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Oh I do love movies. Well, no, sometimes I hate movies, like when you’re really looking forward to something, you pay your money, get your popcorn, take a seat, and then it blows.
God damn, I hate it when that happens.
This year I consider myself to be better prepared, with ten big films I reckon will rock my socks off (hopefully this year), and five that, perhaps, will fall flat on their faces.
So in a poorly thought out order of listing them as they came into my head, then quickly shuffling them to form some kind of preference, here they are:
10: Bruce Almighty.
Jim Carrey is a comedy genius. Well, if you consider pulling daft faces, and making funny noises funny, which I do, then he’s a genius. Jim is Bruce. Morgan Freeman is God. God gets sick of people cursing him, and let’s Bruce see if he can do a better job. Should be very funny.
9: Pirates of the Caribbean.
Pirates rule. Okay, so Cutthroat Island was poor, worse than poor, but I found it watchable, because, well, they were pirates. Thing is, this is a Disney movie, which would normally have me running a mile, but it’s got Johnny Depp in it, and he doesn’t often go far wrong with his choice of movies. Gore Verbinski though? Man, he does like to vary his projects, doesn’t he? With this and Master and Commander we’ll have plenty of action on the high seas.
8: X-Men 2.
The first film was okay, but pretty much setting the scene for the sequel. So I guess this is it. I’m hoping this movie will be all about Wolverine getting angry and smashing things, but in a different way to The Hulk (I’m coming to that one later). The plot lends itself to much mutant scrapping, with the government declaring war on mutants, and there are plenty of new mutants added into the fray.
7: Charlies Angels: Full Throttle.
Another sequel, but a sequel to a great first film. Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu, in tight trousers, that’s enough for me, no plot necessary. The lack of Bill Murray is a slight concern, he was hilarious in the first, but I guess that gives more screen time to the girls bums. The great thing about the first film was that it didn’t take itself seriously whatsoever. With the same director, this shouldn’t be a concern.
6: Dreamcatcher.
I’m a big fan of Stephen King, and whether his movie translations work, often depends on the budget and cast. Well I can’t fault Morgan Freeman’s casting and the story is amongst King’s best. There are certain things that King does well, childhood friendship and isolation being just two of them that feature in this movie. Plenty of snow too. There’s just something about movies set in the snow, Misery immediately springs to mind, with the King connection.
5:Freddy Versus Jason.
Okay, so maybe I’m pushing the boundaries by expecting this to be a big film, but come on, these guys are legends! It’s been years since Robert Englund last pulled on that razor fingered glove, but Jason’s recent outing has proved that there’s life in the franchise yet. The way that Jason X so mercilessly ripped itself, yet remained a decent horror movie in the classic tradition makes me hope they do the same with Freddy versus Jason. The thought of seeing two horror legends on screen together, imagine the body count! I can’t wait!
4: The Hulk
Hulk smash! I’m sure that my earliest cinema memory involves The Incredible Hulk. I remember my dad taking me to a local cinema that was replaced by Boots over 20 years ago. Of all of the super-heroes, the Hulk was the only one where I really felt his pain. The isolation of his world, the way that he was unable to control his power, and the way every single episode would end with David Banner walking alone down the road, with that sad piano music playing. So now there’s a new Hulk in town. A completely computer generated Hulk. I don’t have a problem with CGI characters though, especially when they’re backed up with genuine acting talent like Jennifer Connelly, Nick Nolte and Eric Bana. Not to mention ‘Don’t make him’ Ang Lee in the directors chair.
3: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
The part of the book I remember least well, apart from the obvious conclusion, doesn’t dent my anticipation at all. I remember more battles, and if they’re anything near as epic as those of Helm’s Deep, well they’ll be stunning. I remember nasty things in Mordor, Gollum’s actions, Frodo becoming increasingly weighed down by the ring. This is just going to be a fantastic conclusion to what, so far, has been an amazing set of movies.
2: Once Upon a Time In Mexico
“Guns. Lots of guns” Desperado was a fantastic movie, Antonio Banderas was fantasic in the main role, and Robert Rodriguez was a fantastic director for the movie. Since then things have been less good for these two. After From Dusk Till Dawn, Robert Rodriguez struggled, directing the Spy Kids movies. Antonio Banderas married Melanie Griffiths and started to make crappy romantic comedies. This movie will make things right again, despite being finished a couple of year ago, and again pushed back to September in the States. Johnny Depp and Willem Dafoe join the cast, just to add even more quality, and Salma Hayek returns too. This will own.
1: Kill Bill.
Tarentino, it’s been too long. The few shots I’ve seen of this film, I just know that it’s going to be fantastic. Uma Thurman with a Samurai sword, in a yellow tracksuit that looks like it was ripped off Bruce Lee in ‘Fists of Fury’ Oh yes. It’s a revenge movie. ‘The Bride’ (Thurman) going after those that tried to kill her on her wedding day. Apparently the final sword fight lasts around half an hour, before the inevitabel cut, but that’s going to be some climax.
