Oh no, I thought. I’ve got school today, dreading the thought. Then I remembered. It was Saturday, and relief flooded through me.
All my friends said they had lie-ins until eleven. I tried it once, but it was so mind-numbingly boring I stopped before the hands hit nine. So I got out of bed and had my breakfast.
My Mums usually the one home most on the weekends, and my Dad was at his job in Somerset, which was an hour and a half away. But today my Mum had an important meeting with her work, which meant I had the day, and the house, to myself.
My friends called on me after lunch, so I went out to play football, which passed most of the day. But when I got home I was dead bored. So I decided that I would go up on to the roof and look for this that could be causing the sound. It was a dangerous thought, but it was something to do.
Round the back of my house, there’s a trellis with thorned roses running all the way up it. That was what I had to climb in order to get up on to the roof. From the top of the trellis I would have to jump onto a small ledge beneath my parents bedroom window and then reach my hands upon to the roof and haul myself over. I first reached my feet, and then my hands onto the trellis and started climbing, being careful not to cut myself on the thorns. When I reached the top, my legs were burning with a fierce pain. It would take a lot of effort to make the jump, and if I missed I would end up with a sprained ankle, at least. With great effort, I propelled myself onto the ledge. With disbelief, I looked at the distance I’d just leaped over. I sat for a minute to retrieve my strength, and then reached my hands on the roof edge; put my toes in a small crevice in the bricks and pulled myself onto the roof.
I walked over, being careful not to slip on the wet tiles, to where I thought the noise was coming from and encountered a surprise. There were three tiles missing. But what was an even bigger surprise was that I couldn’t find any of them. I checked everywhere possible place where they could have been, but they just weren’t there.
Suddenly realizing it was starting to get dark, I looked at my watch. My Mum would think I was crazy if she saw me on the roof! I jumped down from the ledge, onto the back garden, just as I heard her car pulling up. I quickly ran in through the back door, flicked the TV on and acted as if everything was completely normal.
“Ryan, I’m home” my mum cried.
“Really, I thought you were still out”, I replied sarcastically.
“Ryan, I’m not in the mood for that today. I’ve had a bad day”.
I didn’t want to say it, but really I had to ask her.
“Okay, what happened then?” I asked reluctantly
“Well, some idiot thought my clothes designs weren’t good enough, so I have to redo all of them for tomorrow morning. I spent days working on those and what do I get...”
Oh no I thought. I shouldn’t have done that. Now I’ve unleashed another torrent of monologue.
“…So I said to him well if you don’t like them then that’s your problem. Ryan, are you listening?”
“Hmm? Oh, yeah” I replied, only half aware of what the question was.
“Alright Ryan, I can take a hint.” She said bitterly and walked out of the room, finally giving me some peace and quiet. I thought of so many things before I went to bed, I practically needed a schedule to fit them in!
By the time I was in bed, I’d thought up a plan of action. I would climb onto the roof again, but this time I’d hide behind our chimney. And then I would wait. Until eleven thirty four. Then I’d know what was happening.
My Mum was in bed by eleven, which was just as I had expected. I waited until I was sure she was asleep, and then began. I took some of my sisters toys from her room, which was okay because she was at a sleepover, and arranged them under my bed so it looked like was still in it if my Mum came in. I then tiptoed so quietly out of the house, I wasn’t sure if I actually was. I made my way around the back, and climbed onto the roof again. This time it was considerably harder because my parents were in their bedroom, and it was dark, but I made it up alright. Only seven minutes left. I crept behind the chimney and waited. The silence was so unnerving it was scary. That’s something you don’t get much. Complete, utter silence. Only then I began to notice the stars. There were just so many of them. They looked like sparkling diamonds that had been sieved through the night’s sky. I looked at my watch. It was time. For the first couple of seconds nothing happened. Then I suddenly felt a rush of cold air, as if the very wind itself was trying to escape from whatever was coming. Then a morbid blue light appeared, triggering a suppressed memory that I didn’t know I had. I had an image of blue light seeping through the ceiling of my room. This blue light. The light began to take a form, and much to my amazement, it was a small child. The rest of the light started circling above his head, the boy was wearing old clothes. Very old clothes, which to me looked Victorian. He slowly turned his head towards me. I wanted to withdraw my head to behind the chimney, but I was so enticed by all the happenings, I couldn’t. He then stared at the chimney with a sinister stare, full of hatred. What happened next was so unbelievable, you probably won’t believe me. The light above the boy’s head flew towards the chimney and enveloped it. The light grew thicker and brighter until the chimney was unrecognizable. The light slowly began to fade away, and the chimney disappeared with it. He, finally contented, smiled at me.
