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"The Evil Henchman Handbook"

Welcome to your new evil organization! The title of Evil Henchman carries much mystique and allure, but also great responsibility. Below are the rules that must be observed by every single accessory to evil.

1.1 NAMES
You have no first name. From now on you will be referred to by your surname and/or title (examples: "Watson", "Captain", "Captain Watson"). Nicknames are not permitted.

1.2.1 WEAPONRY
As you would expect, all Evil Henchmen must be armed...however, you may only carry weak pistols with crooked sights. Any compensation for said crooked sight when firing will not be tolerated. Henchmen disregarding this rule will be dealt with accordingly.

1.2.2 GUNSHOT WOUNDS
When you, as an Evil Henchman, are shot, the wound must be accompanied by complete body spasms, unless the wound precedes an extreme circumstance (examples: girders falling down and crushing you, being thrown into a vat of acid, being run over by a vehicle).

1.3 SPEECH
All conversation and idle chatter must be both inaudible and over a cigarrette. In moments of extreme danger you may only let out grunts, screams or yells with the occasional exception of high ranking Henchmen, who may swear revenge.

1.4 GUARDING PRISONERS
Whenever guarding a prisoner, you must always leave your captured foe at least 3 escape routes (one easy, one medium and one hard). When dealing with international superspies you may only allow medium and hard escape routes.

1.5 HEADGEAR
Headgear must be worn at all times, although it does not have to be protective. Bandanas are acceptable, however neckerchiefs are not.

1.6 NAMETAGS
Nametags are to be worn at all times for identification purposes...unless you are inside a restricted zone

1.7.1 POSITIONING
As an Evil Henchman you must be aware of how you should interact with the environment around you. Never be more than 15 feet away from an exploding barrel. If no barrels are around, use other highly flammable/explosive objects (examples: petrol stores, vans, stockpiles of C4).

1.7.2 UNAWARENESS
Following on from the positioning rule, should you hear suspicious footsteps behind you, under no circumstances may they be investigated. Ignore them and remain oblivious to any sneak attacks and/or mice.

1.8 SAFETY
No running unless you are on fire, or covered with another, equally deadly substance/object.

1.9 HAIRSTYLES
All hair must be dark brown or black. Hair judged (by designated Evil Hair-Inspecting Henchmen) to be a lighter shade of brown, ginger, blonde or grey must be dyed, or the Henchman underneath will be ejected from their evil project.

Observe these rules and one day you too may rule an evil empire. Good luck with your new organization.

Oh well.

El Blokey shall explode in a puddle of irony when he realises he just copied Meka's post.

"It's been done"

if you're referring to goldeneye, look out for the 'pumpkin pie haircutted freak' - you'll know him when you see him ....

description taken from Dumb and Dumber

Didn't Meka do one of these?

Mwahahaha.

It's funny how his tone changes when he's trying to get GAD.

Not that mine doesn't when I try, but-

*explodes*

fnnuy.

It mostly applies to the AI in goldeneye.

Hairdoes, ha ha, what will El Blokey think up next?

Welcome to your new evil organization! The title of Evil Henchman carries much mystique and allure, but also great responsibility. Below are the rules that must be observed by every single accessory to evil.

1.1 NAMES
You have no first name. From now on you will be referred to by your surname and/or title (examples: "Watson", "Captain", "Captain Watson"). Nicknames are not permitted.

1.2.1 WEAPONRY
As you would expect, all Evil Henchmen must be armed...however, you may only carry weak pistols with crooked sights. Any compensation for said crooked sight when firing will not be tolerated. Henchmen disregarding this rule will be dealt with accordingly.

1.2.2 GUNSHOT WOUNDS
When you, as an Evil Henchman, are shot, the wound must be accompanied by complete body spasms, unless the wound precedes an extreme circumstance (examples: girders falling down and crushing you, being thrown into a vat of acid, being run over by a vehicle).

1.3 SPEECH
All conversation and idle chatter must be both inaudible and over a cigarrette. In moments of extreme danger you may only let out grunts, screams or yells with the occasional exception of high ranking Henchmen, who may swear revenge.

1.4 GUARDING PRISONERS
Whenever guarding a prisoner, you must always leave your captured foe at least 3 escape routes (one easy, one medium and one hard). When dealing with international superspies you may only allow medium and hard escape routes.

1.5 HEADGEAR
Headgear must be worn at all times, although it does not have to be protective. Bandanas are acceptable, however neckerchiefs are not.

1.6 NAMETAGS
Nametags are to be worn at all times for identification purposes...unless you are inside a restricted zone

1.7.1 POSITIONING
As an Evil Henchman you must be aware of how you should interact with the environment around you. Never be more than 15 feet away from an exploding barrel. If no barrels are around, use other highly flammable/explosive objects (examples: petrol stores, vans, stockpiles of C4).

1.7.2 UNAWARENESS
Following on from the positioning rule, should you hear suspicious footsteps behind you, under no circumstances may they be investigated. Ignore them and remain oblivious to any sneak attacks and/or mice.

1.8 SAFETY
No running unless you are on fire, or covered with another, equally deadly substance/object.

1.9 HAIRSTYLES
All hair must be dark brown or black. Hair judged (by designated Evil Hair-Inspecting Henchmen) to be a lighter shade of brown, ginger, blonde or grey must be dyed, or the Henchman underneath will be ejected from their evil project.

Observe these rules and one day you too may rule an evil empire. Good luck with your new organization.