If all of these films live up to my admittedly high expectations, then it will be some year, especially when there are always films that sneak up on you unawares, and wriggle their way into your favourites.
Then there are those that have the hype, but I’m just not buying. So here are five movies I’ll give a wide birth until I’m proved wrong. If I’m proved wrong....
5: Love Actually:
God, even the name sounds like something pretentious and annoying, that would sound even worse coming from the mouth of Hugh Grant. Oh surprise, surprise, yet another Brit romatic comedy penned by Richard Curtis. Only this time I think Curtis is directing. I reckon Martine whatsherface, used to be Tiff in Eastenders, threw up on Mick Hucknell, is in it too, which will be nice. Or not.
4: The Italian Job:
I like Edward Norton. I like Mark Walberg. I like the original The Italian Job. But I can’t see this being any good. I mean, Jason bloody Statham’s in it. Also, I hear that they’re taking the emphasis off the comedy, and turning it into an action movie. So they’re going to have mini’s racing around, and try to make it serious? Oh please! I bet they don’t even stick with the original ending. I just couldn’t see a modern Hollywood movie doing that. I bet there’s some lovely solution to the situation, and it plays out with a theme by Linkin Biscuit or whatever.
3: Tomb Raider 2: The Cradle of Life
I cannot hear ‘The Cradle of’ without adding ‘Filth’ despite not being particularly knowledgeable about the band. But ‘filth’ was a fitting enough verdict on the first movie, and I very much doubt that the second will do anything to justify any other verdict on this one. I can just see more of the same, too much focus of Lara Croft, girl with guns! Just keep on shooting, big action music, funny camera angles. Where this will fail is that it will believe it’s own hype again. It will try to sell to those that think the games are cool, rather than just a bit of fun.
2: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines.
I’d like to say that I was looking forward to this, but no, I fear it. Schwarzeneggar is too many years past his best movies, and there’s no Linda Hamilton. Christ, there isn’t even an Edward Furlong, and I just hate it when an actor gets replaced! Another thing they’ve done is “and this time, it’s a woman!” You know, same plot, but rather than the Terminator being in a male body, it’s in a female one. Yeah, go girl! Girl power! That’s so damn 90's! Now if there’s a good reason for this, I’ll let it off, but I bet it’s just eye candy. I even heard that they’re going to scrap the classic theme. I’d like it to be good, but come on, it’s going to be “I’ll be back”, but then they’ll have to run from the Terminator, and end up in some place where it can be defeated, but not without some threat of death. Anyway, how are they going to explain Arnies hair? “Yes, it’s a new model of Termintor, just like the last one, but looks a bit more like it’s receding. Er, the lines on it’s face? No they’re not wrinkles, er, it’s heat damage, that’s it!”
1: Matrix Reloaded & Revolutions.
I’m sure that this isn’t going to be a popular opinion, but after seeing the first movie again, I’m still not convinced that it’s all that. As such, I don’t think that the sequels will deliver anything that will impress me. I’ve seen shots, I’ve read spoilers, and I fail to see how the movie will be anything other than Keanu Reeves hitting people from lots of funny camera angles. Maybe he’ll fly up in the sky again like at the end of the last movie, because that bit was really good. Hey, but at least the last one takes us out of the Matrix, as the machines take on the last stand of the humans. I wonder if Laurence Fishbourne’s face will be even more lumpy in these movies? God I hate the agents. They suck, with their crappy sunglasses, and dodgy suits. These movies will blow.
God damn, I hate it when that happens.
This year I consider myself to be better prepared, with ten big films I reckon will rock my socks off (hopefully this year), and five that, perhaps, will fall flat on their faces.
So in a poorly thought out order of listing them as they came into my head, then quickly shuffling them to form some kind of preference, here they are:
10: Bruce Almighty.
Jim Carrey is a comedy genius. Well, if you consider pulling daft faces, and making funny noises funny, which I do, then he’s a genius. Jim is Bruce. Morgan Freeman is God. God gets sick of people cursing him, and let’s Bruce see if he can do a better job. Should be very funny.
9: Pirates of the Caribbean.
Pirates rule. Okay, so Cutthroat Island was poor, worse than poor, but I found it watchable, because, well, they were pirates. Thing is, this is a Disney movie, which would normally have me running a mile, but it’s got Johnny Depp in it, and he doesn’t often go far wrong with his choice of movies. Gore Verbinski though? Man, he does like to vary his projects, doesn’t he? With this and Master and Commander we’ll have plenty of action on the high seas.
8: X-Men 2.
The first film was okay, but pretty much setting the scene for the sequel. So I guess this is it. I’m hoping this movie will be all about Wolverine getting angry and smashing things, but in a different way to The Hulk (I’m coming to that one later). The plot lends itself to much mutant scrapping, with the government declaring war on mutants, and there are plenty of new mutants added into the fray.
7: Charlies Angels: Full Throttle.
Another sequel, but a sequel to a great first film. Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu, in tight trousers, that’s enough for me, no plot necessary. The lack of Bill Murray is a slight concern, he was hilarious in the first, but I guess that gives more screen time to the girls bums. The great thing about the first film was that it didn’t take itself seriously whatsoever. With the same director, this shouldn’t be a concern.
