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“In football it is widely acknowledged that if both sides agree to cheat then cheating is fair.” So said CB Fry, the only player to have represented England at both football and cricket in addition to being offered the throne of Albania.
He was also a good ballroom dancer but that is not the point. The point is he had point. About cheating. We can talk up the Premiership and pretend it’s the best league in the world, even though Charlton and Watford could be representing us in Europe next season, but cheating rules. In fact it is so common now that the various miscreants need separating for the sake of charity.
1) THE DIVER: Francis Jeffers is the latest to stand accused by falling in the manner
normally associated with a death scene from a Carry On Film. He insists he was fouled by Chelsea’s goalkeeper last Saturday, but Alan Hansen scoffed at his antics. Whatever the truth of that particular incident, diving is clearly commonplace.
The main policy is to jump in the air; perform a triple salchow, get an opponent booked and then act hurt when people question your behaviour: Robbie Fowler proved how instinctive the dive was when he once tumbled over David Seaman. Fowler jumped up and told the referee that there was no contact. Why, then had he dived? Fowler was the first player in history to point the finger at himself and promptly missed the penalty in sympathy.
2) THE SHIRT-PULLER: This used to the domain of Italians. Paul Gascoigne hit the nail on the head when he said: “They are very good at diving, cheating, trying to waste time.” Now all Premiership sides do it. Referees book players for the most obvious offences, but if they booked every guilty player there would be nobody left.
The problem reaches its zenith at corners when defenders suddenly feel it is quite acceptable to manhandle strikers and attempt to remove shirts. Penalties are never awarded but strikers are often penalised for the merest shove.
3) THE DRUG CHEAT: Britain prides itself on not having a drug problem, even though there have been numerous high-profile cases abroad (Jaap Stam, Edgar Davids ect). The chief of FIFA’s medical commission says Italy, Spain, England and Germany are actually the worst offenders. He adds that EPO is hard to detect, especially if you rarely test players.
In the 2000 season, a report in The Observer claimed that only eight players were tested after Premiership matches in the entire season. In Italy it is two per game. With players being pressured to return from injuries and the stakes rising all the time, the use of steroids and masking agents is inevitable without proper testing.
4) THE BLANTANT CHEAT: Diego Maradona was the greatest, punching a ball past Peter Shilton back in 1986 and then claiming it was actually the Hand of God. Trying to pin it on the Almighty, he felt, was the perfect alibi. However, this pales in comparison with cheats from other sports.
For instance the Chicago White Sox team once bought a World War Two periscope to spy on the catcher’s signals to the pitcher. Then there were the 33 Berlin Marathon runners who took the Tube in 2000. However, none of these cheats can beat Germany’s 1976 Olympic swimmers who allegedly had 1.8 litres of gas injected into their bottoms to aid buoyancy. It reportedly helped the freestylers but left the breaststrokers resembling dead ducks with their feet in the air.
5) THE LUVVIE: Acting is prevalent in football. Any player who writhes around in agony but gets up once a card has been handed out to his assassin and then gambols around like Bambi should be sent off. It is the most nauseating part of any football match. The fans, referees, physios and managers all know the player is acting. It is a nonsense that makes football a laughing stock.
These mythical injuries occur for two reasons. First the player’s team is under pressure and he wants to break up the game or run down the clock. Second, he is trying to get an opponent into trouble. Rivaldo’s display at the World Cup was the most appalling example of this and he should have been slapped with lengthy retrospective ban.
6) THE MONEY MAN: George Graham was collared for talking a bung while manager of Arsenal and nobody believes he was the only one. Boston United had four points deducted at the start of this season for financial irregularities but their promotion from the Nationwide Conference stood.
So there you have it. This is the beautiful game of divers, shirt-pullers, drug-takers, time-wasters, actors and murky finances. “Spend a lot of time on sportsmanship and you’re going to spend a lot of time losing,” said Glen Dobbs, a famous American an football coach. Sadly, it seems he was right.
He was also a good ballroom dancer but that is not the point. The point is he had point. About cheating. We can talk up the Premiership and pretend it’s the best league in the world, even though Charlton and Watford could be representing us in Europe next season, but cheating rules. In fact it is so common now that the various miscreants need separating for the sake of charity.
1) THE DIVER: Francis Jeffers is the latest to stand accused by falling in the manner
normally associated with a death scene from a Carry On Film. He insists he was fouled by Chelsea’s goalkeeper last Saturday, but Alan Hansen scoffed at his antics. Whatever the truth of that particular incident, diving is clearly commonplace.
The main policy is to jump in the air; perform a triple salchow, get an opponent booked and then act hurt when people question your behaviour: Robbie Fowler proved how instinctive the dive was when he once tumbled over David Seaman. Fowler jumped up and told the referee that there was no contact. Why, then had he dived? Fowler was the first player in history to point the finger at himself and promptly missed the penalty in sympathy.
2) THE SHIRT-PULLER: This used to the domain of Italians. Paul Gascoigne hit the nail on the head when he said: “They are very good at diving, cheating, trying to waste time.” Now all Premiership sides do it. Referees book players for the most obvious offences, but if they booked every guilty player there would be nobody left.
