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"The Jedi Guide to Clubbing"

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Mon 17/03/03 at 18:41
Regular
Posts: 787
Jedi's beware! Clubbing can be a very dangerous past-time, so should you need to go into a club for any reason, please study this guide that will prepare you for all circumstances that could possibly occur.

Even getting into the club can be fraught with danger, as you will have to get past the bouncers. The typical attire of a Jedi is not something that would usually be allowed in a club. There are two types of bouncer, and which you are faced with will determine whether you will make it into the club or not.

The first type will be wearing a suit, and have his hair slicked back into a ponytail. With this type it is possible to get in using Jedi mind tricks. "My name is down. I am going in" Will usually be sufficient, though "Your footwear is fine" may also be required.

The second type of bouncer will be more difficult. He will be as wide as he is tall, his shirt collar undone, unable to reach around his huge neck, knuckles scraping along the ground. Remember, just because he looks like an ape, it doesn't mean that he has the intelligence of one. Mind tricks will not work on his as it processes much too slowly. By the time the command reaches his brain, he would more than likely already thrown you across the street. In order to get past this bouncer, put your hood up, and wait behind a group of good looking girls. Whilst the dumb bouncer is flirting with these you will be able to sneak in.

Once inside take a moment to become familiar with your surroundings. Take a good look at the dance floor. Do you see all of those youngsters bearing light sabres? Do not be fooled, these are not youthful Jedi's, but people with glo' sticks. These glo' sticks are not dangerous, so you have no need to protect yourself from them. You can use your light sabre as a glo' stick, should you desire a little attention on the dance floor, but first it would be wise to visit the bar.

At the bar you may be tempted to purchase a beer. Do not do this. Beer is the path to the dark side. Beer leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate, leads to suffering. Remember that The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together. It can be found in many of the exotic cocktails available from the bar.

Take a good look at the colour of these cocktails. They work in a similar way to the colour of the light sabre, so be wary of anyone drinking anything red. Beware of the Dark Side, the alcopops. If once you start down the dark path, forever it will dominate your destiny, until you find yourself eating a kebab and throwing up in an alley outside.

Remember, a Jedi can feel The Force flowing through him, more so after a few cocktails. Now is the time to hit the dance floor. Do not copy the dance moves that the others have engaged in, who is the more foolish, the fool or the fool that follows him? The ability to dance is insignificant next to the power of the Force. Let The Force move your body to the music.

Should you so desire you can clear yourself a space on the dance floor, using The Force to hold back other dancers. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defence, never for attack. Dance is another acceptable use of The Force.

With these tips go forth and enjoy your clubbing experience and remember The Force will be with you, always.
Thu 20/03/03 at 23:13
Regular
"not dead"
Posts: 11,145
That's right, I rule.

Cheers SR. ;o)

(Not a deliberate POP, I wouldn't have fone it if it weren't already near the top :op )
Thu 20/03/03 at 22:23
Regular
"Brrrrr."
Posts: 1,864
Unbeliever wrote:
> I love these Jedi guides!
>
> "Do not be fooled, these are not youthful Jedi's, but people with
> glo' sticks."
>
> Heh heh!

Lol!
Tue 18/03/03 at 08:50
Regular
"Brownium Motion"
Posts: 4,100
I love these Jedi guides!

"Do not be fooled, these are not youthful Jedi's, but people with glo' sticks."

Heh heh!
Mon 17/03/03 at 19:19
Regular
"Chavez, just hush.."
Posts: 11,080
Hah!

Beer leads to....

Yup, that's very clever...
Mon 17/03/03 at 19:13
Regular
"Being Ignorant"
Posts: 2,574
Good read that, Meka Dragon.
Mon 17/03/03 at 19:02
Regular
"bing bang bong"
Posts: 3,040
> Beer leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate, leads to suffering.

Classic
Mon 17/03/03 at 18:41
Regular
"not dead"
Posts: 11,145
Jedi's beware! Clubbing can be a very dangerous past-time, so should you need to go into a club for any reason, please study this guide that will prepare you for all circumstances that could possibly occur.

Even getting into the club can be fraught with danger, as you will have to get past the bouncers. The typical attire of a Jedi is not something that would usually be allowed in a club. There are two types of bouncer, and which you are faced with will determine whether you will make it into the club or not.

The first type will be wearing a suit, and have his hair slicked back into a ponytail. With this type it is possible to get in using Jedi mind tricks. "My name is down. I am going in" Will usually be sufficient, though "Your footwear is fine" may also be required.

The second type of bouncer will be more difficult. He will be as wide as he is tall, his shirt collar undone, unable to reach around his huge neck, knuckles scraping along the ground. Remember, just because he looks like an ape, it doesn't mean that he has the intelligence of one. Mind tricks will not work on his as it processes much too slowly. By the time the command reaches his brain, he would more than likely already thrown you across the street. In order to get past this bouncer, put your hood up, and wait behind a group of good looking girls. Whilst the dumb bouncer is flirting with these you will be able to sneak in.

Once inside take a moment to become familiar with your surroundings. Take a good look at the dance floor. Do you see all of those youngsters bearing light sabres? Do not be fooled, these are not youthful Jedi's, but people with glo' sticks. These glo' sticks are not dangerous, so you have no need to protect yourself from them. You can use your light sabre as a glo' stick, should you desire a little attention on the dance floor, but first it would be wise to visit the bar.

At the bar you may be tempted to purchase a beer. Do not do this. Beer is the path to the dark side. Beer leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate, leads to suffering. Remember that The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together. It can be found in many of the exotic cocktails available from the bar.

Take a good look at the colour of these cocktails. They work in a similar way to the colour of the light sabre, so be wary of anyone drinking anything red. Beware of the Dark Side, the alcopops. If once you start down the dark path, forever it will dominate your destiny, until you find yourself eating a kebab and throwing up in an alley outside.

Remember, a Jedi can feel The Force flowing through him, more so after a few cocktails. Now is the time to hit the dance floor. Do not copy the dance moves that the others have engaged in, who is the more foolish, the fool or the fool that follows him? The ability to dance is insignificant next to the power of the Force. Let The Force move your body to the music.

Should you so desire you can clear yourself a space on the dance floor, using The Force to hold back other dancers. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defence, never for attack. Dance is another acceptable use of The Force.

With these tips go forth and enjoy your clubbing experience and remember The Force will be with you, always.

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