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Probably a two or three parter. This is (obviously) part one. Thoughts appreciated.
======================
She cocked her head to the side. Scrunched her shoulders up like our old cat did when it was wriggling about on the floor. She was still mystified.
"What don't you like about him?" Absolutely mystified. Thought we'd hit it off straight away.
I hadn't seen her before last Thursday for…well, it must have been three or four years. She'd gone off to America. We said we'd keep in touch, but you know how it is. Best friends for the best part of a decade, and then it's all gone. You meet new people, get a new job, different crowds…but here she was, with this new man and she's absolutely thrilled to bits. I didn't have the heart to tell her.
"He has the same sense of humour as you, too. Very dark. Quite embarrassing sometimes actually…I could just imagine you two sitting there, laughing about some terribly inappropriate joke…"
I reached out for my mug. The coffee was cold. I drank it anyway; I needed something to do.
"So what, Joe? What is it?"
"Jesus Liz…I just…I dunno."
"You don't know?"
"He just seems a bit…"
"Yeah?"
"A bit…well, he seems like a bit of a lad."
"And does that threaten poor little Joey?" She playfully punched me. "I should have known. He's OK with it, you know. I told him you were gay…"
"What, it just popped up in conversation? Christ…" I was getting angry. Unnecessarily so. It wasn't my problem anymore…what am I saying? Of course it was my problem. I had to say something, but…
"Do you want more coffee?"
I handed her my mug and smiled meekly. She must have known something was up. I love her to bits, and I was perfectly normal at the restaurant…how couldn't she notice how strange I was acting? Ugh, I could hear them downstairs. Giggling. The sound it makes when you kiss someone's neck. If I still had the mug I could have thrown it at him. And she thought I was worried he was a homophobe? She doesn't have the slightest idea, does she…
"Joe, where's your loo?" she shouted from the kitchen. She hadn't been to the flat before.
"On your left when you come in." I had to tell her. I had to tell her now. I got off the bed and walked into the kitchen. I stared daggers. The *******.
"You didn't tell me you had a gi…"
"I didn't want to scare you!"
"I didn't even know you were bi…"
"Look, calm down Joe. Just…it was a mistake, OK? It was a long time ago…me and Liz had only been..."
"Only been?" I dropped my voice, but kept the aggressive tone. I wanted him to get the message, but not Liz. Not yet. "ONLY BEEN?! A YEAR, ALEX, A YEAR! AND THEN ANOTHER TWO AFTER THAT! I bet I wasn't the first…OR the last! I just can't BELIEVE this. I almost came back to America with you…what then, huh Alex?" I snarled, pressing my nose against his. "WHAT THEN?"
He had no answer.
"I want you to tell her."
Still he was silent.
"Liz was…IS…my best friend. You haven't told her about ANYTHING! She thinks you're this…this man's man who brings her breakfast in bed, an exciting, spontaneous lover who can still bring stability and a few kids. Jesus…what are you even with her for?"
"I…I love her."
"Yes, sure you bloody do. Tell her."
"I…" he stopped.
The flush.
I scuttled over to the kettle, and started to pour the coffee. I glanced at Alex.
The door opened.
Liz was crying.
======================
She cocked her head to the side. Scrunched her shoulders up like our old cat did when it was wriggling about on the floor. She was still mystified.
"What don't you like about him?" Absolutely mystified. Thought we'd hit it off straight away.
I hadn't seen her before last Thursday for…well, it must have been three or four years. She'd gone off to America. We said we'd keep in touch, but you know how it is. Best friends for the best part of a decade, and then it's all gone. You meet new people, get a new job, different crowds…but here she was, with this new man and she's absolutely thrilled to bits. I didn't have the heart to tell her.
"He has the same sense of humour as you, too. Very dark. Quite embarrassing sometimes actually…I could just imagine you two sitting there, laughing about some terribly inappropriate joke…"
I reached out for my mug. The coffee was cold. I drank it anyway; I needed something to do.
"So what, Joe? What is it?"
"Jesus Liz…I just…I dunno."
"You don't know?"
"He just seems a bit…"
"Yeah?"
"A bit…well, he seems like a bit of a lad."
"And does that threaten poor little Joey?" She playfully punched me. "I should have known. He's OK with it, you know. I told him you were gay…"
"What, it just popped up in conversation? Christ…" I was getting angry. Unnecessarily so. It wasn't my problem anymore…what am I saying? Of course it was my problem. I had to say something, but…
"Do you want more coffee?"
