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Very, very early one fine June morning all the cakes were in the shop readying themselves for sale at lunchtime, when all of a sudden cubist, the chief doughnut, screamed. Everycake went silent and still for a single eggbeat then they all rushed over to see what the problem was.
"Some thieving cake has stolen MY JAM, MY JELLY, who was it, come on, own up, NOW" sobbed cubist.
Suspicion immediately fell upon Rosalind, mistress of the maids of honour and everyone ran over to her workspace.
"My honour is impeccable, I would never steal the jam from the doughnuts" stated Rosalind defiantly. "She is telling the truth" said cubist. "Her jam is strawberry, mine was blackcurrent. Woe is me, how am I going to get the doughnuts ready in time".
"There, there" said Rosalind gently, putting a comforting arm around him "we'll all help you look for the culprit, won't we everycake".
"Not me" said a sassy french voice from the back of the bakery. Everycake turned and glared at Mystique, the french fancy. "I will not have that disgusting jelly anywhere near my firm cake, silky cream or smooth fondant coating"
"Well I'll help look" said Drunk Cow, chief of the brandy snaps. "Me too" said monkey_man, chief of the banana cake, and out of the bakery they ran. "We desperately need to find the jelly" said monkey_man "and I know where it is" replied Drunk Cow.
He ran down the street and full tilt into a shop with monkey_man hot on his heels and skidded into the counter. monkey_man looked around in amazement at the different sorts of salami and cheeses.
"WRONG SHOP" screamed El Blokey as monkey_man dragged Drunk Cow back onto the street. "I said jelly NOT DELI, you've been sampling your own brandy again haven't you!!" "Oops, sorry" said Drunk.
They searched up and down the high street without success and eventually had to return to the bakery and report their lack of success.
Suddenly Rosalind noticed Black Glove, chief of the gingerbread men, hovering in the darkest corner of the bakery. "You're being a little reticent about the missing jelly" said Rosalind.
"It wasn't anything to do with me and mine" replied Black Glove menacingly. "Well move forward out of the hadows then" requested Rosalind. "No thanks, we're quite happy here, don't want to get too near any of the ovens we're all browned and crispy and ready to eat".
Drunk Cow, monkey_man and cubist started to crowd the gingerbread men out of the corner as the other cakes in the shop watched curiously, they could sense something was amiss. As the gingerbread men appeared in the light it was obvious that they all had swollen stomachs.
"You seem to have put a fair bit of weight on recently" commented Rosalind. "No we haven't we're pregnant" declared Black Glove. Rosalind burst out laughing "what all of you at once! Don't be ridiculous - you are gingerbread MEN". Suddenly cubist grabbed for the hand of Black Glove but the fingers slipped through his grip.
The trademark black glove wasn't a glove at all - it was the missing jam. "Get them" yelled monkey_man and with that all hell broke loose in the bakery. Bits of gingerbread men went flying everywhere.
"Eeeek, keep them away from my fondant" cried Mystique huddling as far away as possible from the melee. Eventually all was quite in the shop and everycake, except Mystique, was covered in gingerbread crumbs and blackcurrent jam.
"Well we found the culprits but it doesn't solve my problem, I still do not have any jam for the middle of my doughnuts" sighed cubist. "Wait, I have a solution" said Rosalind and with that she took the smallest of her cutting rings and deftly cut the middle from the doughnuts. "Problem solved".
So now you know, if you buy a doughnut without any centre it is because the doughnut chief has run out of jam.
"Some thieving cake has stolen MY JAM, MY JELLY, who was it, come on, own up, NOW" sobbed cubist.
Suspicion immediately fell upon Rosalind, mistress of the maids of honour and everyone ran over to her workspace.
"My honour is impeccable, I would never steal the jam from the doughnuts" stated Rosalind defiantly. "She is telling the truth" said cubist. "Her jam is strawberry, mine was blackcurrent. Woe is me, how am I going to get the doughnuts ready in time".
"There, there" said Rosalind gently, putting a comforting arm around him "we'll all help you look for the culprit, won't we everycake".
"Not me" said a sassy french voice from the back of the bakery. Everycake turned and glared at Mystique, the french fancy. "I will not have that disgusting jelly anywhere near my firm cake, silky cream or smooth fondant coating"
"Well I'll help look" said Drunk Cow, chief of the brandy snaps. "Me too" said monkey_man, chief of the banana cake, and out of the bakery they ran. "We desperately need to find the jelly" said monkey_man "and I know where it is" replied Drunk Cow.