6: Dreamcatcher.
I’m a big fan of Stephen King, and whether his movie translations work, often depends on the budget and cast. Well I can’t fault Morgan Freeman’s casting and the story is amongst King’s best. There are certain things that King does well, childhood friendship and isolation being just two of them that feature in this movie. Plenty of snow too. There’s just something about movies set in the snow, Misery immediately springs to mind, with the King connection.
5:Freddy Versus Jason.
Okay, so maybe I’m pushing the boundaries by expecting this to be a big film, but come on, these guys are legends! It’s been years since Robert Englund last pulled on that razor fingered glove, but Jason’s recent outing has proved that there’s life in the franchise yet. The way that Jason X so mercilessly ripped itself, yet remained a decent horror movie in the classic tradition makes me hope they do the same with Freddy versus Jason. The thought of seeing two horror legends on screen together, imagine the body count! I can’t wait!
4: The Hulk
Hulk smash! I’m sure that my earliest cinema memory involves The Incredible Hulk. I remember my dad taking me to a local cinema that was replaced by Boots over 20 years ago. Of all of the super-heroes, the Hulk was the only one where I really felt his pain. The isolation of his world, the way that he was unable to control his power, and the way every single episode would end with David Banner walking alone down the road, with that sad piano music playing. So now there’s a new Hulk in town. A completely computer generated Hulk. I don’t have a problem with CGI characters though, especially when they’re backed up with genuine acting talent like Jennifer Connelly, Nick Nolte and Eric Bana. Not to mention ‘Don’t make him’ Ang Lee in the directors chair.
3: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
The part of the book I remember least well, apart from the obvious conclusion, doesn’t dent my anticipation at all. I remember more battles, and if they’re anything near as epic as those of Helm’s Deep, well they’ll be stunning. I remember nasty things in Mordor, Gollum’s actions, Frodo becoming increasingly weighed down by the ring. This is just going to be a fantastic conclusion to what, so far, has been an amazing set of movies.
2: Once Upon a Time In Mexico
“Guns. Lots of guns” Desperado was a fantastic movie, Antonio Banderas was fantasic in the main role, and Robert Rodriguez was a fantastic director for the movie. Since then things have been less good for these two. After From Dusk Till Dawn, Robert Rodriguez struggled, directing the Spy Kids movies. Antonio Banderas married Melanie Griffiths and started to make crappy romantic comedies. This movie will make things right again, despite being finished a couple of year ago, and again pushed back to September in the States. Johnny Depp and Willem Dafoe join the cast, just to add even more quality, and Salma Hayek returns too. This will own.
1: Kill Bill.
Tarentino, it’s been too long. The few shots I’ve seen of this film, I just know that it’s going to be fantastic. Uma Thurman with a Samurai sword, in a yellow tracksuit that looks like it was ripped off Bruce Lee in ‘Fists of Fury’ Oh yes. It’s a revenge movie. ‘The Bride’ (Thurman) going after those that tried to kill her on her wedding day. Apparently the final sword fight lasts around half an hour, before the inevitabel cut, but that’s going to be some climax.
If all of these films live up to my admittedly high expectations, then it will be some year, especially when there are always films that sneak up on you unawares, and wriggle their way into your favourites.
Then there are those that have the hype, but I’m just not buying. So here are five movies I’ll give a wide birth until I’m proved wrong. If I’m proved wrong....
5: Love Actually:
God, even the name sounds like something pretentious and annoying, that would sound even worse coming from the mouth of Hugh Grant. Oh surprise, surprise, yet another Brit romatic comedy penned by Richard Curtis. Only this time I think Curtis is directing. I reckon Martine whatsherface, used to be Tiff in Eastenders, threw up on Mick Hucknell, is in it too, which will be nice. Or not.
4: The Italian Job:
I like Edward Norton. I like Mark Walberg. I like the original The Italian Job. But I can’t see this being any good. I mean, Jason bloody Statham’s in it. Also, I hear that they’re taking the emphasis off the comedy, and turning it into an action movie. So they’re going to have mini’s racing around, and try to make it serious? Oh please! I bet they don’t even stick with the original ending. I just couldn’t see a modern Hollywood movie doing that. I bet there’s some lovely solution to the situation, and it plays out with a theme by Linkin Biscuit or whatever.
3: Tomb Raider 2: The Cradle of Life
I cannot hear ‘The Cradle of’ without adding ‘Filth’ despite not being particularly knowledgeable about the band. But ‘filth’ was a fitting enough verdict on the first movie, and I very much doubt that the second will do anything to justify any other verdict on this one. I can just see more of the same, too much focus of Lara Croft, girl with guns! Just keep on shooting, big action music, funny camera angles. Where this will fail is that it will believe it’s own hype again. It will try to sell to those that think the games are cool, rather than just a bit of fun.
2: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines.