The problem reaches its zenith at corners when defenders suddenly feel it is quite acceptable to manhandle strikers and attempt to remove shirts. Penalties are never awarded but strikers are often penalised for the merest shove.
3) THE DRUG CHEAT: Britain prides itself on not having a drug problem, even though there have been numerous high-profile cases abroad (Jaap Stam, Edgar Davids ect). The chief of FIFA’s medical commission says Italy, Spain, England and Germany are actually the worst offenders. He adds that EPO is hard to detect, especially if you rarely test players.
In the 2000 season, a report in The Observer claimed that only eight players were tested after Premiership matches in the entire season. In Italy it is two per game. With players being pressured to return from injuries and the stakes rising all the time, the use of steroids and masking agents is inevitable without proper testing.
4) THE BLANTANT CHEAT: Diego Maradona was the greatest, punching a ball past Peter Shilton back in 1986 and then claiming it was actually the Hand of God. Trying to pin it on the Almighty, he felt, was the perfect alibi. However, this pales in comparison with cheats from other sports.
For instance the Chicago White Sox team once bought a World War Two periscope to spy on the catcher’s signals to the pitcher. Then there were the 33 Berlin Marathon runners who took the Tube in 2000. However, none of these cheats can beat Germany’s 1976 Olympic swimmers who allegedly had 1.8 litres of gas injected into their bottoms to aid buoyancy. It reportedly helped the freestylers but left the breaststrokers resembling dead ducks with their feet in the air.
5) THE LUVVIE: Acting is prevalent in football. Any player who writhes around in agony but gets up once a card has been handed out to his assassin and then gambols around like Bambi should be sent off. It is the most nauseating part of any football match. The fans, referees, physios and managers all know the player is acting. It is a nonsense that makes football a laughing stock.
These mythical injuries occur for two reasons. First the player’s team is under pressure and he wants to break up the game or run down the clock. Second, he is trying to get an opponent into trouble. Rivaldo’s display at the World Cup was the most appalling example of this and he should have been slapped with lengthy retrospective ban.
6) THE MONEY MAN: George Graham was collared for talking a bung while manager of Arsenal and nobody believes he was the only one. Boston United had four points deducted at the start of this season for financial irregularities but their promotion from the Nationwide Conference stood.
So there you have it. This is the beautiful game of divers, shirt-pullers, drug-takers, time-wasters, actors and murky finances. “Spend a lot of time on sportsmanship and you’re going to spend a lot of time losing,” said Glen Dobbs, a famous American an football coach. Sadly, it seems he was right.
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Paranoid Idiot wrote:
> Nah you haven't
>
> My own work cheeky git.
I thought i had read it somewhere else you have copied it out of the Leicester Mercury
> Nah you haven't
>
> My own work cheeky git.
I thought i had read it somewhere else you have copied it out of the Leicester Mercury
Heh, I read it the day you posted it but forgot to reply, so here we go.
I have a real problem with Jeffers - he cost us (Liverpool) a victory against the mighty Arsenal when he Riise touched him on the shoulder and he went down. And he's still doing it, probably because he hasn't got the talent to score himself. Idiot.
In fact, half the Arsenal team are p*****s...and it's not just Pires, look at Keown against Roma!
Football is, and always will be, a contact sport. But these days any little touch seems to deserve a free kick...
I have a real problem with Jeffers - he cost us (Liverpool) a victory against the mighty Arsenal when he Riise touched him on the shoulder and he went down. And he's still doing it, probably because he hasn't got the talent to score himself. Idiot.
In fact, half the Arsenal team are p*****s...and it's not just Pires, look at Keown against Roma!
Football is, and always will be, a contact sport. But these days any little touch seems to deserve a free kick...
Nah you haven't
My own work cheeky git.
My own work cheeky git.
Good post Paranoid Idiot, but i think i have read this before somewhere.
lol, thanks for the reply mate.
Totally agree with the Luvvie bit.
I'm sick of seeing these supposed *men* getting a little tap on the ankle then roll around on the floor as if they'd just stepped on a landmine or looked directly at Martin Keown.The referees should review the tape after the game and then suggest any player partaking in such oscar winning activities should be banned for at least a game.
However saying that Arsenal wouldn't be able to field a full team every week if that rule were introduced.
I'm sick of seeing these supposed *men* getting a little tap on the ankle then roll around on the floor as if they'd just stepped on a landmine or looked directly at Martin Keown.The referees should review the tape after the game and then suggest any player partaking in such oscar winning activities should be banned for at least a game.
However saying that Arsenal wouldn't be able to field a full team every week if that rule were introduced.
Cheers for the decent reply Bartender.
I agree, about the match banning for divers.
I agree, about the match banning for divers.
I certainly think shirt-pulling by defenders should be clamped down on. Once a few penalites have been given away, it'll soon enough stop.
I've aried my views on diving a number of times, and believe that post-match analysis and bans are the only way to go.
I've aried my views on diving a number of times, and believe that post-match analysis and bans are the only way to go.
Thanks I guess.
Come on feedback!
Come on feedback!
lol!
V true.
V true.
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