Correct!
The ghost of a Victorian chimney sweep perhaps?
The ending was a bit abrupt, but having unanswered questions makes it mysterious. Cool story, nicely told.
The ending was a bit abrupt, but having unanswered questions makes it mysterious. Cool story, nicely told.
Any good at art?
I liked it. I think that the ideas here could really be developed into a longer story if you wanted to.
I like the way that you built up the suspense by having the protagonist go up on to the roof once, only to have to come down again later. I would have perhaps liked the ending to ba a little more developed. Why did the ghost have a connection with the chimny, and why had you forgotten that had seen thye ghost before. It leaves a lot of questions unanswered, but perhaps that what you were aiming for.
Anyway, very good, thanks for posting this.
I like the way that you built up the suspense by having the protagonist go up on to the roof once, only to have to come down again later. I would have perhaps liked the ending to ba a little more developed. Why did the ghost have a connection with the chimny, and why had you forgotten that had seen thye ghost before. It leaves a lot of questions unanswered, but perhaps that what you were aiming for.
Anyway, very good, thanks for posting this.
plz post your opinions
The light
There it was again. That noise up on the roof. I’d been hearing it for weeks now. It was a sort of low, thumping noise. It happened every night at eleven thirty four, and it always woke me up. But no one else seemed to hear it. Whenever it woke me, my heart was pounding like I’d run a five hundred metre sprint, and my pillow was damp with sweat.
When I woke up, in the morning, I could never remember any of my dreams. It doesn’t sound like much, but the time I first started hearing the noise was about the time when I first stopped remembering them. Oh well, I thought to myself, I guess it’s just coincidence. Oh no, I thought. I’ve got school today, dreading the thought. Then I remembered. It was Saturday, and relief flooded through me.
All my friends said they had lie-ins until eleven. I tried it once, but it was so mind-numbingly boring I stopped before the hands hit nine. So I got out of bed and had my breakfast.
My Mums usually the one home most on the weekends, and my Dad was at his job in Somerset, which was an hour and a half away. But today my Mum had an important meeting with her work, which meant I had the day, and the house, to myself.
My friends called on me after lunch, so I went out to play football, which passed most of the day. But when I got home I was dead bored. So I decided that I would go up on to the roof and look for this that could be causing the sound. It was a dangerous thought, but it was something to do.
Round the back of my house, there’s a trellis with thorned roses running all the way up it. That was what I had to climb in order to get up on to the roof. From the top of the trellis I would have to jump onto a small ledge beneath my parents bedroom window and then reach my hands upon to the roof and haul myself over. I first reached my feet, and then my hands onto the trellis and started climbing, being careful not to cut myself on the thorns. When I reached the top, my legs were burning with a fierce pain. It would take a lot of effort to make the jump, and if I missed I would end up with a sprained ankle, at least. With great effort, I propelled myself onto the ledge. With disbelief, I looked at the distance I’d just leaped over. I sat for a minute to retrieve my strength, and then reached my hands on the roof edge; put my toes in a small crevice in the bricks and pulled myself onto the roof.
I walked over, being careful not to slip on the wet tiles, to where I thought the noise was coming from and encountered a surprise. There were three tiles missing. But what was an even bigger surprise was that I couldn’t find any of them. I checked everywhere possible place where they could have been, but they just weren’t there.
