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As you may well already know if you’ve watched any of the round the clock multi-channel wall-to-wall TV coverage, the coalition force’s attempts to encroach further into Iraqi territory to bash heads were hampered over recent days by blinding sandstorms, leading to very low visibility and therefore increasing the chances of either being taken by surprise by the enemy, or just more friendly fire flying around. However, reports from the US suggest that these seemingly natural sandstorms are very far from natural, and are actually a secret super special weapon used by evil moustachioed bounder Saddam Hussein to repel the foreign invaders.
Using highly sophisticated intelligence equipment, a well-trained Bald Eagle with a camera attached to its head (like those mine clearing dolphins seen recently), the Pentagon has shown photos of what experts describe as a “giant weather machine”, which is currently being used to create strong gusts of wind to whip up whirling sandstorms in the desert regions around Baghdad and it’s surrounding towns.
In a message to the American people, president George W. Bush, wearing his full camouflage combat paraphernalia and standing atop a great big Humvee, stated that, “Saddam, the vile dictator, who kills babies and eats them in sandwiches and tortures cute puppies for fun, now not only has weapons of mass destruction to cause maniacal mayhem, but it appears that he’s also tampering with Mother Nature to hinder the progress of our coalition troops in the desert. If there was any better reason for us to further bomb the hell out of Baghdad even more, I, nor my legions of obsequious yes-men, can’t think of it.”
When questioned by a reporter about whether the strong winds and sandstorms could have just been a natural occurrence caused by God, President Bush replied, “That’s nonsense, everyone knows that God is on the side of the coalition, so why would the almighty, the second most powerful man in the universe, cause these sandstorms? Nope, evil Saddam is definitely the cause, did I mention he eats babies?”
According to unsubstantiated rumour from the US, it is believed that since the end of the last Gulf War in the early nineties, Saddam has had teams of scientists and rogue weathermen conduct experiments into the possibilities of creating an all-powerful super villain style weather machine to use for various illicit means. After years of research and development, and costing many millions of Iraqi Dinars which could have been better spent on his people and razors for his henchmen, the weather machine was created and is now believed to be being used in this current conflict to hinder troops and get even more sand in their equipment, shoes, hair and lots of other hard to reach places, leading to failure of equipment, soreness and lots of chafing.
The machine can whip up giant sand storms and wind, create pounding rain, thick fog, thunder, lightning, and even a number of different cloud types on demand, and is seen as the latest in a long line of attempts by Saddam to bend the rules of combat, the last of which was to make his troops dress a civilians, and even as farmyard animals, to trick coalition forces.
The weather machine, housed in a civilian area of Baghdad so as to avoid the constant bombing (or not as the case may or may not be), will be seized by coalition forces when they make their triumphant way into the city provided it hasn’t already been destroyed by bombing. Plus, according to officials, the US will us the machine for the good of mankind; to make rain where there is no rain, thus bringing joy and water to millions of people in drought-ridden areas of the world, and wind to power electric turbines, thus negating the need for highly polluting fossil fuels.
On a similar note, Pentagon officials were later keen to play down reports that they were treating the hollowed out volcano on the outskirts of Baghdad as a “suspicious super villain lair”, but they have sent a team of surveillance Bald Eagles to check it out, and reports will follow very soon…
Using highly sophisticated intelligence equipment, a well-trained Bald Eagle with a camera attached to its head (like those mine clearing dolphins seen recently), the Pentagon has shown photos of what experts describe as a “giant weather machine”, which is currently being used to create strong gusts of wind to whip up whirling sandstorms in the desert regions around Baghdad and it’s surrounding towns.
In a message to the American people, president George W. Bush, wearing his full camouflage combat paraphernalia and standing atop a great big Humvee, stated that, “Saddam, the vile dictator, who kills babies and eats them in sandwiches and tortures cute puppies for fun, now not only has weapons of mass destruction to cause maniacal mayhem, but it appears that he’s also tampering with Mother Nature to hinder the progress of our coalition troops in the desert. If there was any better reason for us to further bomb the hell out of Baghdad even more, I, nor my legions of obsequious yes-men, can’t think of it.”
