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When you first meet Frank Guzzleburger, he appears to be a badly dressed, lonely and insignificant man. However his frail body belies the sheer gastronomic propensity he has for eating take-aways. He is a phenomenon and has gorged his way through a staggering 155 cholesterol laden take-aways in the last 3 years.
“The madness started several years ago”, quiped the Guzzmeister, he continued “one Friday night I was ravenous and had nothing in the bedsit to eat, so I though to myself, why not live a little and purchase a ready cooked meal for immediate consumption off the premises from whence the purchase occurred? I just knew that to achieve this I’d have to get a take-away or simply order some food at a restaurant and run off with the laden plate when it arrived”.
When asked how he chose which sort of take-away to consume, he replied curtly “well we do live in a highly technologically advanced society and I spent several hours at the local internet café, Ishmael’s kebab and click, deciding upon what to have. In the end I decided to have a Donner Kebab with sauce au Chilli. I don’t know why I chose it but it just came to me, I think someone had it knocked out of their hand in a punch up”.
Guzzleburger takes the concept of fast food seriously and has drawn up a rigid rota to ensure that he never has the same take-away twice in a row. Also he has changed his hectic lifestyle to ensure that he finds ample time to gulp down his newly found passion. He claims that “I used to work until 5pm on Friday nights but now I finish at 4:45pm. This allows me an extra 15 minutes, though if the traffic is bad, 14”.
When questioned about the possible health implications of his one-man eatingathonaring, he was remarkable blasé about the whole affair and even shrugged his shoulders in apathy, or possibly confusion. We then pointed out to him that he has eaten enough fried food in the last three years to fill a medium sized kid’s paddling pool with grease, or fly to the Azores and back if the calories were somehow converted into air-miles.
This shocked him as badly as the time he received a fine from the library for an overdue book, though he protests that he was mislead regarding the due date. “No one wants to spend 30 days reading a book on North American postal codes, 29 days is quite sufficient, I blame the assistant who treated the initial transaction with disdain, almost like she was bored of the whole mundane routine”.
When our time with Guzzleburger was nearly at an end we joked that it may be cheaper for him to buy KFC outright, than to continue to buy their food from them on an individual basis. His reply summarises the man, “I simply don’t have the ability to formalise a multi-Billion dollar deal and even If I could, I’m not sure if the market is stable enough to warrant such take-over. I could possibly afford a small chip shop or a burger van but that…..”
And so as we ran, the forlorn figure of Guzzleburger stood motionless, his T-shirt with Kali, the World Eater emblazoned on it, seemed to sag a little and soon he was but a figure disappearing in distance and in time.
“The madness started several years ago”, quiped the Guzzmeister, he continued “one Friday night I was ravenous and had nothing in the bedsit to eat, so I though to myself, why not live a little and purchase a ready cooked meal for immediate consumption off the premises from whence the purchase occurred? I just knew that to achieve this I’d have to get a take-away or simply order some food at a restaurant and run off with the laden plate when it arrived”.
When asked how he chose which sort of take-away to consume, he replied curtly “well we do live in a highly technologically advanced society and I spent several hours at the local internet café, Ishmael’s kebab and click, deciding upon what to have. In the end I decided to have a Donner Kebab with sauce au Chilli. I don’t know why I chose it but it just came to me, I think someone had it knocked out of their hand in a punch up”.
Guzzleburger takes the concept of fast food seriously and has drawn up a rigid rota to ensure that he never has the same take-away twice in a row. Also he has changed his hectic lifestyle to ensure that he finds ample time to gulp down his newly found passion. He claims that “I used to work until 5pm on Friday nights but now I finish at 4:45pm. This allows me an extra 15 minutes, though if the traffic is bad, 14”.
When questioned about the possible health implications of his one-man eatingathonaring, he was remarkable blasé about the whole affair and even shrugged his shoulders in apathy, or possibly confusion. We then pointed out to him that he has eaten enough fried food in the last three years to fill a medium sized kid’s paddling pool with grease, or fly to the Azores and back if the calories were somehow converted into air-miles.
This shocked him as badly as the time he received a fine from the library for an overdue book, though he protests that he was mislead regarding the due date. “No one wants to spend 30 days reading a book on North American postal codes, 29 days is quite sufficient, I blame the assistant who treated the initial transaction with disdain, almost like she was bored of the whole mundane routine”.
When our time with Guzzleburger was nearly at an end we joked that it may be cheaper for him to buy KFC outright, than to continue to buy their food from them on an individual basis. His reply summarises the man, “I simply don’t have the ability to formalise a multi-Billion dollar deal and even If I could, I’m not sure if the market is stable enough to warrant such take-over. I could possibly afford a small chip shop or a burger van but that…..”
And so as we ran, the forlorn figure of Guzzleburger stood motionless, his T-shirt with Kali, the World Eater emblazoned on it, seemed to sag a little and soon he was but a figure disappearing in distance and in time.