Suddenly realizing it was starting to get dark, I looked at my watch. My Mum would think I was crazy if she saw me on the roof! I jumped down from the ledge, onto the back garden, just as I heard her car pulling up. I quickly ran in through the back door, flicked the TV on and acted as if everything was completely normal.
“Ryan, I’m home” my mum cried.
“Really, I thought you were still out”, I replied sarcastically.
“Ryan, I’m not in the mood for that today. I’ve had a bad day”.
I didn’t want to say it, but really I had to ask her.
“Okay, what happened then?” I asked reluctantly
“Well, some idiot thought my clothes designs weren’t good enough, so I have to redo all of them for tomorrow morning. I spent days working on those and what do I get...”
Oh no I thought. I shouldn’t have done that. Now I’ve unleashed another torrent of monologue.
“…So I said to him well if you don’t like them then that’s your problem. Ryan, are you listening?”
“Hmm? Oh, yeah” I replied, only half aware of what the question was.
“Alright Ryan, I can take a hint.” She said bitterly and walked out of the room, finally giving me some peace and quiet. I thought of so many things before I went to bed, I practically needed a schedule to fit them in!
By the time I was in bed, I’d thought up a plan of action. I would climb onto the roof again, but this time I’d hide behind our chimney. And then I would wait. Until eleven thirty four. Then I’d know what was happening.
My Mum was in bed by eleven, which was just as I had expected. I waited until I was sure she was asleep, and then began. I took some of my sisters toys from her room, which was okay because she was at a sleepover, and arranged them under my bed so it looked like was still in it if my Mum came in. I then tiptoed so quietly out of the house, I wasn’t sure if I actually was. I made my way around the back, and climbed onto the roof again. This time it was considerably harder because my parents were in their bedroom, and it was dark, but I made it up alright. Only seven minutes left. I crept behind the chimney and waited. The silence was so unnerving it was scary. That’s something you don’t get much. Complete, utter silence. Only then I began to notice the stars. There were just so many of them. They looked like sparkling diamonds that had been sieved through the night’s sky. I looked at my watch. It was time. For the first couple of seconds nothing happened. Then I suddenly felt a rush of cold air, as if the very wind itself was trying to escape from whatever was coming. Then a morbid blue light appeared, triggering a suppressed memory that I didn’t know I had. I had an image of blue light seeping through the ceiling of my room. This blue light. The light began to take a form, and much to my amazement, it was a small child. The rest of the light started circling above his head, the boy was wearing old clothes. Very old clothes, which to me looked Victorian. He slowly turned his head towards me. I wanted to withdraw my head to behind the chimney, but I was so enticed by all the happenings, I couldn’t. He then stared at the chimney with a sinister stare, full of hatred. What happened next was so unbelievable, you probably won’t believe me. The light above the boy’s head flew towards the chimney and enveloped it. The light grew thicker and brighter until the chimney was unrecognizable. The light slowly began to fade away, and the chimney disappeared with it. He, finally contented, smiled at me.
The light
There it was again. That noise up on the roof. I’d been hearing it for weeks now. It was a sort of low, thumping noise. It happened every night at eleven thirty four, and it always woke me up. But no one else seemed to hear it. Whenever it woke me, my heart was pounding like I’d run a five hundred metre sprint, and my pillow was damp with sweat.
When I woke up, in the morning, I could never remember any of my dreams. It doesn’t sound like much, but the time I first started hearing the noise was about the time when I first stopped remembering them. Oh well, I thought to myself, I guess it’s just coincidence. Oh no, I thought. I’ve got school today, dreading the thought. Then I remembered. It was Saturday, and relief flooded through me.
All my friends said they had lie-ins until eleven. I tried it once, but it was so mind-numbingly boring I stopped before the hands hit nine. So I got out of bed and had my breakfast.
My Mums usually the one home most on the weekends, and my Dad was at his job in Somerset, which was an hour and a half away. But today my Mum had an important meeting with her work, which meant I had the day, and the house, to myself.
My friends called on me after lunch, so I went out to play football, which passed most of the day. But when I got home I was dead bored. So I decided that I would go up on to the roof and look for this that could be causing the sound. It was a dangerous thought, but it was something to do.
