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Pisces - Life has been a struggle recently. And it won't get any better. Go on; kill yourself.
Aries - Lately, everything seems to have been all work and no play. But there is a solution. Grab an AK-47 and wander through your office blasting at anything that moves. Watch them scamper. Do it.
Capricorn - Jesus Christ, just look at the state of you! What kind of awful hairstyle is that? You look like a TRAMP. Neither wonder everyone hates you. Just sort yourself out or sod off, eh?
Virgo - If things are getting on top of you, just tell yourself that you're a wonderful and unique human being. It's not true of course; you're just another drone who's sole contribution to the world is to consume and cack it out again. And don't you forget it.
Libra - Are money worries bringing you down at the moment? Well, maybe you shouldn't sit on your fat backside whining about cashflow problems whilst cramming Asda Econo-pizza down your bloated throat. Maybe you should take some responsibility for your life, you fat piece of retarded filth.
Sagittarius - Things are looking better in your love life! If you're male, then at some point in the next week a revolting and Thrush-ridden old minger with legs like orange peel will let you shoot 2 joyless bollockfulls of semen into her gaping, cavernous crack. If you're female, you are that woman.
Leo - Well, if nothing else, you can always take pride in your lovely children. You have to; no one else would be proud of the hateful, lighter-fuel snorting little cumrags that you've inflicted on the world. And if you were ever honest about them, you'd likely cry with despair long into the night.
Gemini - Wednesday will bring an unexpected treat; a complete stranger will start a fight with you. And win.
Taurus - Don't let yourself fall into the trap of feeling that the whole world is against you. Once they find out that you know they're all out to get you, they'll come for you. And you won't stand a chance.
Cancer - Funny really; your star sign is exactly the same as what the doctor will tell you that you've got when you next visit him. Only he'll put the word 'terminal' in front. And then he'll start laughing.
Scorpio - Why not treat yourself to a new suit or a new dress this weekend? Choose something that will make you feel like a million dollars. Because that will distract you from the yawning chasm of emptiness and despair that makes up about 99.999% of your insignificant little life.
Aquarius - The fact that I did your sign last should say it all. Everyone whom you've ever met forgot who you were almost instantly. You're the kind of person who everyone will say "Oh, him...yeah...what about him?", or "Remind me who he is again", or "He was a quiet type; we never suspected he was the one murdering all those prostitutes."
Aries - Lately, everything seems to have been all work and no play. But there is a solution. Grab an AK-47 and wander through your office blasting at anything that moves. Watch them scamper. Do it.
Capricorn - Jesus Christ, just look at the state of you! What kind of awful hairstyle is that? You look like a TRAMP. Neither wonder everyone hates you. Just sort yourself out or sod off, eh?
Virgo - If things are getting on top of you, just tell yourself that you're a wonderful and unique human being. It's not true of course; you're just another drone who's sole contribution to the world is to consume and cack it out again. And don't you forget it.
Libra - Are money worries bringing you down at the moment? Well, maybe you shouldn't sit on your fat backside whining about cashflow problems whilst cramming Asda Econo-pizza down your bloated throat. Maybe you should take some responsibility for your life, you fat piece of retarded filth.
Sagittarius - Things are looking better in your love life! If you're male, then at some point in the next week a revolting and Thrush-ridden old minger with legs like orange peel will let you shoot 2 joyless bollockfulls of semen into her gaping, cavernous crack. If you're female, you are that woman.
Leo - Well, if nothing else, you can always take pride in your lovely children. You have to; no one else would be proud of the hateful, lighter-fuel snorting little cumrags that you've inflicted on the world. And if you were ever honest about them, you'd likely cry with despair long into the night.
Gemini - Wednesday will bring an unexpected treat; a complete stranger will start a fight with you. And win.
Taurus - Don't let yourself fall into the trap of feeling that the whole world is against you. Once they find out that you know they're all out to get you, they'll come for you. And you won't stand a chance.
Cancer - Funny really; your star sign is exactly the same as what the doctor will tell you that you've got when you next visit him. Only he'll put the word 'terminal' in front. And then he'll start laughing.
Scorpio - Why not treat yourself to a new suit or a new dress this weekend? Choose something that will make you feel like a million dollars. Because that will distract you from the yawning chasm of emptiness and despair that makes up about 99.999% of your insignificant little life.
Aquarius - The fact that I did your sign last should say it all. Everyone whom you've ever met forgot who you were almost instantly. You're the kind of person who everyone will say "Oh, him...yeah...what about him?", or "Remind me who he is again", or "He was a quiet type; we never suspected he was the one murdering all those prostitutes."
My hair is pretty crap
I'd comment but you'd only ask "who are you?"
Yay! I have terminal cancer!
Hee, if horoscopes were really like this I'd read mine every day.
Heh. I nearly made the Scorpio horoscope a bit nicer what with me being one and all, but as I think it's all a load of old toss anyway...
Light wrote:
> Scorpio - Why not treat yourself to a new suit or a new dress this
> weekend? Choose something that will make you feel like a million
> dollars. Because that will distract you from the yawning chasm of
> emptiness and despair that makes up about 99.999% of your
> insignificant little life.
