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First of all, during the review, you will see a match rating and a ‘grid position’ after each match. The match rating is based on 5 categories, each category having a maximum of 5 stars in it. The match rating will be the 5 categories added together and then divided by 5. The grid position is simple. Pole position is match of the night and so on.
ONWARDS TO THE REVIEW!
Heat kicks off live from Seattle with the Coach and Lita. When is Lita going to be wrestling again? Coach looks stupid in a suit. They begin by running through the card and the first match they mention was Hogan V Vince. DON’T MAKE IT MAIN EVENT PLEASE! We have an earlier today. Booker T is running up and down stairs. COME ON BOOKER! A Booker T/Triple H package is shown. They announce that Chief Morley and Lance Storm will face Kane and RVD on Heat. What has become of RVD and Kane? Why aren’t they pushing Lance Storm? RVD and Kane were fighting for the title and now they are wrestling on Heat before the biggest PPV of the year. It isn’t good enough.
After some adverts, they show video footage of Axxess, a special event where the fans act like lunatics. Looks like a lot of fun. The rap off with John Cena is next. I can’t stand rap. We are off on another selection of advertisements. That is 2 times in 15 minutes. If they did this while I was watching F1, I would not be responsible for my actions. Oh wait, they do!
We return to a video package of the Hogan V Vince encounter. Earlier today, Ashanti arrived at Wrestlemania. Good for her. It’s time for the rap off and they are having sound problems. That was funny! Well, he beat up cardboard cutouts and made fun out of them. It was quite funny actually and the XFL line was great. They show the cover of Playboy with Torrie Wilson and show a video package. Nunzio steals Nathan Jones’ wallet and runs into a Big Show/Albert ambush. Whatever. On to more adverts, which now totals 3 in half an hour.
They come back and hype the Women’s title match and they show the Nathan Jones clip again. They question whether he will participate in the tag title match. They show the video package of Angle and Brock Lesnar. I would like Angle to beat Brock and then forfeit the title. I can’t see it though. Earlier today, Limp Bizkit arrived. He thought there was no audio on that camera. There is more Vince/Hogan footage. Enough already!
After yet more adverts, we are back with Hogan arriving with Jimmy Hart. There is even more hyping of Vince V Hogan and they another video package. Did you know that signing a contract in blood is not legally binding? They hype Ashanti and her album and she is singing America the Beautiful at Wrestlemania. She can get on Wrestlemania but RVD and Kane can’t.
Chief Morley & Storm V RVD & Kane
We’ve moved into a match! Shock! Horror! Chief Morley and Storm come out first with the Dudleyz. That was a pretty decent reception for RVD. The walkway is huge. They stick a flipping advert in the middle of it! I knew the Dudleyz would be deciding factor. 3D on Storm, RVD put on Storm, D’Von did not look happy when Bubba gave an elbow to RVD to cost them the tag titles. I didn’t think an elbow would be enough but never mind. It was all over after 10mins and 5 seconds, only 5mins of which we saw.
Match Rating: *
Grid Position: 9th
We are well into the last 5 minutes and we head out with The Rock and Austin video package. Bring on Wrestlemania!
Wrestlemania kicks off with Ashanti. After that we head into a video package about Wrestlemania. The fireworks are off and we get our first match. JR and The King are announcing for Raw and Tazz and Michael Cole for Smackdown.
Rey Mysterio V Matt Hardy (c) Cruiserweight Championship
This should be a cracker. Matt Facts: It’s Matt’s 4th Wrestlemania and he wonders how they did Wrestlemania without him. Matt Hardy is accompanied by Shannon Moore. Pretty decent match but way too short. Matt Hardy defends with a cheat to win at 5:41.
Match Rating: **1/4
Grid Position: 5th
The Cat Fight girls arrive, Limp Bizkit sing Rollin and The Undertaker comes down to it.
The Undertaker V Big Show & A-Train – Handicap Match
This is going to be slow. Nathan Jones is the deciding factor obviously. The Undertaker was never going to lose. Taker with the Tombstone on A-Train for the win at 9:48.
Match Rating: ¾
Grid Position: 10th
The Cat Fight Girls meet with Stacy and Torrie. We then get a replay of the Raw Tag Titles match finish. Onto the next match.
Trish V Jazz V Victoria (c) – Women’s Title match
Time for the women to deliver a good match. Victoria is accompanied by Steven Richards. Trish wins with a kick to the chest of Victoria at 7:19. Steven Richards was pretty funny.
Match Rating: *
Grid Position: 8th
We have the Coach interviewing The Rock. Pretty serious interview there.