When questioned by a reporter about whether the strong winds and sandstorms could have just been a natural occurrence caused by God, President Bush replied, “That’s nonsense, everyone knows that God is on the side of the coalition, so why would the almighty, the second most powerful man in the universe, cause these sandstorms? Nope, evil Saddam is definitely the cause, did I mention he eats babies?”
According to unsubstantiated rumour from the US, it is believed that since the end of the last Gulf War in the early nineties, Saddam has had teams of scientists and rogue weathermen conduct experiments into the possibilities of creating an all-powerful super villain style weather machine to use for various illicit means. After years of research and development, and costing many millions of Iraqi Dinars which could have been better spent on his people and razors for his henchmen, the weather machine was created and is now believed to be being used in this current conflict to hinder troops and get even more sand in their equipment, shoes, hair and lots of other hard to reach places, leading to failure of equipment, soreness and lots of chafing.
The machine can whip up giant sand storms and wind, create pounding rain, thick fog, thunder, lightning, and even a number of different cloud types on demand, and is seen as the latest in a long line of attempts by Saddam to bend the rules of combat, the last of which was to make his troops dress a civilians, and even as farmyard animals, to trick coalition forces.
The weather machine, housed in a civilian area of Baghdad so as to avoid the constant bombing (or not as the case may or may not be), will be seized by coalition forces when they make their triumphant way into the city provided it hasn’t already been destroyed by bombing. Plus, according to officials, the US will us the machine for the good of mankind; to make rain where there is no rain, thus bringing joy and water to millions of people in drought-ridden areas of the world, and wind to power electric turbines, thus negating the need for highly polluting fossil fuels.
On a similar note, Pentagon officials were later keen to play down reports that they were treating the hollowed out volcano on the outskirts of Baghdad as a “suspicious super villain lair”, but they have sent a team of surveillance Bald Eagles to check it out, and reports will follow very soon…
Very good.
Especially like mentions of henchman, and hollowed out volcanoes.
Hmmm, I really should get to work on the latest part of the Henchman's Survival Guide.
Especially like mentions of henchman, and hollowed out volcanoes.
Hmmm, I really should get to work on the latest part of the Henchman's Survival Guide.
pop.
As you may well already know if you’ve watched any of the round the clock multi-channel wall-to-wall TV coverage, the coalition force’s attempts to encroach further into Iraqi territory to bash heads were hampered over recent days by blinding sandstorms, leading to very low visibility and therefore increasing the chances of either being taken by surprise by the enemy, or just more friendly fire flying around. However, reports from the US suggest that these seemingly natural sandstorms are very far from natural, and are actually a secret super special weapon used by evil moustachioed bounder Saddam Hussein to repel the foreign invaders.
Using highly sophisticated intelligence equipment, a well-trained Bald Eagle with a camera attached to its head (like those mine clearing dolphins seen recently), the Pentagon has shown photos of what experts describe as a “giant weather machine”, which is currently being used to create strong gusts of wind to whip up whirling sandstorms in the desert regions around Baghdad and it’s surrounding towns.
In a message to the American people, president George W. Bush, wearing his full camouflage combat paraphernalia and standing atop a great big Humvee, stated that, “Saddam, the vile dictator, who kills babies and eats them in sandwiches and tortures cute puppies for fun, now not only has weapons of mass destruction to cause maniacal mayhem, but it appears that he’s also tampering with Mother Nature to hinder the progress of our coalition troops in the desert. If there was any better reason for us to further bomb the hell out of Baghdad even more, I, nor my legions of obsequious yes-men, can’t think of it.”
When questioned by a reporter about whether the strong winds and sandstorms could have just been a natural occurrence caused by God, President Bush replied, “That’s nonsense, everyone knows that God is on the side of the coalition, so why would the almighty, the second most powerful man in the universe, cause these sandstorms? Nope, evil Saddam is definitely the cause, did I mention he eats babies?”