Hehe, might just go and do that..! And that's exactly what I'm thinking about the "99.999% of my insignificant little life"!
> Scorpio - Why not treat yourself to a new suit or a new dress this
> weekend? Choose something that will make you feel like a million
> dollars. Because that will distract you from the yawning chasm of
> emptiness and despair that makes up about 99.999% of your
> insignificant little life.
Hehe, might just go and do that..! And that's exactly what I'm thinking about the "99.999% of my insignificant little life"!
Pisces - Life has been a struggle recently. And it won't get any better. Go on; kill yourself.
Aries - Lately, everything seems to have been all work and no play. But there is a solution. Grab an AK-47 and wander through your office blasting at anything that moves. Watch them scamper. Do it.
Capricorn - Jesus Christ, just look at the state of you! What kind of awful hairstyle is that? You look like a TRAMP. Neither wonder everyone hates you. Just sort yourself out or sod off, eh?
Virgo - If things are getting on top of you, just tell yourself that you're a wonderful and unique human being. It's not true of course; you're just another drone who's sole contribution to the world is to consume and cack it out again. And don't you forget it.
Libra - Are money worries bringing you down at the moment? Well, maybe you shouldn't sit on your fat backside whining about cashflow problems whilst cramming Asda Econo-pizza down your bloated throat. Maybe you should take some responsibility for your life, you fat piece of retarded filth.
Sagittarius - Things are looking better in your love life! If you're male, then at some point in the next week a revolting and Thrush-ridden old minger with legs like orange peel will let you shoot 2 joyless bollockfulls of semen into her gaping, cavernous crack. If you're female, you are that woman.
Leo - Well, if nothing else, you can always take pride in your lovely children. You have to; no one else would be proud of the hateful, lighter-fuel snorting little cumrags that you've inflicted on the world. And if you were ever honest about them, you'd likely cry with despair long into the night.
Gemini - Wednesday will bring an unexpected treat; a complete stranger will start a fight with you. And win.
Taurus - Don't let yourself fall into the trap of feeling that the whole world is against you. Once they find out that you know they're all out to get you, they'll come for you. And you won't stand a chance.
Cancer - Funny really; your star sign is exactly the same as what the doctor will tell you that you've got when you next visit him. Only he'll put the word 'terminal' in front. And then he'll start laughing.
Scorpio - Why not treat yourself to a new suit or a new dress this weekend? Choose something that will make you feel like a million dollars. Because that will distract you from the yawning chasm of emptiness and despair that makes up about 99.999% of your insignificant little life.
Aquarius - The fact that I did your sign last should say it all. Everyone whom you've ever met forgot who you were almost instantly. You're the kind of person who everyone will say "Oh, him...yeah...what about him?", or "Remind me who he is again", or "He was a quiet type; we never suspected he was the one murdering all those prostitutes."
Aries - Lately, everything seems to have been all work and no play. But there is a solution. Grab an AK-47 and wander through your office blasting at anything that moves. Watch them scamper. Do it.
Capricorn - Jesus Christ, just look at the state of you! What kind of awful hairstyle is that? You look like a TRAMP. Neither wonder everyone hates you. Just sort yourself out or sod off, eh?
Virgo - If things are getting on top of you, just tell yourself that you're a wonderful and unique human being. It's not true of course; you're just another drone who's sole contribution to the world is to consume and cack it out again. And don't you forget it.
Libra - Are money worries bringing you down at the moment? Well, maybe you shouldn't sit on your fat backside whining about cashflow problems whilst cramming Asda Econo-pizza down your bloated throat. Maybe you should take some responsibility for your life, you fat piece of retarded filth.
Sagittarius - Things are looking better in your love life! If you're male, then at some point in the next week a revolting and Thrush-ridden old minger with legs like orange peel will let you shoot 2 joyless bollockfulls of semen into her gaping, cavernous crack. If you're female, you are that woman.
Leo - Well, if nothing else, you can always take pride in your lovely children. You have to; no one else would be proud of the hateful, lighter-fuel snorting little cumrags that you've inflicted on the world. And if you were ever honest about them, you'd likely cry with despair long into the night.
Gemini - Wednesday will bring an unexpected treat; a complete stranger will start a fight with you. And win.
Taurus - Don't let yourself fall into the trap of feeling that the whole world is against you. Once they find out that you know they're all out to get you, they'll come for you. And you won't stand a chance.
Cancer - Funny really; your star sign is exactly the same as what the doctor will tell you that you've got when you next visit him. Only he'll put the word 'terminal' in front. And then he'll start laughing.
Scorpio - Why not treat yourself to a new suit or a new dress this weekend? Choose something that will make you feel like a million dollars. Because that will distract you from the yawning chasm of emptiness and despair that makes up about 99.999% of your insignificant little life.
Aquarius - The fact that I did your sign last should say it all. Everyone whom you've ever met forgot who you were almost instantly. You're the kind of person who everyone will say "Oh, him...yeah...what about him?", or "Remind me who he is again", or "He was a quiet type; we never suspected he was the one murdering all those prostitutes."