He ran down the street and full tilt into a shop with monkey_man hot on his heels and skidded into the counter. monkey_man looked around in amazement at the different sorts of salami and cheeses.
"WRONG SHOP" screamed El Blokey as monkey_man dragged Drunk Cow back onto the street. "I said jelly NOT DELI, you've been sampling your own brandy again haven't you!!" "Oops, sorry" said Drunk.
They searched up and down the high street without success and eventually had to return to the bakery and report their lack of success.
Suddenly Rosalind noticed Black Glove, chief of the gingerbread men, hovering in the darkest corner of the bakery. "You're being a little reticent about the missing jelly" said Rosalind.
"It wasn't anything to do with me and mine" replied Black Glove menacingly. "Well move forward out of the hadows then" requested Rosalind. "No thanks, we're quite happy here, don't want to get too near any of the ovens we're all browned and crispy and ready to eat".
Drunk Cow, monkey_man and cubist started to crowd the gingerbread men out of the corner as the other cakes in the shop watched curiously, they could sense something was amiss. As the gingerbread men appeared in the light it was obvious that they all had swollen stomachs.
"You seem to have put a fair bit of weight on recently" commented Rosalind. "No we haven't we're pregnant" declared Black Glove. Rosalind burst out laughing "what all of you at once! Don't be ridiculous - you are gingerbread MEN". Suddenly cubist grabbed for the hand of Black Glove but the fingers slipped through his grip.
The trademark black glove wasn't a glove at all - it was the missing jam. "Get them" yelled monkey_man and with that all hell broke loose in the bakery. Bits of gingerbread men went flying everywhere.
"Eeeek, keep them away from my fondant" cried Mystique huddling as far away as possible from the melee. Eventually all was quite in the shop and everycake, except Mystique, was covered in gingerbread crumbs and blackcurrent jam.
"Well we found the culprits but it doesn't solve my problem, I still do not have any jam for the middle of my doughnuts" sighed cubist. "Wait, I have a solution" said Rosalind and with that she took the smallest of her cutting rings and deftly cut the middle from the doughnuts. "Problem solved".
So now you know, if you buy a doughnut without any centre it is because the doughnut chief has run out of jam.
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Miserableman wrote:
> I need a niche personality, so I get in all these board celebrity
> stories :O(((
Be miserable. Forever cursing, moaning and muttering profanities and lamentations. And hey presto! you'll be a forum legend.
Anyway, I'm off to write another dark piece about sudden violence, hatred and unimaginable horror....
> I need a niche personality, so I get in all these board celebrity
> stories :O(((
Be miserable. Forever cursing, moaning and muttering profanities and lamentations. And hey presto! you'll be a forum legend.
Anyway, I'm off to write another dark piece about sudden violence, hatred and unimaginable horror....
I was considering putting him in as being in charge of the puff pastry turnovers but I thought he had wandered away to pastures new.
'Goatboy the happy tart-creamer' would've made an interesting addition to your confectionary tale.
Cool, I'm in a story! You could have made me go "jeeeeeellllllyyyyyyy" like that guy who "was Rod Hull" on This Morning With Richard & Not Judy though. Tut.
Rosalind wrote:
> Sounds like a Porn Film.
I couldn't have written this as another erotic story, could I?
It was all nice and fluffyish. A mistress, a french fancy, salami and cheese. No wait - I have an idea.
Jeepers!! I couldn't post that on here :)
> Sounds like a Porn Film.
I couldn't have written this as another erotic story, could I?
It was all nice and fluffyish. A mistress, a french fancy, salami and cheese. No wait - I have an idea.
Jeepers!! I couldn't post that on here :)
Ineedsleep wrote:
>Rosalind, mistress of the maids of honour
Sounds like a Porn Film.
>Rosalind, mistress of the maids of honour
Sounds like a Porn Film.
Gingerbread men are tasty.
Black Glove wrote:
> Ginderbread men.
???
How do you make you of these?
> Ginderbread men.
???
How do you make you of these?
I'm in a story. And I'm the villain. The Chief of the Ginderbread men. I like gingerbread men. Nice one :)
I need a niche personality, so I get in all these board celebrity stories :O(((
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