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Welcome to part 2 of the Henchman’s Survival Guide book, the handbook for henchman and henchwannabe’s. If you followed the advice in part 1 you should now have a string of interviews lined up. With this guide you need not have fear of the interview situation as we shall take you through every aspect to ensure that not only you appear to be the right person for the job, but that the job is right for you.
First of all, how were you invited for interview? If you were invited personally by the evil crime lord, think twice before progressing any further. Would a successful crime lord really have time to call potential henchman in person? Perhaps if it was a start up evil empire, then yes, but in which case you have to check that his (or her, there are a small number of highly reputable female big bosses) ambition matches your own. Do you want to take over the world, or just a corner of the market?
If you received a formal letter from the evil organisation, take a good look at it. Do they have a human resources department? Is it signed on behalf of the crime lord? If so, chances are that you have an interview with an empire that already has some footing in the world of evil.
Of course, you should have done your homework on the organisation before even applying, so we’ll leave this behind now, and assume that this is a real evil empire that you have an interview with.
First impressions count. It’s an old saying, but it’s very true. If you turn up to the interview dressed smartly, then the interviewer will see this. When they see you, they have to think ‘henchman’. If they see you and think ‘accountant’ or ‘estate agent’ then you won’t be selected, and this is before you’ve even opened your mouth. When it comes to attire there is only one way to ensure that you’ll pass this test, and that’s to wear the proper henchman colours of this particular organisation.
There is only one way to find out for sure what this colour is, and that is to see a henchman dressed for work. Unfortunately many evil organisations are based in remote location, inside volcanos and behind waterfalls. Unless you can afford a costly charter flight to a hidden island, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to see it in person. Luckily henchman do get time off. Once you know where the empire is based you’ll have an idea of where to look. Note that this place is unlikely to be where the interview will take place. The interview will often take place at the legitimate front for the evil side of the business, but look again at that letter. Chances are that head office address will be on there somewhere.
Once you have this, go to the nearest small airfield to this location and keep a close eye on aircraft coming in bearing the logo of the evil organisation. Once a henchman gets off, you’ll get a clear shot of his uniform, and know what colour to wear. You may also spot henchmen lugging boxes in aircraft hangers on the site should you find yourself waiting too long, but what guarantee do you have that these are the right henchmen?
If you have no idea what the colour is, just go for orange, as this is most often the colour of choice of an evil genius.
Once you’re past this hurdle you can be expected to be bombarded with questions, but again the Henchman’s Handbook will have you prepared for this will our helpful Q&A.
Q: Whilst shifting boxes in a remote part of a warehouse you are confronted by a secret agent. What do you do?
A: Stare at him for a couple of seconds, giving him time to approach me, then when he is almost upon me, reach for the alarm. Let him knock me out before I can set it off.
Q: Give one reason why all of your clothes must be fastened only with velcro.
A: To enable somebody that is attempting to overthrow the evil empire to undress me quickly after knocking me out, so that they can disguise themselves as a henchman.
Q: Armed with a gun, you see an intruder, where do you shoot them?
A: Two feet to the left, followed by a shot over the head, then at a crate at their feet. Should they not have shot and killed me by this point, I can feebly throw the gun towards them.
Q: When thrown through a window, how should you react?
A: A minimum of two somersaults, and a blood curdling scream.
Q: You are with three fellow henchpersons when you see a super-hero fly through a window, and land nearby, how do you react?
A: As a group approach the super-hero, then circle him, attacking one at a time, only once the super-hero has finished defeating his previous attacker, as well as had time to deliver a corny one-liner.
Q: Our evil leader has captured his arch nemesis and placed him in a slow working trap. You have been asked to keep guard. How would you do this?
A: Never look at the trap. Fall to a chop to the shoulder once the good guy has escaped, as he will have no weapon. Make sure I have a powerful weapon to be stolen
Q: Our evil villain is upset that you let his archenemy escape. When called to his office, where do you stand?
A: As an employee of I would know of the shark pit, possibly having been involved in the feeding of the sharks, or removal of bones from the pit. As such I would stand right on the hatch, and act surprised when it opened, allowing me to fall to a messy end.