I’d like to say that I was looking forward to this, but no, I fear it. Schwarzeneggar is too many years past his best movies, and there’s no Linda Hamilton. Christ, there isn’t even an Edward Furlong, and I just hate it when an actor gets replaced! Another thing they’ve done is “and this time, it’s a woman!” You know, same plot, but rather than the Terminator being in a male body, it’s in a female one. Yeah, go girl! Girl power! That’s so damn 90's! Now if there’s a good reason for this, I’ll let it off, but I bet it’s just eye candy. I even heard that they’re going to scrap the classic theme. I’d like it to be good, but come on, it’s going to be “I’ll be back”, but then they’ll have to run from the Terminator, and end up in some place where it can be defeated, but not without some threat of death. Anyway, how are they going to explain Arnies hair? “Yes, it’s a new model of Termintor, just like the last one, but looks a bit more like it’s receding. Er, the lines on it’s face? No they’re not wrinkles, er, it’s heat damage, that’s it!”
1: Matrix Reloaded & Revolutions.
I’m sure that this isn’t going to be a popular opinion, but after seeing the first movie again, I’m still not convinced that it’s all that. As such, I don’t think that the sequels will deliver anything that will impress me. I’ve seen shots, I’ve read spoilers, and I fail to see how the movie will be anything other than Keanu Reeves hitting people from lots of funny camera angles. Maybe he’ll fly up in the sky again like at the end of the last movie, because that bit was really good. Hey, but at least the last one takes us out of the Matrix, as the machines take on the last stand of the humans. I wonder if Laurence Fishbourne’s face will be even more lumpy in these movies? God I hate the agents. They suck, with their crappy sunglasses, and dodgy suits. These movies will blow.
Hey Axl, I thought that was wrong, but I read it in Empire, so I trusted it!
And it's my list, I can put in it what I want! ;o)
And it's my list, I can put in it what I want! ;o)
i'm sorry but their is only one good film in your list and thats charlies angels (for one reason, tight leather)
*slaps Meka*
You seem to have put some bad films in your good list and the other way round.
*slaps Meka again*
Thou shalt not speak of the Matrix in that way! And Arnie is STILL the man!
You seem to have put some bad films in your good list and the other way round.
*slaps Meka again*
Thou shalt not speak of the Matrix in that way! And Arnie is STILL the man!
Meka Dragon wrote:
Uma Thurman with a Samurai
> sword, in a yellow tracksuit that looks like it was ripped off Bruce
> Lee in ‘Fists of Fury’
Game of Death.
Sorry, don't know why I felt the need to correct that.
Anyway, yeah I'm looking forward to Kill Bill too. However, I saw City on Fire the other day. It's a Hong Kong film with Chow Yun Fat and Danny Lee and it's what Tarantino based Reservoir Dogs on. I don't know if that's well known or not but I certainly only found out when I saw it last week. I say 'based', what I really mean is totally ripped off. Granted he set Reservoir Dogs almost entirely in the safe house, where City on Fire only had a few minutes at the end where it was set in the safe house, but he still ripped off key moments. For example, that REALLY cool bit where Harvey Keitel walks in front of the police car and shoots twin pistols at the cops is identical to how Danny Lee does it in City on Fire. There are other bits too but that's what springs to mind.
The Hulk will suck. Big hairy balls. I think. The trailer looks terrible. Still, could be wrong.
I saw a Terminator 3 trailer at the cinema last night when I went to see The Core (which by the way, was dismal and should be avoided at all costs! Diabolical script and pretty terrible acting in places, with complete rip offs of other film moments - the straws in Armageddon for example. Obviously ripping off the whole drilling idea wasn't enough for them). Anyway, back on target....yeah, Terminator 3 trailer. Started good when Arnie emerged from the darkness with his shotgun. Then proceeded into all too familiar territory, looking like any other action film, and finally made me cringe and HATE it with "She'll be back". The thing is, they had to have I'll Be Back or a variation of it or something would have been missing but no matter where it was put in, it would still be terrible. They couldn't win in that situation. But it was a lot worse than it could have been anyway. I'm still hoping for it to be acceptable. Perhaps just one amazing moment will save it a bit.
I can't wait for X-Men 2 and The Matrix films though. And Return of the King.
Uma Thurman with a Samurai
> sword, in a yellow tracksuit that looks like it was ripped off Bruce
> Lee in ‘Fists of Fury’
Game of Death.
Sorry, don't know why I felt the need to correct that.
Anyway, yeah I'm looking forward to Kill Bill too. However, I saw City on Fire the other day. It's a Hong Kong film with Chow Yun Fat and Danny Lee and it's what Tarantino based Reservoir Dogs on. I don't know if that's well known or not but I certainly only found out when I saw it last week. I say 'based', what I really mean is totally ripped off. Granted he set Reservoir Dogs almost entirely in the safe house, where City on Fire only had a few minutes at the end where it was set in the safe house, but he still ripped off key moments. For example, that REALLY cool bit where Harvey Keitel walks in front of the police car and shoots twin pistols at the cops is identical to how Danny Lee does it in City on Fire. There are other bits too but that's what springs to mind.
The Hulk will suck. Big hairy balls. I think. The trailer looks terrible. Still, could be wrong.
