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Tell me anything which you believe is funny, I could do with a laugh.
Thin Sidney Sidebottom was a suicidal chap. Come rain or shine, he was always trying to banish from his mind thoughts of ending it all.
In the morning, when he prepared his regulation breakfast of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, he didn't as much "pour" the milk on, he "drowned each flake in a flood of white evil."
When he strolled to the cornershop, he didn't breath in the fresh air of the peaceful suburbs. No. Instead he only saw himself as "being polluted by the foul smog of the stinking traffic."
Sid always looked on the dark side. His mind was a cauldron of woe and impending doom.
So on the day when his long-suffering girlfriend left him for a 59 year old sugar-daddy, he snapped, and there and then decided to top himself.
On a windswept Saturday morning in November, Sid embarked on a grim shopping spree.
He purchased a rope - "good for hanging" he thought.
He purchased a Samurai sword - "good for impaling myself" he speculated.
And he purchased a replica Couguar Magnum handgun - "good for waving about in the street and inviting the bullets of a spooked S.W.A.T. team" he pondered.
Sid hadn't decided on which method of self-termination to use, but one thing was clear in his mind: he knew when he was going to do it - tomorrow morning - on the Lord's day of rest.
That night Sid plopped himself in his well-worn armchair and clicked on the TV. With a dead-pan face he watched Blind Date, Ant & Dec's Takeaway and the ITN News. Then, just as he was about to go to bed, something astounding happened.
"And tonight's winning Lotto numbers are: 4,5,6,7,17,27. Forcasts say that there is one winner netting a jackpot of 13 million Pounds."
Sid couldn't believe his dark-circled eyes. They were HIS numbers, and by a fond twist of fate he'd just pocketed an amount of money beyond his wildest dreams. As he sat motionless in front of his TV, the flames of his internal deathwish almost instantly began to fade, firstly into the dying embers of doubt, and finally into the extinguished logs of a smokey optimism.
From that moment on, Sid was a transformed man. All thoughts of suicide left him completely, and he lived every day in a mood of never-ending summer. Nothing could get him down. He was buzzing with rainbows.
With his new-found wealth, Sid spent his time globe-trotting from one exotic location to another, living as an international playboy.
"I'm like James Bond with a License to Thrill" he would joke. "Even Hugh Hefner is envious of my escapades."
Over the next 50 years Sid shared his boundless zest for life with countless beautiful women, often at the same time. He eventually died in a luxury hotel suite in Monte Carlo aged 87, having just spent a typically extravagant evening winning thousands of Dollars in a casino with his latest lover, Shalamar Sindarus, the 19 year old daughter of a Bavarian porn baron.
Good old Sid. God rest his soul.
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Hilarious, I'm sure you'll agree.
In the morning, when he prepared his regulation breakfast of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, he didn't as much "pour" the milk on, he "drowned each flake in a flood of white evil."
When he strolled to the cornershop, he didn't breath in the fresh air of the peaceful suburbs. No. Instead he only saw himself as "being polluted by the foul smog of the stinking traffic."
Sid always looked on the dark side. His mind was a cauldron of woe and impending doom.
So on the day when his long-suffering girlfriend left him for a 59 year old sugar-daddy, he snapped, and there and then decided to top himself.
On a windswept Saturday morning in November, Sid embarked on a grim shopping spree.
He purchased a rope - "good for hanging" he thought.
He purchased a Samurai sword - "good for impaling myself" he speculated.
And he purchased a replica Couguar Magnum handgun - "good for waving about in the street and inviting the bullets of a spooked S.W.A.T. team" he pondered.
Sid hadn't decided on which method of self-termination to use, but one thing was clear in his mind: he knew when he was going to do it - tomorrow morning - on the Lord's day of rest.
That night Sid plopped himself in his well-worn armchair and clicked on the TV. With a dead-pan face he watched Blind Date, Ant & Dec's Takeaway and the ITN News. Then, just as he was about to go to bed, something astounding happened.