Round the back of my house, there’s a trellis with thorned roses running all the way up it. That was what I had to climb in order to get up on to the roof. From the top of the trellis I would have to jump onto a small ledge beneath my parents bedroom window and then reach my hands upon to the roof and haul myself over. I first reached my feet, and then my hands onto the trellis and started climbing, being careful not to cut myself on the thorns. When I reached the top, my legs were burning with a fierce pain. It would take a lot of effort to make the jump, and if I missed I would end up with a sprained ankle, at least. With great effort, I propelled myself onto the ledge. With disbelief, I looked at the distance I’d just leaped over. I sat for a minute to retrieve my strength, and then reached my hands on the roof edge; put my toes in a small crevice in the bricks and pulled myself onto the roof.
I walked over, being careful not to slip on the wet tiles, to where I thought the noise was coming from and encountered a surprise. There were three tiles missing. But what was an even bigger surprise was that I couldn’t find any of them. I checked everywhere possible place where they could have been, but they just weren’t there.
Suddenly realizing it was starting to get dark, I looked at my watch. My Mum would think I was crazy if she saw me on the roof! I jumped down from the ledge, onto the back garden, just as I heard her car pulling up. I quickly ran in through the back door, flicked the TV on and acted as if everything was completely normal.
“Ryan, I’m home” my mum cried.
“Really, I thought you were still out”, I replied sarcastically.
“Ryan, I’m not in the mood for that today. I’ve had a bad day”.
I didn’t want to say it, but really I had to ask her.
“Okay, what happened then?” I asked reluctantly
“Well, some idiot thought my clothes designs weren’t good enough, so I have to redo all of them for tomorrow morning. I spent days working on those and what do I get...”
Oh no I thought. I shouldn’t have done that. Now I’ve unleashed another torrent of monologue.
“…So I said to him well if you don’t like them then that’s your problem. Ryan, are you listening?”
“Hmm? Oh, yeah” I replied, only half aware of what the question was.
“Alright Ryan, I can take a hint.” She said bitterly and walked out of the room, finally giving me some peace and quiet. I thought of so many things before I went to bed, I practically needed a schedule to fit them in!
By the time I was in bed, I’d thought up a plan of action. I would climb onto the roof again, but this time I’d hide behind our chimney. And then I would wait. Until eleven thirty four. Then I’d know what was happening.
My Mum was in bed by eleven, which was just as I had expected. I waited until I was sure she was asleep, and then began. I took some of my sisters toys from her room, which was okay because she was at a sleepover, and arranged them under my bed so it looked like was still in it if my Mum came in. I then tiptoed so quietly out of the house, I wasn’t sure if I actually was. I made my way around the back, and climbed onto the roof again. This time it was considerably harder because my parents were in their bedroom, and it was dark, but I made it up alright. Only seven minutes left. I crept behind the chimney and waited. The silence was so unnerving it was scary. That’s something you don’t get much. Complete, utter silence. Only then I began to notice the stars. There were just so many of them. They looked like sparkling diamonds that had been sieved through the night’s sky. I looked at my watch. It was time. For the first couple of seconds nothing happened. Then I suddenly felt a rush of cold air, as if the very wind itself was trying to escape from whatever was coming. Then a morbid blue light appeared, triggering a suppressed memory that I didn’t know I had. I had an image of blue light seeping through the ceiling of my room. This blue light. The light began to take a form, and much to my amazement, it was a small child. The rest of the light started circling above his head, the boy was wearing old clothes. Very old clothes, which to me looked Victorian. He slowly turned his head towards me. I wanted to withdraw my head to behind the chimney, but I was so enticed by all the happenings, I couldn’t. He then stared at the chimney with a sinister stare, full of hatred. What happened next was so unbelievable, you probably won’t believe me. The light above the boy’s head flew towards the chimney and enveloped it. The light grew thicker and brighter until the chimney was unrecognizable. The light slowly began to fade away, and the chimney disappeared with it. He, finally contented, smiled at me.