I saw a Terminator 3 trailer at the cinema last night when I went to see The Core (which by the way, was dismal and should be avoided at all costs! Diabolical script and pretty terrible acting in places, with complete rip offs of other film moments - the straws in Armageddon for example. Obviously ripping off the whole drilling idea wasn't enough for them). Anyway, back on target....yeah, Terminator 3 trailer. Started good when Arnie emerged from the darkness with his shotgun. Then proceeded into all too familiar territory, looking like any other action film, and finally made me cringe and HATE it with "She'll be back". The thing is, they had to have I'll Be Back or a variation of it or something would have been missing but no matter where it was put in, it would still be terrible. They couldn't win in that situation. But it was a lot worse than it could have been anyway. I'm still hoping for it to be acceptable. Perhaps just one amazing moment will save it a bit.
I can't wait for X-Men 2 and The Matrix films though. And Return of the King.
i'm looking foward to Dream Catcher + X-Men 2.But I don't think I will be allowed to see Dream Catcher if it's 16 because I'm only turning 13 in August.Even though jackass was 16 in South africa but I just bought an imported DvD that came out 2 months before release date hopefully I can do the same with Dream Catcher.
There are many films that will soon grace our silver screens and i know that among the might of them there are films such as matrix reloaded and X2. however if i have to bottle my excitment into one film...kind of like when you dnt w*nk for 2 months then go for a big one!
VAN HELSING...the dracula man is hitting the cinema in may 2004, a young mercinary for the catholic church (played by hugh jackman) he battles a redesigned dracula, the wolfman and frankenstin (i know that its frankenstins monster but they have just desided to call it frankenstin...u could just get casual and call him frank but that would just be weird)
I CANT WAIT!
VAN HELSING...the dracula man is hitting the cinema in may 2004, a young mercinary for the catholic church (played by hugh jackman) he battles a redesigned dracula, the wolfman and frankenstin (i know that its frankenstins monster but they have just desided to call it frankenstin...u could just get casual and call him frank but that would just be weird)
I CANT WAIT!
I liked the first Tomb Raider movie :( But then I've been playing the games for 1/5th of my life so it was nice to see Lara on celluloid at last. The thing about being a big fan of the games was that there were a lot of references in the film e.g. locations and outfits that nodded homage to the games which many non-game fans would have missed, and seeing as they covered most tribute aspects in the first film I think the 2nd one is just going to be an all-out string of set pieces. So in other words I'll probably enjoy it as well :)
As for Matrix trilogy, probably one of the most anticipated movies I've ever anticipated. It's either going to be great or a great flop, I'm hoping the former but we'll see at the end of May. I won the game of the film the other day so I'm hoping that by playing the game and watching the film I'll get the fuller picture that the publishers are promising.
Remaking The Italian Job is complete sacrilege unless they give Michael Caine a serious cameo role in it. I can't see how it'll do well especially since the likes of Noel Coward and Benny Hill aren't around anymore to give it a touch of class :(
As for Matrix trilogy, probably one of the most anticipated movies I've ever anticipated. It's either going to be great or a great flop, I'm hoping the former but we'll see at the end of May. I won the game of the film the other day so I'm hoping that by playing the game and watching the film I'll get the fuller picture that the publishers are promising.
Remaking The Italian Job is complete sacrilege unless they give Michael Caine a serious cameo role in it. I can't see how it'll do well especially since the likes of Noel Coward and Benny Hill aren't around anymore to give it a touch of class :(
Oh I do love movies. Well, no, sometimes I hate movies, like when you’re really looking forward to something, you pay your money, get your popcorn, take a seat, and then it blows.
God damn, I hate it when that happens.
This year I consider myself to be better prepared, with ten big films I reckon will rock my socks off (hopefully this year), and five that, perhaps, will fall flat on their faces.
So in a poorly thought out order of listing them as they came into my head, then quickly shuffling them to form some kind of preference, here they are:
10: Bruce Almighty.
Jim Carrey is a comedy genius. Well, if you consider pulling daft faces, and making funny noises funny, which I do, then he’s a genius. Jim is Bruce. Morgan Freeman is God. God gets sick of people cursing him, and let’s Bruce see if he can do a better job. Should be very funny.
9: Pirates of the Caribbean.
Pirates rule. Okay, so Cutthroat Island was poor, worse than poor, but I found it watchable, because, well, they were pirates. Thing is, this is a Disney movie, which would normally have me running a mile, but it’s got Johnny Depp in it, and he doesn’t often go far wrong with his choice of movies. Gore Verbinski though? Man, he does like to vary his projects, doesn’t he? With this and Master and Commander we’ll have plenty of action on the high seas.
8: X-Men 2.
The first film was okay, but pretty much setting the scene for the sequel. So I guess this is it. I’m hoping this movie will be all about Wolverine getting angry and smashing things, but in a different way to The Hulk (I’m coming to that one later). The plot lends itself to much mutant scrapping, with the government declaring war on mutants, and there are plenty of new mutants added into the fray.
