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"My Thailand rumble"

So there I was bear-hugging a giant, trying to wrestle him off some poor, tiny Thai girl. My friend was going ballistic smashing him repeatedly about the head. If only the other five hadn’t wandered off two minutes earlier.

My holiday in Thailand up to this point had been very Zen, chilled and there absolutely no sign of hostility from the numerous English lads abroad or the locals. There simply is no desire to become aggressive in an environment that is extremely hot, humid and also full of ladies who love you long time.

Anyway myself and my mate were just leaving a bar with our lovely young ladies, when this behemoth crashed through the door of a nearby Go-Go bar punching the living daylights out of some Thai girl who was about half the size of him and perhaps quarter the weight. I’m not a violent person but this riled my friend and me immensely, I don’t like to see that sort of thing, who does? He was screaming “she’s a w***e” which was ironic.

Within seconds we were committed and my primary concern was to grab him and stop him wailing on the girl, my mate was laying into him in an attempt to dissuade him and numerous Thai blokes were bizarrely kicking him in the a**, which wasn’t having much effect.

Thankfully I managed to heave him upright and in my adrenaline fuelled state, held him in vice-like grip whilst my mate tried to calm both him and me down. I was furious at this point, but soon clamed down when the realisation of a night in a Thai prison dawned on me, should I continue the fracas further.

In the end the bloke was unrepentant, threatened to have the bar burnt down and the girl’s throat slit (but strangely no threats levelled in our direction) and the owner came out to pacify him. We left when all was clam and spent the rest of the night in a club, hyped up on the situation and Vodka Redbulls.

Amazingly the bloke was back at the Go-go bar the very next night. Some people eh?

Footnote: the young lady I was with called me Superman, for the rest of the night, which was nice. I'm puting that on my CV.

Manclam.

*Shudders*

Manclam: ex-winky turned inside out. A peril to all divers.

I dont even know what a "manclam" is.

And now I must wash the inside of my head with a tiny litle mind-cloth.

Ladyclams rather than manclam, I'll have you know.

The sagacious one wrote:
as I was only in Thailand
> for the beaches and the clams, I wouldn't know for certain.
---

Clams.
Hur hur hur

BEARDS. wrote:
> The sagacious one wrote:
> the young lady I was with
>
> You were in Thailand. Are you SURE they were female?

Yeah each girl has an official card issued by the government on which they legally has to state their sex (at birth). Any girl without one is unable to work. Forgery is uncommon as the penalties in this instance are severe. So if you were that way inclined I guess you could look at there card to make sure but as I was only in Thailand for the beaches and the clams, I wouldn't know for certain.

How much did the Thai babes cost? .... _What?_

;)

BEARDS. wrote:
Are you SURE they were female?

------

You can tell by their size. Thai men are small, but Thai women are TINY. Plus, most still have adam apples (you CAN get them removed though)

My mate called his (one of many) Thai girls "monkey". Then she said she was pregnant with his kid and needed money. Classic.

Of course it was. I wouldn't have mentioned it, but he did it twice! He had to be punished. I often put "teh" instead of "the" - feel free to hurl abuse whenever I do that.

Blank wrote:
> All was clam?
>
> Surely moving onto talk of the restaurant menu merits a paragraph
> change?

Heh, a little pedantic don't you think?