Whilst other question may crop up during the interview, it’s likely are that they will be based on the above, or will not be the really important questions that will make or break your chances of getting this job.
Once you are through being questioned you will be given the opportunity to ask questions yourself. Should you remain silent at this point it will look like you don’t really want the job. Here is a list of questions that you should consider using to not only make yourself look good, but also to get some more information on exactly what your job will entail, and where it may lead.
Q1: Will there be opportunities for space travel in this job?
Q2: Should I lose a limb defending our dastardly leader, will it be replaced with a spike, or unfolding gun unit?
Q3: Will this boost my chances of promotion to side-kick, or right-hand man?
Q4: Will Bad Marksmanship training be available?
Q5: When we take over the world, will our holiday entitlement be increased?
Q6: Will the pension plan pay out to my widow in the result of my death?
Once that the questions are out of the way from both parties, the interview may come to an end, or you may have to go on to some kind of aptitude testing, or psychoanalysis. Should the interview be terminated at this point remember to ask when you can expect to hear from them, thank them for their time, and leave promptly, perhaps tumbling acrobatically on a step on the way.
Aptitude testing could take a number of forms, it may be simply being sat in a room, and watch to see how you react to various occurrences, such as a high pitch whining noise, or filling the room with gas. You may have to fill out a questionnaire, with questions that don’t seem relevant. There will be more to these questions than meets the eye though. They will be testing your personality, make sure that you are evil enough to be a henchman, and not an undercover agent trying to infiltrate their organisation. A typical question may be:
You are driving along a country lane when you see a rabbit in the road do you:
A) Swerve away from the rabbit.
B) Keep going, if it’s stupid enough not to move.
C) Swerve and try to hit it.
D) Stop the car, pull out a gun, and shoot it, take it’s skull, and wear it as a charm.
In this case ‘C’ would be the best answer. ‘D’ makes it look like you’re either trying too hard, or would be in competition with the evil leader, trying to take over the organisation from the inside. ‘A’ and ‘B’ are not bad enough for a potential henchman.
Other forms of testing may include:
Shooting tests, in which you should miss the target, and perhaps take out the light, plunging the room into darkness.
Observation tests, in which you should fail to spot government agents sneaking past.
Combat, in which you must signal your punches clearly before throwing them.
Trap construction, in which aesthetics are much more important than them actually killing anyone.
Falling, which you must do with as much noise as possible.
Once these tests are over it’s is unlikely that you will be told whether you have passed interview or not, though you should have some idea of how well you have done. Rather than pester the interviewers about this it is best to offer a firm handshake, and say that you look forward to hearing from them.
Once it’s all over the situation is well and truly out of your hands, but if you follow this advice then you’ll be at least on the ‘consider’ pile. Waiting can be very difficult, so don’t just sit by the phone, get on with the next application form, or prepare for the next interview. If they want you, you’ll hear soon enough, if not don’t worry, learn from the experience, and remember that it’s their loss. Keep on following the rules, and you’ll be a henchman soon enough.
Once you get that job you’ll have to keep an eye out for part 3 that will take you through the early days as a henchman, how to tell who the bosses right-hand men are, how to make that base your home, and much, much more.
First of all, how were you invited for interview? If you were invited personally by the evil crime lord, think twice before progressing any further. Would a successful crime lord really have time to call potential henchman in person? Perhaps if it was a start up evil empire, then yes, but in which case you have to check that his (or her, there are a small number of highly reputable female big bosses) ambition matches your own. Do you want to take over the world, or just a corner of the market?
If you received a formal letter from the evil organisation, take a good look at it. Do they have a human resources department? Is it signed on behalf of the crime lord? If so, chances are that you have an interview with an empire that already has some footing in the world of evil.
Of course, you should have done your homework on the organisation before even applying, so we’ll leave this behind now, and assume that this is a real evil empire that you have an interview with.
First impressions count. It’s an old saying, but it’s very true. If you turn up to the interview dressed smartly, then the interviewer will see this. When they see you, they have to think ‘henchman’. If they see you and think ‘accountant’ or ‘estate agent’ then you won’t be selected, and this is before you’ve even opened your mouth. When it comes to attire there is only one way to ensure that you’ll pass this test, and that’s to wear the proper henchman colours of this particular organisation.