7: Charlies Angels: Full Throttle.
Another sequel, but a sequel to a great first film. Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu, in tight trousers, that’s enough for me, no plot necessary. The lack of Bill Murray is a slight concern, he was hilarious in the first, but I guess that gives more screen time to the girls bums. The great thing about the first film was that it didn’t take itself seriously whatsoever. With the same director, this shouldn’t be a concern.
6: Dreamcatcher.
I’m a big fan of Stephen King, and whether his movie translations work, often depends on the budget and cast. Well I can’t fault Morgan Freeman’s casting and the story is amongst King’s best. There are certain things that King does well, childhood friendship and isolation being just two of them that feature in this movie. Plenty of snow too. There’s just something about movies set in the snow, Misery immediately springs to mind, with the King connection.
5:Freddy Versus Jason.
Okay, so maybe I’m pushing the boundaries by expecting this to be a big film, but come on, these guys are legends! It’s been years since Robert Englund last pulled on that razor fingered glove, but Jason’s recent outing has proved that there’s life in the franchise yet. The way that Jason X so mercilessly ripped itself, yet remained a decent horror movie in the classic tradition makes me hope they do the same with Freddy versus Jason. The thought of seeing two horror legends on screen together, imagine the body count! I can’t wait!
4: The Hulk
Hulk smash! I’m sure that my earliest cinema memory involves The Incredible Hulk. I remember my dad taking me to a local cinema that was replaced by Boots over 20 years ago. Of all of the super-heroes, the Hulk was the only one where I really felt his pain. The isolation of his world, the way that he was unable to control his power, and the way every single episode would end with David Banner walking alone down the road, with that sad piano music playing. So now there’s a new Hulk in town. A completely computer generated Hulk. I don’t have a problem with CGI characters though, especially when they’re backed up with genuine acting talent like Jennifer Connelly, Nick Nolte and Eric Bana. Not to mention ‘Don’t make him’ Ang Lee in the directors chair.
3: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
The part of the book I remember least well, apart from the obvious conclusion, doesn’t dent my anticipation at all. I remember more battles, and if they’re anything near as epic as those of Helm’s Deep, well they’ll be stunning. I remember nasty things in Mordor, Gollum’s actions, Frodo becoming increasingly weighed down by the ring. This is just going to be a fantastic conclusion to what, so far, has been an amazing set of movies.
2: Once Upon a Time In Mexico
“Guns. Lots of guns” Desperado was a fantastic movie, Antonio Banderas was fantasic in the main role, and Robert Rodriguez was a fantastic director for the movie. Since then things have been less good for these two. After From Dusk Till Dawn, Robert Rodriguez struggled, directing the Spy Kids movies. Antonio Banderas married Melanie Griffiths and started to make crappy romantic comedies. This movie will make things right again, despite being finished a couple of year ago, and again pushed back to September in the States. Johnny Depp and Willem Dafoe join the cast, just to add even more quality, and Salma Hayek returns too. This will own.
1: Kill Bill.
Tarentino, it’s been too long. The few shots I’ve seen of this film, I just know that it’s going to be fantastic. Uma Thurman with a Samurai sword, in a yellow tracksuit that looks like it was ripped off Bruce Lee in ‘Fists of Fury’ Oh yes. It’s a revenge movie. ‘The Bride’ (Thurman) going after those that tried to kill her on her wedding day. Apparently the final sword fight lasts around half an hour, before the inevitabel cut, but that’s going to be some climax.
If all of these films live up to my admittedly high expectations, then it will be some year, especially when there are always films that sneak up on you unawares, and wriggle their way into your favourites.
Then there are those that have the hype, but I’m just not buying. So here are five movies I’ll give a wide birth until I’m proved wrong. If I’m proved wrong....
5: Love Actually:
God, even the name sounds like something pretentious and annoying, that would sound even worse coming from the mouth of Hugh Grant. Oh surprise, surprise, yet another Brit romatic comedy penned by Richard Curtis. Only this time I think Curtis is directing. I reckon Martine whatsherface, used to be Tiff in Eastenders, threw up on Mick Hucknell, is in it too, which will be nice. Or not.
4: The Italian Job:
I like Edward Norton. I like Mark Walberg. I like the original The Italian Job. But I can’t see this being any good. I mean, Jason bloody Statham’s in it. Also, I hear that they’re taking the emphasis off the comedy, and turning it into an action movie. So they’re going to have mini’s racing around, and try to make it serious? Oh please! I bet they don’t even stick with the original ending. I just couldn’t see a modern Hollywood movie doing that. I bet there’s some lovely solution to the situation, and it plays out with a theme by Linkin Biscuit or whatever.
3: Tomb Raider 2: The Cradle of Life
I cannot hear ‘The Cradle of’ without adding ‘Filth’ despite not being particularly knowledgeable about the band. But ‘filth’ was a fitting enough verdict on the first movie, and I very much doubt that the second will do anything to justify any other verdict on this one. I can just see more of the same, too much focus of Lara Croft, girl with guns! Just keep on shooting, big action music, funny camera angles. Where this will fail is that it will believe it’s own hype again. It will try to sell to those that think the games are cool, rather than just a bit of fun.