I handed her my mug and smiled meekly. She must have known something was up. I love her to bits, and I was perfectly normal at the restaurant…how couldn't she notice how strange I was acting? Ugh, I could hear them downstairs. Giggling. The sound it makes when you kiss someone's neck. If I still had the mug I could have thrown it at him. And she thought I was worried he was a homophobe? She doesn't have the slightest idea, does she…
"Joe, where's your loo?" she shouted from the kitchen. She hadn't been to the flat before.
"On your left when you come in." I had to tell her. I had to tell her now. I got off the bed and walked into the kitchen. I stared daggers. The *******.
"You didn't tell me you had a gi…"
"I didn't want to scare you!"
"I didn't even know you were bi…"
"Look, calm down Joe. Just…it was a mistake, OK? It was a long time ago…me and Liz had only been..."
"Only been?" I dropped my voice, but kept the aggressive tone. I wanted him to get the message, but not Liz. Not yet. "ONLY BEEN?! A YEAR, ALEX, A YEAR! AND THEN ANOTHER TWO AFTER THAT! I bet I wasn't the first…OR the last! I just can't BELIEVE this. I almost came back to America with you…what then, huh Alex?" I snarled, pressing my nose against his. "WHAT THEN?"
He had no answer.
"I want you to tell her."
Still he was silent.
"Liz was…IS…my best friend. You haven't told her about ANYTHING! She thinks you're this…this man's man who brings her breakfast in bed, an exciting, spontaneous lover who can still bring stability and a few kids. Jesus…what are you even with her for?"
"I…I love her."
"Yes, sure you bloody do. Tell her."
"I…" he stopped.
The flush.
I scuttled over to the kettle, and started to pour the coffee. I glanced at Alex.
The door opened.
Liz was crying.
Yeah, I can see how you might think the first speech was from the protagonist. I deliberately didn't put in any spaced paragraphs though, as I felt it all went together.
Do you want honest? I'm no critic, or English teacher, so can only judge and comment as I read it.
I really like the take on the 3 way relationship but I had to read it twice to understand it as I didn't grasp it at first. It seems disjointed and I couldn't read it easily. I read it easier if I started on line 4 and then read the first three lines before she asked 'so what is......
I thought it could have done with some paragraphs as well. It is difficult to read all the text on the screen without a break.
Just my opinion but like I said I'm no critic :)
I did enjoy it though and wait to see where you take it next.
I really like the take on the 3 way relationship but I had to read it twice to understand it as I didn't grasp it at first. It seems disjointed and I couldn't read it easily. I read it easier if I started on line 4 and then read the first three lines before she asked 'so what is......
I thought it could have done with some paragraphs as well. It is difficult to read all the text on the screen without a break.
Just my opinion but like I said I'm no critic :)
I did enjoy it though and wait to see where you take it next.
Mexcellent.
Probably a two or three parter. This is (obviously) part one. Thoughts appreciated.
======================
She cocked her head to the side. Scrunched her shoulders up like our old cat did when it was wriggling about on the floor. She was still mystified.
"What don't you like about him?" Absolutely mystified. Thought we'd hit it off straight away.
I hadn't seen her before last Thursday for…well, it must have been three or four years. She'd gone off to America. We said we'd keep in touch, but you know how it is. Best friends for the best part of a decade, and then it's all gone. You meet new people, get a new job, different crowds…but here she was, with this new man and she's absolutely thrilled to bits. I didn't have the heart to tell her.
"He has the same sense of humour as you, too. Very dark. Quite embarrassing sometimes actually…I could just imagine you two sitting there, laughing about some terribly inappropriate joke…"
I reached out for my mug. The coffee was cold. I drank it anyway; I needed something to do.
"So what, Joe? What is it?"
"Jesus Liz…I just…I dunno."
"You don't know?"
"He just seems a bit…"
"Yeah?"
"A bit…well, he seems like a bit of a lad."
"And does that threaten poor little Joey?" She playfully punched me. "I should have known. He's OK with it, you know. I told him you were gay…"
"What, it just popped up in conversation? Christ…" I was getting angry. Unnecessarily so. It wasn't my problem anymore…what am I saying? Of course it was my problem. I had to say something, but…
"Do you want more coffee?"
I handed her my mug and smiled meekly. She must have known something was up. I love her to bits, and I was perfectly normal at the restaurant…how couldn't she notice how strange I was acting? Ugh, I could hear them downstairs. Giggling. The sound it makes when you kiss someone's neck. If I still had the mug I could have thrown it at him. And she thought I was worried he was a homophobe? She doesn't have the slightest idea, does she…
"Joe, where's your loo?" she shouted from the kitchen. She hadn't been to the flat before.