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When you first meet Frank Guzzleburger, he appears to be a badly dressed, lonely and insignificant man. However his frail body belies the sheer gastronomic propensity he has for eating take-aways. He is a phenomenon and has gorged his way through a staggering 155 cholesterol laden take-aways in the last 3 years.
“The madness started several years ago”, quiped the Guzzmeister, he continued “one Friday night I was ravenous and had nothing in the bedsit to eat, so I though to myself, why not live a little and purchase a ready cooked meal for immediate consumption off the premises from whence the purchase occurred? I just knew that to achieve this I’d have to get a take-away or simply order some food at a restaurant and run off with the laden plate when it arrived”.
When asked how he chose which sort of take-away to consume, he replied curtly “well we do live in a highly technologically advanced society and I spent several hours at the local internet café, Ishmael’s kebab and click, deciding upon what to have. In the end I decided to have a Donner Kebab with sauce au Chilli. I don’t know why I chose it but it just came to me, I think someone had it knocked out of their hand in a punch up”.
Guzzleburger takes the concept of fast food seriously and has drawn up a rigid rota to ensure that he never has the same take-away twice in a row. Also he has changed his hectic lifestyle to ensure that he finds ample time to gulp down his newly found passion. He claims that “I used to work until 5pm on Friday nights but now I finish at 4:45pm. This allows me an extra 15 minutes, though if the traffic is bad, 14”.
When questioned about the possible health implications of his one-man eatingathonaring, he was remarkable blasé about the whole affair and even shrugged his shoulders in apathy, or possibly confusion. We then pointed out to him that he has eaten enough fried food in the last three years to fill a medium sized kid’s paddling pool with grease, or fly to the Azores and back if the calories were somehow converted into air-miles.
This shocked him as badly as the time he received a fine from the library for an overdue book, though he protests that he was mislead regarding the due date. “No one wants to spend 30 days reading a book on North American postal codes, 29 days is quite sufficient, I blame the assistant who treated the initial transaction with disdain, almost like she was bored of the whole mundane routine”.
When our time with Guzzleburger was nearly at an end we joked that it may be cheaper for him to buy KFC outright, than to continue to buy their food from them on an individual basis. His reply summarises the man, “I simply don’t have the ability to formalise a multi-Billion dollar deal and even If I could, I’m not sure if the market is stable enough to warrant such take-over. I could possibly afford a small chip shop or a burger van but that…..”
And so as we ran, the forlorn figure of Guzzleburger stood motionless, his T-shirt with Kali, the World Eater emblazoned on it, seemed to sag a little and soon he was but a figure disappearing in distance and in time.
“The madness started several years ago”, quiped the Guzzmeister, he continued “one Friday night I was ravenous and had nothing in the bedsit to eat, so I though to myself, why not live a little and purchase a ready cooked meal for immediate consumption off the premises from whence the purchase occurred? I just knew that to achieve this I’d have to get a take-away or simply order some food at a restaurant and run off with the laden plate when it arrived”.
When asked how he chose which sort of take-away to consume, he replied curtly “well we do live in a highly technologically advanced society and I spent several hours at the local internet café, Ishmael’s kebab and click, deciding upon what to have. In the end I decided to have a Donner Kebab with sauce au Chilli. I don’t know why I chose it but it just came to me, I think someone had it knocked out of their hand in a punch up”.
Guzzleburger takes the concept of fast food seriously and has drawn up a rigid rota to ensure that he never has the same take-away twice in a row. Also he has changed his hectic lifestyle to ensure that he finds ample time to gulp down his newly found passion. He claims that “I used to work until 5pm on Friday nights but now I finish at 4:45pm. This allows me an extra 15 minutes, though if the traffic is bad, 14”.
When questioned about the possible health implications of his one-man eatingathonaring, he was remarkable blasé about the whole affair and even shrugged his shoulders in apathy, or possibly confusion. We then pointed out to him that he has eaten enough fried food in the last three years to fill a medium sized kid’s paddling pool with grease, or fly to the Azores and back if the calories were somehow converted into air-miles.
This shocked him as badly as the time he received a fine from the library for an overdue book, though he protests that he was mislead regarding the due date. “No one wants to spend 30 days reading a book on North American postal codes, 29 days is quite sufficient, I blame the assistant who treated the initial transaction with disdain, almost like she was bored of the whole mundane routine”.
When our time with Guzzleburger was nearly at an end we joked that it may be cheaper for him to buy KFC outright, than to continue to buy their food from them on an individual basis. His reply summarises the man, “I simply don’t have the ability to formalise a multi-Billion dollar deal and even If I could, I’m not sure if the market is stable enough to warrant such take-over. I could possibly afford a small chip shop or a burger van but that…..”
And so as we ran, the forlorn figure of Guzzleburger stood motionless, his T-shirt with Kali, the World Eater emblazoned on it, seemed to sag a little and soon he was but a figure disappearing in distance and in time.