2: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines.
I’d like to say that I was looking forward to this, but no, I fear it. Schwarzeneggar is too many years past his best movies, and there’s no Linda Hamilton. Christ, there isn’t even an Edward Furlong, and I just hate it when an actor gets replaced! Another thing they’ve done is “and this time, it’s a woman!” You know, same plot, but rather than the Terminator being in a male body, it’s in a female one. Yeah, go girl! Girl power! That’s so damn 90's! Now if there’s a good reason for this, I’ll let it off, but I bet it’s just eye candy. I even heard that they’re going to scrap the classic theme. I’d like it to be good, but come on, it’s going to be “I’ll be back”, but then they’ll have to run from the Terminator, and end up in some place where it can be defeated, but not without some threat of death. Anyway, how are they going to explain Arnies hair? “Yes, it’s a new model of Termintor, just like the last one, but looks a bit more like it’s receding. Er, the lines on it’s face? No they’re not wrinkles, er, it’s heat damage, that’s it!”
1: Matrix Reloaded & Revolutions.
I’m sure that this isn’t going to be a popular opinion, but after seeing the first movie again, I’m still not convinced that it’s all that. As such, I don’t think that the sequels will deliver anything that will impress me. I’ve seen shots, I’ve read spoilers, and I fail to see how the movie will be anything other than Keanu Reeves hitting people from lots of funny camera angles. Maybe he’ll fly up in the sky again like at the end of the last movie, because that bit was really good. Hey, but at least the last one takes us out of the Matrix, as the machines take on the last stand of the humans. I wonder if Laurence Fishbourne’s face will be even more lumpy in these movies? God I hate the agents. They suck, with their crappy sunglasses, and dodgy suits. These movies will blow.
God damn, I hate it when that happens.
This year I consider myself to be better prepared, with ten big films I reckon will rock my socks off (hopefully this year), and five that, perhaps, will fall flat on their faces.
So in a poorly thought out order of listing them as they came into my head, then quickly shuffling them to form some kind of preference, here they are:
10: Bruce Almighty.
Jim Carrey is a comedy genius. Well, if you consider pulling daft faces, and making funny noises funny, which I do, then he’s a genius. Jim is Bruce. Morgan Freeman is God. God gets sick of people cursing him, and let’s Bruce see if he can do a better job. Should be very funny.
9: Pirates of the Caribbean.
Pirates rule. Okay, so Cutthroat Island was poor, worse than poor, but I found it watchable, because, well, they were pirates. Thing is, this is a Disney movie, which would normally have me running a mile, but it’s got Johnny Depp in it, and he doesn’t often go far wrong with his choice of movies. Gore Verbinski though? Man, he does like to vary his projects, doesn’t he? With this and Master and Commander we’ll have plenty of action on the high seas.
8: X-Men 2.
The first film was okay, but pretty much setting the scene for the sequel. So I guess this is it. I’m hoping this movie will be all about Wolverine getting angry and smashing things, but in a different way to The Hulk (I’m coming to that one later). The plot lends itself to much mutant scrapping, with the government declaring war on mutants, and there are plenty of new mutants added into the fray.
7: Charlies Angels: Full Throttle.
Another sequel, but a sequel to a great first film. Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu, in tight trousers, that’s enough for me, no plot necessary. The lack of Bill Murray is a slight concern, he was hilarious in the first, but I guess that gives more screen time to the girls bums. The great thing about the first film was that it didn’t take itself seriously whatsoever. With the same director, this shouldn’t be a concern.
6: Dreamcatcher.
I’m a big fan of Stephen King, and whether his movie translations work, often depends on the budget and cast. Well I can’t fault Morgan Freeman’s casting and the story is amongst King’s best. There are certain things that King does well, childhood friendship and isolation being just two of them that feature in this movie. Plenty of snow too. There’s just something about movies set in the snow, Misery immediately springs to mind, with the King connection.
5:Freddy Versus Jason.
Okay, so maybe I’m pushing the boundaries by expecting this to be a big film, but come on, these guys are legends! It’s been years since Robert Englund last pulled on that razor fingered glove, but Jason’s recent outing has proved that there’s life in the franchise yet. The way that Jason X so mercilessly ripped itself, yet remained a decent horror movie in the classic tradition makes me hope they do the same with Freddy versus Jason. The thought of seeing two horror legends on screen together, imagine the body count! I can’t wait!
4: The Hulk
Hulk smash! I’m sure that my earliest cinema memory involves The Incredible Hulk. I remember my dad taking me to a local cinema that was replaced by Boots over 20 years ago. Of all of the super-heroes, the Hulk was the only one where I really felt his pain. The isolation of his world, the way that he was unable to control his power, and the way every single episode would end with David Banner walking alone down the road, with that sad piano music playing. So now there’s a new Hulk in town. A completely computer generated Hulk. I don’t have a problem with CGI characters though, especially when they’re backed up with genuine acting talent like Jennifer Connelly, Nick Nolte and Eric Bana. Not to mention ‘Don’t make him’ Ang Lee in the directors chair.