There is only one way to find out for sure what this colour is, and that is to see a henchman dressed for work. Unfortunately many evil organisations are based in remote location, inside volcanos and behind waterfalls. Unless you can afford a costly charter flight to a hidden island, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to see it in person. Luckily henchman do get time off. Once you know where the empire is based you’ll have an idea of where to look. Note that this place is unlikely to be where the interview will take place. The interview will often take place at the legitimate front for the evil side of the business, but look again at that letter. Chances are that head office address will be on there somewhere.
Once you have this, go to the nearest small airfield to this location and keep a close eye on aircraft coming in bearing the logo of the evil organisation. Once a henchman gets off, you’ll get a clear shot of his uniform, and know what colour to wear. You may also spot henchmen lugging boxes in aircraft hangers on the site should you find yourself waiting too long, but what guarantee do you have that these are the right henchmen?
If you have no idea what the colour is, just go for orange, as this is most often the colour of choice of an evil genius.
Once you’re past this hurdle you can be expected to be bombarded with questions, but again the Henchman’s Handbook will have you prepared for this will our helpful Q&A.
Q: Whilst shifting boxes in a remote part of a warehouse you are confronted by a secret agent. What do you do?
A: Stare at him for a couple of seconds, giving him time to approach me, then when he is almost upon me, reach for the alarm. Let him knock me out before I can set it off.
Q: Give one reason why all of your clothes must be fastened only with velcro.
A: To enable somebody that is attempting to overthrow the evil empire to undress me quickly after knocking me out, so that they can disguise themselves as a henchman.
Q: Armed with a gun, you see an intruder, where do you shoot them?
A: Two feet to the left, followed by a shot over the head, then at a crate at their feet. Should they not have shot and killed me by this point, I can feebly throw the gun towards them.
Q: When thrown through a window, how should you react?
A: A minimum of two somersaults, and a blood curdling scream.
Q: You are with three fellow henchpersons when you see a super-hero fly through a window, and land nearby, how do you react?
A: As a group approach the super-hero, then circle him, attacking one at a time, only once the super-hero has finished defeating his previous attacker, as well as had time to deliver a corny one-liner.
Q: Our evil leader has captured his arch nemesis and placed him in a slow working trap. You have been asked to keep guard. How would you do this?
A: Never look at the trap. Fall to a chop to the shoulder once the good guy has escaped, as he will have no weapon. Make sure I have a powerful weapon to be stolen
Q: Our evil villain is upset that you let his archenemy escape. When called to his office, where do you stand?
A: As an employee of
Whilst other question may crop up during the interview, it’s likely are that they will be based on the above, or will not be the really important questions that will make or break your chances of getting this job.
Once you are through being questioned you will be given the opportunity to ask questions yourself. Should you remain silent at this point it will look like you don’t really want the job. Here is a list of questions that you should consider using to not only make yourself look good, but also to get some more information on exactly what your job will entail, and where it may lead.
Q1: Will there be opportunities for space travel in this job?
Q2: Should I lose a limb defending our dastardly leader, will it be replaced with a spike, or unfolding gun unit?
Q3: Will this boost my chances of promotion to side-kick, or right-hand man?
Q4: Will Bad Marksmanship training be available?
Q5: When we take over the world, will our holiday entitlement be increased?
Q6: Will the pension plan pay out to my widow in the result of my death?
Once that the questions are out of the way from both parties, the interview may come to an end, or you may have to go on to some kind of aptitude testing, or psychoanalysis. Should the interview be terminated at this point remember to ask when you can expect to hear from them, thank them for their time, and leave promptly, perhaps tumbling acrobatically on a step on the way.
Aptitude testing could take a number of forms, it may be simply being sat in a room, and watch to see how you react to various occurrences, such as a high pitch whining noise, or filling the room with gas. You may have to fill out a questionnaire, with questions that don’t seem relevant. There will be more to these questions than meets the eye though. They will be testing your personality, make sure that you are evil enough to be a henchman, and not an undercover agent trying to infiltrate their organisation. A typical question may be:
You are driving along a country lane when you see a rabbit in the road do you:
A) Swerve away from the rabbit.