"And tonight's winning Lotto numbers are: 4,5,6,7,17,27. Forcasts say that there is one winner netting a jackpot of 13 million Pounds."
Sid couldn't believe his dark-circled eyes. They were HIS numbers, and by a fond twist of fate he'd just pocketed an amount of money beyond his wildest dreams. As he sat motionless in front of his TV, the flames of his internal deathwish almost instantly began to fade, firstly into the dying embers of doubt, and finally into the extinguished logs of a smokey optimism.
From that moment on, Sid was a transformed man. All thoughts of suicide left him completely, and he lived every day in a mood of never-ending summer. Nothing could get him down. He was buzzing with rainbows.
With his new-found wealth, Sid spent his time globe-trotting from one exotic location to another, living as an international playboy.
"I'm like James Bond with a License to Thrill" he would joke. "Even Hugh Hefner is envious of my escapades."
Over the next 50 years Sid shared his boundless zest for life with countless beautiful women, often at the same time. He eventually died in a luxury hotel suite in Monte Carlo aged 87, having just spent a typically extravagant evening winning thousands of Dollars in a casino with his latest lover, Shalamar Sindarus, the 19 year old daughter of a Bavarian porn baron.
Good old Sid. God rest his soul.
-----------
Hilarious, I'm sure you'll agree.
Not only did we beat Tottenham we beat Charlton too. 4-1!!
simpsons
It's something funny, no?
It's something funny, no?
Tottenham will beat man u today.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That was funny
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That was funny
Da_Killa wrote:
> Tell me anything which you believe is funny, I could do with a laugh.
You!
> Tell me anything which you believe is funny, I could do with a laugh.
You!
Arsenal are going to win the league.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!
Sorry, That was really funny.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!
Sorry, That was really funny.
There were 3 men working on a bridge. There was one Englishman, one Scotsman and one Irishman.
It was thier lunchbreak so they sat down and opened their sandwiches. The Englishman opened his sandwiches and found a ham sandwich. he said " if I have ham sandwiches one more time i'll jump off this bridge". Then the Scotsman opens his sandwiches and finds turkey. he says " If I have turkey sandwiches one more time i'll jump off this bridge". Then the Irishman opens his sandwiches and finds pickle. He says "if I have pickle sandwiches one more time i'll jump off this bridge'.
So the next day, at lunchbreak they all sit down and open thier sandwiches. The Englishman has ham again, so he jumps off the bridge. The Scotsman has turkey again so he jumps off the bridge. The Irishman has pickle again, so he too jumps off the bridge. All 3 men die.
Then after the deaths, their wives are being interviewed. The Englishman's wife says, "I don't understand, I thought he liked ham sandwiches"
The Scotsman's wife says," But I always thought he liked turkey sandwiches". Then it's the Irishman's wife turn. She says, " I don't understand, he makes his own sandwiches"!
It was thier lunchbreak so they sat down and opened their sandwiches. The Englishman opened his sandwiches and found a ham sandwich. he said " if I have ham sandwiches one more time i'll jump off this bridge". Then the Scotsman opens his sandwiches and finds turkey. he says " If I have turkey sandwiches one more time i'll jump off this bridge". Then the Irishman opens his sandwiches and finds pickle. He says "if I have pickle sandwiches one more time i'll jump off this bridge'.
So the next day, at lunchbreak they all sit down and open thier sandwiches. The Englishman has ham again, so he jumps off the bridge. The Scotsman has turkey again so he jumps off the bridge. The Irishman has pickle again, so he too jumps off the bridge. All 3 men die.
Then after the deaths, their wives are being interviewed. The Englishman's wife says, "I don't understand, I thought he liked ham sandwiches"
The Scotsman's wife says," But I always thought he liked turkey sandwiches". Then it's the Irishman's wife turn. She says, " I don't understand, he makes his own sandwiches"!
I went for a walk last night, and my girlfriend asked me "How long are you going to be gone?"
I said, "The whole time."
I said, "The whole time."
Tell me anything which you believe is funny, I could do with a laugh.