3: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
The part of the book I remember least well, apart from the obvious conclusion, doesn’t dent my anticipation at all. I remember more battles, and if they’re anything near as epic as those of Helm’s Deep, well they’ll be stunning. I remember nasty things in Mordor, Gollum’s actions, Frodo becoming increasingly weighed down by the ring. This is just going to be a fantastic conclusion to what, so far, has been an amazing set of movies.
2: Once Upon a Time In Mexico
“Guns. Lots of guns” Desperado was a fantastic movie, Antonio Banderas was fantasic in the main role, and Robert Rodriguez was a fantastic director for the movie. Since then things have been less good for these two. After From Dusk Till Dawn, Robert Rodriguez struggled, directing the Spy Kids movies. Antonio Banderas married Melanie Griffiths and started to make crappy romantic comedies. This movie will make things right again, despite being finished a couple of year ago, and again pushed back to September in the States. Johnny Depp and Willem Dafoe join the cast, just to add even more quality, and Salma Hayek returns too. This will own.
1: Kill Bill.
Tarentino, it’s been too long. The few shots I’ve seen of this film, I just know that it’s going to be fantastic. Uma Thurman with a Samurai sword, in a yellow tracksuit that looks like it was ripped off Bruce Lee in ‘Fists of Fury’ Oh yes. It’s a revenge movie. ‘The Bride’ (Thurman) going after those that tried to kill her on her wedding day. Apparently the final sword fight lasts around half an hour, before the inevitabel cut, but that’s going to be some climax.
If all of these films live up to my admittedly high expectations, then it will be some year, especially when there are always films that sneak up on you unawares, and wriggle their way into your favourites.
Then there are those that have the hype, but I’m just not buying. So here are five movies I’ll give a wide birth until I’m proved wrong. If I’m proved wrong....
5: Love Actually:
God, even the name sounds like something pretentious and annoying, that would sound even worse coming from the mouth of Hugh Grant. Oh surprise, surprise, yet another Brit romatic comedy penned by Richard Curtis. Only this time I think Curtis is directing. I reckon Martine whatsherface, used to be Tiff in Eastenders, threw up on Mick Hucknell, is in it too, which will be nice. Or not.
4: The Italian Job:
I like Edward Norton. I like Mark Walberg. I like the original The Italian Job. But I can’t see this being any good. I mean, Jason bloody Statham’s in it. Also, I hear that they’re taking the emphasis off the comedy, and turning it into an action movie. So they’re going to have mini’s racing around, and try to make it serious? Oh please! I bet they don’t even stick with the original ending. I just couldn’t see a modern Hollywood movie doing that. I bet there’s some lovely solution to the situation, and it plays out with a theme by Linkin Biscuit or whatever.
3: Tomb Raider 2: The Cradle of Life
I cannot hear ‘The Cradle of’ without adding ‘Filth’ despite not being particularly knowledgeable about the band. But ‘filth’ was a fitting enough verdict on the first movie, and I very much doubt that the second will do anything to justify any other verdict on this one. I can just see more of the same, too much focus of Lara Croft, girl with guns! Just keep on shooting, big action music, funny camera angles. Where this will fail is that it will believe it’s own hype again. It will try to sell to those that think the games are cool, rather than just a bit of fun.
2: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines.
I’d like to say that I was looking forward to this, but no, I fear it. Schwarzeneggar is too many years past his best movies, and there’s no Linda Hamilton. Christ, there isn’t even an Edward Furlong, and I just hate it when an actor gets replaced! Another thing they’ve done is “and this time, it’s a woman!” You know, same plot, but rather than the Terminator being in a male body, it’s in a female one. Yeah, go girl! Girl power! That’s so damn 90's! Now if there’s a good reason for this, I’ll let it off, but I bet it’s just eye candy. I even heard that they’re going to scrap the classic theme. I’d like it to be good, but come on, it’s going to be “I’ll be back”, but then they’ll have to run from the Terminator, and end up in some place where it can be defeated, but not without some threat of death. Anyway, how are they going to explain Arnies hair? “Yes, it’s a new model of Termintor, just like the last one, but looks a bit more like it’s receding. Er, the lines on it’s face? No they’re not wrinkles, er, it’s heat damage, that’s it!”
1: Matrix Reloaded & Revolutions.
I’m sure that this isn’t going to be a popular opinion, but after seeing the first movie again, I’m still not convinced that it’s all that. As such, I don’t think that the sequels will deliver anything that will impress me. I’ve seen shots, I’ve read spoilers, and I fail to see how the movie will be anything other than Keanu Reeves hitting people from lots of funny camera angles. Maybe he’ll fly up in the sky again like at the end of the last movie, because that bit was really good. Hey, but at least the last one takes us out of the Matrix, as the machines take on the last stand of the humans. I wonder if Laurence Fishbourne’s face will be even more lumpy in these movies? God I hate the agents. They suck, with their crappy sunglasses, and dodgy suits. These movies will blow.