"On your left when you come in." I had to tell her. I had to tell her now. I got off the bed and walked into the kitchen. I stared daggers. The *******.
"You didn't tell me you had a gi…"
"I didn't want to scare you!"
"I didn't even know you were bi…"
"Look, calm down Joe. Just…it was a mistake, OK? It was a long time ago…me and Liz had only been..."
"Only been?" I dropped my voice, but kept the aggressive tone. I wanted him to get the message, but not Liz. Not yet. "ONLY BEEN?! A YEAR, ALEX, A YEAR! AND THEN ANOTHER TWO AFTER THAT! I bet I wasn't the first…OR the last! I just can't BELIEVE this. I almost came back to America with you…what then, huh Alex?" I snarled, pressing my nose against his. "WHAT THEN?"
He had no answer.
"I want you to tell her."
Still he was silent.
"Liz was…IS…my best friend. You haven't told her about ANYTHING! She thinks you're this…this man's man who brings her breakfast in bed, an exciting, spontaneous lover who can still bring stability and a few kids. Jesus…what are you even with her for?"
"I…I love her."
"Yes, sure you bloody do. Tell her."
"I…" he stopped.
The flush.
I scuttled over to the kettle, and started to pour the coffee. I glanced at Alex.
The door opened.
Liz was crying.
======================
She cocked her head to the side. Scrunched her shoulders up like our old cat did when it was wriggling about on the floor. She was still mystified.
"What don't you like about him?" Absolutely mystified. Thought we'd hit it off straight away.
I hadn't seen her before last Thursday for…well, it must have been three or four years. She'd gone off to America. We said we'd keep in touch, but you know how it is. Best friends for the best part of a decade, and then it's all gone. You meet new people, get a new job, different crowds…but here she was, with this new man and she's absolutely thrilled to bits. I didn't have the heart to tell her.
"He has the same sense of humour as you, too. Very dark. Quite embarrassing sometimes actually…I could just imagine you two sitting there, laughing about some terribly inappropriate joke…"
I reached out for my mug. The coffee was cold. I drank it anyway; I needed something to do.
"So what, Joe? What is it?"
"Jesus Liz…I just…I dunno."
"You don't know?"
"He just seems a bit…"
"Yeah?"
"A bit…well, he seems like a bit of a lad."
"And does that threaten poor little Joey?" She playfully punched me. "I should have known. He's OK with it, you know. I told him you were gay…"
"What, it just popped up in conversation? Christ…" I was getting angry. Unnecessarily so. It wasn't my problem anymore…what am I saying? Of course it was my problem. I had to say something, but…
"Do you want more coffee?"
I handed her my mug and smiled meekly. She must have known something was up. I love her to bits, and I was perfectly normal at the restaurant…how couldn't she notice how strange I was acting? Ugh, I could hear them downstairs. Giggling. The sound it makes when you kiss someone's neck. If I still had the mug I could have thrown it at him. And she thought I was worried he was a homophobe? She doesn't have the slightest idea, does she…
"Joe, where's your loo?" she shouted from the kitchen. She hadn't been to the flat before.
"On your left when you come in." I had to tell her. I had to tell her now. I got off the bed and walked into the kitchen. I stared daggers. The *******.
"You didn't tell me you had a gi…"
"I didn't want to scare you!"
"I didn't even know you were bi…"
"Look, calm down Joe. Just…it was a mistake, OK? It was a long time ago…me and Liz had only been..."
"Only been?" I dropped my voice, but kept the aggressive tone. I wanted him to get the message, but not Liz. Not yet. "ONLY BEEN?! A YEAR, ALEX, A YEAR! AND THEN ANOTHER TWO AFTER THAT! I bet I wasn't the first…OR the last! I just can't BELIEVE this. I almost came back to America with you…what then, huh Alex?" I snarled, pressing my nose against his. "WHAT THEN?"
He had no answer.
"I want you to tell her."
Still he was silent.
"Liz was…IS…my best friend. You haven't told her about ANYTHING! She thinks you're this…this man's man who brings her breakfast in bed, an exciting, spontaneous lover who can still bring stability and a few kids. Jesus…what are you even with her for?"
"I…I love her."
"Yes, sure you bloody do. Tell her."
"I…" he stopped.
The flush.
I scuttled over to the kettle, and started to pour the coffee. I glanced at Alex.
The door opened.
Liz was crying.