B) Keep going, if it’s stupid enough not to move.
C) Swerve and try to hit it.
D) Stop the car, pull out a gun, and shoot it, take it’s skull, and wear it as a charm.
In this case ‘C’ would be the best answer. ‘D’ makes it look like you’re either trying too hard, or would be in competition with the evil leader, trying to take over the organisation from the inside. ‘A’ and ‘B’ are not bad enough for a potential henchman.
Other forms of testing may include:
Shooting tests, in which you should miss the target, and perhaps take out the light, plunging the room into darkness.
Observation tests, in which you should fail to spot government agents sneaking past.
Combat, in which you must signal your punches clearly before throwing them.
Trap construction, in which aesthetics are much more important than them actually killing anyone.
Falling, which you must do with as much noise as possible.
Once these tests are over it’s is unlikely that you will be told whether you have passed interview or not, though you should have some idea of how well you have done. Rather than pester the interviewers about this it is best to offer a firm handshake, and say that you look forward to hearing from them.
Once it’s all over the situation is well and truly out of your hands, but if you follow this advice then you’ll be at least on the ‘consider’ pile. Waiting can be very difficult, so don’t just sit by the phone, get on with the next application form, or prepare for the next interview. If they want you, you’ll hear soon enough, if not don’t worry, learn from the experience, and remember that it’s their loss. Keep on following the rules, and you’ll be a henchman soon enough.
Once you get that job you’ll have to keep an eye out for part 3 that will take you through the early days as a henchman, how to tell who the bosses right-hand men are, how to make that base your home, and much, much more.
Mr Snuggly wrote:
> Excellent, as always. You really should think of making a short film
> on this, perhaps set as a cheesy self-help video.
>
> "Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help
> videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid!'"
Cheers. :o)
BBC talent are currently running a comp for the script for a short sketch. I'm thinking of something like this for it, self help for the wannabe henchman.
If you looking for details it's:
www.bbc.co.uk/talent under new comedy or something.
> Excellent, as always. You really should think of making a short film
> on this, perhaps set as a cheesy self-help video.
>
> "Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help
> videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid!'"
Cheers. :o)
BBC talent are currently running a comp for the script for a short sketch. I'm thinking of something like this for it, self help for the wannabe henchman.
If you looking for details it's:
www.bbc.co.uk/talent under new comedy or something.
How long till El Blokey steals this idea again?
Excellent, as always. You really should think of making a short film on this, perhaps set as a cheesy self-help video.
"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid!'"
"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confident, Stupid!'"
Welcome to part 2 of the Henchman’s Survival Guide book, the handbook for henchman and henchwannabe’s. If you followed the advice in part 1 you should now have a string of interviews lined up. With this guide you need not have fear of the interview situation as we shall take you through every aspect to ensure that not only you appear to be the right person for the job, but that the job is right for you.
First of all, how were you invited for interview? If you were invited personally by the evil crime lord, think twice before progressing any further. Would a successful crime lord really have time to call potential henchman in person? Perhaps if it was a start up evil empire, then yes, but in which case you have to check that his (or her, there are a small number of highly reputable female big bosses) ambition matches your own. Do you want to take over the world, or just a corner of the market?
If you received a formal letter from the evil organisation, take a good look at it. Do they have a human resources department? Is it signed on behalf of the crime lord? If so, chances are that you have an interview with an empire that already has some footing in the world of evil.
Of course, you should have done your homework on the organisation before even applying, so we’ll leave this behind now, and assume that this is a real evil empire that you have an interview with.
First impressions count. It’s an old saying, but it’s very true. If you turn up to the interview dressed smartly, then the interviewer will see this. When they see you, they have to think ‘henchman’. If they see you and think ‘accountant’ or ‘estate agent’ then you won’t be selected, and this is before you’ve even opened your mouth. When it comes to attire there is only one way to ensure that you’ll pass this test, and that’s to wear the proper henchman colours of this particular organisation.
