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She paused at the door, looked up and down the street to check that no one was around, and then set off quickly into the gathering darkness. She headed stealthily to her car. She slipped inside and drove home.
Her name was Melissa Jenkins, she was nineteen, had long blond hair and blue eyes. Two weeks before her parents, Tom and Rachel Jenkins, had died in a car accident. Her father had been a researcher for a small company developing new sources of energy. He had been on the verge of a major breakthrough and was quitting the company and taking his research with him to start his own company.
Jim Carter, his boss had been furious about it when he heard and had come over to talk to Tom. They had an argument and as he was leaving Carter had shouted "I'm going to kill you Jenkins!" Melissa had overheard that and told the police but they didn't believe her telling her that they would "look into it." So Melissa had decided to find proof herself and get her revenge on Jim Carter.
She broke into his office but found nothing.
The next morning Melissa was up early for university. She had decided to enlist the help of Chris and Will Moyles, brothers who had a reputation as a couple of amateur detectives.
After her physics class had finished she spotted the Moyles.
“Hi!" Melissa said as she went up to Chris And Will.
“Hi, Melissa, isn't it?" said Chris.
"Yeah," replied Melissa, "I've heard that you two are detectives and I need your help."
"What sort of help?" said Will with a dubious look on his face.
"I have a case for you. What happened was-"
"Before you go any further can we discuss this somewhere where I can get a burger?" moaned Will.
Melissa agreed and jumped in the Moyles truck. Will was driving and headed to his favourite burger joint. On the way there Chris listened intently as Melissa explained the case.
An hour later after having a bacon double cheeseburger and hearing every last detail about the ‘accident’, Chris and Will stood up to go.
"We'll look into it," promised Will, referring to the case.
Once in their truck and heading home, Will turned to Chris and asked, "What's your verdict?"
"Nothing in it, she's paranoid." replied Chris
"We promised we'd investigate."
"True, so any suggestions?" said Chris.
Will sat and thought for a moment. "I think we should try to examine the car and if there's no sign of tampering we drop the case."
"Well, clever clogs, where do we find the car and what type are we looking for?" argued Chris.
"We should find it in a scrapyard, if the police decided it was an accident the car would have gone for scrap and Melissa said that the car was a silver '93 Cherokee." countered Will.
"So you're saying that we just look in every scrapyard until we find a wrecked Cherokee?" Chris said sarcastically.
"Yeah, unless you have a better idea," answered Will with a grin.
Her name was Melissa Jenkins, she was nineteen, had long blond hair and blue eyes. Two weeks before her parents, Tom and Rachel Jenkins, had died in a car accident. Her father had been a researcher for a small company developing new sources of energy. He had been on the verge of a major breakthrough and was quitting the company and taking his research with him to start his own company.
Jim Carter, his boss had been furious about it when he heard and had come over to talk to Tom. They had an argument and as he was leaving Carter had shouted "I'm going to kill you Jenkins!" Melissa had overheard that and told the police but they didn't believe her telling her that they would "look into it." So Melissa had decided to find proof herself and get her revenge on Jim Carter.
She broke into his office but found nothing.
The next morning Melissa was up early for university. She had decided to enlist the help of Chris and Will Moyles, brothers who had a reputation as a couple of amateur detectives.
After her physics class had finished she spotted the Moyles.
“Hi!" Melissa said as she went up to Chris And Will.
“Hi, Melissa, isn't it?" said Chris.
"Yeah," replied Melissa, "I've heard that you two are detectives and I need your help."
"What sort of help?" said Will with a dubious look on his face.
"I have a case for you. What happened was-"
"Before you go any further can we discuss this somewhere where I can get a burger?" moaned Will.
Melissa agreed and jumped in the Moyles truck. Will was driving and headed to his favourite burger joint. On the way there Chris listened intently as Melissa explained the case.
An hour later after having a bacon double cheeseburger and hearing every last detail about the ‘accident’, Chris and Will stood up to go.
"We'll look into it," promised Will, referring to the case.
Once in their truck and heading home, Will turned to Chris and asked, "What's your verdict?"
"Nothing in it, she's paranoid." replied Chris
"We promised we'd investigate."
"True, so any suggestions?" said Chris.
Will sat and thought for a moment. "I think we should try to examine the car and if there's no sign of tampering we drop the case."
"Well, clever clogs, where do we find the car and what type are we looking for?" argued Chris.
"We should find it in a scrapyard, if the police decided it was an accident the car would have gone for scrap and Melissa said that the car was a silver '93 Cherokee." countered Will.
"So you're saying that we just look in every scrapyard until we find a wrecked Cherokee?" Chris said sarcastically.
"Yeah, unless you have a better idea," answered Will with a grin.
Besides it was challenge. Was given the first sentence to write from.
I did think that, but my favourite Hardy Boys book just starts with them down an arcade.
Its a good story. However, (nearly) all Hardy Boys books/chapters start with alot of action, even if its only for a few paragraphs, to get the reader involved, so you should try that.