Los Guerreros V Benoit & Rhyno V Team Angle (c) – Smackdown Tag Titles
This should be match of the night. It was super quick and super smooth but was let down by the length of the match. Rhyno gores Chavo, gets pulled out and Shelton Benjamin pins Chavo at 8:49. They were actually the legal men funnily enough.
Match Rating: ***1/4
Grid Position: 2nd
We see Torrie and Stacy arguing over who created Wrestlemania. Torrie said Hogan and Stacy said Vince. The Cat Fight girls start arguing about the same thing. We then get a video package of Jericho V Shawn Michaels, which I guess is up next.
Jericho V HBK
This should be pretty good. The match was pretty impressive but quite slow, which is what I was expecting. Michaels hit the rollup for the win at 22:34.
Match Rating: ***1/4
Grid Position: 1st
They announce the attendance record and then they introduce Limp Bizkit with the theme song for Wrestlemania called ‘Crack Addict’. They show the Playboy video again. The Coach introduces the Cat Fight girls. Stacy walks out and declares herself in the catfight followed by Torrie. The Coach has his trousers pulled down, which I’m sure everyone wanted to see. They air a Goldberg preview video. They show the Trips/Booker video, which should be next match.
Booker T V HHH (c) – The HHH World Title
Come on Triple H! Drop the title. HHH is accompanied by Ric Flair. This match was slow, HHH had the majority of the match and didn’t really put Booker T over as a decent wrestler. The fact that HHH won makes it all the more disappointing. HHH hits a pedigree and crawls over for the win at 18:47.
Match Rating: *1/4
Grid Position: 6th
Wrestlemania XX will be at New York City. The Hogan/Vince package airs, which means it’s next. Phew!
Hogan V Vince – Street Fight
It’s not going to be pretty. I’ll give one point for the chair on the Spanish announcer. I’ll give another for the table smash. It broke very well. Piper is here? What the hell? Piper hits Hogan with the lead pipe. That made no sense. Hogan with three leg drops for the win at 20:51. Hogan was always going to win.
Match Rating: *
Grid Position: 7th
Shane McMahon is walking out. Hmmm, they are showing the Rock/Austin video package, which is rather strange. I didn’t expect Angle V Brock to be the main event but it does make sense considering Brock won the Rumble.
The Rock V Austin
I love the Rock’s entrance. The Rock with 3 Rock Bottoms and the win at 17:34. It was pretty good. JR was going a bit over the top. Could this be the last Wrestlemania for the Rock?
Match Rating: **1/4
Grid Position: 4th
We go to Tazz and Cole because we are at the main event. The video package of Angle/Brock is shown.
Brock V Angle (c) – WWE Championship
Well, this is Angle’s last match for a while. Michael Cole’s voice is going. Brock totally missed the shooting star press. 3 F5’s later and it’s all over. Brock wins at 20:58. We’ll miss you Angle!
Match Rating: **1/2
Grid Position: 3rd
We end with the Goldberg video.
In summary:
It was not the greatest Wrestlemania by a way but it was fairly watchable. Jericho and Shawn put on the match of the night with the Smackdown Tag Titles a close second. The predictability of the winners for the last few matches is worrying. I then find out that Angle may be out for only 6 weeks and Brock goes to hospital to be evaluated. Has the world gone mad?
This has been a Grandprix presentation.
Well I say watched, more like fast forwarding it to interesting bits. I thought it was pretty pants, and I'm with all of you, the crowd were terrible! What's wrong with them, wern't they wrestling fans or something!?
They totally ruined it in a way.
The Rock finally beat Austin though that was good but I get the feeling that the Rock is going to be in the WWE for much longer, all that stuff about it being the final chapter and everything. *sob
And Goldberg is going to show up eh, hmmm, what happened to his morales then.
Anyway crap Wrestlemania, Y2J's match was cool though but the cat fight was just stoopid. Better luck at Maddison Square Garden.
By the way Matt, I enjoyed your review, and if I wanted to enjoy it more all I would say would be less play-by-play if you know what I mean and a bit more on what you felt were the best spots of the match, who performed well etc.
But otherwise it was a top read, and you also informed me about what happened on Heat - cheers dude.
> The crowd were absolutely terrible. They didn't make any noise that i
> could notice until the Hogan v McMahon match. They made a few pops for
> certain moves but that was about it. Wrestlemania was wasted on them
> in my opinion.
I agree with that point. Fred Durst shouted for them to make some noise when he was singing Crack Addict and what do they do?! Not much!
Good wrestlemania review Grandprix. Nice one. It puts it all into perspective. :)
Any feedback is welcome.
Although, he was going to lose to Lesnar anyway - it was inevitable.