There is only one way to find out for sure what this colour is, and that is to see a henchman dressed for work. Unfortunately many evil organisations are based in remote location, inside volcanos and behind waterfalls. Unless you can afford a costly charter flight to a hidden island, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to see it in person. Luckily henchman do get time off. Once you know where the empire is based you’ll have an idea of where to look. Note that this place is unlikely to be where the interview will take place. The interview will often take place at the legitimate front for the evil side of the business, but look again at that letter. Chances are that head office address will be on there somewhere.
Once you have this, go to the nearest small airfield to this location and keep a close eye on aircraft coming in bearing the logo of the evil organisation. Once a henchman gets off, you’ll get a clear shot of his uniform, and know what colour to wear. You may also spot henchmen lugging boxes in aircraft hangers on the site should you find yourself waiting too long, but what guarantee do you have that these are the right henchmen?
If you have no idea what the colour is, just go for orange, as this is most often the colour of choice of an evil genius.
Once you’re past this hurdle you can be expected to be bombarded with questions, but again the Henchman’s Handbook will have you prepared for this will our helpful Q&A.
Q: Whilst shifting boxes in a remote part of a warehouse you are confronted by a secret agent. What do you do?
A: Stare at him for a couple of seconds, giving him time to approach me, then when he is almost upon me, reach for the alarm. Let him knock me out before I can set it off.
Q: Give one reason why all of your clothes must be fastened only with velcro.
A: To enable somebody that is attempting to overthrow the evil empire to undress me quickly after knocking me out, so that they can disguise themselves as a henchman.
Q: Armed with a gun, you see an intruder, where do you shoot them?
A: Two feet to the left, followed by a shot over the head, then at a crate at their feet. Should they not have shot and killed me by this point, I can feebly throw the gun towards them.
Q: When thrown through a window, how should you react?
A: A minimum of two somersaults, and a blood curdling scream.
Q: You are with three fellow henchpersons when you see a super-hero fly through a window, and land nearby, how do you react?
A: As a group approach the super-hero, then circle him, attacking one at a time, only once the super-hero has finished defeating his previous attacker, as well as had time to deliver a corny one-liner.
Q: Our evil leader has captured his arch nemesis and placed him in a slow working trap. You have been asked to keep guard. How would you do this?
A: Never look at the trap. Fall to a chop to the shoulder once the good guy has escaped, as he will have no weapon. Make sure I have a powerful weapon to be stolen
Q: Our evil villain is upset that you let his archenemy escape. When called to his office, where do you stand?
A: As an employee of I would know of the shark pit, possibly having been involved in the feeding of the sharks, or removal of bones from the pit. As such I would stand right on the hatch, and act surprised when it opened, allowing me to fall to a messy end.
Whilst other question may crop up during the interview, it’s likely are that they will be based on the above, or will not be the really important questions that will make or break your chances of getting this job.
Once you are through being questioned you will be given the opportunity to ask questions yourself. Should you remain silent at this point it will look like you don’t really want the job. Here is a list of questions that you should consider using to not only make yourself look good, but also to get some more information on exactly what your job will entail, and where it may lead.
Q1: Will there be opportunities for space travel in this job?
Q2: Should I lose a limb defending our dastardly leader, will it be replaced with a spike, or unfolding gun unit?
Q3: Will this boost my chances of promotion to side-kick, or right-hand man?
Q4: Will Bad Marksmanship training be available?
Q5: When we take over the world, will our holiday entitlement be increased?
Q6: Will the pension plan pay out to my widow in the result of my death?
Once that the questions are out of the way from both parties, the interview may come to an end, or you may have to go on to some kind of aptitude testing, or psychoanalysis. Should the interview be terminated at this point remember to ask when you can expect to hear from them, thank them for their time, and leave promptly, perhaps tumbling acrobatically on a step on the way.
Aptitude testing could take a number of forms, it may be simply being sat in a room, and watch to see how you react to various occurrences, such as a high pitch whining noise, or filling the room with gas. You may have to fill out a questionnaire, with questions that don’t seem relevant. There will be more to these questions than meets the eye though. They will be testing your personality, make sure that you are evil enough to be a henchman, and not an undercover agent trying to infiltrate their organisation. A typical question may be:
You are driving along a country lane when you see a rabbit in the road do you:
A) Swerve away from the rabbit.
B) Keep going, if it’s stupid enough not to move.