Because it's only the very beginning of the story it's difficult to comment, but it set things up nicely and it flowed in the Hardy Boys 'stylee'. Maybe you should post some more of the story.
Come on somebody comment on it please!
Anyone got any ideas as to what could happen in the next chapter? Serious ideas please, it is a Hardy Boys sylee, so no aliens, adult romps etc.
What'd y'all think of chapter one?
What'd y'all think of chapter one?
She paused at the door, looked up and down the street to check that no one was around, and then set off quickly into the gathering darkness. She headed stealthily to her car. She slipped inside and drove home.
Her name was Melissa Jenkins, she was nineteen, had long blond hair and blue eyes. Two weeks before her parents, Tom and Rachel Jenkins, had died in a car accident. Her father had been a researcher for a small company developing new sources of energy. He had been on the verge of a major breakthrough and was quitting the company and taking his research with him to start his own company.
Jim Carter, his boss had been furious about it when he heard and had come over to talk to Tom. They had an argument and as he was leaving Carter had shouted "I'm going to kill you Jenkins!" Melissa had overheard that and told the police but they didn't believe her telling her that they would "look into it." So Melissa had decided to find proof herself and get her revenge on Jim Carter.
She broke into his office but found nothing.
The next morning Melissa was up early for university. She had decided to enlist the help of Chris and Will Moyles, brothers who had a reputation as a couple of amateur detectives.
After her physics class had finished she spotted the Moyles.
“Hi!" Melissa said as she went up to Chris And Will.
“Hi, Melissa, isn't it?" said Chris.
"Yeah," replied Melissa, "I've heard that you two are detectives and I need your help."
"What sort of help?" said Will with a dubious look on his face.
"I have a case for you. What happened was-"
"Before you go any further can we discuss this somewhere where I can get a burger?" moaned Will.
Melissa agreed and jumped in the Moyles truck. Will was driving and headed to his favourite burger joint. On the way there Chris listened intently as Melissa explained the case.
An hour later after having a bacon double cheeseburger and hearing every last detail about the ‘accident’, Chris and Will stood up to go.
"We'll look into it," promised Will, referring to the case.
Once in their truck and heading home, Will turned to Chris and asked, "What's your verdict?"
"Nothing in it, she's paranoid." replied Chris
"We promised we'd investigate."
"True, so any suggestions?" said Chris.
Will sat and thought for a moment. "I think we should try to examine the car and if there's no sign of tampering we drop the case."
"Well, clever clogs, where do we find the car and what type are we looking for?" argued Chris.
"We should find it in a scrapyard, if the police decided it was an accident the car would have gone for scrap and Melissa said that the car was a silver '93 Cherokee." countered Will.
"So you're saying that we just look in every scrapyard until we find a wrecked Cherokee?" Chris said sarcastically.
"Yeah, unless you have a better idea," answered Will with a grin.
Her name was Melissa Jenkins, she was nineteen, had long blond hair and blue eyes. Two weeks before her parents, Tom and Rachel Jenkins, had died in a car accident. Her father had been a researcher for a small company developing new sources of energy. He had been on the verge of a major breakthrough and was quitting the company and taking his research with him to start his own company.
Jim Carter, his boss had been furious about it when he heard and had come over to talk to Tom. They had an argument and as he was leaving Carter had shouted "I'm going to kill you Jenkins!" Melissa had overheard that and told the police but they didn't believe her telling her that they would "look into it." So Melissa had decided to find proof herself and get her revenge on Jim Carter.
She broke into his office but found nothing.
The next morning Melissa was up early for university. She had decided to enlist the help of Chris and Will Moyles, brothers who had a reputation as a couple of amateur detectives.
After her physics class had finished she spotted the Moyles.
“Hi!" Melissa said as she went up to Chris And Will.
“Hi, Melissa, isn't it?" said Chris.
"Yeah," replied Melissa, "I've heard that you two are detectives and I need your help."
"What sort of help?" said Will with a dubious look on his face.
"I have a case for you. What happened was-"
"Before you go any further can we discuss this somewhere where I can get a burger?" moaned Will.
Melissa agreed and jumped in the Moyles truck. Will was driving and headed to his favourite burger joint. On the way there Chris listened intently as Melissa explained the case.
An hour later after having a bacon double cheeseburger and hearing every last detail about the ‘accident’, Chris and Will stood up to go.
"We'll look into it," promised Will, referring to the case.
Once in their truck and heading home, Will turned to Chris and asked, "What's your verdict?"
"Nothing in it, she's paranoid." replied Chris
"We promised we'd investigate."
"True, so any suggestions?" said Chris.
Will sat and thought for a moment. "I think we should try to examine the car and if there's no sign of tampering we drop the case."
"Well, clever clogs, where do we find the car and what type are we looking for?" argued Chris.
"We should find it in a scrapyard, if the police decided it was an accident the car would have gone for scrap and Melissa said that the car was a silver '93 Cherokee." countered Will.
"So you're saying that we just look in every scrapyard until we find a wrecked Cherokee?" Chris said sarcastically.
"Yeah, unless you have a better idea," answered Will with a grin.