According to unsubstantiated rumour from the US, it is believed that since the end of the last Gulf War in the early nineties, Saddam has had teams of scientists and rogue weathermen conduct experiments into the possibilities of creating an all-powerful super villain style weather machine to use for various illicit means. After years of research and development, and costing many millions of Iraqi Dinars which could have been better spent on his people and razors for his henchmen, the weather machine was created and is now believed to be being used in this current conflict to hinder troops and get even more sand in their equipment, shoes, hair and lots of other hard to reach places, leading to failure of equipment, soreness and lots of chafing.
The machine can whip up giant sand storms and wind, create pounding rain, thick fog, thunder, lightning, and even a number of different cloud types on demand, and is seen as the latest in a long line of attempts by Saddam to bend the rules of combat, the last of which was to make his troops dress a civilians, and even as farmyard animals, to trick coalition forces.
The weather machine, housed in a civilian area of Baghdad so as to avoid the constant bombing (or not as the case may or may not be), will be seized by coalition forces when they make their triumphant way into the city provided it hasn’t already been destroyed by bombing. Plus, according to officials, the US will us the machine for the good of mankind; to make rain where there is no rain, thus bringing joy and water to millions of people in drought-ridden areas of the world, and wind to power electric turbines, thus negating the need for highly polluting fossil fuels.
On a similar note, Pentagon officials were later keen to play down reports that they were treating the hollowed out volcano on the outskirts of Baghdad as a “suspicious super villain lair”, but they have sent a team of surveillance Bald Eagles to check it out, and reports will follow very soon…
Using highly sophisticated intelligence equipment, a well-trained Bald Eagle with a camera attached to its head (like those mine clearing dolphins seen recently), the Pentagon has shown photos of what experts describe as a “giant weather machine”, which is currently being used to create strong gusts of wind to whip up whirling sandstorms in the desert regions around Baghdad and it’s surrounding towns.
In a message to the American people, president George W. Bush, wearing his full camouflage combat paraphernalia and standing atop a great big Humvee, stated that, “Saddam, the vile dictator, who kills babies and eats them in sandwiches and tortures cute puppies for fun, now not only has weapons of mass destruction to cause maniacal mayhem, but it appears that he’s also tampering with Mother Nature to hinder the progress of our coalition troops in the desert. If there was any better reason for us to further bomb the hell out of Baghdad even more, I, nor my legions of obsequious yes-men, can’t think of it.”
When questioned by a reporter about whether the strong winds and sandstorms could have just been a natural occurrence caused by God, President Bush replied, “That’s nonsense, everyone knows that God is on the side of the coalition, so why would the almighty, the second most powerful man in the universe, cause these sandstorms? Nope, evil Saddam is definitely the cause, did I mention he eats babies?”
According to unsubstantiated rumour from the US, it is believed that since the end of the last Gulf War in the early nineties, Saddam has had teams of scientists and rogue weathermen conduct experiments into the possibilities of creating an all-powerful super villain style weather machine to use for various illicit means. After years of research and development, and costing many millions of Iraqi Dinars which could have been better spent on his people and razors for his henchmen, the weather machine was created and is now believed to be being used in this current conflict to hinder troops and get even more sand in their equipment, shoes, hair and lots of other hard to reach places, leading to failure of equipment, soreness and lots of chafing.
The machine can whip up giant sand storms and wind, create pounding rain, thick fog, thunder, lightning, and even a number of different cloud types on demand, and is seen as the latest in a long line of attempts by Saddam to bend the rules of combat, the last of which was to make his troops dress a civilians, and even as farmyard animals, to trick coalition forces.
The weather machine, housed in a civilian area of Baghdad so as to avoid the constant bombing (or not as the case may or may not be), will be seized by coalition forces when they make their triumphant way into the city provided it hasn’t already been destroyed by bombing. Plus, according to officials, the US will us the machine for the good of mankind; to make rain where there is no rain, thus bringing joy and water to millions of people in drought-ridden areas of the world, and wind to power electric turbines, thus negating the need for highly polluting fossil fuels.
On a similar note, Pentagon officials were later keen to play down reports that they were treating the hollowed out volcano on the outskirts of Baghdad as a “suspicious super villain lair”, but they have sent a team of surveillance Bald Eagles to check it out, and reports will follow very soon…