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... sitting there, at the Wimbledon High School fashion show, with many very fine women dancing and walking on stage I suddenly realised I have never had it all, but yet I see so many others with it all?
I should be happy at the moment, I have come from a crap*(*insert swear word) few years and now I have finally started to enjoy life and everything (well to some extent). Yet, I find myself in moods of unhappiness? Memories haunt me as if they were ever present shadows that appear when and where they feel like it. Its getting to me now.
I have just finished my first ever main filming project, that has got some great reviews and I am now working on the interactive DVD (which many of you shall receive). I have a great part-time job selling video games. I mean... nniiiaaooowwww brilliant. I am nearing the end of my college year, I have a trip to Canada in 2 weeks and I am on target for the grades I need (I hope I get them) to progress to Uni (although I am deferring for a year).
Life couldn't be much better?!! Surely?
Well yes, it could. It seems all those positives are being bullied and kicked in the face by the negatives.
My family is a mess, most of them individually are ok (my dad rules) but well.. everything is everywhere. Which hurts like crap.
What seems to be hurting the most though, is feeling alone.
'Feeling alone? What do you mean!'
I mean, being in the company of so many others but still feeling hollow, still feeling black and empty. Feeling numb.
Its not Floyd comfortably numb either, its numb which gets me down. I also think I know what it is! Its not being able to share my stuff with someone on a physcical and emotional level. I have told bits of my past on here sure... but only in bits. Whenever I try and open up to a girl she'll understand and then only want to be friends, or just let me fall for her and back away. I have had enough of playing with the opposite, I want to be apart now as well.
Thats my theory anyways: You can never have everything, never be trully happy. When we want something or someone and get it/them. We look for something on the higher shelve and want that. We'll always be trying to exceed our own bookcase even though we should be happy reaching from the floor.
Life isn't bliss. But I wish mine was.
Joby
I should be happy at the moment, I have come from a crap*(*insert swear word) few years and now I have finally started to enjoy life and everything (well to some extent). Yet, I find myself in moods of unhappiness? Memories haunt me as if they were ever present shadows that appear when and where they feel like it. Its getting to me now.
I have just finished my first ever main filming project, that has got some great reviews and I am now working on the interactive DVD (which many of you shall receive). I have a great part-time job selling video games. I mean... nniiiaaooowwww brilliant. I am nearing the end of my college year, I have a trip to Canada in 2 weeks and I am on target for the grades I need (I hope I get them) to progress to Uni (although I am deferring for a year).
Life couldn't be much better?!! Surely?
Well yes, it could. It seems all those positives are being bullied and kicked in the face by the negatives.
My family is a mess, most of them individually are ok (my dad rules) but well.. everything is everywhere. Which hurts like crap.
What seems to be hurting the most though, is feeling alone.
'Feeling alone? What do you mean!'
I mean, being in the company of so many others but still feeling hollow, still feeling black and empty. Feeling numb.
Its not Floyd comfortably numb either, its numb which gets me down. I also think I know what it is! Its not being able to share my stuff with someone on a physcical and emotional level. I have told bits of my past on here sure... but only in bits. Whenever I try and open up to a girl she'll understand and then only want to be friends, or just let me fall for her and back away. I have had enough of playing with the opposite, I want to be apart now as well.
Thats my theory anyways: You can never have everything, never be trully happy. When we want something or someone and get it/them. We look for something on the higher shelve and want that. We'll always be trying to exceed our own bookcase even though we should be happy reaching from the floor.
Life isn't bliss. But I wish mine was.
Joby
er-no wrote:
> I will have it all. :P
Good man.
Be positive.
> I will have it all. :P
Good man.
Be positive.
I will have it all. :P
Whatever happens it'll always be impossible to be truly happy. Just ignore the negatives and concentrate on the positives. Cheesy advice I know but it works for me at least. And believe me... My negatives outumber the positives by far.
... sitting there, at the Wimbledon High School fashion show, with many very fine women dancing and walking on stage I suddenly realised I have never had it all, but yet I see so many others with it all?
I should be happy at the moment, I have come from a crap*(*insert swear word) few years and now I have finally started to enjoy life and everything (well to some extent). Yet, I find myself in moods of unhappiness? Memories haunt me as if they were ever present shadows that appear when and where they feel like it. Its getting to me now.
I have just finished my first ever main filming project, that has got some great reviews and I am now working on the interactive DVD (which many of you shall receive). I have a great part-time job selling video games. I mean... nniiiaaooowwww brilliant. I am nearing the end of my college year, I have a trip to Canada in 2 weeks and I am on target for the grades I need (I hope I get them) to progress to Uni (although I am deferring for a year).
Life couldn't be much better?!! Surely?
Well yes, it could. It seems all those positives are being bullied and kicked in the face by the negatives.
My family is a mess, most of them individually are ok (my dad rules) but well.. everything is everywhere. Which hurts like crap.
What seems to be hurting the most though, is feeling alone.
'Feeling alone? What do you mean!'
I mean, being in the company of so many others but still feeling hollow, still feeling black and empty. Feeling numb.
Its not Floyd comfortably numb either, its numb which gets me down. I also think I know what it is! Its not being able to share my stuff with someone on a physcical and emotional level. I have told bits of my past on here sure... but only in bits. Whenever I try and open up to a girl she'll understand and then only want to be friends, or just let me fall for her and back away. I have had enough of playing with the opposite, I want to be apart now as well.
Thats my theory anyways: You can never have everything, never be trully happy. When we want something or someone and get it/them. We look for something on the higher shelve and want that. We'll always be trying to exceed our own bookcase even though we should be happy reaching from the floor.
Life isn't bliss. But I wish mine was.
Joby
I should be happy at the moment, I have come from a crap*(*insert swear word) few years and now I have finally started to enjoy life and everything (well to some extent). Yet, I find myself in moods of unhappiness? Memories haunt me as if they were ever present shadows that appear when and where they feel like it. Its getting to me now.
I have just finished my first ever main filming project, that has got some great reviews and I am now working on the interactive DVD (which many of you shall receive). I have a great part-time job selling video games. I mean... nniiiaaooowwww brilliant. I am nearing the end of my college year, I have a trip to Canada in 2 weeks and I am on target for the grades I need (I hope I get them) to progress to Uni (although I am deferring for a year).
Life couldn't be much better?!! Surely?
Well yes, it could. It seems all those positives are being bullied and kicked in the face by the negatives.
My family is a mess, most of them individually are ok (my dad rules) but well.. everything is everywhere. Which hurts like crap.
What seems to be hurting the most though, is feeling alone.
'Feeling alone? What do you mean!'
I mean, being in the company of so many others but still feeling hollow, still feeling black and empty. Feeling numb.
Its not Floyd comfortably numb either, its numb which gets me down. I also think I know what it is! Its not being able to share my stuff with someone on a physcical and emotional level. I have told bits of my past on here sure... but only in bits. Whenever I try and open up to a girl she'll understand and then only want to be friends, or just let me fall for her and back away. I have had enough of playing with the opposite, I want to be apart now as well.
Thats my theory anyways: You can never have everything, never be trully happy. When we want something or someone and get it/them. We look for something on the higher shelve and want that. We'll always be trying to exceed our own bookcase even though we should be happy reaching from the floor.
Life isn't bliss. But I wish mine was.
Joby