C) Swerve and try to hit it.
D) Stop the car, pull out a gun, and shoot it, take it’s skull, and wear it as a charm.
In this case ‘C’ would be the best answer. ‘D’ makes it look like you’re either trying too hard, or would be in competition with the evil leader, trying to take over the organisation from the inside. ‘A’ and ‘B’ are not bad enough for a potential henchman.
Other forms of testing may include:
Shooting tests, in which you should miss the target, and perhaps take out the light, plunging the room into darkness.
Observation tests, in which you should fail to spot government agents sneaking past.
Combat, in which you must signal your punches clearly before throwing them.
Trap construction, in which aesthetics are much more important than them actually killing anyone.
Falling, which you must do with as much noise as possible.
Once these tests are over it’s is unlikely that you will be told whether you have passed interview or not, though you should have some idea of how well you have done. Rather than pester the interviewers about this it is best to offer a firm handshake, and say that you look forward to hearing from them.
Once it’s all over the situation is well and truly out of your hands, but if you follow this advice then you’ll be at least on the ‘consider’ pile. Waiting can be very difficult, so don’t just sit by the phone, get on with the next application form, or prepare for the next interview. If they want you, you’ll hear soon enough, if not don’t worry, learn from the experience, and remember that it’s their loss. Keep on following the rules, and you’ll be a henchman soon enough.
Once you get that job you’ll have to keep an eye out for part 3 that will take you through the early days as a henchman, how to tell who the bosses right-hand men are, how to make that base your home, and much, much more.
First of all, how were you invited for interview? If you were invited personally by the evil crime lord, think twice before progressing any further. Would a successful crime lord really have time to call potential henchman in person? Perhaps if it was a start up evil empire, then yes, but in which case you have to check that his (or her, there are a small number of highly reputable female big bosses) ambition matches your own. Do you want to take over the world, or just a corner of the market?
If you received a formal letter from the evil organisation, take a good look at it. Do they have a human resources department? Is it signed on behalf of the crime lord? If so, chances are that you have an interview with an empire that already has some footing in the world of evil.
Of course, you should have done your homework on the organisation before even applying, so we’ll leave this behind now, and assume that this is a real evil empire that you have an interview with.
First impressions count. It’s an old saying, but it’s very true. If you turn up to the interview dressed smartly, then the interviewer will see this. When they see you, they have to think ‘henchman’. If they see you and think ‘accountant’ or ‘estate agent’ then you won’t be selected, and this is before you’ve even opened your mouth. When it comes to attire there is only one way to ensure that you’ll pass this test, and that’s to wear the proper henchman colours of this particular organisation.
There is only one way to find out for sure what this colour is, and that is to see a henchman dressed for work. Unfortunately many evil organisations are based in remote location, inside volcanos and behind waterfalls. Unless you can afford a costly charter flight to a hidden island, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to see it in person. Luckily henchman do get time off. Once you know where the empire is based you’ll have an idea of where to look. Note that this place is unlikely to be where the interview will take place. The interview will often take place at the legitimate front for the evil side of the business, but look again at that letter. Chances are that head office address will be on there somewhere.
Once you have this, go to the nearest small airfield to this location and keep a close eye on aircraft coming in bearing the logo of the evil organisation. Once a henchman gets off, you’ll get a clear shot of his uniform, and know what colour to wear. You may also spot henchmen lugging boxes in aircraft hangers on the site should you find yourself waiting too long, but what guarantee do you have that these are the right henchmen?
If you have no idea what the colour is, just go for orange, as this is most often the colour of choice of an evil genius.
Once you’re past this hurdle you can be expected to be bombarded with questions, but again the Henchman’s Handbook will have you prepared for this will our helpful Q&A.
Q: Whilst shifting boxes in a remote part of a warehouse you are confronted by a secret agent. What do you do?
A: Stare at him for a couple of seconds, giving him time to approach me, then when he is almost upon me, reach for the alarm. Let him knock me out before I can set it off.
Q: Give one reason why all of your clothes must be fastened only with velcro.
A: To enable somebody that is attempting to overthrow the evil empire to undress me quickly after knocking me out, so that they can disguise themselves as a henchman.
Q: Armed with a gun, you see an intruder, where do you shoot them?
A: Two feet to the left, followed by a shot over the head, then at a crate at their feet. Should they not have shot and killed me by this point, I can feebly throw the gun towards them.
Q: When thrown through a window, how should you react?
A: A minimum of two somersaults, and a blood curdling scream.
Q: You are with three fellow henchpersons when you see a super-hero fly through a window, and land nearby, how do you react?
A: As a group approach the super-hero, then circle him, attacking one at a time, only once the super-hero has finished defeating his previous attacker, as well as had time to deliver a corny one-liner.
Q: Our evil leader has captured his arch nemesis and placed him in a slow working trap. You have been asked to keep guard. How would you do this?
A: Never look at the trap. Fall to a chop to the shoulder once the good guy has escaped, as he will have no weapon. Make sure I have a powerful weapon to be stolen
Q: Our evil villain is upset that you let his archenemy escape. When called to his office, where do you stand?
A: As an employee of
Whilst other question may crop up during the interview, it’s likely are that they will be based on the above, or will not be the really important questions that will make or break your chances of getting this job.
Once you are through being questioned you will be given the opportunity to ask questions yourself. Should you remain silent at this point it will look like you don’t really want the job. Here is a list of questions that you should consider using to not only make yourself look good, but also to get some more information on exactly what your job will entail, and where it may lead.
Q1: Will there be opportunities for space travel in this job?
Q2: Should I lose a limb defending our dastardly leader, will it be replaced with a spike, or unfolding gun unit?
Q3: Will this boost my chances of promotion to side-kick, or right-hand man?
Q4: Will Bad Marksmanship training be available?
Q5: When we take over the world, will our holiday entitlement be increased?
Q6: Will the pension plan pay out to my widow in the result of my death?
Once that the questions are out of the way from both parties, the interview may come to an end, or you may have to go on to some kind of aptitude testing, or psychoanalysis. Should the interview be terminated at this point remember to ask when you can expect to hear from them, thank them for their time, and leave promptly, perhaps tumbling acrobatically on a step on the way.
Aptitude testing could take a number of forms, it may be simply being sat in a room, and watch to see how you react to various occurrences, such as a high pitch whining noise, or filling the room with gas. You may have to fill out a questionnaire, with questions that don’t seem relevant. There will be more to these questions than meets the eye though. They will be testing your personality, make sure that you are evil enough to be a henchman, and not an undercover agent trying to infiltrate their organisation. A typical question may be:
You are driving along a country lane when you see a rabbit in the road do you:
A) Swerve away from the rabbit.
B) Keep going, if it’s stupid enough not to move.
C) Swerve and try to hit it.
D) Stop the car, pull out a gun, and shoot it, take it’s skull, and wear it as a charm.
In this case ‘C’ would be the best answer. ‘D’ makes it look like you’re either trying too hard, or would be in competition with the evil leader, trying to take over the organisation from the inside. ‘A’ and ‘B’ are not bad enough for a potential henchman.
Other forms of testing may include:
Shooting tests, in which you should miss the target, and perhaps take out the light, plunging the room into darkness.
Observation tests, in which you should fail to spot government agents sneaking past.
Combat, in which you must signal your punches clearly before throwing them.
Trap construction, in which aesthetics are much more important than them actually killing anyone.
Falling, which you must do with as much noise as possible.
Once these tests are over it’s is unlikely that you will be told whether you have passed interview or not, though you should have some idea of how well you have done. Rather than pester the interviewers about this it is best to offer a firm handshake, and say that you look forward to hearing from them.
Once it’s all over the situation is well and truly out of your hands, but if you follow this advice then you’ll be at least on the ‘consider’ pile. Waiting can be very difficult, so don’t just sit by the phone, get on with the next application form, or prepare for the next interview. If they want you, you’ll hear soon enough, if not don’t worry, learn from the experience, and remember that it’s their loss. Keep on following the rules, and you’ll be a henchman soon enough.
Once you get that job you’ll have to keep an eye out for part 3 that will take you through the early days as a henchman, how to tell who the bosses right-hand men are, how to make that base your home, and much, much more.